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This is Undaunted Life. A man's podcast. I'm your host Kyle Thompson. Let's get into
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it.
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All right, guys. Today we've got a special guest on the podcast. Her name is Brittany
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Del Amora. So she was a porn star for seven years. And at one time, she was seen as one
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of the most successful and most sought after porn actresses in the world. And she seemingly
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had it all. And we talked about that in this episode. She was young. She was rich. She was
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good looking. She was famous. But as with many of the people that are inside that industry,
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she was also miserable, completely miserable. She was filled with shame. She found herself
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in these endless cycles of drug abuse and suicide attempts and crimes and all kinds of
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things. And that was until Christ stepped in and literally snatched her up out of that
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life and saved her. And we're going to talk about all of that in this particular podcast.
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And it was such an incredible interview. We had it on the books for a while. It's one of
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those things like, you know, how do you traverse an interview like this? You want to make sure
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it's honoring to the guests. But at the same time, you don't want to cause any temptation for
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anybody listening to this. But it's a very, very important thing for all of you guys listening
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to this to understand that this episode today is incredibly raw. I would say it's for adults.
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But I do think that teens should listen to this. So this is my thing. I think that
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discretion is something that I would advise to parents here. I would listen to this because
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it's a shorter interview than some of the ones we do. I would go ahead and listen to this first
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and then make sure your teens listen to this because here's the thing about the porn industry.
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They've done an incredible job. And all the people that like the porn industry want to
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force people into it and all these things, they've done an incredible job of making this seem squeaky
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clean. Like, like it's no big deal. Like this is empowering somehow to men and women that are in
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this industry that all of them want to be there. None of them are being held against their will.
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And the reality is so different than that. And that's why we got into such detail. And I guess
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you could say graphic detail in this particular podcast, because people don't understand it's a
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bunch of broken people with broken past that get into this. And then they get stuck. A lot of these
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people don't understand that they can't just buy a bus ticket and get out of this industry.
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Some of them have debts that have to be paid off at risk of being physically hurt or even killed,
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right? And when we talk in this podcast about how a lot of women are raped, a lot of women are
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kind of bait and switched, where, you know, they show up on set, they start doing their work or
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whatever. And then halfway through, they say, Hey, you're going to do this, this, this, and this
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also. And then they're like, well, I'm not going to do that. And then it's like, okay, well,
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you're not going to get paid at all. Or, you know, they're starting to be threatened physically.
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There's a human trafficking element to the pornography industry. Obviously, they're scripting
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with violence in these violent acts that young kids are watching and looking at and they're like,
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Oh, well, a girl doesn't look like she's in pain while I'm having sex with her. Then apparently,
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I'm not doing it right. But she ended up getting out of the pornography industry, had a crazy
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interaction with Christ, the Holy Spirit was leading her out of that life. And then she married a
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pastor. And so in this, this particular episode, we talk about, okay, well, how do those conversations
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go? Because all of us have had to, you know, define the relationship at some point and you talk
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about your past, you're good and you're bad and those types of things. And she was very, very open
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and honest about how those conversations went because guys, you know this, in this Christian space,
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a lot of times we try to make things squeaky clean when they're certainly not. That's why a lot of
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Christian movies, you know, fall completely flat because it's like, yeah, I get the point, but it's
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like life is more to pray than that. There's more darkness than that. But we talk about shame. We
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talk about understanding the levels of redemption that Christ can have for you, what she's doing now
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with her ministry, love always ministries, how they go and directly minister to porn stars and
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sex workers. And, you know, I asked her, you know, she basically talked about, Hey, is that an easy
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thing? Are they receptive and those types of things? I was very, very surprised by her answer. And then
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at the end, we kind of wrap up with I asked her a question about whether or not we should criminalize
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the pornography industry. And so you want to stick around for that answer. I really, really enjoyed
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my time with her. So without further ado, let's get into it. Brittany Della Moore, welcome to
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undaunted life of man's podcast. Thank you. Thanks for having me on. I'm happy to have you. And we've
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had this on the books for a while now, and we're going to cover a lot of ground today. But we do
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kind of need to give people an idea of how you became who you are today. And we need to start
4:15
early because you weren't always Brittany Della Moore, you grew up Brittany Ruiz. And so it's like,
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tell me what it was like growing up Brittany Ruiz. Yeah, so I just grew up in a very chaotic
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dysfunctional household. We didn't know God. There was very much a lack of love in our house.
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I mean, growing up was was pretty hard. It was a, because it was so dysfunctional, I grew up with
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just a lot of insecurities in battle with a lot of rejection and just searching for love in all
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the wrong places. Okay, so obviously for anyone that knows your story and I obviously talked about
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it in the intro, that's not surprising to me. I didn't actually know that about your upbringing.
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But if I had to guess, I would have checked all the boxes that you just said. Now, for you,
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as far as I understand it, you entered the porn industry when you turned 18. But before then,
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you were working, you're working in a strip club or an adult, some sort of facility like that. Is
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that the similar story for a lot of folks that are kind of starting off into that? Is that, you know,
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they kind of come from that broken past kind of a chaotic upbringing? Yeah, so most, I mean,
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most people did have like chaotic upbringings. I've heard stories of people that were molested
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or raped or, you know, were beat over the head with the Bible, you're going to go to hell. So it's
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like, Oh, I'm going to hell anyways, might as well do whatever I want, because I'm not good enough
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for this God who's looking for perfection. So you hear just all kinds of stories, but they're all
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stories of brokenness. And I think that's a very common through point that when you see people that
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have come out of that brokenness, they don't understand people that haven't had that level of
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brokenness in their life, Brittany, they don't understand the level of depravity. They don't
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understand what it what it takes to be resilient and come out of that. But we'll certainly get more
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into that. But I teed it up just a second ago. But for you, as long as I have my information correct,
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you enter the pornography industry whenever you turned 18 years old. And so and I guess just take
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me through that because there are kids that turn 18 and they're getting excited to go off to college
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or getting excited to go off to the workforce or become, you know, do something else other than
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that. But obviously that was the route you went. So it takes through how that all went down.
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You know, I was excited about college too. And I had actually I was a straight A student in high
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school. I really tried to be perfect because I tried to meet the unrealistic expectations of my
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parents. And when perfection didn't earn me the love that I was looking for, I just kind of went
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off in the other direction. So I was in college studying broadcasting and journalism. And one
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night I ended up just going into a strip club and I started working at a strip club. I was working
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there a few nights a week. A couple producers came in one night and said, you're beautiful. You are
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destined to be a star. We make romance movies. If you're ever interested, give us a call. So I knew
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they were talking about porn. But for me and my reasoning, like, I just had this, I believe this
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lie in my head that if I could be famous, then I'm going to feel fulfilled in life. If I could
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be famous and everybody's praising me and telling me how wonderful I am, then I'm finally going to
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learn how to love myself. And so when they said you're destined to be a star, I'm just like, you
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know, they really pulled me in with that. I mean, people say that, oh, she probably just
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went to porn for the money. I was actually making more money at the strip club than I did in porn.
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It wasn't really the money. It was about like, oh, everybody's going to know who I am. And then
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I'm finally, I'm going to learn to love myself. And so I went to LA the next day. They put me in
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hair and makeup. I saw my very first porn scene. I wasn't like, I didn't really watch porn. It
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wasn't something. When I watched it, I was like, oh, it's kind of awkward, kind of gross. Like, if any
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porn that I had watched, it was soft-core porn. So it's not like this was a fantasy that I was like,
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yes, I get to fulfill this. It was really about the thought that I thought this was going to make
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me famous. And I thought that that's where I was going to find love. So what's interesting about
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that, isn't it funny how a single statement of an aspirational identity can cause you to go down
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a path like that? I remember like my ninth grade wrestling coach saying, you've got the eye of
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the tiger, like you can be an Olympian someday. And I'm just, oh my gosh, like I could have ran
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through like the biggest brick wall on the planet at that moment because it wasn't like I was deprived
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of love for my family. But it was like, this was an authority figure, kind of a pseudo father figure
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giving me that and it's like, I'm going to wrestle the planet. And like, you know, it's funny how
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something like that happens. But for you, obviously, you get in while at the age 18,
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you were in that industry for about seven years from 2005 to 2012, I believe. And here's the thing
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is from from a consumer side, because I've talked about a lot on my show, when I was in my 20s, I was
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a consumer of that. Obviously, most men have been consumers of that at some point or another are
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currently still consuming that. There are a lot of misconceptions about what that industry is
9:02
from the talent side of things. Because you mentioned some of it there, you know, rich, famous,
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those types of things. Certainly that is true for the people that are at the upper echelon or
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something like that. But that's not always the case. But I guess, were there some things that
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caught you off guard as you were making your way into the industry? Because it sounded like
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you didn't really have a whole lot of hesitation. It was just kind of like a logical next step for
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you. But anything that perhaps the general public wouldn't be aware of in terms of what it's actually
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like on the inside. So when I first got in, I think part of the thing that pulled me in was I
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did remember seeing like a very well known porn star on the E true Hollywood story. And they really
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glamorized porn on that particular episode. And so I thought, Oh, this is amazing. Like, you know,
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these women have or are everything that I'm hoping to become. I want to be beautiful. I want to be
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this that, you know. And so I end up getting into the business. And my first scene is like,
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they're having us go to like, try different kinds of marijuana in San Francisco. And then
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they wanted us to go to UC Berkeley and ask guys if we can perform sex acts on them. And I'm like,
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this is disgusting. And then I had never had unprotected sex. And then to find out that that
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was actually a huge part of the industry. And I didn't know that. But yet you get tested every
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28 days. So supposedly you're safe and protected. But then my first month in the business, I caught
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my first STD, I got gone to Ria. And I'm just like, this is not what I thought that I was signing up
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for. And then the rest of the scenes that had been booked for me, because I was 18, I was getting
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booked every day. Even when I had gone to Ria, they had me booked for oral sex scenes. So that I
10:48
didn't have to not work because they just wanted me to shoot as much as I could. So I had like,
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work 70 something days in a row before I was like, I need a day off. And most of those scenes,
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they were pairing me with older men, and they were putting me in pigtails. And they were really
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painting the picture of molestation of pedophilia. And what's so like disheartening about those
11:15
types of scenes is that porn I've come to find is really like a drug. And when those scenes don't
11:21
fill you anymore, you start to look for those things in the outside world. So maybe you're an
11:26
older man, and you've been watching these scenes for so long that now you're only attracted to
11:31
younger girls. It creates an appetite in you that should have never been in you to start with. But
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that's what porn does. It creates like, I found it interesting, my daughter during Christmas, she
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every commercial that she saw, mom, come here, hurry, I want that for Christmas. And I'm like,
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you didn't even know that toy existed until you saw all of that commercial. And the same is true
11:53
with porn. It's like, you didn't even know that you ever wanted that until you saw it in a foreign
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scene. And now it's created this appetite and this hunger in you that's perverse.
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Well, that's one thing that Benjamin Nolo, who introduced us who was on the show last year,
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he's done some documentaries that have looked at things like that, that that is aiding the
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pedophilia problem that we're seeing in modernity, because you're exactly right. And part of it starts
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with, you know, how most people started with pornography, that, you know, playboy that they
12:20
hid in the woods or at a buddy's house or something like that. And then it progressively got up from
12:24
there. But there's been plenty of stories, Brittany, of these people that they can literally trace back
12:29
from the time they raped a woman in the real world, back to a time when they first started
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looking at porn and how they kept getting to this place where they couldn't get off,
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they couldn't get off, they couldn't get off, and then it just got progressively worse.
12:41
And so I guess talk to me a little bit about that because we've had other folks on here that
12:44
have talked about psychologically and mentally and even chemically in the brain, what it does to
12:48
change your pleasure pathways. You know, Dr. John Fober has been on here, he's done a lot of writing
12:53
on that, but scripting the creation of appetites, but then even not even more so nefarious. But when
13:01
you have sexual violence, that is being modeled for young boys. And so again, for me, my first
13:06
exposure to porn was a playboy. But for a 10 11 12 year old boy right now, from the moment his
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parents hand him an unlocked smartphone, he has access to rape porn to death, death porn like
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any of the most afraid things that you can see. And now they think that if the girl doesn't seem
13:22
like she's in pain, that he's not doing it right. Talk to me a little bit about that because again,
13:27
the scripting that it's giving our young people is astonishingly evil.
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Yeah, well, it creates a fantasy in you that you want to now go and fulfill. And porn really is
13:40
about pushing the limits. I mean, there were times that I would get asked to do like just some horrendous
13:47
scenes. And I just got to the place where I would just say, well, tack on an extra 500 bucks and
13:53
I'll do it. And it's like, I'm here, I'm no better than people that are watching for and I performed
13:57
in it. Like we're all in this boat together. But yeah, the reality is, is that the directors,
14:04
the producers, the writers of these scripts, like they are out to really push the limits,
14:09
because they know what it does. Like seeing they know that scenes that were once popular are no
14:15
longer as popular because people aren't watching your morally acceptable scenes anymore because
14:20
porn has pushed the limits so much that they have to keep doing that because they're trying
14:24
to curve your hunger, not realizing that incur or filling your hunger that they are actually
14:32
having to get more and more and more aggressive. So yeah, I mean, there's been things like,
14:36
I remember something when I was like 18, I vaguely remember like they did, it was kind of like a
14:42
rape type scene and then wrapping me in Saran wrap afterwards. And so it's really dark,
14:49
it's really demonic. It's yeah, I mean, they're just trying to push the limits. It's pretty awful.
14:56
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at prolonlife.com/now. Well, demonic is certainly the word. And again, I remember seeing when you
15:28
see these documentaries from people that are trying to expose the dark underbelly of this
15:32
industry, there's no positives that you can find. And we'll get more into some of the positives that
15:37
people try to spend. But something that I've heard a lot and I've seen a lot from people that are
15:41
kind of insiders and people like you that have come out of it on the other end is there's quite a
15:46
bit of bait and switching that happens on people like you. So you show up thinking, "This is what I'm
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going to do." And you kind of alluded to it a second ago, "Well, no, you're actually going to do this
15:54
and there's more people and there's all that." And then there's the threat. If you don't, it's like,
15:58
"Well, you're not going to get paid at all." And this is after you've been working for a few hours
16:02
as it were. Okay, you're not going to get paid at all. And then there's also a human trafficking
16:07
element that people don't quite understand. They think all these women are there voluntarily,
16:11
and they're doing this because they want to be rich and famous and have a lot of Instagram followers
16:14
or whatever that type of thing is. But in a lot of these situations, they're managers or actually
16:18
they're pimps. And they are running up a debt to their pimp if they don't keep working. And it's
16:24
this nefarious thing that when guys are just consuming it, they're not thinking about the
16:28
fact that that girl doesn't want to be there for a myriad of reasons. But to a certain degree,
16:33
she's being threatened with her life if she doesn't perform those acts. So I want you to kind of
16:37
talk a little bit more about that since you saw it from the inside. Yeah, well, I was actually
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addicted to heroin at one point in my career, and I ended up leaving porn,
16:47
moving in with my grandma, going to church. But at that point in my life, like, and I received Jesus
16:54
as my Lord and Savior that day that I went to church, but it's a process to get in your journey
17:00
with the Lord. So I still had a lot of weaknesses, men being one of them. And this man came into my
17:06
life and he happened to be a pimp. So the next three and a half years that I was in the business,
17:10
I wasn't there because I wanted to be. I was there because I made a series of mistakes after
17:16
moving in with my grandma, where if I didn't go and move in with this pimp, I was just going to be
17:20
homeless. I had nowhere to live. And so I went and stayed with him thinking, Oh, like, you know,
17:26
I know he's a pimp, but he's a friend of a friend. So he would never do that to me.
17:30
Right. No, I ended up back in the porn industry and on back page and prostitution, doing all these
17:35
things that I didn't want to do because, you know, his thing was you have to make $1,000 a day. So
17:40
whatever that looks like. And if you make more one day, it doesn't roll over to the next day.
17:45
It's $1,000 a day. So if you're not shooting porn, you're having sex with like 10 guys on back page.
17:50
And so it was like a really, really, really low place in my life. And I think a lot of people
17:57
don't see that because here I am in performance mode. I'm sure everybody can relate to that. Like,
18:02
maybe, you know, you show up around that family member, you don't want to be around, but you put
18:06
a smile on your face because it's the right thing to do, right? And that was me. I was showing up
18:11
to do these porn scenes with a smile on my face because that was what I had to do. But it didn't
18:17
mean that I wanted to be there. And it didn't mean that I was enjoying the scenes. I was acting.
18:22
Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, last year, we had a gal named Jessica Midkiff. She was trafficked
18:26
from the age of 12 to the age of 22 and hearing about her stories and what she had to do. And
18:31
because a lot of people make these Kurt statements, Brittany, they're like, well, you can just quit,
18:35
you just you can get a bus ticket. You can just go somewhere. But it's like, if you've never been
18:39
under the thumb of somebody that's threatening you physically, and again, we don't understand as men,
18:44
because as men, we can fight and that's that's our main way of protecting ourselves for women.
18:48
That's not really the case for most of them, just biologically speaking. But what you're
18:53
speaking to Brittany is from the outside, again, from the consumer side. And what all the proponents
18:58
are poor and try to convince people is it seems like porn stars have it all. They're young,
19:03
they're good looking, they're famous, they're rich, they're empowered, right? This is like
19:06
some weird fourth wave feminism nonsense. It's empowering. They're free. They get to have sex
19:11
all the time living their best life, whatever that's supposed to mean. But for you, you mentioned it
19:15
there. You were one of the most famous female porn stars in the world during your career.
19:20
And you were miserable. You were addicted to drugs. You were witness to a lot of crimes.
19:24
You participated in some crimes. You witnessed a murder. You tried to kill yourself on several
19:28
occasions. All these things were at the very least tangentially tied directly to what you were doing
19:34
for work. So just take us through what the industry does to make sure and guarantee no one ever sees
19:40
that because they got to keep you clicking. They got to keep you engaged. They got to keep the money
19:44
rolling in. Yeah. Well, the reality is, is like you have this alter ego, right? So like I'm Brittany,
19:50
but I had a stage name when I was performing. And so when I was in that alter ego, which was
19:56
pretty much all the time, like I never really was around anybody that knew me as Brittany. And so
20:02
you get into this character. And when you're in your character, if you start to open up about how
20:08
depressed and suicidal and addicted to drugs, you are, nobody's going to hire you. Because
20:13
they're going to be like, I don't, I don't want to be, you know, the guilty one if she goes and
20:18
offs herself, like, so I'm just not going to hire her. But then if you're not getting hired, you make
20:23
no money. And so the women and men in that business really keep things hush, hush, you have to go on
20:31
your social media and pretend that you love what you're doing. But now that my husband and I have
20:36
our ministry, love always ministries, we are talking to a lot of industry workers. And we have people
20:42
reaching out to us all the time. I want to leave, but I don't know how I want to leave. But what am I
20:47
going to do with my life? And like they are miserable. And these are people that you would see on their
20:52
Instagrams that are like praising and talking about how empowered they are and how much they
20:58
love the business and how it's like created this dream lifestyle for them. But it's, it's again,
21:03
it's a fantasy. It's just like when you're watching porn, that person is still in character just
21:07
because they're on their Instagram. And you might see a small part of their personal life. You might
21:12
get to see their dogs or their goldfish. Like it doesn't mean that you actually know them.
21:17
And that's another thing that porn does. It's so crazy. When I used to go and sign autographs at
21:21
porn shows, I would have men that were seriously proposing to me asking me to marry them. And it's
21:30
because when you're watching porn, it's creating this fantasy because you've ejaculated to that
21:34
woman. So now there's this soul tie where you feel like you're emotionally bonded to this woman.
21:41
But she doesn't even know you. And so it creates this thing in your head like, oh, no, well, I've
21:47
seen her with her goldfish and her dogs. Like I really know her. She's really happy, but you're
21:52
buying the lie. When you can almost see in their attitude, they're trying to convince themselves.
21:58
Because we hear this new age nonsense about it's your aspirational identity. You know,
22:03
name and claim it, believe it and achieve it. And it's like, oh, I'm going to pretend as if this is
22:07
exactly where I wanted to be, that I've always dreamed about this moment where I could be having
22:11
sex for money. But for you, and you alluded to it a second ago, Brittany, in December of 2012,
22:16
you decided to leave the porn industry. And a lot went into that decision. And you talked about a
22:20
little bit of that. So I guess what happened before December of 2012, that preceded you leaving. Because
22:27
you know, again, yeah, your life was miserable, but you were making money and you know, you were
22:30
getting clicks and you were in front of the cameras. So so what was the final straw? I guess that's
22:35
like, no, I'm out. Honestly, so in 2012, there were there were like two kind of occasions. So
22:41
the first one was that me and my pin by gotten a huge fight. And that was when I just finally put
22:45
my foot down. And I'm just like, I had been reading my Bible. So I was developing a relationship with
22:53
the Holy Spirit. And I clearly heard the Holy Spirit tell me to leave him. And I was just like,
22:57
I don't have anybody who am I going to call the Holy Spirit told me to call my mom. And we had,
23:03
we have a great relationship now. But at that time, it was really, really hindered. Like we
23:08
did not have a good relationship. So I was like, I'm not gonna call her. And the Holy Spirit said,
23:12
humble yourself and call your mom. So I did that. And she came and she helped me get away from this
23:18
guy. She showed up within 20 minutes, pick me up, want me get some of my stuff. And then I was done.
23:24
But then I had to go and film porn because for the last three years, I'd been giving him all my
23:29
money. I was broke. I had no money. And so I went to go film a porn scene in Las Vegas. And I brought
23:35
my Bible on the airplane. And I was reading Revelation chapter two verse 20 through 23 and
23:41
says that I have this thing against you, you tolerate that woman named Jezebel. I've given her
23:46
time to repent. And if she doesn't repent, I'll cast her and her children and all who commit
23:51
sexual immorality with her into a sick bed. And I'm just like on the airplane,
23:58
bawling my eyes out. And I'm repenting God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that this is what I've
24:04
been doing. I've been leading people into sin. And I didn't know that. And I had this like godly
24:09
sorrow. And it was this true repentance that came upon me. And so the Holy Spirit just started to
24:15
speak to me. He said, Brittany, this isn't the life I have for you. The life that I have for you is
24:20
going to overflow with so much love, peace, and joy. And if you would quit the porn industry today,
24:25
I would bless your life like no man ever could. So I went to set that day. I told everybody about
24:30
Jesus. And then I quit porn that day. It was a huge step of faith. But when you have a word from God,
24:37
like you can't shake that conviction. And it was like, God just spoke to me. Like, I don't know
24:43
what's going to happen with my life now, but I'm just going to go for it. So I mean, God did what
24:48
he said he would like I started going to church and he truly blessed my life like no man ever could.
24:53
Couple years, well, three years later, I ended up marrying my husband. We have two beautiful daughters
24:57
now. I've been out of the porn industry for 10 years. And yeah, we're authors, we're preachers,
25:04
and we lead LoveAlwaysMinistries.com. And it's really a blessing to see people getting set free
25:10
from porn and also seeing other industry workers lead. I have so many more questions and we have
25:16
limited time. So I'll try to keep them all because like that's that's such a great word from people.
25:20
Cause I tell people all the time, Brittany, like not everybody has a Brittany Della Moore story
25:24
of salvation. Not everybody, you know, had the needle in their arm and then they died and then
25:28
they hovered over their body and then whoop, they came back down and Jesus like, don't do that again.
25:32
They're like, okay. Like, no, no, most people just have a normal story. But whatever your
25:36
redemption story is, it's your redemption story because Christ is saving you and the only perfection
25:41
because you've said the word perfection a lot, especially in the beginning, you can't find
25:44
perfection unless you have Christ. And I do want to talk a little bit about the element of shame
25:49
that comes in here because, you know, obviously you felt shame while you were in the industry,
25:52
people that use this as a masturbatory aid feel shame. But it's the understanding of redemption.
25:57
Yeah, important. And as I was thinking about your story, I thought about Luke seven,
26:01
41 through 43, it's this two people owed money to a certain money lender, one owed 500 denari
26:07
and the other owed 50. Neither of them had money to pay him back. So he forgave the debts of both.
26:11
Now, which of them will love him more? Again, this is Jesus speaking. And then Simon replied,
26:16
I suppose the one that had the bigger debt, you have judged correctly, Jesus said. So for you,
26:21
I think levels of depravity are real. Because some people are like, Oh, Jesus just sees sin,
26:26
yes or no, it's like, but we don't like we don't see that like when you have an axe murderer come to
26:31
Christ, that's way different than a seven year old. That's just, you know, trying to make it through
26:35
the day without peeing themselves. And like, take me through that a little bit because like,
26:40
I'm sure it wasn't just God, you know, gave you a word, you went on set, you quit, and then it was
26:45
just, oh, you're skipping through the meadows for the next like 10 years here. Like, I'm sure there
26:49
were some bumpy points where you had to where you had to wrestle with your own shame and wrestle with
26:53
your past life. So take me a little bit through that because I can't just assume it's been easy for
26:57
you. No, it wasn't easy. It was a journey. And I had a fight hard to get to where I am.
27:03
And one thing that really helped me was it was really having a relationship with the Holy Spirit
27:08
because he took me through this beautiful journey of healing where it was like, look, he had me
27:14
look at myself in the mirror one time, and just like, he like, speak life over all the broken,
27:19
like the broken, like he's like, there's an eight year old girl in you, like, she's broken,
27:24
speak life over her. And so I would just start encouraging. And these are things that only the
27:28
Holy Spirit could have took me through. The Bible says that he's not just a counselor, but he is
27:32
the counselor. And so he counseled me through my mess. I spent a lot of time every day at worship,
27:38
pray, read my Bible. I would go on fast all the time. Like, I was just so hungry for God. And
27:43
when you can develop a hunger for God, he will fill your hunger. So the more hungry you come to
27:48
God, the more filled you will become. But talking about my battle with shame, there was a ministry
27:55
that had asked me to record my testimony for them. And I thought they were just going to play it at
28:01
the porn shows. And so I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm all in, like, just, you know, the porn stars are
28:05
going to see this and hopefully they'll find Jesus. And I recorded it and it ended up going viral
28:12
because they threw it up on YouTube. And that's when I had my first stint with like, Oh, my goodness,
28:17
I'm so ashamed. Everybody at my church is going to know what I've done. Like, I've been telling
28:22
them that I was a receptionist. I was so ashamed of my sin that I lied about where I came from,
28:28
with people be like, how did you find the church? Oh, you know, I'm working a few miles away. Somebody
28:33
told me about it. Like, I just been a receptionist for the last 10 years. Crazy. Because here I am
28:39
lying and people in my church knew who I was, which was even more mortifying. Because I'm like,
28:43
now they knew I was lying. But I didn't know that at the time. So anyways, the Holy Spirit told me
28:48
Brittany, can you picture Jesus on the cross right now? And I'm like, yes. And he said,
28:53
can you picture every beating that he took all the webs? Can you picture the crown of thorns in his
28:58
head? And I'm just like, yes. And he said, was that enough for you? And I said, yeah. And he said,
29:05
then why are you ashamed of the very thing that Jesus died for? Now go and be set free. And that's
29:12
what I'm telling you. When you get a word from God, it's like, when you hear the revealed knowledge
29:17
from God, like a revelation, that is truly what brings transformation. And so when I got that
29:24
word from him, I just went to church that following Sunday. And I started telling everybody, like,
29:30
I used to be a porn star, but Jesus Christ sent me free. God is so good. And I don't know that I
29:36
necessarily should have gone to that extent. But you know what? I was walking in so much freedom.
29:41
I didn't care. I thought everybody was that free. So I was like, everyone's going to be celebrating
29:45
with me. So yeah, I basically just, you know, that was how I experienced freedom. And if you're
29:51
battling with shame from masturbation and porn, like we need to know that what Jesus did on the
29:55
cross for you was more than enough. And to, to like look at him, picture him on the cross.
30:02
And if that wasn't more than enough for you, then you can be set free from that shame too.
30:07
We just have to get to a place where we quit caring what other people think about us. Like,
30:11
it's so irrelevant. It doesn't matter what they think, what they say. Who cares? You've made
30:16
mistakes. So have they? So it's like, just go and be set free and live your life.
30:19
That's such a good word. And it leads to authenticity, because we've been catechized in a world of
30:25
trying to take all the things in our life and only showing the people the stuff that we really
30:29
like. And so, you know, when people lift a heavy weight or they do a crazy backflip or something
30:34
like that, they're not showing all the times where they fell down or where they got hurt or where
30:38
they didn't get the weight. It's always the glory, right? And you never post the picture of you and
30:42
your family whenever, you know, one kid's got to finger up the other kid's nose and you're like,
30:46
you're you can't find figure out what smells bad. Like, it's never those situations. It's always
30:50
this really manicured way of doing things. But I want to go back to 2016, when you became Brittany
30:56
Della Moore, whenever you did Mary Richard Della Moore, who was a pastor at Cornerstone Church in
31:01
California, at least at that time. So every couple, especially in modernity has had to do that,
31:07
define the relationship talk you've been dating for a while. Things are getting serious. Let's
31:10
define a relationship and you have those big conversations. Hey, do you want to stay home with
31:14
kids? Do you even want kids? Where do we want to live? Which house do we go to for Christmas dinner?
31:19
Like those types of questions. But also in that DTR talk, you're talking about your last sexual
31:25
encounters and you're talking about all those types of things. And for a lot of folks, their
31:29
conversation is not like your conversation. And so I'm curious how a conversation like that goes
31:34
between you and your pastor, this pastor that's, you know, you're wanting to get married and
31:39
you're you fallen in love and all those types of things like, man, that had to just be kind of like
31:43
a weird thing to try and traverse, you know what I mean? Yeah, it was honestly, we had some really
31:50
mortifying conversations, but God's grace is super sufficient. So he basically, there were a
31:58
couple people before I had ever even shared my story that were like, Hey, you know that girl Britney
32:05
that serves in your ministry, because I served in the young adult ministry, they're like, I think
32:08
she used to do porn. And he's like, no way, she would have like, no, he never suspected that.
32:14
And my pastor, our pastor knew, and so our pastor had asked me to share my testimony at our church.
32:20
And this was like a year later. So I shared my story. And his parents who were living five hours
32:27
up north happened to be there that day. So not only did he hear my testimony for the first time,
32:32
we were dating at this time, we were just friends. His parents also heard my story.
32:38
And his mom told him, son, I have a strong feeling that woman is your wife. And he's like,
32:44
what do you mean? And he's like, she understands the grace of God because she's been broken. And
32:50
she's experienced his healing. And I love her. And so for him, he had already, he had some feelings
32:57
for me. He didn't tell me, I didn't know. I knew I had feelings for him. But so that to him was
33:02
kind of confirmation, because he'd never brought home a woman with a past like mine. That wasn't,
33:07
you know, he dated these little model girls with very clean stories. And you know, so the fact that
33:13
his mom saw it before he did was like, you know, that was a that was a lot for him because he's very
33:19
close to his mom. So yeah, proceeding forward, I think we started dating like eight months after
33:25
that. But that's when some more mortifying conversations came about, you know, he wanted to
33:29
know things like, he wanted to know everything about my past. He wasn't the he wasn't a man who
33:35
really even watched porn. I know he sold it in high school or something like that, you know, like,
33:40
but he wasn't like, but he's like, I need to know everything because what if somebody comes up to
33:45
me and tells me I don't want to be shocked. So and we started having those hard talks. And I'm
33:50
really glad we did because when I started posting that I was dating a guy, a lot of the old porn
33:56
fans of mine came out and would send him images and videos like, this is who you're gonna marry.
34:02
Did you know she used to do porn and really, really like things that were really horrifying for me.
34:07
So I'm glad that we had all those discussions. But that just goes to show you that God's grace
34:12
is sufficient. They were not easy talks. And I swear every time he took me out on a day,
34:17
I would be praying for like 20 minutes before him like, God, grace this man. I know he's gonna ask
34:22
me a hard question today. Please let him hear it with your ears. You know, I think I was more
34:28
mortified than him. Well, I really appreciate how forthright you're being with those
34:32
answers. Because again, especially in this kind of Christian space, you can make everything super
34:36
squeaky clean. And oh, yeah, I told him what I did for a living and he just snapped his fingers.
34:40
He's like, well, that's great. Let's move on. You want to get married today? Like, obviously,
34:43
that's not how it works with like real people. But I do want to talk about love always ministries
34:47
because that's what you and your husband are doing now. You were directly ministering to
34:51
porn stars to sex workers, but also people that do struggle with a problem, a porn problem,
34:57
which I say it's a masturbation problem masked as a porn problem because obviously you don't need
35:02
one without the other kind of a thing. But tell me about what what you're doing because obviously
35:05
you said kind of how you got it going. But it's one thing to give this message, but it's another
35:10
thing to go to porn shows and talk to women that are currently in the life that you used to be in
35:16
and tell them Jesus has something better for you. So take me through that.
35:18
Yeah. So, I mean, it's a beautiful experience to get to go to a porn show and just talk to
35:25
like thousands of consumers and porn stars. I had one woman when I went out who well,
35:33
there's two pretty special cases, but one woman in particular, like I just ran into her. I actually
35:39
had lived in a model house with her at one point and she just started crying when she saw me and
35:43
she's like, you look so different. What's so different about you? And I was able to tell her about Jesus
35:48
and then that Monday or that Sunday, we had already flown home. I drove to LA, took her to church.
35:56
She received Jesus as her Lord and Savior. And then that Monday, she quit porn. And then another
36:02
woman, I've been, I've ministered to her for like over a year before she quit porn. She just sent me
36:08
a little family card. She's in a beautiful relationship, has a sweetest little baby girl.
36:14
And so it's really cool to see. And I, I know when I first started going to convention,
36:19
I was like, how are people going to receive me? This is probably going to be like so like,
36:23
people are probably going to hate me there. But what I found is that everybody's searching for joy,
36:29
everybody's searching for love, everybody's searching for peace. And so when you found that
36:34
and you can give that to them, there, more people are open to hearing the message than those who are
36:41
not. I do get a few haters, but actually it's like 95% of the people are actually really open
36:47
to hearing the story, especially when they know, Hey, I've been here. So they're like, okay, like,
36:51
like they want to know this story. They want to know the gospel. It's really cool.
36:55
So that's, that's not what you would expect to hear. Like obviously you would expect to hear
36:59
that you show up there. And then it's just like this nonsense raining down on top of you.
37:03
So it is refreshing to kind of hear that. And I know we're running short on time and you got a
37:07
baby that needs, needs mama here in a little bit. So we'll make this the last question of the day.
37:11
A lot of people have worked tirelessly to get rid of things that destroy human flourishing.
37:18
One of the main things is the abortion industry. Obviously we saw last year with the overturning
37:22
of Roe v Wade and Planned Parenthood v Casey. A lot of these pro-lifers basically, you know,
37:26
if they hung up their shield and their sword and they're like, Oh, we did it. And then it's like,
37:28
Oh crap. Now there's fights on the state at the state level. And there's all these other things
37:32
that are going to happen. So the fight does continue. One thing that I've been advocating for and that
37:36
I would like to see is the criminalization of the pornography industry. We've seen some places
37:41
do kind of these half measures. I think recently in Louisiana, they said that they were going to
37:45
have like actual ID verification that you have to be over 18 before you can use certain porn sites.
37:50
But it's like a 12 year old can get around that, you know, pretty easily. But it's like moving in
37:56
the right direction. But from your opinion, Christians, conservatives, whatever kind of category you
38:01
want to make those people, should that be one of the next things we add to our fight? Like, hey,
38:05
this, there's nothing redeemable about this industry. We need to get rid of it.
38:09
Yeah, 100%. One thing that I feel very strongly about is doing something such a spatial recognition
38:15
to even get on a porn site. I think that that's a huge step in the right direction because
38:20
the reality is, is unfortunately, we do live in like, you know, a world where it is free will and to
38:27
take porn off the internet entirely would be a beautiful ending goal. But a step in the right
38:32
direction is let's protect children. Let's protect these innocent young minds. So I mean,
38:38
even as parents, though, until something like that comes comes about, there's some incredible
38:43
apps that you can put on your kids phone to block these things. But I have even heard of kids that
38:49
have these that there's some private browsers. So I don't know, there's got to be more ways around
38:53
all of this. But yeah, I think that that would be a great fight, especially for people who know the
38:59
who have experienced porn have been damaged by it. Like, let's take a stand and let's get the,
39:05
let's get these, let's get these things passed. And you and your husband will be on the forefront
39:11
of that fight, Benjamin, no, low, I will be on the forefront of that fight and we'll keep pushing
39:15
it there. Amazingly, Brittany, we didn't have a whole lot of time to talk today, but I feel like
39:18
we covered a ton of ground. So great job answering the questions. I think you did fantastic. But
39:22
that's all for me. Is there anything else you want to get off your chest? No, I appreciate
39:26
you having me on. I'm excited to watch the final product. All right, Brittany Della Moore,
39:31
thank you for coming on Daunted Life of Man's podcast. Thank you. There you go, guys. I hope
39:35
you enjoyed my time with Brittany Della Moore. But before we let you go, we are going to do a
39:38
quick resilience boost. Adam Daunted Life, our mission is equipping men to push back darkness
39:42
with content that forges spiritual, mental and physical resilience. So the links I've got for
39:46
you today, I've got a link to her website, love always ministry. So you guys can check out all
39:49
the resources there. Also link to a book that she wrote with her husband, a call to purity,
39:54
living a lifestyle, a purity, and then also a link to her Instagram page. Thank you guys for
39:59
listening to this episode. Wherever you listening to this, please subscribe, rate and leave us a
40:02
positive five star review. If you want to come speak live at your event or on your podcast,
40:06
you shoot me an email to info@andontin.life. That's i-n-f-o @andontin.life. Follow us on Instagram
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and likes on Facebook and check out our website for everything else, including how to donate to
40:15
keep more content like this coming your way. Just go to www.andontin.life. And as always,
40:20
we want to thank the band August Burns Red for allowing us to use their music for our content.
40:24
The music on this podcast is our song cutting the tides, which is off their 10th anniversary
40:28
re-recording of their album leveler. The links are in the description. I'm your host Kyle Thompson.
40:34
Remember, keep pushing back darkness, keep forging spiritual, mental, and physical resilience.
40:39
Keep seeking the lion of Judah.
40:58
We all may revise.