Top 17 Ways to Avoid Being a Crappy Man in 2023 (Ep. 410)

0:00 "This is Undaunted Life, a man's podcast."

0:21 I'm your host Kyle Thompson.

0:23 Let's get into it.

0:25 Listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future.

0:29 That's Proverbs 19, 20, guys are so glad to have you with this podcast.

0:32 This is actually my first live recorded podcast of 20, 23.

0:35 So welcome to 20, 23 for me in the show, but guys, just wanted to remind you to leave

0:39 us a five star review and this time of year, again, this time of year, everybody is wanting

0:43 something good shared with them because everybody's kind of in that new spirit, that new movement

0:47 like they look back on last year and they looked at the things they didn't do so well

0:50 on and things they want to do better at.

0:52 So they've got their gym plan and they've got their reading plan and they've got this

0:54 and that and they're looking for, for audio books and they're looking for podcasts.

0:58 So guys, if this has been valuable to you at all, please share this with like-minded folks

1:02 or people that you would like to be like-minded folks, eventually just share this around with

1:05 them and also just wanted to, again, bring this to your attention that we are partnered

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1:47 You can check all that out in the show notes.

1:49 So we're not doing any quick hitters today on this particular podcast because this is

1:53 going to be good for you and we've got a lot of talk about on the news cycle.

1:56 Believe me.

1:57 I've been kind of chomping at the bit for the last two or three weeks, but we'll get back

2:00 into the news cycle next week because on this episode, we're going to continue our beginning

2:04 of the year tradition, if you will, with our ways to avoid being a crappy man series, okay?

2:10 So the thing about this series is we've done this every single January that we've had the

2:14 show except for one.

2:15 I think we skipped 2021.

2:16 I can't even remember the reason why we did that, but I give you some generalized advice

2:21 as to if you just do these things, you can avoid being a crappy man this year.

2:25 Now it's not an exhaustive list.

2:26 And again, this year we have 17 ways, which might seem like a lot, but believe me, there

2:30 are way more than I wanted to talk about.

2:32 But the cool thing about this list is I know guys that will go back and listen to this

2:36 podcast over and over.

2:38 This was one of the most popular podcasts from last year.

2:40 I know guys will take this list and they will, you know, print it out.

2:44 They'll type it up, print it out and put it on their mirror.

2:46 The first thing they see, they put on their notes on their phone.

2:49 And so it's something that can always kind of be with them as just a reminder.

2:52 Some of these things are going to be easy for you guys to do.

2:54 Some of these things you guys already do.

2:56 Some of them certainly don't apply to you, but then some are going to absolutely punch

2:59 you in the gut.

3:00 And those would be the ones that I would tell you should really, really focus on it in

3:03 terms of how I put this year's list together.

3:05 I always look back on the previous year's list and I try to improve upon it, not just

3:09 add to it, right?

3:10 Now there are more, you know, ways this year than there were last year, but I try to adjust

3:15 what they sound like, I just, that order that I talk about them in and there's not really

3:19 a particular order, but I want them to kind of crescendo for different guys and I want

3:23 to leave as many hooks in the water as possible for you all.

3:26 But I try to look at the things that are applicable because what you'll notice about

3:30 this year's list is there are things that have been on every single list, every time

3:34 I do this that are on this list, and then there are things that have been reworded and

3:38 then there's just straight up new things and things that I've kind of left off, not because

3:41 they're not important, but I just replaced them with something else.

3:44 So a lot of really, really great things for you guys.

3:46 This is going to be major self improvement.

3:48 So if you're like the self healthy guy, that's not really who I am, this is kind of as self

3:52 healthy as I get.

3:53 So here we go.

3:54 Here are your top 17 ways to avoid being a crappy man in 2023 in no particular order.

4:00 So number one, get involved in a local church.

4:04 Now, the reason why I wanted to put this number one specifically, I'm fully aware that not

4:08 everyone in my audience is a Christian and we're so happy that those of you that are

4:12 here that are agnostic or atheists or of some other religion, we're so glad that you're

4:15 here listening to this show.

4:17 So I know that this is going to strike some of you as odd, but I wanted to make sure to

4:20 put this first because I know at different points in the past, I've seemed a little

4:24 down on the local church because I can be very critical and I do that on purpose.

4:29 I want to be critical on purpose.

4:30 I want to make sure that I'm critiquing people so that they will get better.

4:33 That's kind of my style.

4:34 I'm like that coach that is really, really, really hard on you, but is doing that for

4:38 your benefit, not just because he's a masochist, you know, you know, that type of thing.

4:41 And so when I say get involved in a local church, I get a lot of emails about a lot of different

4:46 subjects.

4:47 But one of the most common emails I get is Kyle, I'm moving to this part of the US or

4:51 I'm moving to this part, even of the world.

4:53 Do you know of any churches in my area that are man friendly?

4:57 And I've asked a lot of people to, you know, have me put a list together on my website.

5:01 The church is that I, that I think are man friendly or that I know are man friendly.

5:04 And when I try to explain to guys is like, look, I could spend the rest of my, you know,

5:07 I could only do that with my time.

5:10 So not do any podcasts, not do any reading, not do any creation to new content and only

5:14 update the list of man friendly churches.

5:16 And I, it would still be a crappy list.

5:18 And the reason is, is because there's constantly things that are changing.

5:21 There's staff turnover at different churches or churches that were seemingly man friendly

5:25 last year, but not this year.

5:27 So I want to focus instead of on, Hey, what church in my area should I do?

5:31 And I want you to focus on just getting involved in a local church.

5:35 That doesn't mean that that church is going to be perfect.

5:38 It doesn't mean it's going to have perfect people in it because if you're there, it's

5:40 already not perfect.

5:41 Right.

5:42 It doesn't mean you're going to like the music.

5:43 It doesn't mean that the sermon content is going to be great for you.

5:46 But again, the local church is not for you.

5:49 The local church is for God and his glory, right?

5:52 The Bible is not about you.

5:54 The Bible is about God.

5:55 And so get involved at a local church that teaches the Bible, not life lessons, not, you

6:01 know, if you do these things, you'll be able to, you know, knock things out of the park

6:04 at your next board meeting, but actual tangible, this is what we do.

6:08 This is what the Bible is.

6:09 This is what it means.

6:11 Exegesis, not isegesis because I don't want you guys to hear me be critical of some of

6:17 these local churches and think to yourself, all right, that's my excuse to do me.

6:20 Kyle said it.

6:21 So I'm not going to go to church.

6:22 I want to be very, very clear.

6:23 If I, if it's ever come off that I did not want you to be a part of a local congregation,

6:29 that is my fault.

6:30 And I apologize.

6:31 That should have never come through, so just to be absolutely crystal clear.

6:35 I think you should be involved in a church in your area and you should go into it with

6:39 the mindset of what can I do to serve the church and to serve the flock, not the other

6:44 way around.

6:45 So number one way, again, not in any particular order, the number one way today to avoid being

6:49 a crappy man in 2023, get involved in a local church.

6:51 All right.

6:52 Number two, study the Bible with other men.

6:54 And for those of you that are worried are all these going to be Christianese?

6:57 Some of them will be.

6:58 Some of them won't be.

6:59 It's like study the Bible with other men.

7:01 The reason why I put this second is because of what we literally, if you guys have been

7:04 paying attention to every episode before this, what we literally just launched on Sunday,

7:08 which is the forging table, it's me and three other guys every single week going through

7:13 a single book of the Bible.

7:15 Okay.

7:16 So we're doing Galatians and then we'll move on to some other ones in the future, but studying

7:19 the Bible with other men because I've been a part of and I've gotten a lot of value out

7:23 of, you know, uh, you know, I talked about my foxhole.

7:25 We're all reading the same book at the same time and not all of those books are certainly

7:28 coming from a Christian worldview and how much value I get.

7:30 All those books just being able to discuss it with a group of men.

7:33 But if you're able to really dig into scripture and your brain works your way and their brain

7:38 works that way and their brain works that way, they have this religious background and you

7:41 have this, and you kind of get this, uh, you know, gumbo of different ways of looking at

7:46 the Bible, the, the way that the text will come alive for you is going to be astonishingly

7:52 different than if you were just studying it by yourself.

7:55 And one thing that I found for me, I'm very, very easily distracted.

7:58 That's why fiction is so hard for me to read because if I get distracted for half a page,

8:02 like my, my mind, me and my eyes keep moving down the page, but my brain is somewhere else,

8:06 you might lose the entire, uh, you know, thing that you, you need to know for it for that

8:11 narrative structure and that narrative arc, you may lose it, right?

8:13 Whereas with nonfiction, it's not necessarily that way.

8:16 But when I study the Bible by myself, I tend to get pretty distracted.

8:19 And I think that that is satanic.

8:21 I think that Satan is attacking me, not wanting me to spend time in the scripture.

8:25 When I'm sitting around specifically the forging table talking with these other men, I'm not

8:29 distracted at all.

8:30 I am like, like in the zone, not just in the conversation and the flow of the conversation,

8:36 but also the flow of the scripture.

8:38 And so getting together with a group of guys, and it doesn't have to be an enormous group

8:41 of guys, it could be two or three of you, right?

8:43 But getting together on a consistent basis, not every now and then every single week at

8:48 whatever time that y'all can make it happen and just go through and as opposed to trying

8:53 to figure things out yourself, I'll let you use us as a cheat code.

8:56 Whatever we talk about on the forging table, that's what you guys are going to talk about.

8:59 Okay?

9:00 Now, if you want to do your own thing, absolutely do your own thing.

9:01 But if you want to follow along with us, follow along with us.

9:03 But number two, the number two way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, study the Bible

9:08 with other men.

9:09 Okay.

9:10 Number three, don't be late.

9:11 Okay.

9:12 I think I've had this one on every single list that we've had up to this point, but don't

9:16 be late.

9:18 Here's the thing about lateness.

9:20 There are people that think that there are two types of people in the world.

9:23 There are people that are early, and then there are people that are late.

9:26 But the thing about it that's interesting is the people that are early or the on time

9:30 people will say, because if you're earlier on time, that is a particular group of people

9:34 that has had to for their entire lives, acquiesce to people that are late people, okay?

9:41 So we've all been there, right?

9:43 You're in class, maybe it's in college, and you know, it's 10 o'clock and the professor's

9:47 not there and the professor rolls in at 10 O five and a classroom full of 30 people had

9:52 to wait for them to walk in to start their day.

9:55 So that's five minutes away.

9:56 So time times 30 people.

9:58 That's 150 minutes of waste of time because we all acquiesced to the late person.

10:03 You've been in a board meeting or a staff meeting where I hope it's two o'clock meetings supposed

10:06 to start right now.

10:07 Oh, but but Jim's not here yet.

10:09 Okay.

10:10 So Jim walks in about 10 minutes.

10:11 I know I'm so sorry guys.

10:12 You know, I couldn't find the right coffee cup and you know, you wouldn't believe the

10:15 traffic and blah, blah, and then here we are a room full of people had to wait 10 minutes

10:19 of time that they will never get back the only resource in this world that they literally

10:23 can't regenerate is their time because they waited on you.

10:27 But for you specifically, if you're already an early person, I'm not talking to you.

10:32 But if you're a late person and you think it's funny, I want you to understand what

10:36 you're communicating to people.

10:37 What you're communicating to people is that your time is more valuable and that you are

10:41 more important than they are.

10:44 Because we've gotten to this point in culture where we back, we have so much of people that

10:47 are late that they don't even realize that what they're doing is rude anymore.

10:52 They will walk into the board meeting 10 minutes late.

10:54 They won't even apologize.

10:56 They might even be on their phone like, oh, I'm just finishing up an email or, Oh, I got

11:01 to send this tweet out real quick.

11:02 And then they put their phone down.

11:03 I was like, okay, let's get going.

11:05 And it's just like, there's no shame that we're heaping on that person that wait a minute.

11:09 This is what deserves your attention and we have times for those things because time

11:15 is important.

11:16 If time were relative, then there wouldn't be meetings because no one would know when

11:19 to arrive.

11:20 But if you have an appointment, if you have a meeting, if you have a date, you be on time.

11:26 Don't be late because it is one of the easiest things that you can do.

11:30 Now some people are naturally really gifted at this.

11:32 Like there are literally people that are gifted when it comes to their interaction with time.

11:36 And I'm one of those people that no matter when I get something started, I know that

11:41 I'm not going to be late.

11:42 For whatever reason, I can understand the space of what I'm doing versus when I need

11:47 to be somewhere and when I need to be doing the next thing, that just makes sense to me.

11:50 It doesn't make sense for everybody.

11:52 But this is an easy thing to get good at.

11:55 Okay.

11:56 So if you live 30 minutes away from work and you leave and you're, I guess we'll put it

12:02 this way.

12:03 20 minutes until you need to be to work and you don't leave until it's 10 minutes after

12:07 that time, you will be late, right?

12:09 And you should know that you're going to be late.

12:12 And so if you know it takes you 30 minutes to get somewhere, leave 45 minutes before

12:16 you need to be there because if there is traffic is, if there is a wreck, if you have

12:20 a problem with your car, there are different buffers that you have to where you can still

12:24 be on time.

12:25 And every single year you're going to have a situation come up where you just can't make

12:28 it.

12:29 Something is so completely outside of your control that you will be late, but you should be able

12:33 to count on one hand the number of times you are late in a year and still have some fingers

12:36 left over.

12:37 Okay.

12:38 You're not more special than everybody else.

12:40 If people are certainly dependent upon you before they can start or do something, the

12:45 least you can do is be on time, communicate to them that they are just as valuable in

12:51 their time is just as valuable as yours.

12:53 Again, one of the top 17 ways to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, number three is don't

12:58 be late.

12:59 Number four, learn to fight, learn to fight.

13:04 So this is, I guess, my once a month or once over a few weeks call.

13:08 For those of you that don't know how to use your body to end or to delay a physical threat,

13:17 that is a problem, that is a detriment in your life, okay?

13:22 So there are different categories here and we won't get into all of them.

13:25 So there are the people out there that are scared of firearms, so they don't own them.

13:28 I don't know really what to say to those people other than I can't believe you want

13:33 the fight to not be fair in the other person's favor.

13:37 If somebody were to break into your house with a firearm, you want to make sure that

13:40 you basically have no chance of survival and no chance to rescue your family, okay?

13:45 I don't know what to do with that person.

13:46 So let's talk about the other people for the concealed carry guys that are overweight,

13:51 that don't know how to fight, that are like, why do I need to learn how to use my body

13:55 to fight?

13:56 I carry a firearm.

13:57 My question for you is, is do you always have your firearm on you?

14:02 What if someone breaks into your house and you're in the shower?

14:05 Oh, we'll have a shower gun.

14:06 I know some guys have shower guns, but what if you're in the fight in an airport?

14:10 What if you're in a fight in a federal building where you can't legally carry a firearm?

14:14 What if you had to fly on a plane somewhere for business and now you're in, you know,

14:18 Jacksonville and you live in Memphis, well, your guns are in Memphis, your firearms are

14:22 in Memphis, you're in Florida.

14:25 But then are you going to buy a new firearm everywhere you go?

14:28 Right.

14:29 That's not really realistic.

14:30 And so the reason why I say learn to fight, as I talked about last year on the show, and

14:34 as I talked about on that debate, I did over in the UK on just barely some believable

14:37 podcasts, it is on, it is a biblical mandate for us to be able to push back darkness and

14:43 to do that physically.

14:44 Okay.

14:45 Again, go back to that debate where I kind of break all those things down and get into

14:48 that all that detail.

14:50 But if you don't know how to use your body to fight, what do you expect to happen if

14:54 you ever have to get into a physical altercation?

14:58 Because I know a lot of guys out there that are athletic or they used to be athletic,

15:02 they're big and they used to be bigger and talking about muscular or they're tall and

15:06 they think, well, that's good enough.

15:07 No one's going to want to fight me.

15:08 Look how big I am.

15:10 Or even if there were a fight, even though I've trained zero hours, my entire life fighting,

15:15 it'll just come to me and it'll just be like magic.

15:18 I'll be in this physical altercation and all know what to do because I'm a big athlete.

15:23 And then you see big athletes like that walk into a boxing gym or walk into a Muay Thai

15:27 gym or walk into a jujitsu gym and they get smacked around or they get rolled up and

15:32 they realize, oh, wait a minute, my size doesn't really come into play here.

15:37 I've said this story a whole lot of different times, but it's worth elucidating again.

15:41 There's a friend of mine that is six, five, about two, forty, two, fifty, okay, but not

15:46 an athlete.

15:47 Never played sports growing up was in a speech and debate reading books and all that.

15:50 He just never really used his body for anything athletic, certainly had never been anything

15:53 that even was close to a, to a fight.

15:56 And he comes to jujitsu.

15:57 It's his first time and we did this drill where one guy lays on his back and the other

16:02 guy lays on top of him inside control and the entire drill was, hey, two minutes.

16:06 The guy on top is just trying to hold the guy with his back on the mat, hold him down on

16:10 the mat and the guy on the bottom, all he's trying to do is get up.

16:13 That's it.

16:14 So on the mat is my buddy, six, five, two, forty, two, fifty, and we put this guy named

16:19 Jermaine.

16:20 You've heard me talk about him, Jermaine, the athlete.

16:21 We put him in top side control and Jermaine is five, six, five, seven, maybe a hundred

16:27 and fifty pounds and for two minutes, Jermaine who weighs a hundred pounds less than this

16:33 guy almost and is considerably smaller was able to hold him down.

16:38 It did not matter what the huge guy on the bottom tried to do with no training.

16:43 The guy on top was a collegiate wrestler and a jujitsu purple belt and with relative ease

16:48 held him down.

16:49 Now Jermaine thought it was funny, you know, when the round got over, but he's a really

16:52 nice guy.

16:53 So it wasn't going to make fun of him, but I could see the look in my buddy's eye when

16:56 he was on his, on his back for two minutes, getting frustrated, getting flustered, having

17:00 no idea how to stand up.

17:01 He had no idea how to fight and it occurred to him, again, I've talked about this before.

17:06 He has sisters and he thought to himself, wait a minute, my whole life, I thought, you

17:09 know, if something ever happened with my sisters, I could just intercede because I'm six, five,

17:12 two hundred, forty pounds.

17:14 And then he realized all at one moment that that's not true, that if he didn't learn how

17:18 to do something like that, he may not be able to help somebody that is being taken advantage

17:23 of, someone that is being hurt, someone that is being wrong, being violated because you

17:27 didn't know how to fight.

17:28 So a lot of you guys, I don't know what your motivation is.

17:31 Maybe you haven't gotten your butt kicked yet.

17:32 You haven't realized like, man, I need to know how to fight.

17:35 Jujitsu is probably the easiest point in entry for just about anybody.

17:38 Leave the martial arts that don't really work to the people that want to do those things.

17:42 You know, Kung Fu, Wing Chung, Karate, all these things where they don't really work

17:47 in a real life scenario, start with the stuff that is just about guaranteed to help you win

17:52 a fight and to control somebody, Jujitsu and wrestling.

17:57 Those are the two things that you should start with.

17:58 Again, for adults, there's not a whole lot of ways to get into wrestling unless you do

18:01 Jujitsu.

18:02 But guys, there are Jujitsu gyms everywhere now, even if the gym's not great, even if your

18:06 brown belt or black belt that runs the academy is an amazing, fine, there are ways to get

18:09 better, Jujitsu, even if your home gym isn't amazing, but if you're not learning how to

18:13 fight, I want you to think about the moment in the future where you are completely helpless

18:18 from being able to help yourself, your family, or anyone else around you if a physical altercation

18:23 were to come off.

18:24 Being a non-dangerous man does not make you a virtuous man.

18:28 It makes you a useless man.

18:29 So number four way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, learn to fight.

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19:12 No matter what, we're in the thick of some championship season.

19:16 Right now, we're in college football playoff and it's your favorite college football team

19:20 and that kind of thing.

19:21 We've got the NFL playoffs right around the corner and then at different points of the

19:24 year, you've got major league baseball playoffs, whatever sport is, you get the point.

19:30 But the number of adult men that I see let a outcome of a sports game that they're watching

19:37 on television or following on their phones dictate how they will act and how they will

19:42 treat the people around them is astonishing, absolutely astonishing.

19:50 And for those of you that are new to the show because we picked up a lot of new listeners

19:52 last year, I'm not hovering above this advice because I have ruined so many nights in my

19:59 life in my, especially my teenage years and in my twenties because of sports, specifically

20:04 St. Louis, St. Louis Cardinals baseball, okay, I had a job with major league baseball where

20:08 I was like representing the St. Louis Cardinals.

20:10 So I was like St. Louis Cardinals, super fan and, but the years before that and the years

20:13 after that time period, I mean, I lived and died with everything that happened with the

20:17 St. Louis Cardinals.

20:18 And if that is your reality, that's baseball.

20:20 That's a 162 game regular season plus the playoffs, which could be another couple dozen

20:26 games or something like that.

20:28 So my wife would know how I was going to act again.

20:32 This is, you know, early mid twenties, she would know what mood I was going to be in by

20:36 checking the score of the St. Louis Cardinals game on her phone because if the Cardinals

20:40 were winning or had one, she knew I was going to be elated and having a good time, but she

20:43 knew if they lost a game in May, that I was going to be, God, I can't believe that.

20:47 You know, how do you not swing at that?

20:48 And but, you know, just go crazy.

20:51 Some of the worst things that I've ever done instead of my life were because of what was

20:55 going on in a sports game, right, a baseball game with the Cardinals basketball game with

21:00 the Thunder, you know, Manchester United game or my favorite fighter got beat up or something

21:04 like that.

21:05 And it would ruin my night.

21:08 And I remember my wife saying something to me.

21:09 This was in my early twenties, you know, we're still probably about a decade away from having

21:13 kids.

21:14 She goes, why in the world would I want to have kids with someone like you that can't even

21:17 control yourself watching sports.

21:20 Now the time that just made me more angry, but as I look back on that now, it's like,

21:23 oh, how embarrassing is that that my wife had to say something like that to get my attention.

21:29 So this is my encouragement to all you guys.

21:32 I'm not encouraging you to not watch sports because I watch a lot of sports, but I'm almost

21:37 numb when I watch sports now.

21:39 I don't let myself get up or down and it's going to be different for everybody.

21:43 So I'm going back to the St. Louis Cardinals example.

21:45 I can't watch St. Louis Cardinals playoff games.

21:49 I mean, I physically can, but I won't, I will do any number of other things because if I

21:54 watch an important game or if it's like down the stretch in October and you're trying to

21:58 get into the playoffs, if I watch those games, I can feel that angry ginger energy coming

22:05 up towards my brain and those crazy things that I used to do and say because of a sports

22:09 game, right?

22:11 And I'm not going to do that.

22:13 I'm not going to be the dad that points at the screen and screams at some athlete that

22:17 they didn't do something that I certainly couldn't do, but they just didn't do it right

22:21 based on my opinions and my desires, right?

22:24 When you have these fully grown up men losing their ever loving minds because an 18 year

22:29 old child, basically football player calls football player doesn't make the right call

22:36 in a very tense situation with millions of people watching on television and they will

22:40 lose it and they will curse that young man for what?

22:46 What about their life is being increased or made more valuable by what they're doing.

22:52 So I'm all for you being a sports fan.

22:54 I'm all for you rooting for your favorite team.

22:56 I'm all for you, you know, even saying we when you're talking about a university that

22:59 you didn't even attend.

23:00 Sure.

23:01 Great.

23:02 I don't give a crap, but if you're letting sports dictate how you treat the people around you,

23:05 that is it.

23:06 That is just wrong.

23:07 I mean, again, I've been around people that are in their 40s and 50s and they are like

23:10 cussing and breaking things because they're watching sports and it's not going their way.

23:16 The thing is guys is no matter who you're a fan of, no matter what dominant franchise

23:20 that you've, you know, hung your hat with or planted your flag in the ground, they're

23:24 going to let you down.

23:25 Nobody wins every championship.

23:26 Nobody wins every MVP.

23:28 No one wins every fight, okay?

23:30 So my big, my biggest advice for a lot of you guys out here in this audience, that's

23:33 going to be one that that hits you right, you know, right square between the eyes.

23:37 Again, another way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023.

23:40 Don't let sports ruin your night.

23:41 All right, guys.

23:42 Number six, don't pretend you know something.

23:45 You don't.

23:46 Now, I've said this in other ways in past years, I think last year I said, like relish

23:50 the opportunity to look like an idiot, okay?

23:53 So this is what I mean by that.

23:55 There are times in your life where you're going to pretend to know how to do something

23:59 or to know something that you certainly don't know.

24:03 So maybe guys are all gathered around a car with the hood, you know, the hood up and you're

24:06 looking at the engine and you're pretending like you know what they're talking about.

24:09 You're, you know, kind of nodding along.

24:10 Yeah.

24:11 Yeah.

24:12 And the hoopty-doop goes through that hole and no matter what the situation is, whether

24:17 you're pretending like you know something about sports, you're pretending like you know something

24:20 about these particular books, you're pretending like you know something about politics, there

24:23 are a few realities happening here.

24:26 If the rest of the people there are paying attention, they know you're full of crap.

24:29 They know you have no idea what you're saying because you're not going to talk about the

24:32 things properly.

24:34 You know, if you say, you know, something simple, like, we'll use a baseball example.

24:37 You say, Hey, how many points did the Cubs score last night?

24:40 Well, in baseball, it's not called points.

24:42 They're called runs, right?

24:45 And so just that little thing is going to let someone know, okay, that this person certainly

24:48 never played baseball.

24:49 They don't really know anything about baseball.

24:51 The thing is though, is when you pretend like you know something that you don't, what you

24:55 are doing, not only are you lying to, to a degree, you're also stealing the opportunity

25:02 from someone else to teach you something.

25:05 And so when I say it, like relish the opportunity to look like an idiot, here are a couple of

25:09 big examples.

25:10 Again, I didn't grow up in a family that hunted or did anything outdoors, right?

25:14 We didn't hunt.

25:15 We didn't fish.

25:16 We didn't camp.

25:17 We didn't do any of that.

25:18 So I'm learning those things as a mid 30s adult so that my boys don't have to have that

25:23 growing up.

25:24 I want them to know how to do all these things outdoors and how, you know, how to hunt and

25:28 how to everything, but I'm trying to learn quickly on the back end, right?

25:33 So I'm making mistakes in my mid 30s hunting that that guys that I'm hunting with made

25:40 30 years ago when they were like seven, right?

25:44 So they've already made their mistakes.

25:46 They've already experienced the ups and downs of hunting and this just old hat for them.

25:50 But for me, it's all new.

25:52 Most of these experiences are incredibly different.

25:54 But imagine if I didn't ask for help.

25:58 Imagine if I didn't ask for clarification.

26:00 Even if I pretended to know something about what was happening as opposed to just allowing

26:04 it to be an opportunity for me to be a sponge.

26:07 And so I'm almost over the top with how I'm talking to these people constantly asking

26:13 questions.

26:14 Hey, you know, why did you do this instead of going to that?

26:17 Why did we go to that ridge as opposed to this ridge?

26:19 Hey, what was it about your camo that you put together?

26:21 Why is it different than mine?

26:22 Hey, whenever I get my rifle ready, this is how I do it in this order.

26:25 How do you do it?

26:26 Again, it's all different.

26:27 And again, people are going to have different experiences and different preferences and

26:30 all that.

26:31 But I'm learning from these people.

26:33 Don't pretend.

26:34 Don't pose.

26:36 Let these other people pour into your life, pour into you and give you that knowledge.

26:41 Again, there are people that that spent their entire life's work doing something that they

26:46 could put in a book that you could read in a weekend.

26:49 And from there, you can literally stand on their shoulders to do whatever it is that you

26:52 need to do.

26:53 So another way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, number six, don't pretend that you

26:57 know something that you don't or relish the opportunity to look like an idiot.

27:01 All right.

27:02 Number seven, treat your presence as a present.

27:05 So I won't spend a ton of time on this one, but this is obviously for the dads out there.

27:08 But I guess we could, you know, extrapolate this out to married men as well.

27:12 For a lot of you, when you're around people, you're still absent and we'll get more into

27:17 that here in just a second.

27:18 But maybe you're buried in your phone.

27:20 Maybe your mind's at work or at practice or whatever the thing is, you're just not present.

27:26 And some of the best advice that I've gotten from people that have kids that are considerably

27:29 older than my boys is kids spell love T I M E. Okay.

27:35 It's time around you that they want, okay?

27:38 It's not gifts necessarily.

27:40 It's not, you know, encouragement all the time.

27:42 It's just being around.

27:44 But if you treat your presence as a prerequisite or as a box that needs to be checked, you're

27:49 probably going to operate in a certain way.

27:51 I mean, I've spent a lot of time watching parents.

27:53 I got to watch parents for a long time before I became a parent and now that I am a parent,

27:57 there's different things that I'm looking for and the other parents that I see.

27:59 And when you see a kid that's so excited to show something to their dad, but their dad's

28:03 not quite done with that TikTok video or he hasn't quite set his fancy football lineup

28:07 for that week or one of those things and the kid just kind of walks away disappointed.

28:11 So you're present, but you're not a present.

28:15 You're not like you're physically there, but you're mentally absent.

28:19 I think of the movie click where it's like, you know, he was just going through his life

28:22 like a zombie, especially when he got through a mode and he's kind of skipping through all

28:24 the mundane things in his life.

28:26 Well, he missed entire chunks of his marriage and entire chunks of his kids lives that they

28:30 were as they were growing up.

28:32 So again, I'll kind of, you know, tie this into the next one, but that's the number

28:35 seven way to avoid me in a crappy man in 2023.

28:38 And the number eight way is give the person in front of you your full attention.

28:43 Now when I first came up with this, I think it was last year or the year before something

28:46 like that, give the person in front of you your full attention.

28:49 I was thinking about this mainly in the context of business.

28:53 I'd been a lot of business meetings, a lot of dyadic meetings with people where it's

28:56 hates.

28:57 It's just me and you in a room.

28:58 And yet you have your phone out with its face up and every time it goes, or lights up,

29:05 you look down at it.

29:06 So I'm in the middle of a sentence.

29:07 I'm explaining something to your arm, answering your question and you're paying attention to

29:11 your phone now because it buzzed or you have your phone in your pocket and every time it

29:14 goes, you all of a sudden your mind shifts and floats off into the ether, trying to figure

29:19 out who that could be that's texting you.

29:21 Or like you have like with my wife, I have a different text vibration tone with her than

29:24 anybody else.

29:25 So if I get that vibration in my pocket, it's like, oh man, you know, what does my wife

29:28 need?

29:29 Like that kind of thing, like it gives you that that anxiety, like you got to look at it,

29:32 right?

29:33 That FOMO.

29:34 But the same thing is true with guys with watches.

29:37 Now I wear G-Shock watches.

29:38 So I don't get notifications from my phone on my watch.

29:41 But for those of you, you got your phone in your bag, but your phone basically exists

29:45 on your wrist.

29:46 It's even more distracting.

29:48 Because it's even easier to look down at because if you're in church with your phone in front

29:52 of your face, it doesn't seem as rude or it's no, I'm sorry.

29:54 It seems like super, super rude because like, oh, this person not paying attention.

29:57 They're texting.

29:58 But if you're looking down at your watch, you could literally just say, oh, I was just

30:00 checking the time.

30:01 But if you got one of these smart watches, it's like, well, great.

30:03 Now I'm giving that my attention.

30:05 And so it's just a rudeness thing.

30:07 When someone's in front of you giving them your attention and there are, they're giving

30:10 you their attention, their time, their effort, you need to give them your full effort to

30:16 back, right?

30:17 You know, they're giving you effort, used to give effort back by at least making sure

30:20 that you're giving them the full attention.

30:21 But that can be extrapolated out to your kids as well.

30:25 And this is one that's, you know, convicting for me because all day long, especially when

30:29 I'm with my boys or when I'm with my boys, certainly, I'm looking for stuff, right?

30:32 I'm looking for stuff that I can post for you guys online.

30:35 I'm looking for new books.

30:36 I'm looking for people that actually paying attention to, I'm listening to podcasts and

30:39 doing all those things.

30:40 I'm just trying to jumble everything into this crazy ginger brain as possible so that

30:43 I can, you know, speak intelligently on a podcast or as intelligently as I possibly can.

30:47 And so there's been a lot of opportunities where I'm not giving the people in front of

30:50 me my full attention.

30:51 And then I say, well, it's because I'm working, you know, listening to this podcast is working,

30:55 which is true for me, right?

30:57 Getting all that information is true for me in terms of what I'm trying to do, what I'm

30:59 trying to build.

31:00 But when you're not giving that person in front of you, their full attention, what you're

31:03 communicating to them is that they don't deserve your attention.

31:09 That whatever you're doing is more important than them.

31:11 Now that does not mean that for your entire life, you give 100% of attention to your

31:16 kid or to whatever.

31:17 Sometimes they need to go do their own things.

31:19 Sometimes you've got to get stuff done.

31:21 But I'm obviously talking about those downtime moments, those times where you could be distracted

31:24 where you could just pick up your phone because you were bored for a split second that you

31:28 just leave that there and give the person in front of you your full attention, which

31:32 is the number eight way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023.

31:36 All right.

31:37 Number nine, focus on discipline, not motivation.

31:40 So this is especially pertinent for people this time of year that are all of a sudden

31:44 really, really motivated exercise, you know, everyone's seen the memes or the funny videos

31:48 about what gyms are going to be like in January and then everybody will leave for February

31:52 and then they'll rush back the week before spring break in March as if they can get their

31:55 six pack in about a week or whatever.

31:57 And I don't know what kind of drugs you're on that to make that happen, but it happens

32:00 for some people.

32:01 But the problem is is because people waited for all of 2022 on the motivation bug to get

32:06 them.

32:08 And then all of a sudden the calendar moves and the year moves from 22 to 23.

32:14 And that somehow did it.

32:17 But why?

32:18 Like, I remember thinking I was watching on New Year's Eve and I was looking on online.

32:21 Now, all these people are like reflecting on their year and here's what I did grade and

32:25 here's what I'm going to look forward to doing next year and blah, blah.

32:27 And then on New Year's Day, it was kind of that same thing like, okay, today is day one

32:30 of this goal or day one of that goal or whatever.

32:32 And I'm sitting there thinking like, why, what's special about this time period?

32:38 Because I woke up and went to bed on New Year's Eve and the same on New Year's Day.

32:41 And it was just like, it was just my life, woke up and worked out, spend time with the

32:46 family, worked on podcasts, recorded, like, you know, what was preparing for stuff in

32:51 the future was writing and doing all these different things.

32:54 My life didn't change and why should it?

32:58 Because there's nothing different about today than tomorrow or yesterday.

33:02 There's nothing different.

33:03 It's just the next day and you're marching towards whatever end or whatever goal that

33:07 you have set for yourself.

33:09 Anyway, if you have discipline, you're never going to wane from what it is you're trying

33:15 to accomplish.

33:16 And the easiest way to talk about this is physically, okay?

33:19 Because and I've used this example before, but let's say that you're a person that has

33:23 to be motivated to do something and I'm a person that's disciplined, right?

33:27 That I'm just going to get it done.

33:29 And we both have the same goal, okay?

33:31 And that goal is to do a set of 30 dead hang pullups, good, good goal for anybody to kind

33:36 of go after good fitness goal anyway.

33:38 So I'm going to be disciplined in no matter how I'm feeling that day, no matter how my

33:41 body is, no matter where my head's at, I'm going to wake up and get the work done.

33:45 But you're waiting on the motivation to fuel you.

33:48 The thing is, in terms of the tangible on paper plan of what you need to do, we both

33:55 have to do the same thing.

33:56 We have to do X amount of pull ups, X amount of days per week over a certain period of

34:00 time to get to our eventual goal, assuming we started in the same place physically, right?

34:05 But I'm using discipline to fuel me and you're using motivation.

34:09 The thing about motivation is it will always run out.

34:12 So let's say you go to a big conference.

34:13 It's a, it's a wellness conference and there's three or four, you know, a big time speakers

34:17 and all that.

34:18 And that gives you like three weeks worth the motivation, right?

34:21 You're reading books, you're listening to podcasts, you're writing, you're doing all

34:23 the stuff that you didn't do before that conference, but then it's going to run out.

34:27 Now you're on Instagram or Pinterest or you're trying to find that next quote from that next

34:31 person that's or that next scripture that's taken out of context for you to be able to

34:33 kind of go through and you know, coalesce that into some version of motivation so that

34:38 you can go back and get into the gym.

34:40 At the end of the day, it's just you.

34:43 That quote, that speaker, that book, that podcast, that post is not going to do the

34:49 work for you.

34:50 You have to do it and you have to decide to do it.

34:53 So your fuel should not be motivation.

34:56 It's fine if you get motivated, but that shouldn't be what you depend on.

34:59 You should depend on your discipline because your discipline will allow you to get the job

35:03 done.

35:04 And yes, some people are born more disciplined than others and some people are more susceptible

35:07 to motivation and all that.

35:08 But at the end of the day, you have to get it done.

35:11 My buddy, Steven Pressfield, one of the incredibly famous author written, he sold tons and tons

35:16 of books.

35:17 This is a guy that just writes every single day.

35:20 So whatever project or project or projects he has going, he's just writing.

35:25 That's what he's doing all day, not all day, but every day rather.

35:29 Because he's disciplined because he has a professional writer and he treats it as such.

35:36 He's doing reps of writing.

35:38 He's putting in the time he's putting in the work and he's not always motivated to do

35:41 it.

35:42 Guys, the days that I wake up, not wanting to work out, what is it that you think I do?

35:47 Just roll back over and go back to sleep.

35:49 No, because I wanted to be a strong athletic person for as long as that's, you know, capable

35:55 for me and my body.

35:56 What's required of me is getting my butt out of my warm bed, putting on my shoes, putting

36:01 on my clothes and hitting the garage, going to my garage gym or getting in the truck and

36:04 driving into jujitsu.

36:06 That's what's required of me because discipline will always, always be motivation.

36:11 So number nine way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, focus on discipline, not motivation.

36:16 All right, guys.

36:17 Number 10.

36:18 And this kind of relates to number nine, red line physically at least once a week, red

36:24 line physically, at least once a week.

36:27 So for those of you that were expecting at some point for me to say, like, make sure you

36:31 work out.

36:32 At this point, if you're not exercising, I can't help you.

36:35 I'm not going to be the one that all of a sudden says the thing and you're like, oh,

36:37 my gosh, for 40 years, I've been sitting on my couch playing video games and eating Cheetos

36:42 and drinking Mountain Dew.

36:43 Holy crap.

36:44 But Kyle's such a genius.

36:45 He said the perfect thing that helped me realize that don't you know, exercise is good for

36:50 the human body.

36:51 You know that already, right?

36:53 Everybody is shocked when they find out that cigarettes can kill you.

36:56 Nobody's shocked by that.

36:58 And so when you see someone smoking a cigarette, it's like, that tells you something about

37:01 that person.

37:02 They are literally doing something that they know is shortening their life by a certain

37:06 period of time.

37:07 They know that.

37:08 Okay.

37:09 So I'm not going to get into how you should work out.

37:10 You're not working out by now.

37:11 There's nothing I can say to motivate you.

37:12 And I'm not trying to.

37:14 I'm talking about the people that are working out that are just mailing it in.

37:19 They're doing the same thing that they've always done.

37:21 They're doing it in the same pattern with the same amount of weight in the same period

37:24 of time.

37:25 And they're fine.

37:27 You know, they're in shape ish.

37:29 I mean, I know a lot of people that exercise that you wouldn't know it and it's not because

37:32 they're fat.

37:33 It's just because they just, they kind of, you know, they're like an amoeba with arms.

37:36 They're just kind of, yeah, they're just kind of there, right?

37:38 But when I say red line, physically, at least once a week, what I mean by that is whatever

37:44 you're doing, whether that's a burnout set on bench press, if that's your thing, whether

37:49 that's an extra set, that's extra distance and with a shorter rest time than what you

37:54 normally do on sprints, if you're that type of person.

37:56 If you're on the airtime bike and you know, you're doing tabadas, you know, 20 seconds

38:00 on 10 seconds off, something like that.

38:02 When I say red line, I mean that when you are done with whatever it is that you're doing,

38:07 the set or the rep or the sprint or the whatever, that you literally have redlined that you

38:13 could not have gone faster.

38:15 You could not have pushed harder.

38:16 You could not have done another one if you tried to.

38:19 Now for just about everybody, that's not going to be a reality because the reality for most

38:22 of us is that we always could have gone a little faster, a little harder, or whatever.

38:27 But I want you to do that at least once a week because what you were doing when you do that

38:32 is you are shaking hands with the inner bee that a lot of you guys know about.

38:38 You perhaps heard Joe Rogan or others talk about that inner bee, right?

38:43 That voice that's telling you, you don't need to sprint to the next mailbox like, gosh,

38:47 you've already put in enough work today, man, you should, you should just relax.

38:51 You should just order a pizza and get drink your favorite soda.

38:53 It's fine.

38:54 You've really, really done it or, you know, you're a little sore today.

38:58 So you don't really want to push it and you felt a little tweak in your shoulder.

39:01 So if you did a few more, like, I don't really know, right?

39:05 That's a voice that I am very aware of because I'm constantly around him that inner voice

39:12 that's telling you just not go so hard to just take it easy.

39:15 Hey, no one else around you is working this hard.

39:17 Why are you working so hard?

39:19 But if you want to be excellent at anything in life, but specifically physically, you

39:23 have to tell that inner, you know what, sorry, I'm going to need you to go somewhere else.

39:29 You're a little loud right now.

39:30 So I'm going to go a little faster to distance myself from the nonsense that you're spitting

39:34 right now.

39:35 And you do that.

39:36 One of the easiest ways to do that is to redline, to absolutely go all out.

39:41 And when you know that you need to redline at least once that week, it changes your level

39:45 of preparation, changes your diet the day before and that day, changes the amount of

39:50 time or the amount of water that you're drinking, the after workout meal, what you're going

39:55 to do to recover.

39:57 It all kinds of starts to go around whatever it is you're doing for you, Jiu Jitsu guys.

40:01 I listen to this.

40:02 I know there's a lot of you guys.

40:03 That means that next, you know, you're doing rounds and you know, you're going to do five,

40:06 six, seven rounds at the end of practice for one of those rounds.

40:10 Just pick a random one, you're going all out.

40:12 So you're not slap bump and then, okay, I'm going to move around a little bit and pretend,

40:16 no, you are like, you're on fire.

40:18 And the only way to put the fire out is that you score 30 points in the next six minutes.

40:22 Okay.

40:23 So for those of you out there that are just mailing it in that are just like, oh, you

40:27 know, count the reps and it's just, oh, it's whatever and it's the same thing over and over

40:30 and over.

40:31 I want you to think about redlining.

40:32 Okay.

40:33 It's going to be a big, big deal for you.

40:34 But again, another way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, redlined physically at least once

40:39 a week.

40:40 All right.

40:41 Number 11, look for an opportunity to not be offended.

40:46 We live in a time and place in culture and in, I guess, the history of humanity where

40:52 being offended is virtue.

40:56 You get this unearned moral superiority.

40:59 If you are offended by something, if somebody said something to you and you look at it in

41:06 the least charitable way possible and choose to be offended, you are righteous.

41:12 But I want us to do something different because I know you can get plotted from culture and

41:18 you can get people like, Oh, checking in on you, like, Oh my gosh, like, you know, you're

41:22 building a house and someone found a noose at the construction site and you're black and

41:26 that obviously meant a reference to lynching.

41:29 It couldn't have had anything to do with the fact that people literally use slipknots and

41:32 a million other type of knots on construction sites, it was clearly a message that was for

41:37 you.

41:38 Oh my gosh, are you okay?

41:39 I know it might be tempting to get that, that energy and that attention from people,

41:45 but I want you to look for opportunities to not be offended.

41:48 If someone says something to you that is a little bit off color, I want you to assume

41:52 they didn't mean it that way.

41:54 Now, they may continue in that behavior and that's a different conversation.

41:58 I'd be giving you different advice, but I want you to look for an opportunity to not

42:02 be offended.

42:04 I want you to look for an opportunity for someone to say something to you that maybe

42:08 used to make you want to fight or make you actually fight or make you want to bow up

42:12 and say something back to them to try to outdo the dig that they just deliver to you.

42:16 I want you to look for an opportunity to where you're in that situation.

42:19 You can just smile, smile, maybe laugh a little bit, little chuckle, little giggle because

42:24 it's nonsense.

42:26 I want you to look for opportunities to not give people what they want, which is to get

42:30 a rise out of you.

42:32 Now, if you guys could see from my perspective, you maybe like this show.

42:36 I've assumed most of you listening to this.

42:38 You like it.

42:39 I mean, here we are.

42:40 40 minutes in this podcast, you're still listening.

42:41 So, you know, I'm assuming you want to be here, but there are a lot of people that don't

42:44 really like the show.

42:45 They don't like me.

42:46 They don't like you guys because you listen to me.

42:49 You should see some of the DMS I get.

42:52 You should see some of the emails I get.

42:53 I share some of them on social media.

42:55 But if I were an offendable and easily offendable person, gosh, those things would clam me up

43:01 at the very least they would make me angry, almost, you know, fill me with rage.

43:05 But on the worst scale would be that they would make me second guess what I'm going to say

43:10 or what I'm going to talk about because I would be afraid of getting another one of

43:13 those messages or another one of those emails or another one of those bits of feedback, okay?

43:18 And so if I were to listen to all those things, then that is going to affect me and it's going

43:22 to affect the product I put before you.

43:24 That's why I tell you guys all the time.

43:25 I post in ghost.

43:26 So when I post stuff on social media, I don't sit there and argue with people in the comments.

43:31 Like what gives you the right to think that you have the right to argue with me in my comment

43:36 section on social media?

43:37 Like where did you get that idea that that was something that that was just going to be

43:41 okay with me?

43:42 Like, oh, yes.

43:43 Here, let me put my entire life on pause so you and I can go back and forth on Instagram

43:47 in the comment section for the next two days.

43:49 Yeah, that's going to be a tremendous use of my time because I just have, you know, time

43:53 coming out of my ears.

43:54 This is going to be a great thing.

43:57 So again, guys, I just want to encourage you that when you feel that anger bubbling up,

44:02 you know, that tension building up inside of you, because you're offended, I want you

44:06 to look at that opportunity and be charitable to the person and also just let it roll off

44:10 your back.

44:12 It's the difference between someone saying something mean to you at a bar or a restaurant

44:16 and you just laughing it off and moving on with your day, or there's them saying that

44:20 and then deciding, okay, we're going to get into a street fight as a 40 year old adult.

44:24 Like that's a positive use of your time either, okay?

44:27 So guys, in this year, just try it out.

44:30 If you've never been that type of person, a way to avoid being a crappy man this year

44:34 is look for an opportunity to not be offended.

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45:05 All right guys, number 12 on the list, I think last year this was number one, but I'm changing

45:10 it up a little bit, you know, kind of mixing it up on you guys.

45:12 No porn, no jerking off, and that's a little crass for some of you guys, but hey, it is

45:18 what it is.

45:19 So for any length of time, that's how we're going to talk about this.

45:22 I've talked about this at length on this show.

45:25 I talked about how years and years ago, I was, you know, addicted to porn, it was something

45:28 I was drawn to.

45:30 And you know, if you want to have it, you know, outside of the addiction model, it was just

45:32 my thing that I would like to do when I was bored, or just when I, when I felt like I

45:36 needed a release, I would look at porn, I would masturbate, okay?

45:40 It's a problem that an unbelievable amount of people have, not just men, but especially

45:44 men, because how we're wired.

45:45 And I've had people on the show that have talked about what porn does in terms of how

45:51 it rewires your brain and, you know, changes the scripts with which you expect things from

45:56 your sexual partners because you look at them, the level of need you create to have

46:03 ejaculation from using those things.

46:06 I've talked to men and I've talked to, you know, with men that know about this, that

46:10 there are men out there that have to watch porn while they're having sex with their

46:13 wife because they can't keep an erection because they've literally been watching porn

46:16 so long.

46:17 They can't get and keep an erection with an actual warm bodied woman in front of them.

46:21 They can't do it.

46:22 I've had people in the show that have talked about the people, especially the women in

46:27 porn that are trafficked.

46:30 These are not all independent women that just want to make good money.

46:33 And you know, this is how they choose to do it.

46:34 A lot of these women are forced to be there by someone call them their producers, someone

46:39 call them their managers.

46:40 I would call them their pimps.

46:41 They're forced to be there.

46:44 They think that, you know, they're showing up to do X, Y and Z, and then when they show

46:50 up, it's like it's a whole bunch of other things, a whole bunch more people that they're

46:53 going to have to sleep with, you know, whatever situation it changes.

46:56 And then they're like, well, I don't want to do that.

46:58 It's not what I signed up to do.

46:59 And then they arrive and they're like, well, you're going to do this or you're not going

47:01 to get paid.

47:02 Oh, and by the way, if you don't do this, we're never going to let you work again.

47:05 And then your pimps over there on the corner like, yeah, you better do this or there will

47:08 be consequences, right?

47:11 So a lot of you guys out there, you think that looking at porn as you're going off is

47:14 it's not hurting anybody.

47:15 You know, I've got to be way worse.

47:17 If I went out and cheated on my wife with a real person, well, Jesus doesn't really

47:21 give you that out because he said if you looked at a woman and lusted after her, like you've

47:27 already had sex with her.

47:28 If you looked at someone and hated them, it's like murder, like it's, he took that, that

47:32 standard away from you that when you look at a woman lustfully or when you, you know, play

47:37 you know, happy rolodex in your brain and come up with this whatever situation so that you

47:42 can, you know, come to sexual gratification and satisfaction that's in and that's something

47:48 that we are supposed to avoid, not flirt with, not have near us, but have it completely away

47:54 from us.

47:55 And here's the thing, I know we're getting a little specific here, but if you're not someone

47:59 that jerks off, if you don't masturbate, then would you ever need to watch porn?

48:04 Because some people look at it the exact opposite way, they're like, okay, I'm going to try

48:08 to get rid of porn so I can stop masturbating.

48:11 That's literally the opposite way of how you should do it, okay?

48:15 If you stop masturbating, you now have no need for porn, like at all because to my knowledge,

48:22 I don't know if anybody that watches porn for the enjoyment of the scenes or the cinematography

48:27 or certainly the story, that's not why I did back in the day, I watched it so that I could

48:33 look at people having sex so that I can masturbate to it.

48:36 It was a masturbatory aid, that's what it was there for.

48:38 And so for you guys, I want you to think, because a lot of you guys listening to this,

48:42 you have sons, you have daughters, do you want your sons to have this propensity to need

48:48 to look at pornography to find sexual gratification?

48:51 Is that right?

48:52 Is that ordered properly?

48:55 And for the dads of daughters, this is going to be a little bit rougher.

48:58 Would you want to ever see your daughter in a porn film?

49:03 And you're like, "Oh, that's crazy, that's how you've gone too far this time, Kyle."

49:10 But the person you're watching, being ravaged by some dude whose only job is to make her

49:15 look as if she's submissive and likes it, that's someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's

49:24 mom, and you're just using them as a masturbatory aid, you're literally creating a commodity

49:31 out of the female reproductive organ.

49:34 For your pleasure, for your selfish pleasure that you assume is hurting nobody, and yet

49:39 you don't have the foggiest idea how that industry is funded, because you're like, "I'm just

49:43 watching free porn.

49:44 Is it free though?"

49:45 Because it's certainly not free for those women that are trafficked, that can't get

49:48 out at threat of death, which is real.

49:53 So again, I'm talking to you guys, make me an argument, saying why you should be able

49:58 to do those things, why that's a positive thing for you.

50:02 Because again, you thought it's a crazy situation.

50:04 There are men out there that have been doing what a lot of men do, clicking from this video

50:07 to that video, to that video, to that video, to that video, and then they stumble on one

50:11 of their daughter.

50:14 It's happened, guys.

50:15 Now what?

50:17 So do whatever you got to do to get stuff in place.

50:19 If you want to have accountability, software, sure, that's great.

50:23 I don't care.

50:24 If you want to have accountability partners, awesome.

50:25 But guess what?

50:26 They don't live with you.

50:27 They're not following you around.

50:28 They're not smacking your hand as you're trying to throw it in your pants.

50:32 It's all you.

50:35 Lean on your discipline, lean on the strength that God can provide you in those moments.

50:40 But if you want to avoid being a crappy man in 2023, that's a great place to start.

50:44 No porn.

50:45 No jerking off.

50:46 All right, guys, number 13, focus on being the most dependable person you know, the most

50:51 dependable person you know.

50:53 So there are a lot of people out there that you have in your life.

50:56 And whether you realize it or not, you are categorizing those people.

51:00 These people are people that can either help me in a pinch or someone that I would never

51:03 call in a million years if I were in a pinch.

51:07 And you categorize family that way.

51:09 You categorize your friends that way.

51:10 You categorize your acquaintances that way, Facebook friends, whatever.

51:14 But there are people in your life that are dependable and then there there are just people

51:16 that flat out aren't that goes back to the late people like if I can't depend on you

51:20 to be on time somewhere at an agreed upon time and place, then why would I depend on

51:25 you for something that's actually difficult, something that I really need help with?

51:29 I can't even trust that you'll be somewhere on time.

51:31 I can't even trust that you will treat my time as important as your time.

51:35 Why would I think that you would treat my feelings similar to your feelings that you

51:39 would love me, your neighbor as yourself, right?

51:41 There are little hints that you can get about people as to whether or not they will be dependable.

51:45 But if you focus on you, I'm being the most dependable person you know, it's impossible

51:51 that that won't lead to a better year for you.

51:53 Because if you're the most dependable employee, whether whether you're a salesman and you

51:58 have quotas that you have to hit every quarter, if we can reliably depend on you to hit your

52:03 quotas, isn't that going to be good for your career?

52:06 I don't really know if salespeople that hit their quotas and then get fired for it, right?

52:10 It's usually the opposite.

52:11 They don't hit their numbers and it's like, all right, this isn't for you.

52:14 See you later.

52:15 If you're in a Sunday school setting and somebody gets sick or whatever and you've got two

52:20 days notice and it's teaching Sunday school, you should be one of the first people they

52:24 think of because you're dependable.

52:26 You're a rock.

52:27 You're around.

52:28 Like, I know a lot of people that, you know, they say that they're local church and that

52:33 they're local, you know, their home group or their Bible study group or their Sunday school

52:37 or whatever is like, it's so important to them, but they're never around.

52:42 They're there at half of the meetings or they're constantly canceling.

52:46 They're just not dependable people.

52:48 And you think of it as a small, you know, thing that happened just in this truncated period

52:53 of time.

52:54 But what you're communicating to people is that if we extrapolate that out to something

52:57 that actually matters, that's not going to be someone that you can depend on because

53:00 I had people that years ago, five, six, seven years ago, I'm like, oh, those are my people.

53:05 But then there was time after time after time of little things of like, well, that person

53:09 wasn't available.

53:10 And then they weren't available again.

53:11 And then they had no advice to give me.

53:12 And then they had, then it's like, okay, well, that's, that's just not somebody that I could

53:15 depend on if I really, really needed them.

53:18 And so if you and everybody in your life and in your group focused on being the most dependable

53:22 person that they knew, the strength that that would give a group like that would be astonishing.

53:29 Like imagine if everyone in your Sunday school, use a Sunday school example, if everyone in

53:33 your Sunday school was the most dependable person, like you have a room of a dozen or

53:38 two dozen or three dozen.

53:39 However big your Sunday school is a people that you can just flat out rely on regardless

53:44 of the circumstances.

53:46 Like think about how good that would be for you, for you individually, for your family,

53:50 for your greater community, for the community of the church, the lowercase and capital C

53:54 church, it would just be fantastic.

53:56 So guys, a way to avoid being crappy man in 2023, number 13, focus on being the most

54:01 dependable person, you know, all right guys, number 14, figure out what's going on locally

54:06 and get involved.

54:08 So as we've talked about a lot on the show, there's a tremendous focus on what's going

54:11 on nationally or maybe internationally, you're really, really concerned about what's going

54:15 on in Ukraine, but you're not concerned about what's going on in your own HOA.

54:19 Now the situation in Ukraine, and you know, assuming that it doesn't become World War

54:22 three, that's not a situation that really involves you that much.

54:26 You can't really affect it.

54:27 You can't really do much.

54:28 You're just a spectator.

54:29 But what's going on in your own neighborhood, that's a big deal that literally could affect

54:33 you when you need to make a change or move or suggest somebody move or whatever like things

54:40 should be focused on locally and then ripple out from there as opposed to focusing on the

54:46 macro issues, federal issues and then trying to bring those back down to how that affects

54:51 you on a day in day out basis.

54:53 But the thing about most people and I've been guilty of this certainly is we're so focused

54:57 on who's going to be, you know, our parties, you know, selected representative for the

55:01 next election or whatever the things happening with Congress and all those things are important.

55:05 But we have no idea who our sheriff is.

55:09 We don't know the name of our mayor.

55:12 We don't know anybody on the school board.

55:14 And yet we send our kids to the government schools.

55:17 We don't know what the curriculum is.

55:19 We don't know if there's an abortion facility in our community.

55:23 We don't know if we have pregnancy resource centers or crisis pregnancy centers that are

55:28 in the same community that outnumber the abortion facilities.

55:31 We don't know any of that.

55:33 Now we may know some, you know, national statistics about Planned Parenthood or we may know some

55:36 national statistics about this party or that party or this candidate or that candidate,

55:39 but we don't know what's going on locally.

55:41 The reality is so what's going on locally will have a more direct impact on you.

55:46 Just go back to 2020 when the C word was happening right before the V word was even a thing.

55:52 Didn't matter who your local magistrates were.

55:56 Didn't matter who the governor was, who the mayor of your city was.

56:00 Didn't matter if your sheriff would enforce some of the laws that were coming down.

56:04 Didn't that matter?

56:05 Didn't it matter for your business?

56:08 If you were in a city that had people that loved this newfound power that they got from

56:12 all these new regulations that were just poof made out of thin air versus the people that

56:17 wanted you to be able to survive and to do everything that they could to ensure that

56:21 you could survive.

56:23 And not only that, but thrive.

56:25 That all mattered because of what was going on locally, because you can fight those battles

56:30 locally.

56:31 That's the federalist system.

56:32 That's why you don't have to live in a blue country.

56:36 You can live in a red state, like it's certainly within your, your power.

56:40 Think about all the places like the top five states that people move to in 2022.

56:45 I think we're Tennessee, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina and Texas, those all have certain

56:51 things in common.

56:52 They're all ran by Republicans.

56:53 You have the freedom to do that because if your local reality was in California or in

56:59 Illinois or New Jersey or New York or in Oregon, you can change your local reality.

57:05 But whenever you get there or wherever you are now, figure out what's going on locally

57:10 and make sure that your voice is heard.

57:12 Figure out what's going on locally and get involved.

57:14 Another way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023.

57:17 Now let's get to number 15.

57:18 Be precise in your speech.

57:20 So this goes back to one of the original 12 rules from Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for

57:24 life on our book list, you know, of the hundred books every modern Christian man should read

57:27 lists on our website, undaunted.life/bookless for all of y'all looking for some stuff to

57:31 read in 2023.

57:33 But we're so mealy-mouthed in our modern society.

57:37 We're very, very imprecise.

57:39 And what I mean by this is let's say you have a group text and you're inviting people and

57:43 you're saying, Hey, I'd like to get all you guys together.

57:46 I want to talk about this.

57:47 You know, here are a couple of dates, you know, on the third or on the fourth.

57:51 I'm available for between five and nine p.m.

57:54 Does this work for you?

57:55 If someone responds and says, Oh, the third should work.

58:01 Well you haven't answered my question.

58:02 My question was, is are you available on either of these days during these two periods of

58:07 time?

58:08 When you say that should work or that could work or that might work or maybe I can, I

58:15 can make that happen.

58:17 You're not giving me an answer because I can't do anything with should, could, maybe might.

58:23 I can deal with yes or no, yes, I'm available on the third at six p.m.

58:29 And then you start getting the responses from everybody else and you can have any number

58:33 of examples.

58:34 That's just the one I picked because it was something that happened here recently.

58:37 But when you're imprecise in your speech, you're doing no favors to anybody.

58:41 Now some people do that because they're sneaky because they're leaving their options open,

58:45 right?

58:46 They were like, Hey, you want to come over and watch the fights on Saturday?

58:48 Well, maybe they want to watch the fights, but maybe not necessarily with you.

58:51 Maybe they want to watch it with somebody else or, Hey, you want to come over to the Super

58:53 World party?

58:54 It's like, well, my wife and I were really hoping we'd be asked by this person.

58:56 So you're just kind of keeping your options open.

58:57 It's like when you're, you know, going to prom and like someone to ask you, but like,

59:00 I'm going to hold out and see if the cheerleader asked me or whatever your situation is, right?

59:04 That's the situation that we find ourselves in because we're being imprecise.

59:07 But the majority of people aren't doing it on purpose.

59:10 They're doing it because they just never learned how to be precise.

59:13 So let your yes be yes and let your no be no.

59:16 If you're not available, say no, I'm not available.

59:19 If you are available, say yes, no more could, no more should, because what's baked into

59:23 your answer is I'm giving you this answer based on my current reality.

59:28 So let's say the third rolls around and your house burns down.

59:35 Well, you're probably not going to go to that meeting unless it's a very, very important

59:38 meeting.

59:39 You probably got stuff you need to deal with.

59:40 You got ashes you got to sift through, right?

59:43 So everyone knows that that's baked into the cake of we need to figure out when we're going

59:47 to get together because we need to be precise in our speech.

59:50 Now, that's just being precise and, you know, not saying maybe in all the squishy language,

59:54 but that also extrapolates itself out to if you're giving an apologetics presentation,

59:58 I don't mean like in a class necessarily, but when you're talking to somebody, the precision

1:00:02 of your speech is very, very important.

1:00:05 Because if you say God is love and he just loves everything, that's not very precise.

1:00:11 But if you say God is love, because we see in what God's word in the book of John, that

1:00:15 he is love, and this is what love means.

1:00:19 That doesn't mean accepting everybody's position for everything that they've ever done or,

1:00:23 you know, every single way that they could comport themselves and every single life decision

1:00:26 doesn't mean you cosign and sign on for those things.

1:00:29 Precision in our speech is very important, especially if you're having a dyadic conversation

1:00:33 with somebody about a hot topic, about, you know, creationism or about, you know, abortion

1:00:38 or about something.

1:00:39 If you're very squishy in your language, you may feel safer that way being less declarative,

1:00:45 but you're not helping the conversation move in any way.

1:00:48 Again, you've got these trend of these Christians are like, I want to be known for what I'm

1:00:50 for, not what I'm against.

1:00:52 Well, when you act like I want to be known for what I'm for, you will say squishy nonsense

1:00:55 vapid things like I'm for love, I'm for acceptance, I'm for spreading the gospel.

1:01:02 But then you don't define what any of those things mean or you define them poorly or wrongly.

1:01:07 A lot of it comes back to imprecision to not being precise in the things that you're saying.

1:01:13 Because if you're going to be precise in things that you're saying, you know, it all says

1:01:16 to be precise, your philosophies, your thought processes, how you arrived at those conclusions.

1:01:22 So if you focus on precision, that'll help you in all of those other areas.

1:01:26 So another way to avoid being a crappy man, number, sorry, in 2023, number 15, be precise

1:01:31 in your speech.

1:01:32 All right.

1:01:33 A couple more left here.

1:01:34 Number 16.

1:01:35 Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

1:01:36 Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

1:01:40 I mean, the amount of small violins that you could ship out to people that are just constantly

1:01:47 worried about their circumstances and wanting you to feel bad for them.

1:01:50 It is so exhausting here recently, you know, this was, you know, when everyone's doing

1:01:55 their kind of like, you know, come to Jesus with themselves at the end of the year, trying

1:01:58 to figure out, you know, what was it you're like for me and blah, blah, blah.

1:02:02 I saw someone post about how hard their year was, how hard 2022 was for them.

1:02:08 And they began to list the things that were tough for them in that year.

1:02:11 Some of those things were tough.

1:02:13 No, no doubt about it.

1:02:14 But then you could tell they started to just add some other things into the list because

1:02:18 they didn't feel like their list was, you know, sad enough or bad enough.

1:02:22 These people felt so sorry for themselves that they wanted to be able to extend that

1:02:27 out and extend the sorrow to you.

1:02:31 Some person on Facebook to where you could send some encouraging message back to where

1:02:35 you could give them attention.

1:02:38 And it's a defeatist attitude.

1:02:41 That's where the feeling of feeling sorry for yourself comes from.

1:02:44 And no, I'm not talking about actual clinical depression.

1:02:47 No, I'm not talking about any, you know, actual chemical imbalance or any type of mental abnormality.

1:02:53 I'm talking about people that allowed their circumstances to dictate how they're going

1:02:57 to operate in the world.

1:02:59 They're just, they feel sorry for their circumstances.

1:03:01 Amen.

1:03:02 Things are just, man, my body's just not working the way it used to.

1:03:04 And I'm not as, you know, I'm not as in shape as I was.

1:03:06 And man, I just, man, I used to be so quick on my feet.

1:03:09 And now I'm just not.

1:03:10 And man, I just can't believe I broke up with another girl and like, I don't know, and like

1:03:13 my situation with my dad, and it's all this navel gazing nonsense.

1:03:19 It's like, could you do me a favor?

1:03:21 Could you reach down the front of your pants and make sure you still have a pair?

1:03:24 Oh, you do.

1:03:25 Well, then go start fixing stuff.

1:03:29 You act like all these circumstances are out of your hands.

1:03:33 You know, a death of a family member or something like that, like in most part, that is out

1:03:37 of your hands.

1:03:38 But these other circumstantial things, those are things you can have an impact on.

1:03:43 Why are you wallowing in the fact that things aren't the way that you want them to be when

1:03:47 you're capable of changing them and fixing them?

1:03:50 It's because you like feeling sorry for yourself.

1:03:53 You like the attention it gets you.

1:03:55 You like the looking sad that day and someone saying, hey, buddy, how are you doing today?

1:04:00 You feeling okay?

1:04:01 You like it.

1:04:03 It gives you a little bit of a dopamine rush.

1:04:05 It helps you get through the day.

1:04:07 That's your caffeine.

1:04:09 That's your meth like that.

1:04:11 That's your amphetamines.

1:04:12 That's the thing that helps you get through the day.

1:04:14 That's your currency.

1:04:16 The problem is if you keep making deposits in the I want people to feel sorry for me bank

1:04:21 account.

1:04:22 There's a few things that'll happen.

1:04:23 One, people's sorrow for you and their empathy for you is going to wait over time because

1:04:30 if Tim's always the guy that's sad, always the guy who's, man, you know, he lost his

1:04:34 job again or yeah, that another relationship didn't quite work out or yeah, I killed another

1:04:38 goldfish like eventually it's like, all right, Tim's just a turd.

1:04:43 Like I don't have any more sympathy or empathy left for Tim.

1:04:46 That's just not going to work for me moving forward.

1:04:50 Another thing that it does for you is it puts you into this constant hamsters wheel of trying

1:04:55 to make sure you can stay in that feeling of sorrow because if you're sad or if you're

1:05:00 sorrowful and people buy into that, then you don't have to change.

1:05:04 Like the people that lament, you know, I saw recently a bill Burr was with Conan O'Brien

1:05:08 on his radio show.

1:05:09 And he talked about watching the biggest loser with his wife and how his wife's like crying

1:05:13 and all these people that are like literally crying about how much they eat every day and

1:05:17 Bill Burr's just describing how he's just laughing his butt off at these people are crying

1:05:23 about how many pork chops they eat in a day is like there are kids starving all over the

1:05:27 world.

1:05:28 And these super fat people are sitting here crying, wanting you to feel bad for them because

1:05:32 of the decisions they're making.

1:05:35 Now that's kind of rude, funny, but rude, but those people didn't get to that weight

1:05:41 into that state because they were had an overcomers mindset because they were focusing on spiritual

1:05:47 mental and physical resilience, certainly not.

1:05:50 They would feel bad for themselves, which would put them on the hamsters wheel to keep

1:05:54 them in the cycle of eating to medicate.

1:05:58 But it goes back to lots of things.

1:05:59 When you read anything about addiction, eating to medicate, having sex to medicate, doing

1:06:04 drugs to medicate, you know, self-flagellation to medicate, it all stems from people feeling

1:06:10 sorry for themselves and staying there.

1:06:13 Stop feeling sorry for yourself this year.

1:06:17 Be an overcomer.

1:06:18 Change your circumstances if you're able.

1:06:21 Be resilient.

1:06:22 All right, guys.

1:06:23 Now we are finally at the very last one for this year.

1:06:26 So the number 17 way to avoid being a crappy man in 2023 again, these are not in your particular

1:06:31 order.

1:06:32 Be known for what you are for and for what you are against.

1:06:37 And I talked about this not that long ago on this show and, you know, certainly on this

1:06:42 particular episode, but we've gotten to this place where we've added an 11th commandment

1:06:48 and the 11th commandment is to be nice.

1:06:51 And so we will do as we will ignore the parts of the Bible that make us feel like he are

1:06:56 going to make us have to look at our friends and centers because you're not gay, but you

1:07:03 got a gay friend and you don't want to admit to yourself or have to tell them that what

1:07:07 they're doing is a destructful, destructive, sinful thing that they need to stop doing

1:07:13 in order to glorify a holy and just God.

1:07:18 And their brand of sin is just different than yours, but it's more flamboyant and more out

1:07:22 there in front of people.

1:07:24 Okay.

1:07:26 And so you will think about niceness.

1:07:28 And I think what was at Tom Rayner or Tom Askel last year at the end of last year with

1:07:32 one of those, they were talking about neighbor, nice that we will do things.

1:07:35 We will twist ourselves up into these theological pretzels so that we can be loving to our neighbor.

1:07:39 At least we'll say that.

1:07:41 So somebody who is a man now identifies major air quotes there as a female and you will

1:07:47 use female pronouns to be nice.

1:07:50 You'll be charitable to them by using pronouns that you know, do not align with the reality

1:07:56 of what God gave them, which is maleness at birth as a gift.

1:08:00 Because all good things come from God.

1:08:02 So your maleness or your female is a gift.

1:08:05 And so you will now become the liar to support that person that is becoming the liar.

1:08:10 And there will be Christians all over places that says, there you go.

1:08:13 You go girl, you go boy, you're, you're, you're being charitable, you're, you're being Christ,

1:08:20 you're somehow spreading the gospel by telling somebody that is mentally unstable that their

1:08:26 fantasy is reality.

1:08:28 Well, guess what, as I've said many times on this podcast, especially recently, if you

1:08:33 say that you are for something, you are always communicating that you are against other things.

1:08:41 So for these morons, I want to say, I want to be known for what I'm for and not what

1:08:44 I'm against and pretend as if that's the way that Jesus comported himself in the Mediterranean

1:08:49 room or in Galilee or in that time that he lived in the three years of his public ministry,

1:08:54 you're out of your mind.

1:08:56 Read the gospels again and then read them again and then read them again and again and

1:09:01 realize that Jesus was known for both what he was for and what he was against, that what

1:09:07 he would address the center, he would not condemn them nor would he ignore their sin.

1:09:12 He is the lamb and the lion.

1:09:14 He is all grace and all truth.

1:09:18 And so when you say I am for the protection of the unborn, you're also saying I am against

1:09:24 the slaughter of the unborn because duh, because words have meaning, right?

1:09:29 I know we're supposed to be in this postmodern culture where words don't mean what they're

1:09:32 supposed to mean and certainly realities that we've known for thousands of years of humanity

1:09:37 don't really, you know, correlate with what we believe and feel today.

1:09:42 But don't be one of those pussified Christians that stands behind the bumper sticker or the

1:09:47 t-shirt slogan of be known for what you're for and not what you're against because you

1:09:52 should be known to be against certain things because you should be against sin.

1:09:58 You should be against the destruction of the Amago day.

1:10:01 You should be against the sexual violation of folks.

1:10:05 You should be against the predation of people, groomers and pedophiles on children.

1:10:12 You should be against the sexualization of children.

1:10:15 You should be against the trafficking of people.

1:10:18 Again, things that violate directly the Amago day.

1:10:21 You should be against the things that hurt the heart of God.

1:10:25 And you should make that known.

1:10:26 You should absolutely make that known.

1:10:29 Don't sit there and pretend that, well, I'm just going to be on the fence or I'm going

1:10:33 to be an independent or I'm going to be agnostic on this issue and I'm just going to pretend

1:10:37 that that's me being loving to my neighbor.

1:10:39 Know what your being is a coward.

1:10:42 All right, guys.

1:10:43 Thank you so much for listening to all of those.

1:10:45 I hope that was helpful for you.

1:10:46 I know that took a long time to get through, but I know that it's going to be valuable

1:10:48 for a lot of guys is listening to this, but before we let you go, we are going to do a

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1:10:57 and physical resilience.

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1:11:51 I'm your host Kyle Thompson.

1:11:53 Remember keep pushing back darkness, keep forging spiritual, mental and physical resilience.

1:11:59 Keep seeking the Lion of Judah.

1:12:29 [music]