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with Adobe Firefly. This is Undaunted Life a Man's Podcast. I'm your host Kyle Thompson.
1:15
Let's get into it. All right, guys, from the jump here, I just need to, I guess, apologize for
1:18
something. I'm in the process of getting a new microphone. I think something's gone wrong with
1:22
the microphone that I'm currently using. The warranty is going to take care of it, but there's
1:26
a weird buzzing in my headphones. I hope to goodness you're not hearing a buzzing on your side,
1:31
and that's just me being real honest with you guys, because if I can't be honest with you,
1:34
then what am I here for? So if you're hearing a buzzing, don't worry. We're working on it. We're
1:38
going to get it fixed up, but I know you guys want this podcast weekly, so I didn't want you
1:42
to have to wait. So let's go ahead and move on to the reason that I'm recording this podcast.
1:46
And let's not have you wait any longer. My wife is pregnant, so I am super, super excited about
1:52
this. Obviously, this is going to be my wife and I's first baby. We are very, very excited about all
1:58
of this. And we're even more excited about it, because even if you go back to episode 71 of this
2:03
podcast, I reveal to you guys and shared with you that my wife and I have lost two babies.
2:07
We've had two babies, you know, that we thought we were going to bring into this world over the
2:13
last two years, and it just didn't happen for whatever reason. My wife miscarried and, you know,
2:19
it sucks. It sucks for a lot of reasons. And we'll maybe talk a little bit more about that later,
2:23
but we're very, very excited now as of the recording of, or are you listening to this podcast? My
2:28
wife is just now getting into the third trimester. So we're past all those standpoints where, you know,
2:34
mom or baby would be at major risk of any type of physical ailment or something like that. So
2:39
the percentages that will be welcoming a baby boy into this world are incredibly high. And so
2:44
we just wanted to share that with you. Because here's the thing is, we have a community of guys
2:49
here with Undaunted Life. You guys participate with the podcast, you interact with us on social
2:54
media, you send me emails. And the thing is, is after that podcast, there was a lot of this was
2:58
podcast 71. There was an outpouring of love from you guys that I could feel it was, it was visceral,
3:04
it was real. And I got emails, phone calls, text messages from people that have, you know,
3:10
their wives had miscarried and they had lost babies and even people that had lost children
3:14
after they had been born. And man, it just, it just sucks in all those different scenarios.
3:19
And the thing about it is, is most people are alone when they're going through that. And I
3:23
didn't feel alone. The first time I didn't tell anybody, because you know, what the heck do you
3:26
tell somebody when you have a baby die? But the second time I kind of overtold, I told just about
3:31
everybody. But you know, all of that, you know, there's the whole rainbow baby thing where you
3:36
lose a baby and this is a rainbow baby. And we're still praying that this baby is healthy and
3:40
mom is healthy and all those things. But guys, I just wanted to thank you. I just wanted to take
3:43
a quick second to say thank you very much for your prayers. I honest, I know it sounds weird,
3:49
especially if you're a non Christian, it's like I almost felt the prayers from you guys. I felt
3:53
the concern for my wife and I. And we're just really, really excited that we have guys like you
3:57
in our lives that have been able to provide for us in that way. But she's pregnant. We're excited.
4:02
We're getting the house ready. Like we're getting everything ready to go. But the thing that I wanted
4:06
to share with you today is the reason why I named the episode what I named it. It's called
4:10
You're going to make a great dad. Because since we've let this news out, since we've told people,
4:17
we told friends and family, you know, we made it Facebook official a couple of weeks ago or
4:20
whatever the thing was, is I've heard that a lot directly to me, Kyle, you're going to make a
4:26
great dad. And I mean, I've just got to say like, that's a really, really awesome compliment. Like
4:33
of all the company compliment, you can say, Hey, you're a really good shaper. Hey, I like your face,
4:37
right? You know, you can say a lot of different things, but you're going to make a great dad or
4:42
you're going to be a good dad someday. Like that's next level. Like that is that is tier one when
4:47
it comes to the types of compliments you would want to get. And the funny thing about it is
4:51
even well before my wife had ever gotten pregnant, whether well before we even tried to have kids,
4:55
I would have people tell me that. I've had people tell me that over the years that, you know,
4:59
Kyle, you know, I know whenever the time comes, you're going to make a great dad.
5:02
And so I'm not telling you that so I can, you know, be super braggadocious on myself. The way the
5:08
reason why I'm bringing that up is because that statement that has been uttered by so many people
5:12
has caused me to really step back and think about who I am and how I'm developing. Because the first
5:18
thing, because I'm kind of weird with compliments, like when people start giving me a compliment,
5:22
especially in person, I'm just like, you know, I kind of want to like move on and go to the next
5:26
thing. But when these people were giving me those compliments, the first question that came to mind
5:30
is are they right? Like, am I going to be a great dad someday? I don't know. And then it's like,
5:36
okay, well, what does a great dad look like? You know, I look at my dad and the things that I
5:41
liked about my dad and maybe the things that you know, I wish were better about my dad or whatever
5:45
situation may be. But you start, you know, considering those things and you start thinking about those
5:49
things a little bit further and kind of breaking down what exactly your philosophy is around the
5:54
answers to those questions, right? And so I've spent a lot of time at this point, I spent years,
5:59
literally years thinking about that one exact thing. And kind of where I'm at right now is,
6:05
I hope they're right. I hope that these people are right that I am going to make a great dad someday.
6:11
But the thing about that is I'm just so glad that these people said that because it made me think,
6:15
because it made me think about the things that I know I'm going to be good at the things I'm going
6:18
to that I'm worried about the things that, you know, I'm going to need to develop at, you know,
6:23
at the same time, while I'm trying to be a husband and, you know, don't own my wife and all those
6:26
different things. But the thing that I wanted to kind of go over today is I want to just kind of
6:30
flow on some things that are going to be going through my brain. And the thing is, is you guys
6:34
are going to help me with this because, you know, it takes a village, you guys are part of my village,
6:37
you're part of, you know, technically part of my extended voxel, if you will, the guys listening to
6:41
this podcast, I want to go over a few things that I've kind of been thinking through as, you know,
6:45
we're working our way towards bringing a baby into this world. So the first thing I kind of thought
6:50
about things that I'm actually worried about. Okay, so when I sit back and think about, hey,
6:54
and roughly about three months ish, hopefully Lord willing, we'll bring this baby boy into the world.
7:00
There here's the things that I'm worried about. The first thing is just keeping him alive. I mean,
7:05
I know, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I've never had to keep another human being alive before,
7:10
right? I've had a couple of puppies, like all those things, but you know, you can stick a puppy in a
7:15
cage and leave for a day. And no, you don't go to jail. And so that's the first thing is just,
7:20
I'm not, I'm not really worried that I'm going to let this kid die. But at the same time, it's like,
7:24
you know, you they are sustained by life by you. But we've been taking all the precautions you can
7:30
in the in the year 2020 to make sure baby's healthy. My wife even told me about this thing,
7:34
I don't even know what it's called. But it's like a sock. It's like a special sock that you put on
7:38
the baby's foot. And it'll like let you know on your phone if the baby's breathing in exactly what
7:44
the heart rate is and like what their favorite color is going to be like, it tells you everything.
7:48
This thing freaking tells you everything. But it keeps moms or dads from, you know, like waking
7:52
their baby up in the middle of the night just to make sure that they're still breathing. And you
7:56
know, there's there's sids that people have to worry about. And there's all these things that you
7:59
can be super stressed about. The thing that my wife and I are trying to do is we're trying to
8:03
prepare ourselves or hire hearts and minds and souls as much as possible to make sure that we
8:07
do everything that we can to honor the gift that God gave us and make sure that this baby can be
8:12
alive. So that's the first thing that I'm a little worried about. But you know, we're working through
8:16
it. But now getting into kind of like what kind of dad I'm going to be again, hey, you're going to
8:20
be a great dad. Okay, I'm worried about being too demanding as a father. And so if you can guess,
8:28
I'm a fairly demanding guy. I know that's going to seem like a surprise to a lot of you guys,
8:32
especially with my tone here on this podcast. But I'm fairly demanding. And I can be really
8:37
demanding. I can be demanding of the people around me, the people that are on my teams,
8:40
the people that are working with me, the people that are doing projects with, the people in my
8:44
foxhole, I'm just a demanding guy. But I don't want to be too demanding. And so one thing about
8:51
my parents growing up is they weren't, they weren't overly demanding. In my opinion, they just, they
8:57
let me know what the score was going to be from the beginning. So like I've told you guys before,
9:02
you know, I got grounded if I came home with bees. Okay. And it's not because bees are some sort of
9:07
especially bad thing. But if I came home with a B instead of an A, I was grounded. And the reason
9:12
was is because my parents knew I could do better. They knew in certain subjects that I can do better.
9:16
The only time that I wasn't actually grounded was it would have been 10th or 11th grade,
9:21
I was in AP chemistry. And I got bees, both semesters in that class in high school. And that was the
9:27
best I could have done. That's just not how my brain works. And mom and dad didn't say anything,
9:31
right? They did, they just didn't say a word. Hey, I think they kind of knew I was kind of science
9:35
stupid. And so they were, they let that go. Same thing in sports. They didn't care how I performed.
9:40
They care what I did while I was out there. Did I give full effort, right? So they weren't like
9:46
super demanding of me. My dad, you know, if I had an O for four day at the plate, he didn't take me
9:50
home. And I had to, you know, hit a thousand balls off the tee before I could go to bed. Like,
9:54
it wasn't one of those situations, thank God. But the thing that I have to think about for me is I
9:59
saw parents that were very strict as it pertained to my performance because they knew I could do
10:04
better. But I didn't think they went over to the point of being, you know, authoritarian demanding
10:08
that type of thing. But I am a little worried about me being being too demanding. Because I expect
10:13
so much of people. I mean, part of the reason why I do a podcast like this, and I talk to you guys,
10:17
the way that I talk to you and to my friends that I talk to in person is because I know you can do
10:21
more. So when you're wanting to quit in the middle of the workout, it's like, no, no, you're not going
10:26
to do that last night. There's a guy that's not really in good shape at all. He was at, he was at
10:30
our Sunday night workout thing. I'm recording this, you know, the Monday before the, this comes out,
10:34
but I'm sitting there with this guy. We're doing wall sits and this guy's wanting to give up every
10:39
10 seconds. But it was amazing. Whenever I went and got on the wall next to him, it was amazing how
10:44
much more he could do because he was, you know, getting ready to fall, it's like, no, no, no, no,
10:49
get up, up, up, up, up, up. And then he got up, right? Like, that's all he needed. He needed
10:53
somebody in his ear, yelling at him with his voice crack and say, dude, you can do this. You can
10:56
freaking do this. You know what I mean? And so I just have to be very, very careful that I carry
11:01
that demanding nature in my kids, but in a positive way, I guess. And the third thing that I'm worried
11:07
about that I've, you know, bought through is not fully bonding with my son. Because I've talked to
11:15
guys that, you know, maybe they were, you know, here's the easiest example, maybe they were the
11:18
athlete, they were the superstar athlete all the way through school got a scholarship and all that
11:22
and they're still athletic, even in their adult ages. And their kids may be into video games or
11:27
maybe they're into puzzles or dancing or art or cooking or something like that. And so that is one
11:33
thing I'm a little bit worried about. And I know that's not going to be the biggest deal in the
11:36
world. But again, you know, with me, I'm a fairly eclectic guy, like I can get into music, I can get
11:41
into all these different things. But I would, I would love for my son to be really, really into
11:46
sports. And I would love for him to be especially into the sports that I'm especially into. I'd
11:51
love for him to like fighting and wrestling and grappling and jujitsu. And I'd love for him to be
11:54
into baseball. And I'd love for him to be into college football, like I'd love him to be into
11:58
those things. But I don't want to be the dad that's just like, all right, you're going to be a St.
12:02
Louis Cardinals fan. If not, get out. And you know, unless he's a Cubs fan, at which point he
12:05
probably should get out. But we'll digress from there. So that's one thing that I'm a little bit
12:09
worried about is not fully bonding with him. But but again, that's me being a little bit,
12:13
a little bit ridiculous. Because we're years and years and years away from that. But that's one
12:18
thing that I want to make sure that I'm a dad that bonds with his son regardless of what his son
12:22
likes or doesn't like. Okay. So those are the things I'm worried about, keeping him alive,
12:26
being too demanding and not fully bonding with him. But here's the things that I'm not worried
12:30
about. Okay. So here are the things that I've thought of that guys have had trouble with with
12:34
with their kids or with their spouses or whatever that I just don't feel like I have to worry about.
12:38
And the first thing is fighting with Kelsey, fighting with my wife. I am not worried about that
12:43
whatsoever. Because I recognize right now and she recognizes right now that there are a lot of
12:49
things that we've prepared for. There are a lot of conversations that we've had philosophical
12:53
conversations about how we're going to parent and how we're going to raise a kid and how we're
12:57
going to do this and how we're going to do that. But both of us know that we have not covered every
13:02
possible topic or issue that could possibly arise. We know that. And we've acknowledged
13:08
that at some point, maybe even early on, her upbringing is going to run headlong into my upbringing.
13:15
And there's going to be a stalemate and there's going to be a fight. Like we know that's coming.
13:19
And that's exactly why I'm not worried about it. Because I know that these things are going to
13:25
happen. She's going to say something in front of me that's also in front of the kid that I don't
13:30
approve with and approve of and vice versa. And we're going to have to have a closed door meeting
13:34
after the kid's gone to bed. But the thing about it is, is my wife and I, if you go back to our
13:38
marriage devotional and the U version Bible app, in an undaunted marriage, I talk about fighting,
13:43
I think it's day three, it's all about fighting, right? Because you have to fight for your spouse.
13:48
And most of the time we're fighting against them. It's, it's these nothing fights about,
13:52
oh, you bought strawberry jelly instead of grape jelly. Ah, it's level 10 freak out. Like it's not
13:56
real. I'm not worried about that. And the biggest reason that I'm not worried about that is because
14:01
my wife is ride or die. My wife is for me. And I know that. And I am for her and I will fight for
14:07
her. And she is the number one priority in my life on this earth. She's number one, right?
14:12
And I'm saying that on this earth, you know, obviously my, you know, my discipleship with Jesus
14:18
Christ and all that supersedes everything. But on this planet, I actually on this planet,
14:22
it's my relationship with her. And that even supersedes the relationship with our son that's
14:26
coming and any kids that come after them, it's her, right? I need to love her as Christ loved the
14:31
church. So I'm not worried about fighting with her because she fights fair, right? She's not one of
14:36
the, I had a buddy the other day and I hate this for him. But his wife, you know, he said he kind
14:41
of described their, their fighting. And he said that, you know, he and his wife whenever they fight,
14:45
she doesn't fight fair. She automatically goes to that place. And for all of you guys,
14:49
you know what that place is. Maybe it's your relationship with your father. And when your wife starts
14:53
talking about your dad, it's like, you know, you just like lose your ever love in mind. But
14:57
every time they fight, she goes there, she goes for the jugular, she goes for the ace of spades.
15:02
I don't have that. I'm not worried about that. I'm tremendously blessed.
15:05
The next thing is that I'm not really worried about is making the mistakes that a 23 year old
15:11
Kyle would have made. Okay. So by the time baby boy Lord willing is welcomed into the planet,
15:16
I will be 33 years old. I'm a 33 year old man. But I know a lot of friends that started having
15:22
kids in their early twenties, right? So that was about the age I was whenever my wife and I got
15:27
married. And I have a lot of buddies that started having kids immediately. So I'm not going to make
15:31
some of the same mistakes that that Kyle would have made because I'm not as immature as that
15:35
Kyle. And the thing is, is like being I've been a goofball my entire life, but I've been fairly
15:39
mature for my age, every age that I attained, right? So I wasn't like a lunatic, you know,
15:44
chasing women and making a bunch of stupid decisions in my early twenties. But I just had
15:48
some immature thoughts, right? I had some some immature ways of acting some immature ways of
15:53
thinking, you know, I think back on some of the things, even that, you know, now that we have social
15:56
media, you can just click back to the stuff you were saying 10 years ago, you're like, Oh, geez,
16:01
that's like part of the forever record on the internet now that'll never die. So that's one
16:06
thing that I'm not worried about is making some of those similar mistakes. And the thing is, is
16:10
I'm 30 freaking three. It's not like I'm 80. I'm not a sage, you know, one of those types of things. So
16:15
it's, it's something that I'm still gonna have to look back when I'm 43 and think, Oh, you know,
16:20
I'm not what did you do that for when you were 33? But you know, I'm not really worried as much
16:24
about that. And the same thing too is, and I told you guys a lot about this, especially on my,
16:28
you know, the altar of sports episode and different things, I used to lose my mind watching sports.
16:33
And I remember whenever I would watch sports, especially Cardinals games or Thunder games,
16:36
and the game wouldn't go my way. Again, a game that had nothing to do with me, of which I could
16:42
not control the outcome in any way, shape or form. And I would lose my mind and rip my shirt off,
16:46
and I do all those other crazy crap. And my wife, you know, she would just say, how in the world
16:50
am I supposed to have kids with you? Like again, think mid 20s, right? And at the time I'm way too
16:56
mad to even like be able to acknowledge that. But dude, she was right. And so in the last few years
17:00
making the adjustments that I've made to my life so that I can be more mature, like even,
17:05
even recently, I was at this big wrestling duel, you know, as a bedland wrestling duel,
17:09
OU versus OSU. And you know, it's at OSU and just, you know, the grown men and women just screaming
17:14
their hearts out and saying nasty things, the other team and all that, it's just like, man,
17:17
I'm so glad that I will never show that side of me to my kid. Because if I even feel that
17:24
welling up in me, I'm just going to turn it off. I'm just going to do something else. Like I was
17:28
invited to come speak to a Wednesday night, like family kind of Bible study, this home group,
17:33
it's called life group, if you attend life church. But the big thing that I told them is like,
17:37
look, I'm a gigantic St. Louis Cardinals fan. That's why I don't watch St. Louis Cardinals games.
17:41
I mean, they kind of looked me like, what? That's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But it's
17:44
like, no, no, seriously, the reason why I don't watch those games is because I care about the
17:49
outcome so much, right? And the more I distance myself away from it, the more I can focus on things
17:54
that actually matter. I mean, I love baseball. It's so entertaining, but I can just watch the
17:59
highlights later and just live with the outcome. Because guess what? If they're one of the best
18:02
teams ever, they're going to lose 60 plus games this year, you know what I mean? So anyway, won't
18:06
belabor that point anymore. But yes, I'm not worried about making the mistakes I would have made
18:10
10 years ago. And I guess the last thing that I'm worried about is not knowing everything there
18:15
is to know about fatherhood and parenting. I talk to guys that I would consider to be great fathers
18:21
and or I'll just watch them. And you know, maybe they've got, you know, three, four, five kids or
18:27
something like that, but they're just very, very involved. And they're just good at being a dad.
18:32
And then you hear them talk about fatherhood and parenting. And they talk about it like they
18:36
just started reading the book, right? They just they oh man, they're like, gosh, even just yesterday,
18:41
I just yelled at my kid because of this, that and the other thing. And it's just like, man,
18:45
like these are guys that I would consider to be a level first round draft pick fathers and they're
18:49
still messing up. And so I'm not worried about the fact that I don't know everything. And part of
18:55
that is because I have a foxhole established, I have guys that are almost all fathers that have
18:59
made their mistakes and taken their lumps and paid their dummy taxes and all those things.
19:04
And I can lean on them and say, Hey, my kids doing this thing. Did your kid do this thing?
19:08
Oh, yeah, I did. Well, what did you do when he did the thing? I'm really, really even excited
19:12
about that. Like, Hey, I'm really stupid in this particular area. Can you make me less dumb? Like,
19:17
I think that's awesome. So the things I'm not worried about fighting with my bride, making the
19:21
mistakes I would have made 10 years ago and not knowing everything that there is to know about
19:24
fatherhood or parenting. The next thing I kind of thought about is the type of dad that I know I
19:30
will be because again, hey, Kyle, you're going to make a great dad. It's like, what does that even
19:33
mean? But the type of dad that I know that I will be, okay? The first thing is that I know,
19:40
be on the shadow of a doubt that I will be an involved participatory in there in the game father.
19:46
I will absolutely be there. One of my favorite things about my dad, and I'll remember this for
19:52
forever. And if you're listening to this, you know exactly what I'm going to say, dad. But the
19:55
thing about it is is my dad didn't just come to all my games as a kid. He came to all my
20:00
practices. And my dad didn't have an incredibly flexible schedule and all those things. But my
20:06
dad made it happen. He was there. He was involved. Now he wasn't messing with the coaches. He wasn't
20:12
you know, talking to my coaches, trying to get me more playing time like some of the other dads
20:16
were he wasn't like slipping money to the coaches to get me more playing time like some of the other
20:20
dads were he wasn't doing any of that stuff. He was there. He was in his truck and he was watching.
20:25
Or he was in a launch. He was just around. And at the time there were no phones, right? He wasn't
20:30
sitting there reading a book like he was involved. He was watching his son, right? He was very,
20:34
very involved. And so I want to be like that. I want to set up a life where I can be super,
20:40
super involved like that. Not meddling, right? Not a meddling father, but very, very involved.
20:46
So I know I'm going to be a dad like that because that's the dad that I had. Okay.
20:51
The next thing that in terms of the type of dad that I know I will be is I'm going to be a protective
20:55
sheepdog. That's just who I'm going to be. And I don't just mean physically. Okay. So yes,
21:01
I will model what it's like to be a sheepdog and what it means to be a sheepdog to my son.
21:05
I will absolutely do that, right? That that's part of the thing that I'm that I'm most excited about
21:10
is being able to show that. But some people take the sheepdog status of things and they only think
21:16
about it physically, right? Okay. You know, just like with our interview with Pat McNamara,
21:20
like I need to prepare my combat chassis to be able to be effective in all kinds of situations
21:24
with a weapon without a weapon at distance or short distance like got to be strong or got to be quick.
21:29
All those things, I'm going to be ready for those situations because that's just who I am.
21:33
But I also want to be a protective sheepdog when it comes to bad theology, bad philosophies,
21:40
bad worldviews, pluralism, all those things. I want to be able to protect my son from those things.
21:48
And I know I'm not going to be able to create an environment where I can't where I screen out
21:53
all of the bad theologies and philosophies and everything else that I said, I'm not going to be
21:56
able to do that. But let's just say, you know, we have our kid in the public school system and he
22:01
comes home and he says, Hey, you know, he's in first or second grade, he's like, Hey, my teacher
22:05
asked me what gender I felt like today. You best believe sheepdog daddy is marching down to the
22:11
school and we're going to have a very animated discussion with the teacher and anyone else
22:16
attached to that teacher, right? Because I'm going to protect my son from bad thought processes.
22:22
I'm going to protect my son from the satanic things in this world that are going to potentially
22:28
lead him astray. That's exactly what I'm going to do. And that's the encouragement I would give
22:33
to you guys is I know a lot of you guys out there, you're dangerous. And I don't mean like,
22:37
I'm not saying that sarcastically, there's no tongue in cheek here. You're a dangerous dude.
22:41
You can fight. You can shoot your physically imposing and intimidating. But not when it comes to your
22:47
mind. You know, you've, you've got these situations where you have these, these guys that are going
22:53
to be intimidated by you because you're so tall and you're so big and you're so all those things
22:57
in. And that's useful. That's useful to a certain degree. But what about the situation that I just
23:02
said? Your daughter or your son comes home and, you know, the teacher asked them what gender they
23:06
felt like today. Or, you know, they go to a Christian school. And yet, and this is an exact
23:11
example that I got from somebody, they go to a Christian school that you pay a lot of money for.
23:16
And they tell your kids that you need to do a research project on Buddhism. And then next week,
23:21
you're going to do Hinduism and the week after that, you're going to do Islam. You're at a Christian
23:25
school. Like, are you prepared? And this guy was, but are you prepared to get in that fight
23:30
to be a protective sheepdog? So that's my little encouragement commercial to you. But yeah,
23:35
we'll move back over here. I will be a protective sheep dog dad. I know that.
23:38
And the last thing is, again, I've said it up before, I'm going to be a demanding father. I know
23:44
I will be a demanding father. The only question is, will it be the good kind or will it be the bad
23:49
kind? And so again, I've seen that modeled for me in my life. I've seen that model with my parents.
23:55
And I've seen that model with everybody else. But here's the other thing is there's a lot of people
23:58
that model it poorly. And I learned from them too. When I see them act a fool, I can learn from
24:03
that person too. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will be a very, very demanding father
24:08
to the degree that that is beneficial. So the type of dad I know that I will be involved in
24:12
participatory. I know I will be a protective sheepdog. And I certainly know that I will be demanding.
24:17
Now, here's the type of dad that I know I won't be. I know this. And some of you are like, oh,
24:22
you don't know you don't have a kid. It's all going to change. No, no, no, I'm making a decision
24:26
right now. And I'm putting it out there on the interwebs for all you guys to see so that if I
24:32
don't end up being this guy later, you can pound me for it. I give you full permission.
24:37
Even if you're a stranger, come on and let me have it. The type of dad that I know I won't be.
24:40
First thing, I will not be the crazy. Fill in the blank baseball, wrestling, jujitsu, basketball,
24:47
et cetera, dad, I will not be the crazy. You know what dad? There's no way. So the dads that are at
24:52
the wrestling tournament, I saw this one dad, I couldn't believe it. Like he was in his son's ear
24:57
so hard. He's sitting right next to the coach. This guy clearly doesn't know anything about
25:01
wrestling. And he's just getting after his son. And when his son lost, he like grabs his son by the
25:05
arm and he's leading him off the mat. And I can tell you at that exact moment, if he had gone any
25:09
further than that, there was about a half a dozen cheap dogs that I knew personally in that area
25:15
that we're going to regulate on that dude. But he went crazy wrestling dad, right? You got the
25:20
crazy baseball dad's are yelling at the empire. No, this is the worst thing ever. And blah, blah,
25:24
it's like they're seven year olds out there. They can barely run without falling over and
25:28
you're losing your mind because it literally gunfire in your local community called a bad strike.
25:34
Like really, I know I'm not going to be that dad. And guys, I was set up to be that kind of dad
25:40
because I'm so demanding, because I'm so competitive, I was set up to be that kind of dad. And I'm
25:45
I'm thankful that my wife and I are having kids now that I've kind of gotten past that that craziness
25:52
because my kid would be playing those sports around this time. And if I had had all this experience
25:56
being a crazy loser, idiot, lousy, like loud, idiot dad, then that's just that's who I would have been.
26:03
That's who I would have been. And there would have been no getting around it, right? That is not the
26:07
type of dad that I that's the type of dad I know I won't be. I will not be that type of dad.
26:10
Here's the next one type of dad that I know I won't be. I'm not going to be a helicopter dad,
26:15
right? I'm not going to be the dad that's hovering. You know, you've heard the phraseology of
26:19
helicopter parents and all they're trying to do is they're trying to clear the runway, right?
26:24
You know, they're trying to prepare the road for their kid as opposed to trying to prepare
26:28
their kid for the road. That kind of a deal. That's not going to be the type of parent that I am.
26:33
Again, I'm going to be involved. I'm going to be participatory, but I will let my son make mistakes.
26:38
I will let my son get hurt. I will let my son take his bumps and bruises, you know, physically,
26:44
mentally. I'll let him do that because I know that that's the path towards resilience. That's
26:49
the path towards toughness. And the thing I talk about all the time, I even had a guy last night,
26:52
he complimented me on my toughness. And it's just like, dude, if you only knew the road I had to go
26:56
down to become tough, there are a lot of guys that are just born tough, right? Like they're just
27:02
tough from the moment they were born. That's not who I am. I've had to cultivate that.
27:05
But it's something that I feel like I started cultivating really as an adult.
27:08
And I want my kid to be start cultivating that as a kid, right? And so these helicopter parents
27:16
out here, you know, anytime there's a problem at school with the teacher, like, you know, when the
27:20
kids being bad, the kids being disruptive, I'm not going to be the dad that goes there and assumes
27:24
that the teacher's wrong. Again, if she starts pulling some of that bull crap like I described
27:28
earlier, then yeah, you know, it's gonna be a different discussion. But if my kids being a knucklehead,
27:32
right, that's not, I mean, that's, that's to a certain degree, her job to take care of that,
27:37
you know, that's what she signed up for being a public school teacher. But at the same time,
27:40
it's like, no, you know, I'm on the teacher side, you need to not be a knucklehead when you're at
27:44
school, right? I can't change the entire public school system by myself, or private school or
27:48
whatever. But you can't be a knucklehead. So I'm not going to be a helicopter dad. I just know
27:53
that I'm just not going to happen. And the other type of dad that I know I won't be is I'm not
27:57
going to be the cold, distant, aloof, uninvolved father. All right, we've kind of been over that.
28:02
But again, some guys kind of back into that, right, they're so excited to have a kid. And then, you
28:08
know, their kids involved in things and a lot of dads kind of getting their own heads and they
28:12
stop developing as a man and they just, they kind of get, they get distant, right? Some people,
28:17
they're chemically distant because they're on drugs or they're, you know, you know, drinking
28:21
too much or they're doing prescription drugs or whether the situation may be that causes distance.
28:26
That's just not going to be the dad that I am. Like, I don't have any vices like that,
28:30
chemical vices like that, that would even cause me to go down that road. Thank God, right? So the
28:36
type of dad that I know I'm not going to be the crazy, crazy sports dad. I'm not going to be the
28:40
helicopter dad. And I'm certainly not going to be the cold, distant dad either. But then, you know,
28:44
as I'm thinking about this, because I've had a lot of time to think about having a kid. And then
28:48
we found out very, very early that we were having a son and it was just this tremendous feeling like
28:52
I can remember, I will remember that for the rest of my life where I was when we got the email. Hey,
28:56
why chromosomes floating around in there? You're going to have a boy. But there's a lot of things
29:00
that I'm excited about when it comes to having a son. Okay. The first thing I would say that I'm
29:05
excited about is kind of the same thing that I tell guys why I wanted to send so much is because
29:10
in this a little bit crass, but you've guys heard, you have certainly heard this. When you have a son,
29:14
you have to worry about a singular penis, right? Whereas if you have a girl, you have a daughter,
29:21
you have to worry about every penis on the planet, right? I know that's ridiculous, but I've had so
29:25
many girl dads that have reached that's reached out to me or that I'm friends with. That is exactly
29:30
their life. They're just like, yeah, with my son, I just got to make sure he doesn't put that
29:33
anywhere. It's not supposed to go until it's time to put it there with the girls. You just have to
29:38
worry about so many more things. I know that's a haggard way of saying it, but I'm excited about
29:43
that aspect about the fact that I don't have to have that much worry, but getting into the real
29:47
reasons why most excited to have a son. The very first thing into a certain degree is way far above
29:52
the other things I'm going to mention is rights of passage. I am incredibly excited to develop
29:59
personalized rights of passage for my son. And I don't know exactly what that's going to look like.
30:05
Maybe it's, you know, from the age of 10 to the age of 18, there's some sort of, you know, curriculum
30:10
that I've developed that, you know, I will help and every year there's like a me and my son going
30:14
this trip and maybe I bring some of my foxhole guys with me and we, you know, we kind of teach
30:18
things to the sun and each year the things get progressively more difficult and we're reading
30:22
books together and we're talking about it and we're developing and, you know, we're doing physical
30:25
training, we're doing all those things like all that's to be determined, right? But in the United
30:30
States, I talk about all the time in Western culture, really, we don't really have rights of passage.
30:35
The Jewish culture, you know, their religion, they have rights of passage with bat mitzvahs and
30:40
bar mitzvahs and those different things. We don't really have that as Western Christians. We don't
30:44
live in a tribal culture or an agrarian culture where they have different rights of passage like,
30:49
okay, you're, you're the man now, you're the man of the house. Now they just don't have that.
30:53
My son will have that. He will know that he is prepared to go into the world when he's 18. He
30:59
will know that he will know that he's ready to go. And that doesn't mean that he's impervious to any
31:04
problems that's going to happen on this planet. That's certainly not what rights of passage do.
31:08
But he's not going to have any confusion about who he is and who he's supposed to be. None.
31:11
None if I can help it, right? I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he's not wayward
31:16
and to do the things that I can do that are actually within my power to make sure that he has the
31:22
lessons he needs and the tools in his tool belt to be successful. I am super excited about that.
31:26
And guys, to be honest with you, for those of you that have sons, don't you think that if I
31:30
develop this for my son, then I'm going to pass it on to you? You know, I will, because if it works
31:34
for him, if it works for us, you know, I want to make sure that it gets out to as many people as
31:38
possible. The other thing that I'm most excited about when it comes to having a son is just being
31:42
able to pass on wisdom. You know, when you have, when you're a little kid and you have a conversation
31:46
with your great grandfather, your grandfather, even your dad or something like that, and just
31:50
the wisdom. And it's not like, Hey, here I'm about to impart some wisdom, grab a book, grab a notebook
31:55
and a pencil like it doesn't even have to be that formal. But you just learn things from being around.
32:00
And I'm just, I'm excited to do that. Like, you know, when when he starts lifting weights, if he's
32:04
physically able to do that, when he starts lifting weights, being able to show him the proper form
32:08
on a squat or a deadlift, right? You know, whenever he gets time to, to be in a particular sport,
32:13
let's say it's baseball, being able to show him how to have a swing where, you know, the barrel of
32:17
his bat is in the zone for as long as possible, right? If he's into jujitsu, it's like, Hey, here's,
32:22
here's a little tweak to your rear naked choke to make it even even tighter to where you get the
32:26
tab quicker. You know, just those think that that's wisdom. And those are sports wisdom. But what
32:31
about just like, Hey, this is how you treat mom, right? Watch how I treat mom, you're going to treat
32:36
her like that. And when you have a girl someday that you love as much as I love mom, you're going
32:40
to treat her that way too. Because that's not something that I really saw a lot growing up. I
32:45
didn't see a lot of, you know, proper ways of a husband treating a wife or a wife treating a husband.
32:50
So I'm excited to show him from my experience and from being around guys like that, I'm ready to pass
32:55
that wisdom on. I'm excited about that. I'm really excited about that. And I guess last thing here
32:59
that I'm most excited about in terms of having a son is just being intentional, being very,
33:04
very intentional. I have a lot of guys in my life that they're accidentally good filers. They're
33:08
accidentally decent fathers. They're accidentally bad fathers. It's because they have no intentionality
33:13
in their lives. And I'm talking to the guys here that are maybe just kind of flowy. Yeah,
33:17
we think of the guys that are late all the time, right? You know, time's just kind of relative.
33:21
Hey, we'll get around to it. Hey, you know, it's a Saturday at five 30 and you just now start the
33:26
text message about getting guys together for the fight. You know, the guys that are just less
33:30
intentional, right? I tried to have intentionality with every part of my life, whether it's trying to
33:36
get guys together for the fights or developing in my marriage or who I am as a person, right?
33:41
I'm very excited about being intentional with my son. And for some of you, you might be getting
33:45
the idea that I'm just going to have a super regimented life and I'm not going to have any
33:48
ambiguity and you know, I'm not going to have any wiggle or left right. I'm certainly going to have
33:52
that. They may not be in the presentation that I'm giving to you right now that maybe you don't
33:56
really hear that from me. You don't really get that in my voice, but I'm absolutely going to have
34:00
that. I'm not going to create this regimented structure that this kid, you know, is going to
34:04
be developed by the age of 18 and having done all these things and checked every box. I know
34:08
that there's going to be some wiggle room in this development, but that doesn't mean I can't be
34:12
intentional. For a lot of guys, when there's ambiguity, whether it's a school project or a work
34:16
project or something at home, when there's any type of ambiguity, they're like, well, I guess I
34:20
can't plan. Well, of course you can. Like there's ambiguity in the weather. That's why you have
34:26
different shoes. That's why you have different coats. You know, that's why you have a garage
34:29
that you can, you know, it's a room for your cars that you can pull in. There's ambiguity in the
34:33
weather. That doesn't mean that you just don't plan for it. You can still be intentional about
34:36
things. Why do people carry umbrellas in their car? Because in state of Oklahoma, there could be
34:41
no rain in the forecast for the next 12 years. It's definitely going to rain within the next hour.
34:45
That's just kind of how it goes. Like, that's just how it happens here. But I want to be very,
34:49
very intentional. I want to be prepared. I want my heart, my soul, my mind, and my spirit to be as
34:55
prepared as possible to be able to help this son grow up to be a tremendously beneficial
35:00
and influential Christian man. I want him to be a sheepdog. I want him to be a warrior. I want him
35:06
to be an undaunted lifer. That's who I want this kid to be, right? And he's going to have some
35:10
things that he wants for his life. And the thing about it is, is none of the things that I just said
35:14
would be in countervention to the things that he would want to be, right? What kind of a man
35:20
would not want to be a sheepdog would not want to be a warrior would not want to be tough would not
35:24
want to be a great, you know, lover of his spouse, a great lover of Christ, you know, those those
35:28
types of things. That's what I want to be. So I'm very, very excited about the rights passage.
35:33
I'm very excited about passing on wisdom and being super intentional. That's just that's kind of
35:37
where I sit. But real quick, before I let you guys go, this is a word to the dads out there that
35:43
have lost babies in the womb. And I'm assuming these were babies that were lost by natural means,
35:50
by miscarriage. Okay. I know there's some of you guys out here that have sat by and watched
35:55
your spouse kill your baby, right? Through abortion. I'm not talking to those guys right now. That's
35:59
a different conversation for a different day. I'm talking about the guys that you were so excited
36:03
that you had a baby on the way and it just didn't quite work out. There's nothing that I can really
36:09
say that can take that pain away. All that I can tell you is I've experienced it too.
36:15
And I wish I hadn't. I mean, of course, like some people are like, Oh, well, I don't regret
36:23
any experiences because they all teach me something. No, no, I wish those babies were alive.
36:27
I wish they were here right now. I wish they were in my house right now, right? Making a ruckus,
36:33
making about making a bunch of racket, but they're not here. For whatever reason, God didn't see fit
36:40
to, to allow them into this world or maybe in a post Genesis three world, it just wasn't
36:45
going to be beneficial. And you know, without any intervention from God whatsoever, depending
36:50
on your worldview, that they're just not here now. But for you guys, this is my encouragement to you.
36:58
Tell people about that. Tell tell people that you've had loss, right? Make sure you talk about with
37:03
your wife because that's a very, very personal intimate thing for her, obviously. But you need
37:06
to talk to guys because the overwhelming thing that I felt and that I learned when I started
37:12
communicating to guys about this is how many guys had gone through this as well. And they had the
37:18
exact same feeling that I had after we lost our first baby. And it was that they felt like they
37:23
couldn't talk to anybody about it. They just didn't know enough. They didn't know that it was this
37:28
common, or they found out that it was common, but they didn't want to, you know, be the first guy
37:33
in the group to say something. I couldn't more strongly or more vigorously suggest that you do
37:40
the opposite of that. Don't keep it to yourself, right? Not at all. Share it. Share it with the,
37:45
maybe not the world, maybe don't put it on Facebook, but share it with guys. Share it with
37:49
important people in your life. Share it with your family. And I know for me, there were certain
37:55
people I didn't tell at certain times because I didn't want to multiply the sadness in the situation.
37:59
But that's the thing, guys, is we live in a world where we need people's help. We need their support.
38:04
And we can't know what that's going to feel like until we ask for help, until we ask someone to
38:10
shoulder our burdens. And I never felt more supported than when I told people that we had lost our second
38:15
baby, whether that be here on the podcast or in person at my foxhole or people in my Sunday school,
38:20
it just helped. And it also gave away for other guys to share as well. And so there was pain
38:27
that guys in my foxhole and my foxhole that they were going through and I couldn't help them with it.
38:32
And it's not anyone's fault, you know, like, oh, it's their fault. They didn't share it. Like,
38:37
it's not someone's fault. It just didn't happen, right? So we missed out on an opportunity to minister
38:42
to somebody to minister to their needs just because we didn't want to say anything. So don't be that
38:47
guy. Don't be that guy that just bottles up the emotions and shoves them down as far into their
38:53
soul and psyche as they can. Don't be that person. Share it. Guys, I'm with you. It sucks. But you've
39:00
got to let other people come under your burden with you. Okay. All right, guys, before we let you
39:03
go, we are going to do a quick resilience boost. As you know, by now, we are immense ministry in
39:06
our mission is cultivating manly resilience. Specifically, we do that by providing content like this
39:11
podcast that helps you forge spiritual, mental and physical toughness. So for today, I've got a
39:15
few books. So these were the first four things that I bought, baby tea. All right. So they were
39:20
given to me as gifts, some of them as well. But it was all three of the way of the Warrior Kids
39:25
books by Jocko Willink. So there's way the Warrior Kid marks mission and way of the Warrior Kid
39:30
three there where there's a will. And then I also got another book that Jocko Willink did that's
39:33
outside of that series. It's called Mikey and the Dragons. And so those are some of the best books
39:39
that I think for for young men, especially, but they would work for girls as well. The Mikey and
39:44
the Dragons book is meant for, you know, earlier kids, that's like a bedtime bedtime reading type
39:48
book. Whereas, you know, the way the Warrior Kids books can be maybe kind of preteen type books or
39:54
something like that. But it just kind of teaches these kids to be tough. It's very Jocko Willink
39:58
in its approach. If you're not familiar with way of the Warrior Kid, you can follow them on Instagram.
40:02
There's a way of the Warrior Kid podcast that you can find. But I've just got the links here
40:05
for you so you can buy those books on Amazon. All right, guys. Thanks so much for listening to
40:09
the podcast. We really do appreciate it. If you would, please subscribe wherever you're listening
40:12
to this, whether that's Apple podcasts, iTunes, SoundClouds, Spotify, Google Play, Google podcasts,
40:17
or Stitcher. And please refer your friends to listen and share this on social media.
40:21
Guys, if we deserve a five star review, please leave us one because that will let us know
40:24
what about this content you like. And it'll also get it out to more people.
40:28
Guys, I'm currently booking speaking engagements for the remainder of 2020. So if you want me to
40:31
come speak on your podcast, to your team, at your men's event, hit me up info@undaunted.life,
40:36
the email is info@undaunted.life. The website is www.undaunted.life. You can follow us on
40:42
Instagram and Twitter @undauntedlife or Facebook.com/undauntedlife. Check out our free devotionals on the
40:47
eversion Bible app. Just search "undaunted life" under plans. And as always, we want to thank the band
40:51
August Burns read for allowing us to use their entire music library for our content. The intro
40:55
out to a track on this podcast is our song "King of Sorrow," which is off their latest record
40:59
entitled "Phantom Anthem." The links are in the description. I'm your host, Kyle Thompson.
41:04
Remember, keep cultivating manly resilience, keep forging spiritual, mental, and physical toughness.
41:10
Keep seeking the Lion of Judah.
41:29
(upbeat music)