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[MUSIC]
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This is Undaunted Life, a man's podcast.
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I'm your host Kyle Thompson.
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Let's get into it.
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All right guys, we've got a special guest on the podcast today.
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His name is Joshua Broome.
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So he was a porn star for six years and performed in over a thousand adult films.
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And at one point, he was even given the top award in the adult film industry as performer of the year.
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And so a lot of you guys know his story because he's not a porn star anymore.
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He's actually a pastor.
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Now, he went to school for biblical theology and that's kind of what he does now.
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But in this particular podcast, we talk about what things from his childhood led him to go to Los Angeles
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to try to become famous and then end up in the pornography industry.
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We go over some of the misconceptions about the pornography industry, especially from consumers
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of that particular, you know, I guess form of entertainment, if you can call it such a thing.
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And even we talk about the different levels of depravity and things that he was pulled into.
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Because at one point, even after doing a thousand different films in straight pornography,
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he actually transitioned into doing gay pornography.
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And you would think like, oh, you know, maybe he's bisexual.
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Maybe he had homosexual leanings as a kid.
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But the way he describes it is very, very different.
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So you need to stick around for that because it's incredibly interesting to look at that.
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But then we go into, you know, how he considered suicide at one point, not just considered it,
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planned it out and kind of how the Holy Spirit had a hand in keeping that from happening
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through working from some, you know, through another employee at a business that he was at at the time.
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And then we get into, you know, how he's rebuilt his, his life, how he met his wife right now,
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kind of how they've worked through like, okay, here y'all are trying to have a healthy sexual
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relationship within the confines of a godly marriage with a man that had promiscuous sex all the time.
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And a lot of times got paid to do that.
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And so we talked through that and then at the end, we just kind of flowed for a little bit.
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We went well beyond the time we had even planned for just because we got into what our identity is
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and what an actual porn problem says about you, because we think it's a porn problem.
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But it's not.
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It's a masturbation problem, but it's not just that.
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It's even worse than that.
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We have a self-medication problem, but it's even worse than that because we don't have a self-medication
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problem. We have a god-shaped hole in our soul that we're trying to fill with this,
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you know, release of ejaculation or something like that.
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And so we just get into a lot of those different areas and you can just tell this guy's
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just had his life completely turned upside down by God in such a great and amazing way.
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I will tell you again, it is an adult subject matter today.
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And so some of the things that are described are probably going to be a little bit too severe for
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some super, super young ears, but it's not an explicit interview in the way that you might
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think. But guys, I really, really enjoyed my time with Joshua. So without further ado,
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let's get into it. Joshua Broome, welcome to adult to life of man's podcast.
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Hey, glad to be here. Glad we finally made it happen.
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We finally made it happen, but I do got to ask you right from the jump here, Joshua.
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I've seen you on other shows. I've seen you being interviewed and you've got like this fancy studio
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setup. You got this cool mind. You got a cool background. Why do you hate the listeners and viewers
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of undaunted life of man's podcast? What did we do to you? Hey, I know that you guys didn't need
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all the bells and whistles. So I wanted to just bring some more authenticity and vulnerability.
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So I want to remove myself from the comforts and just put myself into the woods. So here I am.
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Okay. Well, hey, if pastoring doesn't work out for you, you might have a future in politics,
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because you just scattered it right around my question. But we're going to dig into your story.
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A lot of people, my audience know your story. But for those that don't, we're going to be covering
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a lot of ground. When I did the introduction, I kind of gave a sense of where we were going
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to be going today. But where I wanted to start is obviously a hinge point of your story, Joshua,
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is when you moved out to Hollywood to make it as it were, you went out to LA and you chased a dream
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like a lot of people do. And we'll get to that. But when you talk to people that ended up doing
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things that you did, and we're at the kind of dire place that you were in, you can kind of look
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at their childhood and see the scars and some of the things that shaped them at that time,
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that led to future sins, future mistakes, future lifestyle choices. So let's start with your
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childhood and then let's make it all the way up to Los Angeles. Yeah, I mean, to your point, a lot
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of people have made the decisions that I made later in my life have traumatic stories. I mean,
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you said that you, you know, you've had Brittany on and Brittany has just a horrible season of her
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life led to her making decisions that were contingent of how she saw herself and how she saw the world.
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But for me, not similar in that sense, but I grew up in South Carolina. The thing for me,
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my gap or my trauma was the fact that my mom had me when she was 16. And I didn't have a father.
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But my father was in close enough proximity, being in a small town in South Carolina,
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that I saw him on a daily basis. So growing up in this really small city, you know, just a few
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thousand people, one, one grocery store, one gas station, one drug store. So I would see him in town.
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And as I was young, it was confusing because I knew him to be my dad, but he never played the
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role of my dad in my life or in my home. So that was confusing in that eventually led to me being
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frustrated and angered by that. Because as he got older, he gets married, has a very successful career,
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has other kids. And as I'm growing up, we're, you know, my mom's amazing, but we were struggling
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financially. So I didn't have some of the things that I saw other people having. And then these
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other two siblings that I have growing up, having the things that I didn't, like financially sure,
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but even more importantly, they had a dad. Right. So there's so much there, but we'll tease that up
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for a little bit later. So you have kind of this, this father shaped hole inside of your soul,
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and you were looking for validation in other places. And from what I know about your story,
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you did find validation in dating in girls, you found validation in athletics, and performing
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well athletically, I think you played basketball. But then you thought you had a future and you
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wanted to get basically go be a movie star, you make it out to Los Angeles, you do what most people
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do in Los Angeles where, you know, they don't just walk right onto the set of the new Avengers film,
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right? They got to go do something bus tables, wait tables, something like that. So you're doing
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that type of work. And then you're approached by a group of good looking young ladies. And they
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pitch you on something that really led you on a crazy path. So go back to to that restaurant and
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go back to those ladies, what happened? Yeah, like to your point, like many people chasing
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their dream, I move out to Hollywood. And again, my story, you know, tying it back to the trauma
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was, you know, I was working at a really well known place in in Hollywood on Sunset Boulevard.
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You know, I was making four or $500 a night, you know, in that restaurant, which sounds like a
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ton, but in Hollywood, it's not, you know, it's enough, but it's not a ton. And but I mean, I had an
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agent. I was doing modeling and I was doing acting, I was taking improv classes. I was doing all the
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things that I needed to do to move into the direction that I wanted to go. And then I'm to
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your point, I'm working in this restaurant, three women walk, walk in, sit down at this table, I'm
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going to wait on them, very attractive, you know, I'm going to, you know, use my southern charm,
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you know, maybe get their numbers, hang out with them, you know, maybe get a good tip. I don't know,
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a lot of celebrities came in there. And then we started to have this conversation. And then they
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pretty much, you know, within five minutes, we're like, Hey, do you want to be an actor? And I was
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like, great, you know, this is my segue into a project or they're going to introduce me to someone
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because, you know, in that industry and pretty much any industry, the trajectory of your career
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moves at the speed of relationship. It's not, you know, having the right reel or having the right
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photos or or whatever preparation that you could have, which is important. But more often than not,
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you meet someone that knows someone that gets you somewhere. And that's what I thought was going
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to happen. But they were like, no, we're talking about porn. And for me, so I'd seen porn when I
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was like 14, 15. And it was a magazine. And, you know, I, you know, made me feel some sort of way. And
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then, you know, as I got older, I saw it, you know, a few videos here and there. But it was never
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something that I struggled with. But I do believe it impacted the life of promiscuity that I was
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leaving because again, I was searching for validation. And I had access to things. But, you know,
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a good rule of thumb is just because you could doesn't mean you should. So, you know, and I'm
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trying to fill this gap. And unfortunately, I'm, I'm using people to try to mitigate my pain.
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And so I was very promiscuous. But I do believe that me seeing those images and me seeing pornography
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and seeing people portrayed in this way, seeing women portrayed in that way, it did make me believe
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a lie that that's what sex looks like. And that's what, you know, it's as easy as just walking into
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a room and asking for it. So they say this. And, you know, just to give you a little context,
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I have been exposed to it before, but never been in it. And they asked me this. And I, and, and they
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used language. They kind of broke down a barrier. They said, Hey, do you want to meet with our agent?
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And being someone that was in the entertainment industry, I was like, okay, well, that for some
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reason that validated at least meeting the guy, because agent agency representation, I'm like,
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okay, well, I guess I'll meet the guy like, what could it hurt? And I go and meet the agent.
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And he asked me three questions, which were highly manipulative in retrospect. But he asked me,
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what, what was I doing out there? I'm sorry. He asked me, how did I grow up?
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What was I doing in LA? What did I hope to accomplish? And I was like, well, he has pretty much just
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me and my mom. And I want to be an actor and maybe do some modeling. And I guess my objective
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is to be famous. And it's funny that I said that because that was somewhat true. But I think even
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my passion was skewed by my trauma, because I being famous wasn't really my goal. It was really,
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I have a desire to be creative, to impact people in a positive way. And that's true today. That's
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still who I am. But I think under the gun, that's what I said. And he was like, great. In the porn
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industry, everything was shifting to parroting movies and doing, you know, doing these things
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with these big scripts and all this stuff. So he's like acting, you know, having an acting
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background is going to be advantageous for you. You're a good looking guy. If you can do it,
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you can be as famous as you want to be. So I think I could make you the number one guy.
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You can make all the money, you can be famous, you know, all these things that
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like my heart was hearing and my mind was interpreting as well. I understand like I wasn't
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not even to believe this is exactly what I want to do. But I did hear it through
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that like a counterfeited lens where it's like, this sounds somewhat like what I want. You know,
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this is this is kind of what I want. And you know, like how bad could that be? Like sure, you know,
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I'll give it a shot even even though hearing it. And I should have thought, well, if I do this,
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which which which which is this is how you stop doing the thing you don't want to do.
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I feel this, but what's the cost? You know, I want to do this. And maybe it will feel good
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or maybe it seems like a good idea in the moment. But what is it going to cost me? And I did not
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think that through one of course, Joshua, when you're when you're at that age, you can kind of
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give a guy the benefit of the down and say, okay, maybe there's there's nothing there. But
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he wasn't manipulating you. He knew what he was doing. He had likely done it hundreds of times
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before. Get you through the door. Well, even I'm sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. No, no, no, please.
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Well, I was going to say, even the girls, the girls were scouting. So they're right. Exactly.
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They were compensated for every person they got to sign a contract.
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Yep, that's that's commission. That's that's prospecting. That's all the things you learn in
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sales is just a slightly different industry. So you get you get through the door. And you know,
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obviously, as I said, in the introduction, you were in this industry for six years, you were named
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performer of the year at one point, you were known as a reliable guy, you know, in a kind of a shady,
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weird world of pornography, you were like the reliable guy that would show up on set and be
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ready to go. Yeah. But what I want to talk about, because obviously we're talking to guys in this
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audience, me being one of them that I used to struggle with porn a long time ago, there's a lot
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of guys in the audience that are currently in that fight. Part of it is because of what we perceive
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porn to be. Yeah. And what we perceive being in the porn industry is there are a lot of young guys
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are like, Oh man, that's got to be great. You're having sex with the most beautiful women every
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single day. This is amazing. Yeah. But they're not thinking about the fact that you're on a set.
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Yeah. Like there's there's a bunch of cameras around and there's a bunch of resets and you're
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you're having to do a bunch of different things that people don't really see with the finished
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product. So let's talk a little bit about what the public perceives about porn. That's true.
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But then what the generalized public perceives about porn that is just super off the mark.
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Yeah. So it's pretty interesting. So for me, you kind of, I mean, it was still kind of old school.
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So for the guys in the industry, so it this was, you know, before the world of only fans and all
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this stuff, like you had to pay your dues to get in. So what paying your dues look like as a younger
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guy was what was popular is young guy, older girl, young fit guy, very large girl. And that's
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what I that's what you had to do. It's like, I was, you know, doing scenes with women who were
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older than my mom. And it's like you in in the reason that they do that is you it's not about
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intimacy. So if you if you are trying to be in that industry and you believe it's through connectivity,
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it's actually the opposite of that to be successful in that industry, you have to be able to disconnect
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and it becomes arbitrary. And it's just this monotonous task that you're doing that's not contingent on
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connection. It's you doing something so that you can get paid. And the way that you do that, you take
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erectile dysfunction medication, but even if you can't disconnect, it's still not going to work.
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So, so I would just say, look, you pay your dues to number one. You're the lie is you're having,
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you know, relations with all these beautiful girls, not the case. Because the person having,
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you know, the person doing that with the pretty girl, they had to do a hundred scenes with
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someone else to prove that they wouldn't fail because here's the deal. The person holding the
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camera, they're footing the bill for everything. And everyone's getting paid except the guy for
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sure. And what I mean by like the girl, she shows up, she's getting paid the, you know, the director,
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the sound, the lighting, the location, all those things are getting paid for. But if the guy doesn't
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do the job, there's no product. So that guy's certainly not getting paid and he's not working again.
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So there's a lot of pressure. So the director's only going to hire someone that's reliable.
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But yeah, man, like to your point, like you get on set, you know, there's, there's three cameras,
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you know, there's someone holding a boom over your head. There's someone holding a sea light.
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You know, under your crotch, there's someone eating Doritos in the corner. You know, it's,
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it's so far removed from anything that's real connection. The probability that you know the
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girl's name, little to none, there's, there's no, there's, there's often there's no eye connection
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whatsoever, because she's trying to get through it and you're trying to do it. And both of you,
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while you're connected from a physical standpoint, you're disconnected from a emotional and a mental
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standpoint, because that's the only way to get it done. And you have a director telling you what
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to do. So you're not doing what feels good. You're doing what you're being told to do. And you're
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doing it for camera. So you're doing it to be seen. You're not doing it for your feelings or your
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benefit. So like, yeah, to your point, it's so far removed from anything, you know, the girls using
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some kind of lubricant, the guys using some kind of, you know, erectile dysfunction medication,
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and it's, it's about as fake as it could be what with it still happening in a sense.
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Well, and so as you're watching it, you have to disconnect. But as you just described,
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there's a lot of disconnection happening with everybody that's that's on the set. I want to talk
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a little bit more about that disconnection in terms of the level of depravity, because some
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people think, Oh, if you bring up stuff like that, you're trying to shame people. But but the reality
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is, is as far as I understand it, at different points of your career, you weren't just doing
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straight porn, you were also doing gay porn. But for you, I think I've heard you described before,
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but it's been a while to where it's like, it wasn't as if, you know, you grew up questioning
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your sexuality. It was, it was a job. It was just another person. It was just another scene
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that you had to shoot. Yeah. So talk to me just about really where it went, because it's not just a,
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you know, I had to, you know, have sex with some bigger women or add to have sex with this type
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of thing. It was like, you were just a guy checking a box every single day, regardless of who it was
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on the other end. Yeah, and it's funny because a lot of people would just like do a quick Google
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and it's like, Oh, this guy did gay porn. Like, well, the reality was, is I did six years of straight
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porn. I did over a thousand movies. And I won every award there was to win. And that messed my head up
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so much that like, did I have a desire to do gay porn? No, like literally, so every day I thought
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about taking my life. And I didn't want to do what I wanted to do. And it's, it's wild to even like
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talk through this. But what made sense in my head were two things. Number one, if I do a gay scene,
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then that would disqualify me from going back that would burn that would burn my boat. Because
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back then again, very different world, you know, this is 10 plus years ago. If you did a gay scene,
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girls would not work with you. There were there were no crossover. So if you did a gay scene, bridge
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burned, no directors hiring me, no girls will work with me. So that career, the credibility that I
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had, the stature that I had gone, like completely gone. So once I do that one, it's gone. And I thought,
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okay, you know, obviously very popular guy, you can guide the gay studios all the time. Every,
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every successful straight actor would get, you know, get emails requests, hey, if you do one scene,
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we'll pay you an astronomical amount of money. And then, you know, I got these requests all the
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time. And then one day, you know, I'm thinking, you know, whatever. And I get an email, and I get
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this offer for this massive contract for 30 scenes. And I was like, screw it, you know, I,
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who cares? And then I do it. And it's so much worse than I thought.
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It's so much worse than I thought. And then I had to go from taking Viagra to taking
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Kaverjack. So I'm injecting something into myself so that I have an erection, whether, you know,
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I'm reading a newspaper or, you know, whatever I'm doing. And then a lot of those studios require
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that because, man, it's so twisted because in that industry, you've got straight guys doing this
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stuff, watching straight porn in the background, trying to get through it. And it's like, you know,
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talking about, you know, like, how sad is that? But that was, that was to a point where
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every single day leading up to that, I was thinking about taking my life. And then I started doing
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those movies. And then I started making a plan to take my life. And you know, one day I did a scene
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in Atlanta, I flew back and on the plane, I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take my life. I got
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enough pain pills to do the job. I lined them up on the counter. And there was this, I had a payroll
22:29
check in my pants pocket. And it was just driving me crazy. It was, I just couldn't like, I mean,
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I just got to get this check on my pocket and look at it. I'm like, well, if I'm gonna take my life,
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then I might as well have as much money as possible in the bank. So it goes to my mom or whoever is
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going to go to. So I go to this bank and I go to deposit the check. And normally, I would either go
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to the ATM or the Dropbox, because I didn't want to hand someone a check that had a memo on it that
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said, you know, what the name of the movie was, which was always, you know, something vile. And,
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but this day I didn't care, you know, I was about to go back to my place and kill myself. So I,
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I go and, you know, I was about to go back to my place, you know, the political correct term that
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we can use to be on social media is I was going to unalive myself, you know. And I go back to my
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place. I mean, and that's why I plan on doing, but I'm in the bank, slide the check across the counter.
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And, you know, normal transaction, and I get the receipt and I go to walk away. And this,
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this woman with glasses, brown hair, she had a little bit of gray in her hair. I can remember
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her face so clearly, but she looks in the eye and says, Joshua, are you okay? Joshua, is there
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something I can do for you? And what she didn't know, which I believe it was a, the Holy Spirit,
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working through her. But what she didn't know is I had not heard my name in about 18 months.
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Because as I, as I started going through this depression, I started distancing myself from my
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mom, my brother, my family, my friends, anyone that would say, Joshua, I love you, but you're
24:23
better than this. Are you okay? What's going on? Like, you're not yourself. You could be doing
24:29
something else. Anyone that challenged my life choices. And this is true for anyone. This is a
24:34
beauty of accountability. When someone comes to you and say, Hey, man, you're acting a little off,
24:39
you're out of bounds here. You're talking to your wife in a way that I've never heard you speak to
24:46
her that way. Are you okay? And you hear these things and you either acknowledge them to be true
24:52
and you make a change or you push that person away. And I pushed everyone away that was telling me
25:01
anything other than, you know, I was doing a good job or I was the man or my life's amazing. If
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anyone that wasn't saying that to me got pushed away. And now I, I made these choices. And I'm in,
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in, you know, the gay industry is completely a different industry. It's not the same director,
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it's not, you know, the same people in it. So I have ostracized myself. I'm not communicating with
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anyone in that industry. I don't have any friends. I'm not friends with any of the directors.
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And I'm completely on this island. No one even called me by my name. And I've gotten to the point
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where I had allowed the people that I saw on the gym, they knew me to be this guy. They called me
25:47
that name. My barber knew me to be this guy. He called me that name. No one was calling me Joshua.
25:53
And in a, in a very real way, Joshua, in my life and in the real world, it ceased to exist. But when
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she said my name, dude, well, so Joshua, the, the thing that keeps coming to mind as you're talking
26:07
is the word disconnection. Yeah. So early in life, you had a disconnection from your father.
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You were working in the porn industry, but you were disconnected from what you were doing with
26:16
your body. You were disconnected from your given name. You were disconnected. You were trying to
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disconnect yourself from your life. Yeah. Until I absolutely believe God used that bank teller to
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just be like, and guess what guys, that bank teller probably heard a whisper in her ear. Yeah. And she
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got to decide whether or not she was going to act on it. And so just think about that the next time
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that you feel like we're going to talk to that person, go talk to somebody else, you get to decide
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whether or not that you're a part of the Holy Spirit's plan. But you see what I'm saying? Like,
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it's that it's that level of disconnection because again, we just think, oh, you know, I just maybe
26:52
I had gas, maybe, maybe I just like, I got that idea, but filter that whisper in your ear through
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the scriptures, through biblical understanding and know that that's not coming from Satan. That's
27:01
coming from somewhere else. Yeah. And so even even further to keep going within your story,
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you get out of the pornography industry, you basically burn your bridges, you go back home,
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you move in with your mom, you're trying to rebuild your life, you keep running into all these people
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that know you as the other guy from the other thing that they watched. And it's a difficult time
27:22
period. But you're as I understand it, you're working at a gym. And you see a young lady that
27:27
you're attracted to and you go into your normal mode, and you're going to ask her on a date. Yeah.
27:31
And she was like, no, no, she basically shuts you down. And this is not something that you're
27:38
used to, you're not used to being put in that. And she's like, no, she wanted to be disconnected
27:42
from you. But y'all did eventually start going out and pick the story up from there, because it's
27:47
an interesting start to that relationship, especially compared to where you're at now.
27:51
Yeah. So to your point, you know, this like super gorgeous girl, so I'm working in a cross
27:57
fit gym. I, you know, this is this is about two years after I got out of the industry. So
28:05
made some strides in the right direction from the outside looking in, because I quit the industry.
28:14
And then, you know, I, again, you know, I was someone who was thinking of taking my life. So
28:19
was I making responsible financial decisions? No, of course not. Wasn't paying my taxes quarterly.
28:26
I was making astronomical amounts of money, spending a time living in expensive places.
28:30
But I remember taxes came back around a year after the industry, because I quit like right at
28:37
the end of the year. So I get paid taxes, you know, right after that, but the following year.
28:44
And it was not good. It was not good. So it pretty much, you know, clean me out. And I remember I had
28:52
a Breitling by Bentley watch that I just absolutely loved that I had to sell that to pay my taxes.
28:57
And but anyway, I was working at this gym and working in a grocery store, finally worked my way
29:03
up in this gym, made it to a place where like I'm somewhat respected. I'm one of the lead trainers
29:10
in the gym. Because again, that's my mentality, like whatever I'm doing, I'm going to be the best,
29:15
because I have to be because that's how I validate myself. And so, you know, this girl, best athlete
29:22
in the gym, incredible gymnast, gorgeous, walk up to her. Hey, I'll put your weights away. I got
29:29
you, babe. She's like, get out of here, dude. Get out of here. You know, and I was like,
29:35
I'd love to grab dinner with you some time. She's like, I think I'm okay. And then she's like,
29:41
well, I'm going for a run in the morning. And it's like me. It's like, you know, I like to do like
29:47
power cleans and sprints or push a sled. It's like run a 5k. It's like, man, that's a nightmare,
29:52
but I'll do it for you. I will do it for you. So I met her in this park to go run. And
29:58
like this, this boy starts whispering to me. And I think it was a combination of, you know,
30:06
God trying to work on me and my mom, don't you lie to that girl. Don't you dare lie to that girl.
30:14
And what you'll find is often like obviously a lie to someone's face is hurtful, but sometimes
30:21
it's what you don't say. That's just equally bad. So for me, I would, I would withhold information
30:29
until it would come out. And then I would just like, I didn't deal with it. And that's, you know,
30:35
that's, that's how I was leading my life. And I just couldn't do that with her. So I'm like,
30:40
Hey, you know, before the even the run started, we were walking and I was like, Hey, I, I did a
30:47
little bit of porn. She's like, what? What'd you say? And I was like, all right, man, I'll tell her
30:53
the whole truth. And I did, I told her everything. And she was pretty shocked by what I said. And
31:01
then, you know, she looks at me, kind of, you know, put your foot down. It says, well, a person is
31:07
not defined by the worst thing they've ever done. And a person is not defined by the greatest thing
31:14
they'll ever accomplish either. God defines a person. You don't get to define yourself. Do you
31:21
know who God is? And for me, you know, I'd gotten very good at, you know, pretending to be whoever
31:28
I thought the person across from me wanted me to be because I didn't know who I was. But I was
31:34
great at putting on that first date mask and I'm gonna become whoever you want me to be. So I was
31:39
trying to sell her on like, yeah, you know, I, I believe in this and that. And like, yeah, I know
31:43
God. And she's like, well, what's your relationship with Jesus like? Are you like, are you part of a
31:49
community? And just asking me a few questions that quickly disqualified me from whatever I thought
31:54
I knew. And she's like, well, you know, I've been following Jesus since I was in the seventh grade,
32:01
my whole family's Christian, and I'm not perfect by any means. But my relationship with Jesus
32:06
is the foundation of how I live my life. And then she, you know, quickly transitioned into, okay,
32:13
you know, what, what kind of food do you like? What's your hopes and dreams? I'm like, what?
32:18
Wait, I just told you that and you want to know if I like tacos? Like, yeah, it just blew my mind.
32:26
And in a very real real way, it's like, the way that she responded to me, it created this curiosity
32:35
is like, if what is in her is causing her to be able to respond like that. I want to know more.
32:43
It's I mean, a really great, you know, representation like Colossians like for six,
32:48
talking about your speech being gracious and seeing them assault. So you might know how you
32:51
ought to answer each person. And some and sometimes it's not what you say. It's what you don't say
32:58
or how you say it. And, you know, we text like maybe acts for a week and then she invites me to
33:05
church. And then, you know, I go into church. And again, I'm thinking, you know, I'm curious,
33:13
but I'm probably going to like catch on fire. I walk in here, you know, like, I don't have any
33:19
business here. And they had this like big wooden plaque when you walk on the door and said, we want
33:23
to love people where they are and encourage them to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.
33:31
I was like, Jesus, I know a little bit about him. He sounds cool. But if you knew where I was,
33:37
no way, no way. And, you know, again, I grew up in a very small, independent Southern Baptist
33:49
church. And what I knew was that if you had a wrinkle in your shirt or tattoo one of your
33:54
arm, you're going to hell pretty much all I knew. And this guy gets up and t-shirt and jeans and
34:00
cowboy boots and he sounds like my grandpa. And he's talking about his relationship with Jesus.
34:05
And he starts telling the story about Jonathan and David and how when David took over his king,
34:16
when Jonathan died, historically, the previous kingdom was wiped out. They would make sure that
34:22
every person that was still alive, that was attached to the previous kingdom was killed because they
34:27
didn't want them to think they had access to this new kingdom. And David was different. And David
34:33
actually asked, hey, this is from first annual. But David asked, is there anyone left, Jonathan's
34:40
lineage? And they're like, yeah, my fellow chef, and they go and find him. And my fellow chef knew
34:45
history because it was important. And what it meant historically was that he was deserving of death.
34:52
And David sent a guard to go find him. And David's guard extended a hand instead of a spear and
34:58
brought him back into David's kingdom. And David gave him a seat and even restored his land. And
35:04
then the pastor pivots, he's like, you know what, Romans 323 says that we've all sinned and fall
35:10
short of the glory of God. So who's guilty? Everybody. And then Romans 623 says, the wages of sin is
35:18
death. So if we're all guilty and the cost of that sin is death, meaning eternal separation from a
35:25
holy and perfect God, what are we to do? So we're all guilty and we're all separated from the God,
35:30
you know, and it's like, well, I was like, man, maybe I'm not the only bad person here. You know,
35:37
I guess everyone, you know, and then he starts talking about how Jesus being fully God and fully
35:42
man came into this world, lived a perfect life. And then what joy said before him was humiliated
35:49
and just tortured and beaten and died on the cross willingly to pay the sin for all people,
35:55
for all time that will put their faith in him. And he didn't say dead on the third day he rose,
36:00
the feeding hell, death, sin, the grave, and he's seated. He's not standing. He's seated at the right
36:05
hand of God because it's done. And that is available to you, that forgiveness, that reconciliation,
36:12
that standing with God is available to you, not because you deserve it, not because you're special,
36:18
not because you're good, because you're loved by Jesus so much that he was willing to die for
36:23
you. And if you put your faith in him, that changes everything. The bridge that you need to get to
36:29
God, you cannot build. You can't be tough enough. You can't be strong enough. You can't give away
36:35
enough money. You can't walk enough old ladies across the street. There's nothing good that you
36:41
could ever do to make you perfect. Only Jesus was perfect. And not because of you, because of him,
36:48
you can be saved. And I heard that message and I gave my life to Jesus. And there was a lot of
36:53
snot, a lot of peers. And I felt, man, this weight come off of me that day. And it wasn't the porn.
37:04
It was the burden of being carrying my entire life believing that I wasn't deserving of anything.
37:10
And I wasn't any good. And I was inadequate. And I was like, man, we all are. But we all are equally
37:18
loved so much that Jesus died for me. And that's, that's the message of the gospel.
37:25
That's the message that everybody listening to this is there are varying levels of depravity,
37:29
but every level of depravity separates you from God. And so we need the payment for our sins.
37:35
And the only way to get that is through Jesus. And so we're running a little short on time. So
37:39
just to bring everybody up to speed, you ended up marrying that lovely gal from the gym that took
37:44
you on the run and took you to church. I believe you'll have three kiddos. Now you got a fourth on
37:48
the way. There is a question though that I don't intend for it to be voyeuristic. But I know that
37:54
there are guys in my, in my audience that are probably struggling with this and gals that are
37:58
in my audience are struggling with this. Because if you've heard from different counselors or
38:02
different things, when a man has looked at porn and has been caught by his wife, what she's constantly
38:07
thinking about is, Oh my gosh, now he's going to compare me to all these beautiful perfect women.
38:13
My curiosity for you and for her is, and from the first time I heard your story, I was like,
38:19
how does she cope with the fact that you you did over a thousand straight scenes with with other
38:25
women? And like, because she obviously seems like a very self-confident, very strong young lady,
38:30
very strong faith. But man, your brain can really take you to some dark places. How have you all
38:37
kind of worked through that as a couple? And I don't just mean that relationally, but also sexually.
38:42
Yeah, I mean, to be completely honest, so for us, it's never been an issue because for her,
38:50
she believes the Bible to be true. And if 2 Corinthians 5, 17 says that person that I used to be is
38:58
dead and gone, and now I'm a new creation, either that is true or it's not. Though for her,
39:08
why would I let something that had nothing to do with me that a dead person did that I have
39:16
nothing to do with impact me today? So, so no Satan, you don't get to steal my joy. No Satan,
39:24
you don't get to be in my marriage. No Satan, you don't get to have any authority in my life.
39:29
So is it true that I did those things? Yes. Do they have any impact on my life? No.
39:37
I think that's a healthy way of looking at it because I think there's a lot of cultural
39:42
Christianity. There's a lot of country music Christianity in this world to where it's just like,
39:46
you know, God's that man upstairs and I'm going to find him in nature. And you know, I know these
39:51
verses, I'm going to put them on a t-shirt or a coffee cup. But it's like, yeah, you read them,
39:55
but you don't believe them. But that is true. The old has passed away and there is a new life
40:00
before you. So that's a really healthy place for her and for you both to be. I know we're
40:06
running short on time. So I guess we'll make this the last question of the day. But you don't just
40:11
become a Christian. You don't just kind of turn your life around and marry the girl and happy ending.
40:16
You know, you go and get a degree in biblical theology and you are going to use your former
40:22
self, your former life, your former depravity and actions to assist other people to not only
40:29
try to lead them to Christ because, you know, you don't have a porn problem, you have a sin
40:33
problem. And out of a masturbation problem, you've got a sin problem. It goes way deeper than just,
40:38
you know, acting out in a way that makes you feel good. So talk to me a little bit about the work
40:42
that you're doing now, the ministry that you have and how you're helping people.
40:46
Yeah, I want to extend what I said that our time would be together just because I want to say a
40:51
few things and I think they're really important. Yeah. So number one, other people's opinions and
41:00
words can only impact you emotionally if you give them access to that person that's on the other
41:11
side of the screen that's commenting something about you. They know 1% of your life. And
41:20
why would you allow someone you would never ask advice from to impact you emotionally?
41:29
Right. Like, don't take advice from people who don't take critique from someone you wouldn't
41:34
take advice from. Yeah. Like, why would you do that? But it's just true. I mean, so either,
41:39
because at the end of the day, like to your point, like we don't have a porn problem,
41:44
we have an identity problem. And if your identity is contingent on your feelings and your action,
41:50
we're all screwed. Like, that is not who you are. The author of life has designed you.
41:57
There's interesting, there's, there's, there's integral things about your life that have been
42:03
designed by a designer that are absolutely true about you. And you might feel a certain
42:09
way or someone that you respect might say something or you might read something that impacts you.
42:16
But if it doesn't line up with the author of life and what he says about you, you have to reject
42:22
that as a lie. That's why, like, like first, uh, current his 47, I believe it is, uh,
42:28
talking about you have to take every thought captive. You have to take every thought captive
42:34
and make it obedient to Christ. So how do you do that? Well, you got to renew your mind. So
42:38
Romans 12 to Roman 12 to talks about how we're either being conformed by the world
42:44
or we're being transformed by the renewing of our mind. We will, Joshua, let me hop in there
42:51
because that that's the exact point. I think a second Corinthians 10 five is like, we thought
42:54
captive. Yeah, take every thought captive and make it accountable to Christ. The reason why I know
42:58
that scripture is because when I was struggling to get over my porn and masturbation problem,
43:03
that this is going to be a little crass. But here we are 45 minutes into this. But that was
43:07
my make my boner run away scripture. Yeah. Because it was like, Hey, all these thoughts I'm having
43:12
right now and I'm lonely and I heard and I just want to do this. It's like, no, no, no, no. Those
43:18
thoughts are not mine. Yeah. Like those thoughts were placed there. Yeah. And I need to gather up
43:23
those thoughts, put them in a little baggie and make them accountable to Christ. And if I do that,
43:27
then I will not act out in the way and I will not try to find my identity. I will not try to find my
43:32
self medication or my release in that. Yeah. And you made a really great point because again,
43:38
like porn is problematic, but porn is not your problem. Your problem, like porn is the medication
43:45
for your actual problem. So if I can, if I can go back in time, the, you know, this, this porn
43:51
agent says, I can do all these things for you. Why would I say yes to something that's a counterfeit
43:57
version of what I want? Right. So if I want to watch porn, I genuinely would want to watch it.
44:05
But if I stopped and asked myself, okay, what am I actually feeling? Am I angry? Am I lonely?
44:11
Am I frustrated? Am I bored? Okay. These things are true, but I don't have to let them take me to
44:19
this other place. Maybe I need to think about why am I feeling this way? And that's a tough thing
44:27
to do. That's a tough thing to do. Men and women, it's a tough thing to do. What, what is prompting
44:33
this feeling is, is there an underlining issue? There always is. And when you get to the root,
44:38
you get to the source of the problem. It's not porn. It's the root. And the root is
44:43
something that happened to you, something that you did, something that's not confessed,
44:48
something that, you know, you don't have to get on a, you know, social media platform and tell
44:53
everyone, but maybe tell someone you trust, something that happened to you or, or something that you
44:59
went through or something that you did that you feel embarrassed about and process those things,
45:03
because often when it's in your head and then it comes out of your mouth, man, there's so much
45:09
freedom in that. Well, and Joshua, like, we are obsessed in our modern culture with univariate
45:15
analysis. Oh, this thing is happening. And so we do the top line of research and say, well,
45:20
that's got to be the problem. But it goes so many lines deeper, because you just mentioned going
45:24
back to that conversation with that agent, he was providing you with things that you thought you
45:29
wanted. But if we can go all the way back to your childhood, and if you had found identity,
45:36
as Joshua Broome, the son of blank, and if you had found your identity in that, you're not in LA,
45:45
you're not in that restaurant, you're not with those girls, you're not with the producer,
45:49
and then on and on and so forth. Now, you're probably not with your wife, you're probably
45:52
not with your kids. But anyway, we're not going to extrapolate this out to a completely different
45:56
universe here. But again, it goes back to your earthly father did not show you who you were.
46:03
Yeah. And so you were almost blockaded from the heavenly father, because who wants a heavenly
46:07
version of this crappy worldly version? You know what I mean? Yeah. And at the same time, I think,
46:12
like you're the way that you see yourself, and the way that you see the world is often through the
46:19
lens of your trauma, or the lens of your sin, or the lens of your lack. Because you'll see,
46:24
well, I can't do this. Because for me, like part of me wanting to take my life was I would never be
46:30
a dad, I'll never be a husband, like sure, I could get to go pregnant, sure I could marry someone,
46:35
but I would never have those things in the way that I hope for them to be long ago.
46:42
And then I was like, and I'll never be able to be creative in a way that impacts people in a
46:48
positive way. No organization will ever take me seriously yet. I find myself again, you know,
46:55
because I did the work, like I didn't step out of the industry and step onto, you know, a stage
47:01
and start preaching. You know, I did an internship for about four years. I spent, you know, 15 to 20
47:07
hours a week with someone mentoring me, teaching me how to read the Bible in proper context.
47:11
I go and I study the Bible at Liberty University. You know, I do all this stuff, and this has been
47:17
an eight-year journey where I'm learning more about myself, and I'm learning more about the word
47:21
each and every day. And it's like, man, if you want to do something that is in your heart, pursue it,
47:28
and if it lines up with God, guess what? There's actually gifts and talents and abilities,
47:33
and there's provision, and there's going to be an anointing on what you're doing, because guess
47:38
what? God made you to do it. The fact that you're on this planet is for a reason. There's purpose
47:46
for you to step into, but often we're afraid of it because it doesn't line up with what I think
47:51
I can do, and it's distorted and diminished by what people say, or what I've done, or what I've
47:58
heard if I don't step into it. So yeah, I mean, be strong and create, be strong and courageous in
48:04
that not who you believe you are and what you believe you can do, but what has been done on your
48:10
behalf and once you have access to you, because who Jesus is? Well, Joshua, everyone's read that,
48:17
you know, self help book and though, or maybe they watch some dork on Instagram that thinks he's
48:21
an influencer in there, they talk about your mindset and you got to be able to solve these problems,
48:26
you got to, you know, communicate to yourself positive vibes and meditation and blah, blah,
48:31
blah, and all that. It's about who's are you? Yeah, not who do you think you are? What qualities
48:37
do you think you have? It's who's are you? Are you Satan's or are you God's? Because if you think
48:42
you are Satan's, you will go those directions and you mentioned counterfeits a little bit ago,
48:47
the best counterfeiter on the planet is Satan. Yeah, because he's going to tell you that, oh,
48:53
you know, jerking off with your pants around your ankles is just like the real thing. You don't need
48:58
to go ask that girl out. You don't need to do any of those different things. You know, it's fine,
49:02
it's good enough, or it's just another drink. What's it going to hurt? It's just another line. What's
49:07
it going to hurt? And again, it goes back to who's are you? Yeah, and whose hand is going to be
49:13
protecting you because Satan's hand is a false hand. Yeah, it looks like it's strong, but it's
49:18
vapid. It's nothing. It's worthless. Whereas the hand of God is something that cannot only hold you
49:23
up, but it can sustain you through those moments where you are as far down as you think you could
49:27
possibly go. Yeah, it's a different thing entirely. Yeah, 100%. And just to, you know, for me, you
49:33
know, just thinking about counterfeits like in, you know, for me, I associate that with a bank
49:38
teller because a bank teller is able to identify counterfeits, not by examining everything that's
49:45
fake. Yeah, they become very familiar with what is real and what what is trustworthy. And that's
49:52
the beauty like where Rome is 12 to tie is it. And that that's exactly it. You hear that all the
49:58
time. It's like there, you don't become experts on the thousands of counterfeits. You become an
50:02
expert on the real thing to where you can identify it where it's just like going back to the bank
50:06
teller that whisper that she heard. Yeah, she probably didn't have a long theological discussion
50:10
with herself later that day where she kind of broke down whatever she felt like God was telling
50:14
her like that's probably not what happened. Yeah, but the whisper came. Yeah, and she got to
50:19
decide whether or not to act and who that whisper came from. And so another encouragement I want
50:24
to give to people because sometimes Joshua, when you say like, ah, you know, you don't have a
50:29
porn problem. You got a soul problem or something like that. The answer is true, right? That that
50:34
is the right answer because it's not a porn problem. It's not a masturbation problem. It's not a
50:38
self medication problem. It's a God shaped hole in your soul that you got to fill and you're trying
50:41
to fill it up with a jacket. But in this exact example that we're talking about, I don't want
50:46
people to hear the wrong thing. Yeah, you still have an habitual problem. Yeah. Right. And so that
50:51
doesn't mean, okay, I don't need covenant eyes anymore. I don't need this software anymore. I don't
50:56
need accountability partners. I don't need any of that. Yeah. But I will tell you, if you're using
51:00
that as a mask, you will be found out. If you have covered eyes on your computer so your wife will
51:06
get off your back, that's going to be a problem for you in the long run. Because here's the deal.
51:11
You know how to get around your filters. Yeah. You're smart enough to do that. You also know
51:15
how to get around your accountability partners. Yeah. And you know how to lie or lie by omission,
51:20
by not telling them the full truth. And so at the end of the day, you have to go those several
51:25
layers deep and do that hard soul level work of why it's just happening right now. But there are
51:30
great things out there that can assist with getting rid of those habits that you've created,
51:35
because those are hard to break as well. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. So for me, you know, it's like,
51:41
I don't think you can be, you can't be disciplined until you become self-aware.
51:46
So I have to be self-aware first. And then that comes from me saying, okay, pornography is problematic
51:54
to me in my life. And it's hurting me and hurting those around me. It's detrimental to my heart,
51:59
my brain, and how I interact with the world. And then next, I need to take inventory of my life.
52:05
What am I allowing into my life? Who's speaking into my life? What am I watching? What am I listening
52:09
to? Because my input often determines my output. So I need to take inventory of what I'm bringing
52:16
in. And to your point, there has to be boundaries. I tell my kids not to touch hot things because I
52:21
want to protect them. And you think about like John 14, 15, if you love me, you'll obey my
52:26
commitments. It's not do what I say, or I'm going to, you know, spite you, trust what I'm saying,
52:33
because it's best for you. If you understand the character of God, you'll understand the tone
52:38
of God. And what he's trying to do is lead you into a better way. So if he does that for you,
52:45
we're image bearers of him. So we're to replicate that. So we need boundaries in our own life
52:51
to protect us from ourselves. And that looks like accountability partners, safety software.
52:57
And then also ask like be willing to ask yourself tough questions. You know, it's like, why don't I
53:03
feel like this? Because the emotion that you're feeling is not sinful. It's what you do with the
53:10
emotion. Yeah, it's the acting out that people don't really because they want to associate the
53:15
action with who they are as a person. But then they don't want to associate it with something
53:19
deeper. But yeah, when you have those conversations with yourself, that's hard work fellas. That's
53:24
that's some call you on the carpet thing. That's why you need a foxhole of guys around you that
53:28
you can go to you perhaps need to work through that with a trusted counselor or pastor. So that
53:33
could actually step through. Yeah, so I mean, that's part of my story. It's like I did counseling for
53:37
over a year. And again, the maybe not my favorite book I've ever read, but definitely the it's in
53:46
the top 10. But it's definitely the most impactful book that I've ever read. And I read it often,
53:51
Eugene Peterson's long obedience in the same direction. Like that's the source of winning in
53:57
any area of your life, because what you need is obedience and discipline, not for a short period,
54:03
but for the long haul. And if I can be obedient and be disciplined for a long time, guess what?
54:11
I'll I'll start moving in that direction. And I'll continue moving in that direction. Because if
54:17
I'm five degrees off and I'm going from New York to Los Angeles, I'm going to end up in Seattle.
54:22
And that's the absolute truth. Again, guys, I say it all the time. What do I say it for
54:28
my examples working out? There's nothing that has more diminishing returns than exercising. The
54:33
reason is is because if you do it once, it doesn't cover you for the rest of the year. It doesn't
54:38
cover you for the rest of the quarter, the rest of the month, the rest of the week. It's something
54:41
that you have to constantly do, but it is that obedience in one direction constantly. And it
54:47
doesn't matter what the modality is. It's the action that you're doing and the same applies
54:51
to your spiritual life, sexual life, everything else. But Joshua, we've covered a lot of ground
54:56
in a short period of time. I really appreciate your time today. But that's all for me. Is there
54:59
anything else you want to get off your chest? Yeah, I mean, I just want you to know, like, first and
55:04
foremost, man, if you're watching this and you are struggling with sexual syndrome, if you're
55:07
watching, if you watch pornography 30 minutes before you turn this podcast on, there's there is no
55:13
condemnation, right? There's there's no shame. There's no guilt, right? Because if if you're in
55:19
Christ, if you're in Christ, Romans 8 one says, therefore, there is no condemnation for those
55:25
who are in Christ Jesus. But there is conviction and conviction is from the Holy Spirit. And that
55:31
conviction is you understand, you feel this prompting that, Hey, the direction that I'm moving,
55:37
what I'm thinking that this I saw this on Instagram, and then I'm going to go in this direction,
55:42
you have the choice not to do that. So be like Joseph, not like David David. He looked, he looked
55:51
again, he did something he shouldn't have done. Instead of clearing his browser history, he killed
55:54
Uriah, we don't want to do that. We want to be like Joseph, Joseph, you know, he had this
55:59
interaction with potter for his life, wife, and he didn't stick around and man up. He fled, he fled,
56:05
you know, so when you feel like you're going to do something you don't want to do or you're in a
56:11
situation where you know something is moving in a direction you don't want to go, get out of there,
56:16
close the computer, stop the conversation, get out of there, go take a walk, go hit the gym,
56:22
call someone, do something else. Don't try to man up because what you'll find is you'll end up
56:29
flat on your face and you'll end up doing something you never would have done if you would have just
56:33
removed yourself from that situation. So that's my advice. That's the way to win and just do that
56:39
for a long time. And if you're struggling with pornography, man, that urge might not ever go away.
56:45
Like those thoughts might not ever completely dissipate, but I do promise you this, the more
56:51
that you say no, the easier it will be to say no. And it's like two dogs in the fight, whichever
56:57
when you feed is going to be the strongest. And it's going to pull you in that direction.
57:01
So the more that you do the right thing and the more you say no to the thing you don't want to do,
57:06
even if that desire that Paul talks about Romans 7, you know, what why do I do the things that I
57:12
don't want to do? That desire might still be there, but it's going to be easier to make the right
57:18
decision. And the more you make the right decision, it's going to get easier and easier and easier.
57:23
You just got to keep doing the right thing. I was going to hit my outro. But I do want to
57:28
follow up on something you said, because that's exactly right. Because some people whenever they
57:33
accept Christ or when Christ, you know, snatches them, whichever your your status of theology is,
57:37
their propensity for whatever self medication goes out the window. Right. So they don't want
57:44
to look at porn anymore. They don't want to do drugs anymore. They don't want to have sex
57:48
with random strangers anymore. They don't want to drink alcohol anymore. But then there's everybody
57:52
else. So like me, I've, I don't watch porn anymore, but I feel the pull, I feel the tug towards that
58:00
every day. Yeah, because that's the world that we're in every time you open up any app on your phone.
58:05
There you are one click away from hardcore pornography, even if you're watching YouTube videos.
58:10
But it is that pre decision I talk about all the time, you have to pre decide I am not a man that
58:16
looks at pornography. Yeah. Okay. Because guess what? Oh, and even more pre decide I'm not a man that
58:22
masturbates. Yeah. And you're not going to watch porn unless you need a masturbatory aid. And so
58:27
it's, it's about that pre decision. It's about having the right modalities in place. So I absolutely
58:32
love it. That was a great place. I kind of stole a little bit of your fire from there. But you
58:35
look okay. You know, you didn't blow out your fancy microphone today. So it's okay. I kind of
58:39
got back at the end. But Joshua Broome, thank you so much for coming on a Daunton life of man's podcast.
58:44
Absolutely. There you go guys. I hope you enjoyed my time with Joshua Broome. But before we let you
58:49
go, we are going to do a quick resilience boost at undaunted life. Our mission is equipping men to
58:53
pushback darkness with content that forges spiritual, mental and physical resilience. So I've got three
58:57
links for you today. I've got a link to Joshua's website. I got a link to his Instagram. And then
59:01
also a link to his video that he did with I am second. Thank you guys for listening to this
59:06
episode. Wherever you're listening to this, please subscribe, rate and leave us a positive five star
59:09
of you. If you want to come speak live at your event or on your podcast, you shoot me an email to
59:13
info@undontin.life. That's I N F O at and onto not life. Follow us on Instagram and like us on
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59:22
like this coming your way. Just go to www.undontin.life. Also, we want to thank the band Holy Name for
59:28
allowing us to use their music for our content. The music on this podcast is our song Perpetua,
59:33
which is off their self titled debut album on face down records. The links are in the description.
59:39
I'm your host Kyle Thompson. Remember, keep pushing back darkness, keep forging spiritual,
59:44
mental and physical resilience. Keep seeking the lion of Judah.