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This is Undaunted Life of Man's Podcast. I'm your host Kyle Thompson. Let's get into it.
0:46
Alright guys, here's the thing that I know about you, that you might not know about yourself into this.
0:50
A lot of you guys are developmentally challenged.
0:53
Whoa, whoa, Kyle, did you just call me developmentally challenged?
0:56
Probably, more than likely, you are developmentally challenged, but let me just tell you exactly what I mean by that.
1:02
I don't mean you need to go to remedial math classes or something like that.
1:06
Essentially, most of the guys that I know, most of the guys that I've met, most of the guys on the planet, I would assume,
1:12
they stop getting better.
1:14
They just, at some point in their 20s, that's with most guys in their 20s or so, it would be my guess.
1:21
They just stopped getting better. They stopped worrying about getting better.
1:25
Part of it is because they've graduated from high school, so they don't have to care about developing themselves anymore.
1:30
Part of it is, you know, they're a little bit past their athletic prime, so it's harder for them to work out and recover
1:36
and all those different things. That's part of it.
1:38
But most guys just don't really give a crap, right? They just are who they are.
1:42
And some guys, it stops when they're in their teenage years, but I assume that most guys, they do that when they're in their 20s, right?
1:47
They just are the dad that they are. They just are the husband that they are. They are the worker that they are.
1:52
They're the business owner that they are. They're not developing themselves, okay?
1:56
But the thing about it is, is I can't really get into all this because I'm not a clinical psychologist.
2:00
I can't get into why most guys don't want to get better throughout their lives.
2:05
But part of the reason why I think most guys don't get better, even if they want to, is because they don't solicit feedback
2:11
from those that are close to them.
2:13
They have no one that they can actually talk to, right?
2:18
So I've talked about the foxhole a lot, especially on these last several episodes since the MyFoxhole podcast,
2:23
but they have no one in their foxhole to go to and say, "Hey, you know what? I'm doing this and I'm wondering if that's a good thing.
2:29
Hey, what's a good idea for how I should act in this situation?"
2:33
They're just not soliciting that feedback. And that's not acceptable, okay?
2:37
The thing is, is if you want to be a guy that develops and gets better over time, you've got to solicit feedback, okay?
2:42
And you might be thinking to yourself, "Well, Kyle, that's a great suggestion.
2:46
How do I get feedback? How exactly do I go about getting feedback?"
2:50
And guys, I've got a two-step process.
2:52
I should probably write a book about this. I've got a two-step process on how you can get feedback.
2:57
And guys, this is going to be the most complicated two-step process you've ever heard in your life, so just prepare your souls.
3:02
I'm about to tell you, here you go.
3:04
Number one, make a short list of people you want feedback from.
3:09
Number two, shoot them an email.
3:13
That's it.
3:15
That is the two-step process on how you get feedback on how you are as a man.
3:21
One, make a short list of people you want feedback from duh, and two, shoot them an email, duh.
3:26
This isn't hard. This is not that hard, guys.
3:29
But the thing about it is, is most guys don't do this, maybe because they've never gotten the idea.
3:33
That's part of the reason for this podcast today, is because if you've never even thought about doing this,
3:37
that is going to be the thing that we're going to make sure that you do.
3:40
But the thing about it is, as some of you automatically thought after I said the first thing about that short list of guys you want feedback from,
3:46
is, well, who should be on that short list?
3:49
If you're going to be asking guys for feedback on how you are as a man, how you're developing in any type of scenario or situation,
3:56
there's a certain type of guy that needs to be on that list.
3:59
And so I've got a few things that you should look at.
4:00
Number one, men whose opinions you regard highly.
4:03
If there's somebody that you're thinking about shooting, trying to get some feedback from,
4:08
but you don't really care about their opinion, they're kind of dumb.
4:11
Their opinions aren't really that great.
4:12
You don't really regard their opinion highly, then don't solicit their feedback.
4:16
That's pretty easy.
4:17
The second is, men you are almost 100% positive will respond to you.
4:23
You don't want to waste your time sending out an email to somebody that's never going to get back to you.
4:27
Maybe they're a flake.
4:28
Maybe they're super selfish.
4:30
Whatever the situation may be, they don't really care about helping you.
4:33
So send it out to people that you're almost 100% positive will respond to you.
4:37
Also, make sure, and this one's really important, probably the most important of the list.
4:41
Men that won't pull punches with you.
4:43
Men that are not going to pull any punches.
4:45
These are guys that care about you, that like you, they may love you, whatever the situation may be.
4:50
But you don't want guys that are just like, "Oh man, you're the best.
4:54
There's nothing I could possibly think about you that would be better."
4:58
All the while on the back of their mind, they're like, "Well, he's kind of fat and he yells at his wife a lot.
5:03
He drinks too much. His kids don't love him and respect him."
5:06
You don't want to be that guy.
5:07
You want to be able to give actual feedback.
5:09
And so the thing is, whenever you're going to people, you know who those guys are.
5:12
You know who the guys are in your life that aren't going to pull punches.
5:15
So make sure you ask them for their feedback.
5:17
And then the last thing is men that you won't mind giving feedback to.
5:21
So this is an important one because when you do this, and I'm going to explain a little bit more,
5:25
you might be a little bit confused. I'm going to explain how I personally do this here in just a second.
5:29
But the thing is, whenever I ask somebody to give me some feedback on me on who I am as a man,
5:35
I automatically have to think it to myself, "Do I want to give this person feedback?"
5:39
Because inherently, those people might say something along the lines of,
5:43
"Wow, that's actually a really good idea. Would you mind doing that for me?
5:47
Would you mind answering these questions about me?"
5:50
And so if you've got a guy that you're not really prepared to give them the honest feedback
5:54
that they need for whatever reason, you know, maybe don't send that email quite yet.
5:59
Maybe like get your thoughts together and kind of figure that out.
6:02
And another quick note is no women do not solicit feedback from women.
6:08
Just guys, okay? It's weird. It's weird otherwise because here's the thing.
6:12
I know some of you guys might be like, "Well, some of my best friends are women."
6:15
If you're married, that's weird.
6:17
Like it's just weird at the very least it's putting you in an awkward and precarious position
6:22
with you and your spouse. And I don't know your exact situation,
6:25
whatever the situation may be. But no, don't even ask mom.
6:28
Don't ask your sister. Don't ask those people. Just ask guys in your life.
6:31
These are people that should be able to understand what it's like being a guy.
6:35
And if they're around you quite often, which this person really should be,
6:38
then they understand what it's like being you to a certain degree, okay?
6:42
So you don't want to do that with a woman, with a woman, okay?
6:45
So here's the deal. Is periodically, so maybe once every three to five years or so,
6:50
I should probably do it more often.
6:52
I will send out an email to guys that are on a short list and ask for feedback.
6:56
So what I'm going to do is I did this here recently, right, within the last four months or so.
7:00
I'm going to actually read you the email that I sent out to these guys, okay?
7:05
Because I don't want any excuses. Oh, I don't know how to write.
7:07
I don't know what questions I would want to answer.
7:09
Use mine as a template. And if you're worried about sitting here and, oh, I'm driving.
7:12
I can't jot this down. This will be in the show notes.
7:15
This sample email will be in the show notes.
7:17
You have my full permission to send it out exactly as I'm reading it, okay?
7:21
So here you go. This is the original email, okay?
7:24
I periodically do some self reflection and evaluation just to see where I'm at with my development as a man.
7:30
One way that I gain assistance with that is by reaching out to some key people that are close to me in order to get direct feedback.
7:36
So below are some questions that I'd like to get your answers on.
7:40
The big key for me here is to make sure that the answers you give me are brutally honest.
7:46
Obviously you don't have to be needlessly cruel or biting with your feedback,
7:50
but I want my improvements to be based off of truth.
7:53
No rush. I appreciate your help.
7:55
So here's the questions I ask, okay?
7:57
How would you describe me as a man?
8:00
How would you describe our friendship?
8:03
What would you say are my best qualities?
8:06
What would you say are my worst qualities?
8:09
What elements positive and/or negative do you feel like I bring to our group of friends?
8:14
And if you could change one thing about me, what would it be and why?
8:20
So let me be clear about this because here's the thing is I'm catching a lot of you guys,
8:24
you know, second week of January kind of a deal.
8:26
I'm catching you in this swing of new year, new me, and I'm going to focus on this and I'm going to be better at that
8:31
and I'm going to do all these kinds of things like that.
8:33
That's kind of what we want to do.
8:34
Here's the thing.
8:35
Every man needs to do this, this year.
8:40
Every single one of you listening to this podcast,
8:43
you need to do this, this year.
8:46
Yes, I'm specifically talking about you.
8:49
The guy that just automatically said, "Ah, Kyle's probably not talking to me."
8:52
Yes, I'm 100% talking about you.
8:55
Steal my email.
8:57
I'll put it in the show notes.
8:58
Like I said, steal it whole cloth and use it as your own, okay?
9:02
But before I get into some of the feedback, because I'm going to share with you the feedback that I got, right?
9:06
And I'm just going to read it right as the guys wrote it.
9:08
Brutal, nice, bad, all of it, okay?
9:11
But the thing about it is, is when you send something like this out,
9:14
you need to prepare yourself for what you might get back, okay?
9:18
And so I have a few tips here that I'll go through quickly about how to prepare your hearts and minds
9:23
for what they'll say or what they might say, okay?
9:26
So the first thing is, you're asking for brutal honesty, so expect it, okay?
9:33
You can't put, "Hey, I want you to be brutally honest."
9:36
And then when they're brutally honest, be like, "Oh man, you didn't have to go so hard in the paint."
9:40
"What's your problem?"
9:41
You don't want to be that person, okay?
9:42
Expect it to be brutally honest.
9:44
Also, don't expect everyone to respond immediately, okay?
9:48
I'm wired, I have that personality that as soon as somebody sends me something like this, I got to get it out immediately.
9:53
Not because it's, you know, not important, but it's because I want to make sure I do it,
9:57
and I want to do it while it's fresh on my mind, so I just do it immediately.
10:00
Most people are not wired that way.
10:02
I'm wired like a lunatic.
10:03
Most people, you know, they want to maybe think about it, and they want to kind of give themselves a little bit of a runway.
10:08
So don't expect everyone to respond in the same time period, okay?
10:12
The next thing is, don't brush off the positive or the negative feedback, okay?
10:18
So kind of the deal is, is like some people, whenever people give them compliments, they kind of, they can't even say, "Thank you."
10:24
It's like something inside them, like sometimes whenever I get a compliment, I'm like, "Okay, like it's just weird for whatever reason."
10:29
I just want to like move on and like put the pressure on somebody else or put the intention on somebody else.
10:34
So don't brush off the positive feedback, embrace it, think about it.
10:37
But the same thing with negative feedback.
10:39
If you got an ego problem, and someone gives you some negative feedback, you're like, "Ha, you know, this is kind of what I got to do."
10:45
So check your pride when you get the negative feedback, right?
10:48
Which, that's my tendency.
10:50
When I read some negative feedback, I just start welling up with all the excuses, right?
10:54
All the reasons why this person just doesn't possibly know what I'm going through, you know, that kind of nonsense.
10:59
Just check your pride, deal with it, okay?
11:01
The next thing here is be satisfied with novels, bullet points, or something in between.
11:08
Again, if you're sending this out to a group of five or six guys or something like that,
11:11
every guy's going to be a little bit different.
11:13
One guy's going to go ham.
11:14
He's going to like write you a novel on every single one of those and get into graphic detail,
11:19
maybe put examples in there, maybe have, you know, some links that you need to click on
11:24
and some subtitles and subscripts that he's going to get into all that, all right?
11:28
The thing about it is be okay with that.
11:31
Because then you're going to have other guys that are a little bit more to the point type people.
11:34
So they may literally send you three bullet points to answer that question, right?
11:38
Now with the novel people, you would probably assume that you would want that to be a little bit less, you know, verbose.
11:43
But with the bullet point people, you might have to ask follow-up questions.
11:46
But if you get any of those types of things or something in between, just be satisfied with that.
11:50
They gave you their best effort, we would assume, so just move on with it, okay?
11:54
The next thing is make sure to be open to other means of communication, okay?
11:59
So I said from the very beginning and I told you what I sent out, I sent out an email, right?
12:04
Some people don't like typing emails.
12:06
I am one of those people.
12:07
I hate it.
12:08
I think it's a very, very inefficient way of communicating, but sometimes it's just all you have to do.
12:12
Some people might want to call you.
12:14
They might say, hey, you know, buddy, thanks so much for sending this over.
12:17
I would love to answer these questions.
12:19
Can I just, can we do a phone call?
12:21
Can we make that happen?
12:22
Some people are going to want to do that in person.
12:24
Like, one of my guys wanted to do this in person.
12:26
Now, I got to say, it was annoying to me.
12:28
It was really annoying to me.
12:29
But because the reason is, is because I like to go back and look at this feedback.
12:33
So I, before I sent these emails, I went back to the last time I did this.
12:36
And I kind of evaluated the three guys that I, or the four or five people I sent it out to at that point.
12:41
And none of those people were really that big a deal in my life now.
12:44
So that was kind of interesting to see, you know, kind of where I've evolved with my different friendships and my group of people.
12:49
That kind of a deal.
12:50
But at the same time, I can go back and see, oh my gosh, this guy gave me this negative feedback and I still do that.
12:56
What a moron.
12:57
So whenever somebody wants to do a phone call or an in person thing, you know, if you can take notes, take notes, do that kind of thing.
13:03
Because you want to make sure this is useful, not in the short term only.
13:06
You want to make sure it's useful in the long term as well.
13:08
And then the last thing here, and you know, this isn't the most fun thing I've had to talk about ever, but prepare yourself to be let down a little bit.
13:16
Okay.
13:17
So here's a deal.
13:18
I'm not going to give any names because that's, that's not the whole point of this.
13:21
But I sent this out to six people and this was a very strategic six people.
13:25
Right.
13:26
So these are people that have been around me in a lot of context for a while.
13:31
Right.
13:32
So there's some people that, you know, I would be interested to get their feedback, but this is kind of that initial salvo of people.
13:38
And so it was six people.
13:40
Two of those people never got back to me.
13:44
And guys, these are foxhole guys of mine, right?
13:48
So if you go back to my foxhole podcast, these are two guys that I talked about that are important parts of my life and they are foxhole guys.
13:54
But neither one of them has gotten back to me.
13:57
And I sent this out, like I said, probably about four months ago, it would, I think it would have been October or something like that.
14:02
I'm not, not exactly quite sure.
14:04
But I think about October of 2019.
14:07
And I don't exactly know why these people didn't get back to me.
14:11
You know, I've reached out subsequently to just kind of remind them, hey, you know, this important to me.
14:16
If you wouldn't mind getting this done, that would be a big help to me.
14:19
Thank you so much.
14:20
I appreciate it kind of a deal.
14:21
And both of them were like, yeah, yeah, I'll get on it.
14:23
And then they just didn't.
14:25
And so in terms of all those types of emotions, that might hurt your feelings.
14:29
It certainly kind of hurt my feelings a little bit.
14:31
It's like, okay, you Jack wagons.
14:33
Like I sent this to you.
14:34
This isn't going to take you about five, ten minutes.
14:36
You can find the time to do that.
14:38
I know you got kids.
14:39
I know you got businesses.
14:40
You got things to do.
14:41
But for love of God, like how many times you get an email like this where a guy's like trying
14:45
to develop himself?
14:46
Okay.
14:47
And some of those things that might happen is, you know, maybe a guy is just really that
14:51
busy.
14:52
Maybe he is a super combo of busy and forgetful, right?
14:56
Maybe that's kind of who they are.
14:57
So you kind of show them a little bit of grace, not a lot, but a little bit of grace.
15:01
And then some people might just be selfish.
15:04
I mean, there and again, I'm not saying anything about one of these two guys, but maybe they're
15:07
just really, really selfish.
15:09
This isn't something that they can do to help themselves.
15:12
And so it's just not in the top one hundred things on their priority list that they want
15:16
to get done.
15:17
And maybe it's not an nefarious reason.
15:19
Maybe they saw the email.
15:20
They're like, Oh, this is a great idea.
15:21
And then they just moved on.
15:22
Okay.
15:23
But that's the thing that you need to prepare yourself for is you might get let down.
15:27
You might get let down by a family member.
15:29
You might get let down by a foxhole guy.
15:30
It just kind of is what it is.
15:32
These are not perfect people, even though they're in their, your foxhole, even if you
15:36
spend a lot of time thinking about them being in your foxhole, that doesn't mean that they're
15:40
just going to do that outright, that they're just going to do everything that you ask.
15:43
So again, it might be disappointing.
15:45
It's certainly disappointing to me, but just log that in your brain, guys.
15:49
That's the thing that I do with people.
15:51
And you know, that's kind of how you have people filter into and out of your life.
15:54
I'm kind of one of those guys that if you screw me over, that's just kind of one of those
15:57
things that, you know, I'm just going to remember that.
16:00
I'll remember that for the future.
16:02
You know what I mean?
16:03
Now that we've got that all out of the way, I'm going to go ahead and give you kind of
16:06
the feedback that I got, right?
16:07
So there's four guys that got back to me and they gave me feedback.
16:11
One of the guys gave me feedback, but he, we did it in person because he's like, man,
16:14
I don't want to write this.
16:15
I'd just rather, you know, sit across from you and have a whiskey and kind of talk through
16:19
it.
16:20
And so, you know, that was good in the moment, but you know, it's kind of hard for me to
16:23
kind of log that in my brain for the future, but I'm going to go over three of the different
16:26
guys' feedbacks and I'm just going to kind of read through, maybe give commentary throughout.
16:29
I won't give you their names, obviously, if you might know them, but I'll kind of give
16:32
you an idea of what you might expect whenever you do this and maybe some of my thoughts to
16:37
their feedback.
16:38
So I'll go ahead and get into the first guy's feedback here.
16:41
Thanks for considering me to answer some self-reflection and evaluation questions over you.
16:44
This is a noble and humbling act to do.
16:46
If you don't mind, could you answer the same questions about me?
16:49
I'm in no rush for answers considering I would not have asked you if you did not ask me first.
16:53
This is something we should add in Fight Club.
16:56
That's our Sunday night group.
16:57
This helps to humble our pride some as well as see yourself through the other person's
17:01
eyes.
17:02
So that was kind of his introduction.
17:03
And I responded immediately to this guy answering these questions.
17:06
So if you send someone these questions, expect them to ask for him back.
17:09
Okay.
17:10
So first question, how would you describe me as a man?
17:13
This is a thing.
17:14
This is his answer.
17:15
All right.
17:16
You are an individual who is thriving to grow intellectually and spiritually.
17:19
You are continuously and intentionally sinking lion of Judah.
17:22
You are a person who stands up for what you believe and you are sure to let people know
17:25
that.
17:26
You are a man who fights for justice and wants to see evil defeated.
17:29
So that's a, that's a pretty good description.
17:32
So to this guy that wrote it, who does listen to this podcast, that's pretty dope.
17:35
I appreciate it.
17:36
Next question.
17:37
How would you describe our friendship?
17:38
We have an interesting friendship in that we knew each other in college and had the same
17:42
friends, but we never hung out until years later.
17:45
You are a friend who shoots it to me straight.
17:47
You do not beat around the bush when you have something to share with me.
17:50
I need that because I tend to avoid certain topics or questions if I'm unprepared on how
17:55
to answer or unsure on the response it may bring.
17:58
You are someone who will sacrifice helping me laying flooring with a broken thumb, even
18:03
when no one else could assist or move a 600 pounds safe into my garage.
18:07
You are a hospitable friend who is willing to open up his house to watch UFC fights or
18:12
other sporting events.
18:13
I need to do a better job at praying for my friends.
18:16
Okay.
18:17
So the little thing there, you know, this guy asked for some help with one of his rent
18:21
houses and I had my busted up thumb, right?
18:23
So I think it's just after surgery or something like that.
18:26
I'm in the big cast or whatever.
18:27
He needed help one day and I go down there on a Saturday morning and I was the only one
18:31
down there and he sent a text out to like 20 dudes, hey, I need some help with the floors
18:35
and I need some help with this.
18:36
And so that was a little disappointing.
18:37
I was disappointed for this guy.
18:38
He would never really admit that, but you know, he was glad to have that and, you know,
18:42
we all pitched in and got him a big safe for his garage, a big gun safe and all that.
18:47
And so, you know, went over there and helped him out.
18:49
And so it's one of those things that you do those things, not expecting a guy to thank
18:52
you later for it.
18:53
It's just kind of like, hey, man, appreciate it kind of a deal, but you just kind of move
18:56
on.
18:57
And they hear him talk about those specific examples.
18:59
Next one here.
19:00
What would you say are my best qualities?
19:02
Here was his answer.
19:03
I feel you are good at challenging people to seek higher purposes in their lives.
19:07
You are honest.
19:08
And if you say you're going to do something, you seek to do that.
19:11
You are someone who stands by your word.
19:12
You are willing to try something that you are not good at.
19:15
Many people avoid trying new things because it makes them appear vulnerable.
19:19
You step out of your comfort zone and that is not easy to do.
19:21
So okay.
19:22
Good answer there.
19:23
But now we get into the meat of the thing, which is whatever.
19:25
It's like, ah, great, you've told me all great things about me now is getting into the crappy
19:28
stuff.
19:29
So what would you say are my worst qualities?
19:30
Here was his answer.
19:32
Something you can work on as well as most others is acquiring more compassion for others.
19:37
We have to push people via workouts, business realm, et cetera, so they can display their
19:42
best performance.
19:43
Sometimes people may not be able to exhibit that at times and we as people have to be
19:48
able to see that.
19:49
We need to let them.
19:50
Okay, sorry.
19:51
Do we need to let them off the hook?
19:53
No.
19:54
We have to figure out the other ways to challenge them where they do not become disappointed
19:58
and quit.
19:59
Not everyone has the same mindset as us and we have to help build that up in people.
20:03
If people have made vital mistakes in their past, we have to keep them accountable and
20:07
encourage them to face their wrongs and grow from their mistakes.
20:10
We have to do that in a firm yet respectful and loving manner as stated in 1 Peter three
20:15
versus 15 and 16.
20:16
So here's the interesting thing about this particular feedback.
20:20
Is it started off pointed and then it got broader?
20:22
Okay.
20:23
It started off pointed where it's basically like Kyle, you don't have compassion.
20:27
You suck.
20:28
But this guy and if you know this guy, he likes to shoulder the burdens of other people.
20:32
So you notice how as I was going through there, he started saying we a lot, we have to keep
20:37
people accountable.
20:38
Like we have to figure it out.
20:39
We have to have this mindset.
20:40
The thing was, is he was kind of broadening it out to himself.
20:43
That's just kind of his style.
20:44
And that was one thing when I gave him direct feedback is I was like, brother, if you're
20:48
making a point to an individual person, don't try to soften the blow by saying we need to
20:52
do this.
20:53
It's like, brother, you need to do this.
20:55
This is your problem.
20:56
This is something you need to work on, but still point made.
21:00
I'm not a very compassionate person.
21:01
I don't know if you can gather that from any of these podcasts, but compassion is certainly
21:04
something I need to work on.
21:06
All right.
21:07
Next question.
21:08
What elements positive and or negative do you feel like I bring to our group of friends?
21:10
So this one, I'm leaving it open for them to go either way, right?
21:13
So here was his answer.
21:15
You challenge our group of friends to seek spiritual, mental and physical resilience.
21:19
Those three elements are very positive aspects a man can challenge another man to seek.
21:23
We live in a day and age where that is not the norm.
21:26
We need men like you who can help relight, who can help relight the flame and other men
21:30
so that they can grow in all three of those areas of life.
21:33
As far as negative, I don't feel like you have a negative element.
21:37
We don't want people who are the exact same as us.
21:39
Yes, we want to be around like minded people, but we should appreciate those who challenge
21:44
us to grow by looking at something in a different light.
21:47
I feel you do that.
21:48
Some may not always like the answers, but the way I look at it is that we love Jesus
21:52
and we want others to love Jesus.
21:54
That's the important part.
21:55
Okay.
21:56
And then the last question I asked is if you could change one thing about me, what would
21:58
it be and why?
21:59
He said this, I would have you grow your, I forgot he said this.
22:02
I would have you grow your hair and beard out.
22:04
Why?
22:05
Well, so you could follow in the footsteps of your ancestry line and look more like a
22:08
Viking, of course.
22:09
So you didn't exactly take that last question seriously, but it did make me laugh and smile
22:13
and it's making me laugh and smile again because I forgot he wrote that, but it just
22:16
kind of is what it is.
22:17
That was just the first one and again, I'm not giving these two in any particular order.
22:21
I'm just giving them to you and the, I guess in the order that they were sent to me, right?
22:24
So this isn't like, oh, this was the best one and the next one's not as good.
22:27
That was just his feedback.
22:28
He was the first guy to get back to me.
22:30
He got back to me within 24 hours and it was obviously well thought out and very well
22:34
written.
22:35
And so I really appreciate that.
22:36
So here's a second bit of feedback and this one is going to be more cogent and kind of
22:39
more to the point.
22:40
So second bit of feedback one, how would you describe me as a man?
22:43
You are a very purposeful, detailed, intelligent, well spoken, driven, physically fit man, a
22:48
natural leader and someone I look up to very much.
22:52
That's all he said on that one and it said volumes, right?
22:54
So next question.
22:55
How would you describe our friendship?
22:57
I think our friendship grew leaps and bounds in our trip to Colorado.
23:00
That would have been the summer of 2019.
23:03
It tends to be very focused on fun things that we share interest in, but I think that
23:07
there was a right amount of depth when necessary.
23:09
Next question.
23:10
What would you say are my best qualities?
23:11
I'd say your commitment and drive are a couple of your best qualities.
23:15
When your mind is settled on something, I don't think there is much that could keep
23:18
you from meeting your goals.
23:20
Next one.
23:21
What would you say are my worst qualities?
23:23
So I'm not sure if these are qualities, but sometimes I think your drive to get things
23:27
done may make some of your interactions with people seem impersonal.
23:31
We can talk more about this one in person.
23:32
It's hard for me to articulate in writing.
23:34
One other thing may be how intense and passionate you are about certain things.
23:38
Some of your statements can be hypercritical and condescending, so good stuff for me to
23:42
know and kind of have in the back of my brain, right?
23:45
Next question.
23:46
What elements positive or negative do you feel like I bring to our group of friends?
23:49
I feel like you bring a lot to our group.
23:51
As I was typing out an answer, they all centered around me feeling challenged by you.
23:55
So I'd say that you challenge everyone around you in one way or another.
23:58
So you're hearing these themes kind of coming out in multiple people's emails, right?
24:01
Okay.
24:02
Then the last one.
24:03
If you could change one thing about me, what would it be and why?
24:05
He said this.
24:06
Next sort of question about your worst qualities, I think it only makes sense that it would
24:09
be just tweaks about those things.
24:11
You're a stud, bro.
24:12
And I hope this is constructive.
24:13
If it doesn't come through in my answers, I think very highly of you and value our friendship.
24:18
Thanks for being a great example.
24:19
So again, some good things, good and bad for me to think about.
24:23
Okay.
24:24
Next one here, it's short in areas and longer in some other areas.
24:26
So this is the next bit of feedback I got.
24:28
How would you describe me as a man, bold and earnest?
24:31
I think you follow your convictions regardless of the consequences in a good way from my perspective.
24:36
Next question, how would you describe our friendship?
24:38
I would say that we are friends that can rely on and trust each other.
24:41
We haven't hung out enough to become too close, but that is mainly my fault, not yours.
24:45
I think I could trust you to be honest and reliable if I needed help with anything.
24:50
Next question, what would you say are my best qualities, leadership, perseverance and determination.
24:54
You are willing to answer the call and finish the job.
24:57
What would you say are my worst qualities, zeal and perfection.
25:01
I think you are a great leader and have an incomparable passion in all you do, but you
25:05
sometimes forget that not everyone shares your passion and your zeal for the subject.
25:09
This isn't really a criticism, but I think you need to be cognizant of your audience
25:13
at times.
25:14
It shows you care, but some people may take it as criticism because they cannot meet your
25:17
standards.
25:18
So I thought that was good feedback there.
25:19
Of course.
25:20
Next one, what elements positive or negative do you feel like I bring to our group of friends?
25:24
Again, I would definitely say leadership.
25:26
You came in quickly to our group and earned the trust to lead when needed.
25:30
I think your input during book discussions is invaluable.
25:33
This is another Sunday night guy where we talk about books, right?
25:36
The negative would be during leading workouts.
25:38
Some of the guys there can't be pushed too much and we're lucky they are even there.
25:42
I think you expect a lot of them at times and they cannot live up to the expectations
25:45
or standards.
25:46
Our group is weird and unique.
25:48
It breeds inferiority if we let it.
25:50
We can come together and strengthen each other, but we also compare ourselves to each other,
25:55
which can bring out insecurities, physically, socially, emotionally, etc.
25:58
This just may be my own ineptness, but it's my two cents.
26:01
And the last question here, if you can change one thing about me, what would it be and why?
26:05
He said this, I had to really think long and hard about this one, definitely your choice
26:10
in teams.
26:11
Okay, this is a Cubs fan.
26:12
So he's basically a horrible American and I'm a St. Louis Cardinals fan because I love
26:16
America and I'm anti-communist.
26:17
So that's why I said that.
26:19
Definitely your choice in teams.
26:20
But back to his feedback here, if I had to pick a second thing beside your horrible taste
26:23
and baseball teams, I would probably say your satisfaction slash piece.
26:27
I know that sounds weird, but I feel like you are always trying to learn something new
26:30
or change yourself to always improve.
26:33
I'm not saying mediocrity is acceptable, but I think you could be a little bit more
26:36
lax with yourself and appreciate how awesome you really are and where you are without making
26:41
it too mushy.
26:42
Hope this helps.
26:43
If you have any questions or if I was too harsh, let me know.
26:46
I promise I did not mean to offend, but I value honesty and try to put it across in a
26:52
truthful manner.
26:53
With that being said, I'm sometimes a dick and come off as brash, please let me know if
26:57
I was.
26:58
So I immediately responded to this guy and said, not brash at all.
27:01
That was the brutal honesty that I wanted and needed.
27:03
Good to go.
27:04
And I think I told you I was going to have four bits of feedback, but I'll just do those
27:07
three.
27:08
And again, I had another guy that forced me to do this in person, essentially the feedback
27:12
again, which I'm not going to be able to review for later was kind of similar to some
27:17
of the things that we've said here.
27:18
It's that you're obviously very passionate guy, you leave, it's just kind of a natural
27:23
thing that you do and you push people to a degree that you know, most people don't have
27:27
the ability to push people to.
27:29
And that was again, part of the negative as well as like sometimes when I'm pushing people,
27:33
I don't come off as compassionate because during a workout, I'm not going to be like,
27:36
Hey, do you think you can maybe like do another push up or two?
27:39
I don't know.
27:40
Maybe like that's just not really my style whenever I'm doing that it's more of a drill
27:43
sergeant coach type of scenario.
27:46
But again, this was another guy that's just like, man, you know, we've not known each
27:49
other for that long a period of time, but I feel like you've kind of led us into your
27:53
life.
27:54
You've embraced parts of our life and you've been able to help and just kind of been a
27:57
good overall team member.
27:58
So the thing about it guys is this was a good practice, but I just got to tell you it probably
28:03
took me two or three months just to send that email.
28:06
And the thing is because you're just scared about the responses.
28:09
I mean, I was scared about the potential responses because you are laying yourself bare.
28:14
You are naked on a stage, right?
28:15
You're saying, Hey, buddy, eviscerate me if you've got a problem with me or something
28:19
like that.
28:20
Right.
28:21
And again, two guys didn't respond.
28:22
Four guys did three V email and one in person.
28:24
But the thing about it is is you get the feedback that you need, right?
28:30
Now you might think to yourself, well, Kyle, most of your feedback was good.
28:32
Like my feedback is going to be bad.
28:35
And the thing is is maybe you'll get a bunch of good feedback.
28:39
Maybe you'll get a bunch of negative feedback.
28:40
Maybe it'll be somewhere in between, but that's good for you, right?
28:44
Because one thing that this has made me do, it's made me compare the feedback I got in
28:48
2019 to the feedback I got back in would have been 2015 or 2016, then just kind of see where
28:55
I'm at.
28:56
That's a good thing.
28:57
You see how you're developing.
28:58
Because if guys, if you look back on who you were five years ago and you're very, very
29:01
similar to that person, you're probably not developing enough, right?
29:05
Like, if you haven't evolved in your philosophies on particular topics, and I don't mean change
29:09
your mind on everything, but if you haven't deepened your understanding about important
29:14
things or important topics or things that you say are important to you, that's not a good
29:17
thing.
29:18
So this is one way that you can kind of get a signpost to be like, yeah, yeah, I'm doing
29:22
okay.
29:23
This is, you know, it could have been better, but you know, this is good.
29:25
But the other thing as well is you're thinking about the individual relationships with those
29:29
people.
29:30
And then you're thinking about that through the lens of the negative feedback that they
29:32
gave you, because that's very, very important.
29:35
Because on the things that were negative, which I highly appreciate, those are things
29:38
that I have to reckon with.
29:40
So one of the things, and I talk to this guy about it when he's like, yeah, you know, sometimes
29:43
when you're doing the workouts, you know, you're kind of pushing people past their limits,
29:47
that's the one place where I let my pride well up and stay there.
29:50
And I've talked about this before, because most guys don't work out hard enough.
29:56
And so they, they work out to be comfortable.
29:58
And it's like, why are you even working out then?
30:00
Just go for a walk like you're 85 years old.
30:02
But if you're able bodied and young, we need to get after it.
30:05
And, and again, I'm, I'm running you through a week, a workout once a week.
30:10
So let's not talk about like how I'm torturing you and destroying your body.
30:13
And that's kind of the thing is my philosophy, which is obviously different from this guys.
30:17
And that's fine.
30:18
I respect his opinion highly is when guys need to be pushed, someone's got to do it.
30:24
Because some people have that jocko willing spirit that no matter what, they are unbreakable
30:28
and they're just going to do it.
30:29
And they don't have to be told and they don't have to be motivated and they don't have to
30:32
like have the right song on, they can just make it happen.
30:35
Most guys are not that way.
30:37
And so again, if you're in your brain, your brain's telling you, oh, your legs can't hold
30:42
the wall sit anymore.
30:43
I just couldn't possibly do another push up.
30:45
And then all of a sudden I holler at you and say, get back on the wall, get on the wall
30:48
sit and you can do it.
30:50
It's an obvious hint that it's your brain.
30:53
It's your mind that is weak, not necessarily your body.
30:56
And the thing is, is we all have places on our bodies that, that are weak.
31:00
We probably the best athlete that we have in our entire Sunday night crew, like, and everyone's
31:05
going to know who I'm talking about, the best athlete that we have in there.
31:09
He's at certain areas that he's not great at.
31:11
One of those things is something called hip hops.
31:13
It's like, okay, you're laying on your back.
31:14
You've got your, you know, balls of your feet pointed towards the ceiling and you're basically,
31:18
you know, you got your hands on your head and you're raising your hips up off the floor
31:22
and you're shifting your hips left and right.
31:25
Okay.
31:26
And so it's, it's a really hardcore workout because it is, it is working out your hips,
31:30
your lower abs, your obliques, like it's working everything.
31:33
And this is a guy that is the picture of health, the best athlete around us at any time, and
31:37
he really struggles with hip hops.
31:39
And so there was a day that we were doing, uh, ab workouts, right?
31:42
And so we're going from this exercise to this exercise to whatever, whatever.
31:46
And so every time I would go to a new exercise, I would yell at this guy and say, hey, you're
31:50
going to do hip hops.
31:52
And the first time it was kind of funny, but for the rest of the workouts, like, nope,
31:55
you're still doing hip hops, because that's a block for him right now.
31:59
That's a weak part in his body.
32:00
That's a weak part, maybe even his, even his genetics and his bodily makeup that, that
32:04
makes that, that workout difficult right now.
32:07
But that's my job is to help him make that better because I know this guy wants to be
32:11
better.
32:12
And I know this guy doesn't want to have any soft parts about him and in those types of
32:15
things that at the same way he doesn't want to have rough edges so we can maybe smooth
32:19
those out.
32:20
So that's a one bit of feedback that I kind of push back against, but you still respect
32:23
the opinion of the guy.
32:24
I kind of went on tangent there, but you still respect the opinion of the guy that that is
32:28
his honest opinion and he thought enough of it to give it directly to me.
32:32
So you take all those things, I'm mainly focused on the negative, but you take all the positive
32:36
and negative and then you start to try and apply it, okay?
32:39
But guys, if you need any more, you know, motivation to do this, here's some of the biggest reasons
32:45
to do this.
32:46
It's just like a few quick ones.
32:47
I have five quick ones here.
32:48
Okay.
32:49
The first is this, even if you do regular self reflection, you're limited to your own perspective.
32:55
So if you're one of those guys that goes out in nature and spends an hour just sitting
32:59
there like thinking and like looking at the trees and the leaves and all that kind of
33:02
stuff and you spend a lot of time reflecting on who you are as a father, as a husband,
33:06
as a business owner, as a friend, as a whatever, you're still limited to your perspective.
33:10
You're limited to all of your life experiences and the lens through which you look at them,
33:14
right?
33:15
You need to get other people's perspectives.
33:17
The next biggest reason to do this is you 100% have blind spots, but good foxhole members,
33:24
those guys around you will point them out to you.
33:27
And it's not like a jerk thing like, Oh, look at Kyle, you are, you're good, but you're
33:31
not.
33:32
And I'm going to tell you why it's a positive thing you should know about your blind spots.
33:37
The next biggest reason to do this is this creates deeper levels of trust within your
33:41
foxhole, right?
33:43
If the guys in your foxhole, if you can trust them with the deepest, darkest things about
33:49
yourself, right, telling them the worst things you've ever done, that develops trust.
33:53
It's helpful.
33:54
But in addition to that, in addition to that, when you ask someone these questions, you're
33:58
basically saying to them, brother, I trust you and I trust that you are not going to
34:04
take these questions and try to hurt me with them.
34:07
You are going to try to help me.
34:08
And if you couldn't get that from the three bits of feedback that I read that those guys
34:11
want me to be better and that they care about me, then I, you need to go back and listen
34:15
to it again.
34:16
Because that's exactly what they were trying to do, exactly.
34:19
The other thing that this is, another big reason to do this guys is you can be the jumping
34:24
off point for a tidal wave of positive conversations.
34:27
You, because most groups of guys have never done this.
34:31
You never considered doing this with your fraternity.
34:33
You never considered doing this with the guys that you work with.
34:35
The guys from the police academy, the guys from boot camp, you never considered doing
34:38
this, right?
34:39
You could be the jumping off point for this.
34:42
And that doesn't mean you're going to get like a trophy a year from now when all this
34:45
positive feedback goes flying around.
34:46
But this is a good thing.
34:48
You could be the jumping off point, why wouldn't you want to create that tidal wave of positivity?
34:52
And the last thing, and the last thing guys, hear me on this, absolutely hear me on this.
34:57
You have to constantly get better.
35:03
You have to.
35:05
And I know some of you right now, you're, you got this scriptural thing welling up in you.
35:08
It's like, Hey, we just need to be satisfied in the Lord and we need to just, you know,
35:13
just be okay and just kind of exist in all those things.
35:16
That's not the context that I'm talking about.
35:18
I'm talking about you're in your twenties, you're in your thirties, you're in your forties
35:22
and Lord willing, you've got a long ways left to go.
35:25
You may not even be at the halfway point, right?
35:28
We don't know that, but you may not even be at the halfway point.
35:30
Do you really want to be this guy 40 years from now?
35:35
Do you want to have the same struggles?
35:37
Do you want to have the same issues?
35:39
Do you want to have the same things coming at you in the same ways as always?
35:44
Do you want that because one of the ways you can stave that off is by constantly getting
35:49
better.
35:50
It's by having your friends help you identify your blind spots and to work on them because
35:54
here's the thing guys, compassion came up a lot in my feedback.
35:58
I'm not all of a sudden going to be the most compassionate person you've ever been around.
36:03
That's just not, it's just not in the, in the cards for me, right?
36:07
Aside from maybe a overwhelming change by God, you know, reaching down and like switching
36:11
this, you know, the flipping a switch in my brain or something like that, I'm never going
36:15
to be that person, but I can elevate that a bit.
36:18
I can focus on it more, right?
36:21
There are people like my wife, she doesn't have to think about being compassionate.
36:24
She just is, okay?
36:27
And just because that comes naturally to her doesn't mean that I have to ignore that in
36:30
myself.
36:32
I have to make sure that I'm good with that, that I can reckon with that and that I can
36:37
make it actionable.
36:39
And guys, we have to do this constantly.
36:43
Do you want to just always be the father that you are right now?
36:46
Ah, you know, I'm a pretty good husband.
36:48
I'm a six or a seven out of 10.
36:50
That's good enough.
36:51
Why?
36:52
Why would you think that way?
36:54
And here's the thing is there are times when you need to just rest in the satisfaction
36:58
of the things that you've been able to accomplish or the things that the Lord is blessed with,
37:02
but at the same time, most of you guys put everything into that category.
37:06
You're like, ah, you know what?
37:07
I could be better in business.
37:08
I could have a better year.
37:09
Like I could be a better employee.
37:11
I could be a better employer.
37:12
I can be better in all these different areas.
37:14
I could probably run a little faster.
37:15
I could probably jump a little higher.
37:17
That's fine.
37:18
Just yesterday, I was in a boot shop in Guthrie, Oklahoma.
37:21
And there's a kid who is apparently a wizard of a baseball player, but he doesn't care
37:26
about school.
37:28
And so since his kid was like 13 years old, he's had scouts come to his games, 13 years
37:32
old.
37:33
He's had scouts come into his games, trying to, you know, looking at him.
37:36
He's a shortstop.
37:37
He's actually a real slick fielder, a good hitter, all those things fast.
37:40
Everything you want in a baseball player, especially a middle infielder.
37:43
But this kid just doesn't really care about school at all.
37:47
And so the thing is that's kind of limiting his options in terms of wanting to go to college.
37:51
He's not really motivated to go to college because he's like, I want to play ball, but
37:54
I don't want to go to school.
37:56
And he was interesting because these three old timers that were in there, they've obviously
37:59
talked to this kid a lot.
38:00
But I just met him and I just started asking him different questions.
38:03
I said, well, you know, if you want to try to see where you could go in terms of baseball
38:08
and being a, at least a decent student is part of that, why wouldn't you work on that?
38:13
It's like you wouldn't, let's say you don't have great natural footwork when trying to
38:17
turn a double play.
38:19
Just saying that, ah, you know what, I'm not very good at that naturally.
38:22
I'm not that interested in it.
38:23
I'm just not going to do it.
38:25
That's an essential part of being a shortstop is being able to turn that double play, right?
38:29
You would never ignore that because it leads to your overall goal.
38:32
So for some of you guys, just like with this kid, you don't see how certain weaknesses
38:37
in your life directly relate to the things that you're trying to do in the long term,
38:42
to the goals that you set forth for yourself.
38:44
And as I say this all the time, one of the reasons why I pushed the guys so hard at our
38:47
workouts on Sunday nights is because when you accomplish something, when you've really
38:52
done something that is truly difficult, it has dividends for the rest of your life.
38:57
It's not just exercise.
38:59
It's not, ah, you know, well, I could have just done the equivalent of jogging a mile
39:02
and a half.
39:03
But instead I did the equivalent of running like a thousand wind sprints.
39:06
Sure that's going to be good for your cardiovascular health and for your car.
39:09
You know, he's going to be good for all those things, right?
39:12
Got high blood pressure.
39:13
That's going to bring it down a little bit.
39:14
It's going to be good.
39:15
Right?
39:16
I'm not a doctor, but you know what it is.
39:17
It's going to be good.
39:18
But the thing about it is, is the next time you're in a hard situation, maybe at home,
39:21
you've understood what it means to get past something that's really difficult in your brain.
39:27
You've understood now you were over this thing that you didn't think that you could accomplish,
39:30
but now you've got this project at work and it is eating your lunch.
39:33
But you know what?
39:34
You can overcome it.
39:36
These all of these things relate and it works the same in reverse.
39:40
Maybe you're the guy that focuses on work first and you don't really focus on your body
39:42
and you've got this thing at work and it's like, man, I'm not capable of being able to
39:46
figure out this project.
39:47
And then you do and then you come to the gym and it's just like, I can overcome this.
39:52
It's just probably 10 more pushups.
39:53
It's just a few more setups, it's all related, all of this is related.
39:58
So guys, I'm imploring you, I'm begging you, do this and don't think about it like, oh,
40:04
this is a good idea.
40:05
If you're driving right now, driving right now, say something along the lines of, hey,
40:09
Siri, set a reminder for two hours from now to email my friends on my short list.
40:14
Make sure this is something that you do.
40:15
Make sure this is absolutely 100% something that you do.
40:19
Have you gotten the point now that this is something that you should do?
40:21
Okay, good.
40:22
We can move on.
40:23
Let me let you go.
40:24
We are going to do a quick resilience boost.
40:26
As you know, by now, we are immense ministry and our mission is cultivating manly resilience.
40:30
Specifically, we do that by providing content like this podcast that allows you to forge
40:34
spiritual, mental and physical resilience and toughness.
40:37
So guys, I got a, it's a completely different thing.
40:40
It doesn't relate really to anything that we've talked about today, but I saw a really
40:44
interesting clip that I've seen before, but it just kind of came up again here recently.
40:48
It is Ravi Zacharias, who is one of our favorites here on Undaunted Life of Man's podcast.
40:52
But it is him talking to an atheist scientist, okay?
40:55
So the title is Atheist Scientist Tries to Challenge Ravi Zacharias, Incidentally Regrets
41:00
It.
41:01
So it's kind of one of those thug life videos, kind of, you know, one of those types of
41:02
deals.
41:04
But I want you to listen to this and I want you to watch this later because I want you
41:06
to watch Ravi's mannerisms.
41:08
I want you to watch the mannerisms of this atheist scientist who's trying to portray himself
41:12
as some sort of a genius, which he's clearly not.
41:15
And I just want you to see how he deals with this question because it goes back to a lot
41:18
of times we're talking about guys that have bad worldviews, guys that have incorrect ways
41:22
that they're thinking about things and just watch how a master, a complete master deals
41:27
with that guy.
41:28
I think it'll be good for you.
41:29
All right, guys.
41:30
Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
41:31
We really do appreciate it.
41:32
If you would, please subscribe on iTunes, SoundCloud, Spotify or Google Play and refer
41:36
your friends to listen and share this on social media guys.
41:39
As always, we love five star reviews.
41:41
If you don't think we're five star, don't worry about reviewing us, but leave us five
41:44
stars and let us know why you like the content.
41:46
I'm currently booking speaking engagements for the entirety of 2020.
41:49
So if you want me to come speak on your podcast, talk to your team, talk at your men's event,
41:53
hit me up info@undaunted.life, again, the email is info@undaunted.life.
41:58
The website is www.undaunted.life.
42:01
You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @undauntedlife or facebook.com/undauntedlife.
42:06
Check out our free devotionals on the U version Bible app.
42:08
Just search on Daunted Life under plans.
42:10
And as always, we want to thank the band August Burns Red for allowing us to use their
42:13
entire music library for our content.
42:16
The intro out to a track on this podcast is our song, King of Sorrow, which is off their
42:19
latest record entitled Phantom Anthem.
42:21
The links to all this are in the description.
42:23
I'm your host, Kyle Thompson.
42:25
Remember, keep cultivating manly resilience, keep forging spiritual, mental and physical
42:30
toughness, keep seeking the lion of Judah.
42:46
I am your friend on the side.