104 - Your Foxhole | Undaunted.Life

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0:31 This is Undaunted Life of Man's Podcast. I'm your host Kyle Thompson. Let's get into it.

0:45 All right, guys. Here's the deal. I get one question a lot. And so I get a lot of different

0:49 questions from you guys. A lot of them are the same. There's some unique ones as well.

0:53 But I get a question that is incredibly, incredibly important. And I've talked to different guys about

0:58 it in different types of ways. I've responded to emails on Instagram, people that have come to

1:02 see me in person. But it's something that's come up so often that I'm a little bit embarrassed that

1:06 I haven't talked about it on the podcast up to this point because of how important it is and

1:10 also just because of how often it comes up. But it's this question. How do I find a group of guys

1:16 to go through life with? So the question will come in a few different types of ways, but that's

1:22 essentially the gist of it is how do I find that group of guys to go through life with, right?

1:27 So if you've listened to this podcast for any length of time, you obviously have gotten a lot of

1:31 exposure to the group of guys that I would call my foxhole, right? And we'll get more into that

1:35 here in just a second. If I talk about my group of guys that gets together on Sunday nights and

1:39 does jiu-jitsu and reads books and all that type of thing and it's an open invite to anybody that

1:42 would want to come. It's the Forge in Edmond, Oklahoma, which is just outside of Oklahoma City.

1:47 We do it every Sunday at seven o'clock. But I've heard a lot of guys like, well, you know,

1:50 I want something like that, but I don't really have that. So how do I get that, right? And so

1:55 I think the best way to tackle this is I'm going to kind of give you an overall concept of, okay,

2:00 what is a foxhole? Because that's what I call it. Some people call it a band of brothers. Some

2:03 people call it something else, but it's what I call it as a foxhole, right? And I'm going to kind

2:07 of go over like what types of guys should you have in your foxhole? I'll talk about my foxhole. Like

2:12 who are the guys that you should avoid? Like that type of thing. But the very first thing is just

2:16 kind of the overall concept of a foxhole. And so for me, when I think about a foxhole, I think about

2:22 those are the guys that are with you when you look to your left and to your right. I know that's

2:27 an oversimplification of what I mean, probably, but ultimately it's it's the people that are around

2:32 you. It's the guys that are around you that are going to be there for you. If something goes wrong,

2:36 if something goes right, that's your foxhole, right? So for a lot of you guys, you look to your

2:41 left and to your right and you see some guys in your foxhole and you don't really like them, right?

2:46 You don't really want them to be there. And I understand that. And we'll talk a little bit more

2:51 about how you can kind of expel some of those people before too long. But again, when you look

2:56 to your left and to your right, you would prefer for the men in your foxhole to be choices of yours.

3:01 You would prefer to look to your left and your right and to see guys that you chose to be there.

3:08 Now, invariably, there's going to be a lot of guys that end up in your foxhole that you didn't

3:12 choose. But then you get to evaluate whether or not that it's a positive thing or a negative

3:17 thing because there's a lot of guys that have ended up in my foxhole that I may not have chosen,

3:20 but I'm so unbelievably glad that they're there. And then there are guys that are in my foxhole

3:25 that I just yeah, you're just kind of whatever. But again, it's the guys that are with you

3:29 all the time. And I don't mean that even literally like they're not like following you around your

3:33 house, but it's those people that are constantly in life doing life with you. So when you talk about

3:39 your foxhole, you obviously talk about what I call a foxhole guy. So this is a guy that is actually

3:44 in your foxhole. And so again, some of these people are there by choice. Some of these people

3:49 are there that with no choice whatsoever. Some people are there just because of convenience,

3:53 whatever the situation may be. But this is the type of guy that you want to be around you,

3:59 right? So if you get to choose, you want it to be a guy that meets some of the elements of what a

4:04 foxhole guy is, right? And so what I'm going to kind of give you an idea of right now is, okay,

4:10 how do you identify a foxhole guy, right? So someone that you want to be doing life with you,

4:15 and then we'll also talk about what a foxhole guy is not, right? Some some things you should

4:19 look for that you should probably avoid and kind of putting people into your foxhole. Okay. So the

4:24 first thing is a guy that you see often. So this might seem a little bit ridiculous to talk about

4:30 how often you see somebody. But I've talked to a lot of different guys and I kind of, you know,

4:34 just I'm naturally curious. And so I asked them, Hey, tell me about your best friends. Tell me about

4:38 the guys that are in your foxhole after we kind of talk about that concept a little bit. And a lot

4:42 of times it's actually embarrassingly a lot of times I get guys that'll describe other dudes

4:47 that they don't see very much. So this is a, you know, a great college friend that once a year,

4:53 right? They get together and, you know, maybe it's around the masters or maybe it's around,

4:57 you know, opening day for baseball or it's around hunting season or something like that.

5:01 And that's the guy. That's the guy that they talk about. That's a group of guys that they

5:04 talk about. But that's not really a foxhole guy. Because the guy that you don't see that often

5:10 doesn't have that big of an impact on you overall, because they're just not there. So if all the

5:16 things that we talk about, that's probably the simplest one. It's got to be a guy that you see

5:20 often now don't misunderstand me. That doesn't mean someone that you don't see very much isn't

5:24 an important person to you, right? I mean, for some of you, the best man in your wedding,

5:28 you might not see them in every, but every few months, maybe you've only seen them a few times,

5:32 you know, in the last several years, but that doesn't mean that they're not important and it

5:36 doesn't mean you can't love them. But it does mean that they're not in your foxhole with you.

5:40 That I mean, kind of think about it as a literal foxhole. If there's a guy that is a really,

5:45 really good buddy of yours, maybe he's a really, really good soldier, but he's not to your right

5:49 in a phalanx. Then you're not really, you're not really getting covered by that guy. You're

5:54 getting covered by somebody else. Okay. So that's kind of the first element of a hey,

5:57 how do you identify a foxhole guy? You got to see him often. The second thing is the guy has to be

6:02 available. It's a guy that is available, right? This kind of dovetails into the last one that

6:08 you have to be able to see them often. But you have a lot of guys that are, you know,

6:11 they meet some of the other elements that we're going to talk about here in just a second of kind

6:15 of what a foxhole guy is. But if they're not available, then they're not in your foxhole.

6:20 If this is a guy that is constantly working, or a guy that is constantly doing honey do's,

6:26 or a guy that is constantly doing this, or constantly on vacation, or constantly traveling for work,

6:30 or whatever the situation might be, they're probably not a foxhole guy,

6:33 because they're not available. And then you have guys that aren't nearly as exotic. They're

6:37 not going off doing a bunch of things. They're just would rather sit at home by themselves.

6:41 You know, that that's kind of a little bit of an element of somebody that maybe has more of an

6:45 intro, you know, kind of an introspective personality, maybe a little bit more of an introvert. But at

6:50 the same time, introvert, extrovert, that only tells me how you charge your batteries. Some people

6:53 charge your batteries in a group full of strangers, some people charge your batteries at home by

6:57 themselves on couch, right? But if a guy is always unavailable, they're not in your foxhole. And I

7:02 know as soon as I said that, some of you thought of a dude that's, man, I really like that guy,

7:05 the dude just is never available. He's just not a foxhole guy. Okay. So the third thing is,

7:10 is a guy that you've watched make improvements in their life. And that's very important that you've

7:15 watched make improvements in their lives. Some guys have made improvements and made changes in

7:21 their lives, but you weren't there for them. Okay. So maybe they lost a bunch of weight because they

7:24 let themselves go over a long period of time. Maybe they've developed their business and sold it.

7:28 Maybe they've made some tremendous strides with their marriage, like whatever the situation may be.

7:34 But I'm talking about guys that you've literally watched go through it. You watch them go through

7:40 the pain and agony of, you know, a marriage that was on a brink and come out on the other side.

7:44 You've watched them struggle to make payroll, but just find a way to get it done and take care

7:48 of their employees like someone that you've actually watched. That is a great foxhole guy,

7:53 because you get a really good idea of what their resilience is, right? You've watched them go from

7:58 one way to another way. You watch them go from one form of themselves to another form of themselves.

8:04 Okay. So that's the third one. The fourth one is this is a guy that seems to always be striving,

8:10 always striving. So this is somebody that's desperately trying to get better, right?

8:16 Maybe they're they're reading more books because someone challenged them to read more books. Maybe

8:20 they realized, man, I, you know, I'm in good shape, but I want to be in elite level shape to do this

8:24 particular race or this particular physical thing, right? They're always striving. Man,

8:30 I really want to read the Bible this year, but I really wanted to mean something. So I'm not going

8:34 to read the entire Bible. I'm just going to read, you know, you know, a Psalm a day. And then I'm

8:39 going to do this book of the Bible and I'm going to do a deep dive and, you know, just something,

8:42 maybe it's something like that, right? But they're always striving. They're always trying to get

8:47 better. That's that's a great guy to have in your foxhole. The fifth thing that you should look

8:51 for in identifying a foxhole guy is this a guy that quickly identifies mistakes he has made

8:56 and moves to remedy them. This is basically the anti-stick in the mud, right? This is the guy

9:02 that has enough humility to realize crap. I really shouldn't have done that. You know,

9:08 I really shouldn't have said that. I really shouldn't have gone there. I really shouldn't

9:10 have looked at that. I really shouldn't have, you know, really went there with that person.

9:14 And they identify and they make that change. They make that change as quickly as possible.

9:18 This isn't the person that basically holds on to something for several years. And then

9:22 when it's not important anymore and when nobody really cares, then apologize. Yeah, I really

9:26 shouldn't have done that. No, no, no, it's the person that can identify and have the humility to be

9:30 to be able to make, make the changes necessary to make the situation right. That's a great

9:35 guy to have in your foxhole. The sixth way to identify a good foxhole guy is a guy that doesn't

9:40 mind confronting you or others. Now, this is going to attack some of you, like directly,

9:46 this is going to hit some of you right in your core. Because a lot of you have a pride thing.

9:50 As do I, a major pride thing. We don't like to be told that we're wrong because we don't think

9:56 that we're wrong very often, right? So if you're constantly surrounded by guys and yet they're

10:02 not confronting you when you've done things incorrectly, that's a problem. You need guys like that

10:08 to confront you. I've talked about different times on this, this podcast I've talked about,

10:12 guys that have come up to me literally right after I said or did something that was wrong. Like you

10:16 want a guy that if you say something off color or biting to your wife at dinner, I've used this

10:20 example before, you want a guy that's going to snatch you up by your shirt and say, bro,

10:25 I know you don't mean that. I know you didn't mean it the way that it was, but you're not going to

10:29 talk that way to your wife. You're not going to do that, right? And if you're not going to stand up

10:32 for I will, you want someone that's going to be able to do those types of things and guys confront

10:36 people in different ways. Some guys are physical confrontation type people and I don't mean they're

10:40 going to beat you up. I mean, they might get in your face. They might actually put hands on you a

10:44 little bit and try to like snap you loose from whatever stupid thing you were thinking. And other

10:48 people are a little bit more cerebral. They're going to bring it down a bit. They're going to talk

10:51 to you. They're going to make eye contact and they're going to ask you questions about why you

10:55 acted in a certain way, why you said a certain thing. You need guys like that. And the last element

10:59 here is a guy that voraciously loves their woman. Voraciously loves their woman, right? And so again,

11:07 I say, I say it like that because some guys have girlfriends, some guys have wives, some guys are

11:10 single, but if they are with a woman, if they love them voraciously, you want those guys around you,

11:16 right? You want the guy that is going after the heart of his wife. You want the guy that is making

11:21 time for date night. You want the guy that tells his kids, Hey, guess what? If you were drowning

11:26 and your mom is drowning at the same time, I'm going to jump in, save your mom and probably take

11:31 time to dry her off before I jump back in and save you, right? You want the guy that is doing

11:36 that. And there's not, you know, that's kind of a ridiculous example. But at the same time,

11:39 it's like it's true. Like when the kids are gone, our woman should still be there, right? We should

11:44 still be there. And so again, the seven ways to kind of help you guys identify what a good

11:48 foxhole guy would be are these a guy that you see often, a guy that is available, a guy that you've

11:54 watched make improvements in their life, a guy that seems to always be striving, a guy that quickly

11:59 identifies mistakes he has made and moves to remedy them, a guy that doesn't mind confronting

12:04 you or others, and a guy that voraciously loves their woman. All right, now obviously, if we talk

12:09 about what a foxhole guy is, we also need to talk about what a foxhole guy is not. Okay,

12:14 now this first one is going to be a little bit offensive to some of you, right? If you got kids

12:18 listening to this, maybe ear muffs, some of you don't like this word. But it's probably the most

12:23 appropriate word, because with the previous ones, the elements of what makes a good foxhole guy,

12:27 those are not in any particular order one through seven, right? So, so don't rank them that way.

12:31 Now I'm about to give you seven ways or seven things that a foxhole guy is not two through seven

12:37 are not in any particular order. The first one is at the top for a reason. So prepare yourself.

12:42 You've been fairly warned. A foxhole guy is not a pussy. In guys, you know what I'm talking about.

12:50 The guy that is constantly not measuring up. A guy that is just a wuss in every way, shape,

12:58 and form. And it's almost weird that I have to like elucidate what this means, what this

13:03 word means. But you know it when you see it, right? And if you don't see it in other people,

13:08 perhaps it's because you're the one, right? You don't want a pussy in your foxhole. You don't

13:14 want a guy that when things start going rough, they're going to be the ones hiding down in the

13:18 bottom. Okay, well, one of my favorite stories that my stepdad told me, because he was he fought

13:23 in Desert Storm. And he was in one of the tank divisions that was actually going down towards

13:27 the palaces that were actually going to go take out the enemy whenever they were called back by

13:31 by Clinton and all those different things. But the guys that he told me about from boot camp,

13:36 those were the guys that were like super excited to get over there. Like, oh, I want to kill people,

13:40 man, I can't wait to kill all these tail heads. Like just get me over there, man. I'm just going

13:43 to take them out. Those guys, those were the guys when bullets started flying at them,

13:47 they were the ones that were hiding in the bottom of the tank, peeing their pants,

13:51 right? So my stepdad is up on top of this tank, you know, basically fighting off the enemy by

13:56 himself because the guys that were with him were pussies. You don't want guys like that in your

13:59 foxhole. Because here's the thing about some of those guys, some of those guys you can identify

14:03 right now, they are that way. Some guys you can't identify and you won't be able to identify them

14:10 as that until you see them really in the fire. So I'm sure that my stepdad didn't really know

14:16 at the moment that those guys were going to be that way until they got into battle,

14:20 which is a terrible time to realize that those guys are going to act that way.

14:24 So you don't want those guys around you. Okay, so you don't want to put in your foxhole.

14:29 The second is you don't want a complainer, a foxhole guy is not a complainer. And we've all seen those

14:34 guys that no matter what the situation is, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the

14:39 context, they're going to complain. They're going to complain about what the world has done to them.

14:43 They're going to complain about their place in it. They're going to complain about what time

14:46 everyone's going to show up. They're going to complain about what time everyone leaves. They're

14:49 going to complain about what restaurant we're going to. They're going to complain about what

14:52 workout we're going to be doing tonight. They're going to complain about what book we're going to

14:55 be reading or not reading. They're going to complain about everything. It's almost like it's in their

15:00 DNA. Now, all of us have preferences, right? But it's how you express them that makes you a

15:05 complainer or non complainer. All the things that I just listed, I have preferences on. I have

15:10 preferences on where I'd like to go to where I'd like to go to vacation, what movie I'd like to

15:13 watch, what book I'd like to read, all those different things. But guess what? If the group

15:17 doesn't want to go that direction, suck it up. Who cares? You don't want complainers in your foxhole.

15:24 The third thing is you don't want excuse makers in your foxhole. That's not what a foxhole guy is.

15:29 A guy that's always making excuses. So this kind of goes back to earlier when I'm talking about,

15:32 you know, people being available. But this is a person that, oh man, you know, I'd really like

15:36 to work out on Sundays. But man, that's just such a, it's such an important time for my family.

15:41 I mean, I did play golf three times this week and I did two fantasy football drafts. And also,

15:45 I was watching the World Series and also this and also that. But you know what, Sunday night,

15:49 it's just my sacred family time, right? Always making excuses. Oh man, you know what, I would

15:54 come help you move that, move that refrigerator or maybe move those trees or something like that,

15:59 but gosh, you know what, my back's just a little sore, you know, it's sore from all the nothing

16:04 that I did all this week, but the gosh darn it, it's sore. Or they make sure to not respond to

16:08 your text asking for help until after they know that you've already gotten help, right? That's kind

16:13 of like a future tense excuse maker. You don't want those guys, right? But guys, there are

16:19 times when you have literal excuses like right now, I just had surgery last week. So I've got a

16:23 group of guys that they need to move dirt from one part of this dude's yard from to another part

16:27 of a dude's yard. It's going to be a group of guys with shovels and you know, buckets and you know,

16:33 gosh, what am I, the wheelbarrows and all those different things like they're going to be moving

16:36 this dirt from one place to another. But I can't lift anything above 10 pounds for the next three

16:40 weeks, right? So that's a pretty darn good excuse. But if every time something like that comes up,

16:45 I'm like, oh, well, I can't really be there because of this or man, I kind of went out last night. So

16:50 my wife won't really be happy if I go out again. You don't want a lot of those guys around. You

16:54 don't want an excuse maker. Another thing that you don't want in your foxhole is you don't want

16:58 a settler. You don't want a guy that just settles, right? The good enough guy, right? Yeah, you know

17:05 what I'm, I'm in good enough shape. I, you know, I'm probably okay. I work out with one or two times

17:10 a week. I'm, I'm okay. Man, you know what? I read a book two years ago. That's probably all right,

17:16 right? I mean, it was a pretty good book. I can't remember the author and I don't really remember

17:20 what happened inside of it. But yeah, it was good. Ah, man, you know what? I'd probably run a little

17:26 bit farther. But yeah, it's just not I just kind of is what it is. I feel pretty good about where I'm

17:30 at. You know, I'd come to jujitsu a couple more times a week and try to get better. But you know,

17:34 I'm okay. I'm okay with being a three strike white belt forever. Like it is what it is. Maybe I'll

17:39 eventually get the lifetime achievement blue belt, but it just kind of is what it is. The settler.

17:43 You don't want that guy, that guy in your life. You certainly don't want a bunch of them because

17:49 when you're surrounded by settlers, you're going to respond in two different ways. One,

17:52 you're going to constantly try to outpace them and make sure that you're above them, which is great,

17:56 or you're going to acquiesce to their way of doing things. Yeah, you know what? I could do

18:01 it an extra run this week, but I think I'd rather not. You know, I could actually set a goal to

18:06 read a certain number of books this year. But you know, I think it'd be better if I just maybe took

18:09 it easy, right? Oh man, maybe I should just listen to my body. I feel a little sore, a little bit tired.

18:15 So I think I'm just not going to work out this month, right? That type of person, you don't want

18:19 that person in your foxhole. Another type of person that you don't want in your foxhole is an addict,

18:24 right? An addict. And that can go in a lot of different ways. But one thing before I really go

18:29 into this any further, that doesn't mean that if you got have a guy around you that has an

18:33 addiction problem that you should just cut them off. Not not from the outset, not from the very

18:38 beginning anyway, right? But when you're constantly surrounded by addicts, so let's talk about

18:43 addictions. Maybe they're addicted to pornography. Maybe they're addicted to masturbation. Maybe

18:47 they're addicted to sex with anything and everything and anyone. Maybe they're addicted to substances.

18:53 They're addicted to opioids, they're addicted to tobacco, they're addicted to alcohol. They're

18:58 addicted to lying. They're addicted to their work. They're addicted to certain people in their life,

19:04 like take addiction, whatever way that you want to go, okay? People that have vices like that,

19:09 that are so strong and have so much control over them that they're actually controlling their life,

19:13 you don't want a lot of guys like that in your foxhole. Again, you're going to have guys in your

19:18 life that have addictions that need to be addressed. And that's a good place for them to be addressed

19:22 is in your foxhole. But you can't have a guy that has been addicted to alcohol for the last five

19:28 years and he's still addicted today. At a certain point, you got to get that guy out or you got to

19:34 get that guy serious help. Because coming and talking to your group of guys once a week or once

19:38 a month or once a quarter or once a year isn't doing it. Clearly, you can't have that guy in your

19:43 foxhole and we'll get more a little bit into that later about how do you get a guy like that out,

19:47 okay? Then the last, another thing that you want, there's two more, a guy type of guy that you don't

19:51 want in your foxhole is a womanizer. You don't want a womanizer in your foxhole. And for some of you

19:56 guys, I'm talking to you. You're the guy that's constantly looking at the waitresses. But when

20:01 they're walking away, you're the guy that is like, Oh, no, we're having another meeting at Hooters,

20:06 right? I mean, I didn't pick the restaurant. Oh, oh, you want to meet me at Twin Peaks for a drink

20:11 right after work? Sure. I guess I'll do that, right? You just kind of constantly are ending up in

20:15 those situations, right? It's almost like it just happens, right? You're the guy that can't go to

20:20 the beach without undressing literally every woman with your eyes. You're the guy that is

20:24 constantly cheating on your wife. Oh, that one hurt a little bit, didn't it? You're the guy that

20:30 is constantly cheating on their wife, constantly making kind of these second life sacrifices where

20:36 you're sacrificing your family and your spouse and the covenant you made before God, just because

20:41 you're not really being fulfilled sexually by your wife or whatever excuse that you make.

20:45 I don't think I got to explain that much further to realize that you don't want a guy like that in

20:49 your foxhole because for a lot of us guys, we struggle in that area, right? We struggle at

20:55 looking at females. We struggle when we look at other women. It's hard for us to go online because,

20:59 you know, maybe we're going to be tempted to look at some different things. And when you're

21:02 constantly around guys that are making off color comments about women, you don't want that in your

21:06 foxhole. You don't want guys that are constantly making off color comments about the women that

21:12 are around them, about other people's wives, about other, you know, those types of things,

21:16 those are seeds that get planted in your brain. And man, do they sprout quickly, right? Because

21:22 for some people, it takes a little comment, right? You know, maybe you're all sitting at a bar watching

21:26 UFC fight or something like that. And a girl walks by on her way to her table or the bathroom or

21:30 something like that. And one guy just goes, whoa, she's healthy. And then all of a sudden, the other

21:35 five guys at the table, they want to look too. I wonder who's healthy. I wonder what my buddy

21:40 meant by healthy. Oh, well, clearly she looks healthy, right? It takes one little comment. That's a

21:46 little seed that is planted fertilizing grows and it just sprouts immediately. So if you've got a lot

21:51 of guys like that around, isn't it going to be harder for you to maintain good control over your

21:57 eyes to keep lust at bay? You don't want a lot of guys like that around you. And the last thing

22:03 is this, you don't want to bum a bum. You know exactly what I'm talking about, just lazy. They

22:10 just never want to do anything. Everything is too much effort, right? They would rather just sit

22:17 in veg. The number one thing that they want to do with their entire lives is veg out. That's all

22:22 they want to do. And if you get between them and veg out, they don't really want to be around you

22:26 that much. You don't want bums around guys. So again, just kind of run down this list. You don't

22:32 want a pussy, a complainer, an excuse maker, a settler, an addict, a womanizer or a bum. You don't want

22:38 these guys in your foxhole. But now for some of you guys right now that you're thinking through this,

22:43 you're thinking about your community. You're thinking about the guys that are around you. You're like,

22:46 okay, those are the types of guys I don't need to have. Here are some types of guys that I do need

22:49 to have. But you know, maybe I only have one or two of those guys in my life. How do I find more?

22:54 How do I find more guys to be in my foxhole? So here's a few places I need to look. The first one

23:00 is kind of duh, but it's your family, okay? Some of you guys still live maybe in your hometown or

23:04 you live where you're around a bunch of family. So think about your brothers, your cousins,

23:09 you know, your your uncles and people like that. You might find foxhole guys there. But typically

23:14 what I've found for most people is family members are members of their foxhole that they wish weren't

23:20 there. They don't really want their brother in their foxhole. Their cousins or idiots, right?

23:24 They're their dads amor on or was never there or something like that. So that's kind of something

23:29 that's interesting. But for for some of you, you have a completely different story like, oh my gosh,

23:33 I'm tireder with my brothers than I am with anybody or men like my second cousin is like a

23:37 brother to me. And you know, it's something like that. So that's a good place to look for foxhole

23:40 guys, family. The second and this is one that I need to tell you that you kind of need to proceed

23:45 with a little bit of caution is your church. Now, why would I say proceed with caution?

23:51 Because as I go back to that list of things that you don't want in guys that are in your foxhole,

23:56 post these complainers, excuse maker settlers, addicts, womanizers and bums,

24:00 you can find a lot of those in churches. I got a lot of them. Now, to be fair, you can find a lot

24:05 of those places or types of guys just about anywhere. But I see that especially true with a lot of

24:12 guys in church. And that's not just because, oh, that's the church you went to or that's the church

24:16 that you were raised in. No, it's because I've seen it a lot. I've been to a lot of different

24:20 churches. I've been a visitor. I've went and spoke. You see a lot of that and a lot of guys.

24:24 But there are some diamonds in the rough at most churches. Again, churches aren't the place where

24:28 it's kind of this bastion of masculinity and testosterone for the most part. But you can find

24:33 some foxhole guys there. It's absolutely possible. So you should certainly look there. Another place

24:39 is to look at a jujitsu Academy. I've talked about jujitsu all the time. And again, no matter where

24:44 you're listening to this, there's probably a jujitsu gym within 30 minutes of where you're at right

24:48 now, wherever you're listening to this, there's probably one within 30 minutes. Now, does that mean

24:52 it's going to be a world class? Does that mean it's going to be atos or 10th planet or something

24:56 like that? It doesn't mean it's going to be that. But at the same time, like, those are great places

25:00 to find foxhole guys. Because as I told you before, when I've done two entire podcasts of just about

25:06 jujitsu, one when I got my blue belt and one after I'd been training for six months. But when you go

25:10 when you when you go to a jujitsu Academy, you're seeing these guys often, right? You're seeing them

25:15 all the time, perhaps three, four, five times a week. You're watching, you're literally watching

25:19 these guys make improvements. You're watching them, you know, get belted up, right? They went from

25:24 blue belt to purple belt. You're watching them get better. Man, they used to have a terrible guard.

25:27 Now their, their guard is absolutely and completely astonishing, right? And usually people that are

25:33 going to jujitsu, these are guys that are striving, right? These are guys that are really wanting to

25:38 get better. And these are guys that found something that is incredibly difficult physically and mentally

25:44 like jujitsu, but they're going to do it. They're going to pay you money to teach them how to get

25:49 better. And while they're getting better at this physical activity, they're going to be getting

25:53 better at life. So that's a great place to find foxhole guys. That's where I found most of mine,

25:57 right? And the fourth thing is it's just your gym, right? So where you go to a crossfit box or

26:02 you go to just Gold's gym or, you know, you, you know, work out with a few guys in your neighborhood,

26:06 whatever situation is, that's typically a good place to find foxhole guys as well for a lot of

26:10 the same reasons I talked about with the jujitsu Academy, right? As you know, even even the dude

26:14 bros at the gym, maybe those are guys that would be good to have in your foxhole. Maybe they could

26:18 have a good impact on you and you can have a good impact on them. Who knows? There are social clubs,

26:22 right? So some of you guys, you know, graduated from college and you were in fraternities,

26:26 but your fraternity has a local chapter that still gets together. Maybe it's an alumni group,

26:30 maybe it's a chamber of commerce, something like that, but it's a social club. That's a good place

26:34 to work. What about work, right? So regardless of if you work in an office or work out in the field

26:39 or whether the situation may be you own a business, those are good places to look for foxhole guys.

26:44 Maybe those are people that you work with or that work for you, or maybe you're in a business that

26:48 allows you to interact with other people at other businesses quite often. That's a great place to

26:52 look, right? That's a great place to look for foxhole guys. And guys, those aren't the only

26:55 places to look, but I'm just telling you for a lot of you guys are like, Oh, there's new guys in my

26:59 life that I can, you know, do life with or blah, blah, blah, or something like that's just because

27:02 you're not looking. Like, just think about it. You've probably heard about this. Like, if you get a

27:06 particular kind of a dog or probably a car is a better example. So you get a brand new Chevy Silver

27:10 ado, right? And then all of a sudden you notice every brand new Chevy Silverado in town, which is

27:17 before you didn't even think about it, right? But as soon as you got the car, you started looking

27:23 for it. It's like you identified something in your brain that would like catch it every time that

27:26 that would go through or go past your eyes, right? The same thing happens with this. If you put

27:31 something in your brain, if I were to tell you right now, I said, Hey, I need you to give a high

27:35 five to everybody wearing a red shirt today. I'll give you 20 bucks. If you give a high five to

27:39 everybody wearing a red shirt, all of a sudden in your brain, you've got this filter that everybody

27:43 wearing a red shirt is getting a high five. And in order to get a high five, they've they've got

27:48 to be seen by me. So I need to be able to make sure I recognize it when I'm seeing them. And so

27:51 your brain's like completely turned on to the color red when it comes to shirts for that day.

27:55 I know it's a silly example, but I'm just trying to make it clear for you guys. That's how you find

27:59 foxhole guys. You have to be looking for them and you have to go to where they are. Okay. And I want

28:04 to talk a little bit more about I talked about a little bit earlier, I teased it, but how to kick

28:08 bombs out of your foxhole. Okay. So let's say you have a guy that is maybe they're a pussy, a

28:14 complainer, an excuse maker, a settler, an addict, a womanizer, a bum or something else that's worse.

28:18 There's kind of a way that I think is appropriate for you to get that person out of your foxhole.

28:23 Okay. There's four things that you need to do and you need to do these things in order.

28:27 The first thing is you need to confront that person. Okay. So let's say let's just use the

28:31 womanizer as an example, because I think that's an easy one, because most of us have those guys

28:34 in our lives. So this is a person that is married with children, but they're constantly making

28:38 comments about other women. They're constantly trying to pick up on women, whatever the situation

28:42 might be. You should confront that person. That's number one, confront them and say, Hey, look,

28:47 you're being sinful right now. This is not a way that we're supposed to act. This is certainly

28:50 not something that I want to see whenever I hang out with you. I think you're a great dude. I think

28:55 you've done some wonderful things in my life. I feel like I've had a good impact on you,

28:59 but this is something this is maybe a blind spot that I need to help you with, right? So you confront

29:03 them. The second thing is that you need to challenge them. Okay. So womanizer example. Hey, man,

29:10 I know it's really difficult with, with where you work and really difficult with, with where we are,

29:14 but I want to challenge you to the next five times that you're tempted to look at a girl,

29:20 you're tipping to look at her boobs or look at her butt as she's walking away where the situation

29:23 is. I challenge you to just bounce your eyes. Just think of a basketball and bounce your eyes

29:27 somewhere else just the next five times, right? Just see how that goes. And then if you do it five

29:32 times, try it five times more and see if it gets easier for you. Hey, here's a scripture. Second

29:38 Corinthians 10 five, right? You know, you memorize that scripture, right? So every time that you're

29:43 tempted to think about a woman, every time you're tempted to masturbate thinking about that girl

29:47 that you saw earlier in the restaurant, right? Every time you're tempted to do that, just repeat

29:51 that scripture in your brain, right? Just just repeat it. Challenge them. Okay. So after you've

29:56 confronted them, you challenge them. And the next thing you need to do is if they're not making

30:00 any changes or if they blow you off, you need to create distance. You need to create some

30:05 distance with that person. Maybe the next time they ask you to go hang out at the bar, you say,

30:10 no, man, I can't go tonight, right? Just create a little bit of distance. Maybe when they come up

30:15 to you at work and they're, Hey, what's up, man? How was your weekend? Yeah, man, it was cool.

30:20 It was cool, man. I got, I got to roll. Just create a little bit of distance. Don't be a jerk about

30:23 it. But at the same time, be very, very upfront, right? Create some distance. In the last thing,

30:29 after you've confronted them, after you've challenged them, after you've created some distance and

30:32 they're still not making any changes. At that point, there are problems directly for you. You need to

30:37 cut them off. So confront challenge, create distance, cut off. Now, when you cut someone off, there's a

30:44 couple of ways that you can do that. You can cut them off directly and you can cut them off indirectly.

30:49 So the indirect way is you've created a little bit of distance. Now you're going to create a lot

30:53 of distance. Okay, you're, you're not going to hang around that person anymore. You're not really

30:57 going to talk to them. You'll say hi to them and shake their hand in public. But at the same time,

31:01 you're not going to be around that person. If you show up somewhere and they're there,

31:04 nope, you're out, right? You got to protect yourself, got to protect your foxhole. But then

31:08 the direct way is you go up to them again. You say, Hey, buddy, I can friend you a while back

31:13 about how you're womanizing and how that's a problem for you. And it's also a problem for me.

31:16 I challenge you, you ignored my challenge or you did it for a little bit and you stopped doing it.

31:20 You know, I don't know if you noticed, but I've tried to create a little bit of distance between

31:23 us. Because again, I've, I've got to protect myself and I got to protect my ability to watch my eyes

31:27 and you're just too much of a temptation. You caused me to be tempted too much. And brother,

31:32 I just got to tell you, I just can't be around you anymore. It just is what it is. And maybe they'll,

31:38 you know, hoot and holler and get all mad. Maybe a little stick their finger in your chest. Maybe

31:41 they'll do something like that. Just be like, Hey, man, it is what it is. It doesn't have to be any

31:44 more dramatic than this. I've got to protect myself and I've got to protect my soul and I've got to

31:49 protect my relationships. And what you're doing right now is, is getting in the middle of that.

31:54 Oh man, you're just judging and I don't know, I don't talk to you about your stuff and blah, blah,

31:59 again, those are all good examples of somebody that you don't want to be around. So just wait

32:03 through the storm of bullcrap that they're going to be throwing in your face. Just move on. Just

32:07 move on. So that's how you kick bums out of your foxhole. Okay. Now for some of you, you've kind of

32:13 gotten to this point, you're still listening and you're like, okay, I've got a couple of guys in my

32:17 foxhole, right? I got some guys and I'm going to go after it. Maybe invite to kind of do something

32:20 or whatever. Well, well, now what? Because I've gotten that question as well. So I so I've got my

32:25 group of guys, but what do we do now? Like, do we get t-shirts? Do we get matching leather vests

32:31 or like, do we get patches to put on our backpack? Like, what do we do now? You might do some of that,

32:35 like I'm not saying you shouldn't do those things, but there's probably some more pragmatic and

32:38 practical things that you guys should do once you've got your foxhole. The first thing is,

32:42 duh, meet weekly, weekly. Again, if you're not meeting often, that's not your foxhole.

32:48 I mean, I would, I would even venture to say if you're meeting once a month,

32:53 that would be okay. But just think about it. If you can't make it to that meeting that month,

32:57 you've missed two months now. If that happens three times in a year, you've seen those guys

33:02 three times, right? Like, you know, you've seen those guys three times and maybe seen

33:07 them a few times here and there. You've got to meet weekly. You've got to absolutely see these guys

33:12 weekly. So whatever that looks like for you, whether that's getting together, you know,

33:16 to have drinks, whether that's having cigars on one of your back porches, whether that's

33:18 training jujitsu, like what my crew does, whatever that, whatever that means, do it weekly, okay?

33:23 The second thing is do stuff. I know it's like otherworldly advice, right? Do stuff.

33:30 The thing about guys is guys connect shoulder to shoulder, not in a circle. That's what women do.

33:37 But when guys connect shoulder to shoulder and they do something together,

33:42 then they can circle up and talk about it. That's how guys are from hunter-gatherer cultures.

33:47 The hunters weren't sitting around in circle talking about how cool the hunt was going to

33:50 be that day and what their feelings were about the hunt, right? They went out and did the hunt

33:53 shoulder to shoulder and once they made the kill, then they circled up and talked about it, right?

33:57 You know, giving each other crab, busting each other's balls. That's kind of what they do,

34:00 but they're doing stuff. That's what we are. We are doing animals. We should be doing stuff.

34:07 So do stuff with these guys, right? So maybe you're doing a service project in your community.

34:13 Maybe there's tornado that will just rip through and you're getting your crew guys together and

34:16 you're going to go help cut down tree limbs because you've got three or four chainsaws

34:19 between you guys. Maybe it's that you're doing jujitsu once a week. Maybe it's that you're doing

34:24 a Bible study, whatever the situation might be, but you're actually doing stuff.

34:27 Don't just hang out, right? And guys, a UFC fight in a football game may be okay,

34:32 but that's not actually doing stuff. I'm not saying you shouldn't do those things. You should

34:36 absolutely get around those group of guys and have something centralized that you're watching,

34:40 but make sure that you're doing stuff with that group. Okay. Another thing that you should do,

34:44 this is suggestion is going an adventure at least once a year and define adventure in any way

34:51 that your group decides to do an adventure. Some of you, the adventure might be going on,

34:55 you know, the bourbon trail in Kentucky. For some of you, it might be a hiking camping trip in

34:59 Colorado. For others of you, it might be a road trip. For others of you, it might be something

35:03 that you do where you all train together for six months and then you all go do a warrior dash

35:07 together. Whatever the situation might be, go on an adventure just to you guys, just the foxhole

35:14 once a year. Just once a year, get your wife on board, get your boss on board, whatever needs

35:19 to happen for you to actually get away for two or three days or for a week or one of this situation

35:23 may be going on an adventure. Just you guys, not the wives, not the kids, not the not the extended

35:29 family, just you guys at least once a year, you can make that happen. The other thing that you

35:34 should look at in terms of how you do your foxhole is do life together, actually do life together.

35:40 Now, what that means is the guys that are in your foxhole, they should be ingrained in your families,

35:46 right? For some of you guys, they're ingrained to an extreme degree, right? And I mean extreme in

35:52 the best way possible. So for some of you guys, you've got guys in your life that can discipline

35:57 your children for you. So maybe you're out of town and they're watching your kids or

36:02 something like that or you're all out together and they say your kid do something and they correct

36:07 the child and you're completely okay with it. You have no problems with it whatsoever. But at the

36:13 same time, how are you going to notice if a guys, if a guy's not telling you about it, if he's having

36:18 trouble with his wife, if you don't really know his wife, if you can't pick up on nonverbal signals,

36:24 well, it's because you're not doing life together. You're not going out to eat. You're not having

36:28 them over for, you know, having the entire family over for a UFC or for a football game or for

36:32 something like that. It's just different, right? You're not doing life together. And that's part

36:37 of being around each other often. That's why I say at least weekly. But if you're not actually

36:40 doing life, you're going to miss out on opportunities to help people, right? The next thing, and this

36:45 is a word that I know you guys hate, you got to be vulnerable, right? I know that makes a lot of

36:49 you guys uncomfortable. But if you've got a foxhole, you've got to be vulnerable. You,

36:54 right? Now you can demand vulnerability of everybody else around you, but you've got to be vulnerable,

36:58 right? You've got to be able to say, guys, I'm really having trouble putting the bottle down.

37:03 It's, I thought I had an under control, but I just don't. Hey, guys, you know what? I just,

37:09 I can't have Instagram anymore, because, you know, I keep getting, you know, these messages,

37:14 these DMs from these porn sites, and I just can't, I can't delete them. Hey, man, you know, I just,

37:19 I've been really lazy at work. Like, I just, it's not that my, my, you know, job is on the line or

37:26 anything like that. But I just, I don't know if it's, I'm not motivated, but I'm just like, I'm

37:29 certainly not, you know, treating my job as if I'm working for the Lord. Just be vulnerable. Now,

37:35 don't be the guy that's constantly blubbering about your problems. Like have some self respect,

37:39 but at the same time, don't act like you got it all together. That's kind of the point of being in

37:44 that group is because you're all jacked up. You're all messed up dudes, but you're all going to go

37:47 through and you're going to be messed up dudes. You're going to do it shoulder to shoulder. You're

37:51 going to go through life. You're going to, you're going to try to improve. You're going to strive.

37:54 You're going to make it better. You're going to fix it. Whatever the situation is, you've got

37:57 to be vulnerable. And the last thing is never stop pushing one another. Never stop pushing one

38:03 another. So for some of you guys, maybe you've already got a foxhole. Maybe this is all, these

38:07 are all just kind of moot points for you, but your group's just been stagnant for several years.

38:11 Now, when you get together, you kind of do the same stuff. You kind of have the same conversations.

38:16 It's the same people like whatever the situation is, you get real comfortable. You're not pushing

38:21 each other anymore. That's a little bit of a problem, right? Because again, you should be

38:27 meeting weekly. You should be doing stuff. You should go on adventures. You should do life. You

38:30 should make sure that you're vulnerable. But at the same time, it can't be the same thing over

38:34 and over. Don't do the same workout every week. Don't read the same books every year. Don't go

38:39 to the same types of movies. Don't gather together for the same thing. And I'm not against tradition.

38:44 So if your tradition is to get together for every Super Bowl and do, you know, like a pie eating

38:48 contest, they're like, I don't care. Just do something. But you should be pushing one another.

38:52 So one thing that I noticed in my group, and I'm certainly going to talk to the group about this

38:57 whenever I can kind of work out again, but one thing that I've noticed in my particular group,

39:02 since working out is a central point of our group, is that a lot of guys are not improving

39:07 physically. And I don't mean like, oh, they're not getting an extra row six pack or, you know,

39:11 they're not, you know, doing this or doing that. But guys struggle with the same workouts every week.

39:16 So whether we're doing, you know, one of my workouts, or whether we're doing, you know,

39:20 a circuit or whatever the situation is, or maybe when we're rolling at the end of class or something

39:23 like that, they're always tired at the same time. They're always taking breaks at the same time.

39:28 Okay, it's because they've settled. So it means one of two things. They're not pushing hard enough

39:32 once they're in the class, or they're not pushing hard enough when they leave. So if the only hard

39:38 workout you do is once a week when when our group meets, you're not doing it, right? You should be

39:42 working out in between Sundays, right? So that's a place that I can help push these guys. That's 100

39:49 percent in place that I can help push them. But then there have been other times where there are

39:53 guys in our group that are a little bit more intellectual, they can help push a lot of guys

39:57 mentally. There was one guy that kept coming to our group who would never get the book. So here

40:01 we are talking about the book and kind of, you know, the understood rules that if you're going to be

40:04 a part of this group, you got to read the book, right? And he just never would read the book.

40:08 And so one guy in our group, I love him. He just, he just bought the guy the book the next time,

40:12 said, Oh, here's your book. I know she didn't have the last several books. So I just went ahead and

40:16 got this one for you. That's a really, really good way of pushing someone. The guy doesn't have any

40:21 excuses now, at least for this book, maybe you'll have some excuses with the next one. But it just

40:25 kind of is what it is. We should always be pushing one another. So guys, I hope these last 40 minutes

40:30 or so have been helpful for you. It's something that's really, really important to me that guys be

40:34 in community with one another. But another thing that I've kind of been asked about is, you know,

40:38 Kyle, you know, you seem like you got a lot of different guys in your crew and they know a lot

40:42 of different things like. So I've spent a lot of time as I was preparing this podcast thinking

40:46 about my foxhole, right? And so I want to describe in detail the guys that are in my foxhole, right?

40:53 I mean, I'm not going to spend 10 minutes on each one of them. It'll be fairly quick.

40:56 But these are the types of guys that I've chosen to be in my foxhole. And some of these guys just

41:01 happen to be in my foxhole. And my life is better because they're there, right? And so as I was

41:06 thinking through these guys, I know for most of you listening, you don't know who these guys are.

41:09 So I'll use their first names, but I'm going to use their first name in a descriptor, right? You

41:13 know, something that helps describe who they are and kind of what I view as their element and what

41:18 they bring to the group is. Okay. So the first person is Russ the ring leader. Okay. So Russ is

41:24 the guy that I've talked about a lot on his podcast, but every Sunday night, they've gotten

41:27 together at seven o'clock to read books, workout and do jujitsu. And he started that 10 years ago.

41:32 I've been rolling with this crew for about three years, right? And I mean, we've had some great

41:38 improvements in my life and in the things that I've been able to do only being with this crew for

41:43 about three years. But he's the guy that started it. Okay, he's the guy that typically runs the in

41:50 that he runs a discussion. He'll, you know, set up the workout. If I'm not doing it, he'll also

41:55 do the teaching once we get to jujitsu, right? He's the most experienced out of all of us when

41:59 it comes to jujitsu, right? He's the ring leader. Most of the communication for the group rolls

42:04 through him. Almost every decision for this particular group rolls through him. Even when it's

42:09 something that happens outside this group, he's usually the center point for communication. The

42:13 majority of the time that we're watching a UFC fight or something like that, it's either at his

42:17 house or my house, right? But he's kind of a center point, right? Most of these guys know each other

42:22 because they knew Russ first, right? So Russ is the ring leader. Next, I've got Adam, the host,

42:28 Adam, the host. So this is a guy that the first time I met him, we were doing kind of this mandate

42:33 thing. And the first event of the day was basically a skeet shooting competition. And he was a guy

42:38 that was kind of, you know, hey, everybody, welcome. Thanks so much for being here. Now I want to

42:42 do a little bit of a safety training for everybody, show you how to use the guns. If you never use

42:46 the shotgun before, it's all good. That's why we're here. He was just he's that guy. But also,

42:51 whenever a guy and our crew or a guy kind of in our extended crew gets married, or is about to

42:56 have their first kid, he makes sure to get everybody together. He's got this great gorgeous house and

43:01 this big shop out on some land. He has guys there and they kind of do like an event where they're

43:06 all kind of doing just guy stuff and, you know, throwing darts and shoe narrows and, you know,

43:10 hitting golf balls and just, you know, doing jujitsu and having good food. But he's all he's the one

43:14 that's hosting, right? When people are showing up, he's in my Sunday school as well. Like when

43:18 people show up to Sunday school and they never been there before, or when people show up to our

43:21 Sunday night crew, they haven't been there before. Like he's usually one of the first ones to extend

43:25 his hand and say hello. Hey, thanks so much for coming. Hey, what brought you in today? That type

43:29 of thing. It's just who he is. He's a host. He's a very warm host. And he's very good at it, right?

43:34 You know those people when you go to their house, you know, you're not going to need or want for

43:37 anything, right? These people have thought of everything. They've got the water where they

43:40 needed. They got the whiskey where it needs to be. The food's going to be ready on time. There's

43:43 going to be plenty of it. There's going to be plenty of activities every year. He does a man

43:47 day like a man competition where it's like all those things I described earlier. You know, but

43:51 there's even like a little jujitsu tournament. There's like a little skeet shooting contest,

43:55 a closer to the pin thing, like a little dunk content. There's just things he's he's constantly

44:00 thinking of how he can be a host. So a good group usually has a host. Next guy in our crew is JC

44:06 the consistent JC the consistent. So the thing with this guy is when I say consistency, I mean

44:12 that in just about every way you could possibly mean that. So this guy shows up every Sunday,

44:16 almost every Sunday. So he's consistently there. Also, when he works out, he consistently gives

44:22 effort, right? When we get to where we're actually rolling this guy that has a pretty good wrestling

44:27 background. So he's consistent in his wrestling effort. Here's another thing. He's consistently

44:33 has a good attitude. He's he's listening consistently to whatever lesson that we're doing. He's consistently

44:40 giving feedback that the feedback is consistently positive and consistently see consistently good

44:47 for the group. Right? I'm gonna last time I'm gonna say that word. I'm getting tongue-tied with it

44:50 now. But the thing about it is, is that guy is he's just there. And he's he's very good about making

44:56 sure that his presence is felt without being overwhelming at the same time. And so every group

45:01 has to have guys like that as well. Guys that are just consistent. They're just there, right?

45:05 And they're they're constantly a positive center for a lot of different things. So JC the consistent.

45:10 Then we have Jermaine the athlete. Okay. So this is that guy that will just [inaudible] you off with how

45:18 easy everything is to him athletically, whether it's running, jumping, wrestling, grappling,

45:24 everything that has to do with anything athletic, that is who Jermaine is. But at the same time,

45:31 this guy isn't cocky about it. Because we all grew up with athletes. Maybe you were the athlete

45:35 that you were good at everything and you made sure everybody knew about it. This guy is going

45:39 to be the first guy to change the subject when you start talking about how good a shape he's in,

45:43 or how, you know, good he is at a particular thing. But he's just an incredible, incredible athlete.

45:49 So having a guy like that in your crew, like it's not just if your crew goes up against another

45:53 crew, it's like, all right, well, we got a ringer here. But it's deeper than that. This is a guy

45:56 that you can look to and be like, okay, if I want to know what good form is, this is a guy that's

46:00 going to show me because his form is incredible. And here's another guy that you're going to look

46:04 at, you're going to strive, you're going to strive to be like him, right? And here's the thing is

46:08 Jermaine is blessed. He is a blessed athlete in a lot of different ways. So there's a lot of things

46:13 that he does that you literally just can't do you simply cannot do. But it doesn't mean that

46:18 you can't learn from him. Doesn't mean you can't learn from his footwork. It doesn't mean you can't

46:22 learn from, you know, his style when he does a certain thing. So having a guy like that,

46:26 great to have in your crew. Then we got Sam the coach, Sam the coach. So Sam is a very, very

46:32 accomplished wrestler Olympic level wrestler. But at the same time, he coaches college wrestling.

46:38 This is that type of guy, everything about him as coach, right? And those are those guys that you

46:42 just know growing up, you probably had a lot of those coaches, they were born to be a coach. They

46:46 were born to teach people the things that they know. So when this guy shows up, it's so

46:52 easy to default to him, because he knows what he's talking about. So if someone asked me, hey,

46:56 Kyle, how do you shoot a double leg takedown? I'm going to feel like a complete boob if he's

47:00 anywhere near me, right? Because he's the coach. Now if he's not around, I got a decent double leg.

47:06 So I'll be able to teach you what I know about it. But he's the guy that's not only going to be

47:10 able to teach you the same thing that I would be able to teach you, but he's going to give you

47:13 all the nuances, right? And he's going to give you, and he's going to give you deeper levels of,

47:17 okay, this is when you shoot this particular takedown. This is the type of guy. This is where

47:21 you want his body position to be. He's that type of guy, but he's just a coach. I've even seen him

47:26 in Sunday school because this guy's in my Sunday school as well. He's even coaching whenever we're

47:29 having open discussion, right? He's bringing out ideas that are maybe a little bit beyond him,

47:35 or maybe a little bit beyond us, but he's bringing it out there. And he's just kind of throwing it out

47:38 there, right? Which is something a good coach does. A coach is going to teach you how to do

47:43 things are going to drive you. But same time they're going to get you to think they're going to get

47:46 you to wonder, right? So having a coach, having someone that's really good at her particular thing

47:51 or a lot of different things or just has that coaching mentality, that's a great person to have

47:55 around. Then we've got Rocky the positive, Rocky the positive. So this is one of those guys whose

48:01 positivity is almost infuriating. Like, okay, you may not realize this about me. And for those

48:08 of you that do know me, maybe you don't even realize that I tend to be more pessimistic in my

48:12 personality. That's just kind of how I roll. I'm wired that way. But he's wired the complete

48:17 opposite. He's positive about everything, freaking everything. It's so annoying. Like,

48:24 but at the same time, I'm like, ah, man, I want some of that. Like, I wish you could

48:29 bottle that up and sell it because I'd, you know, be a monthly subscriber to have that kind of

48:32 stuff. But he's so positive. He's positive about the things that are going on in his life that might

48:38 be negative. He's positive about the performance of people when they're in the room. He's positive

48:44 with his interactions. He's positive with his feedback when we're talking about a particular book.

48:49 We were doing a particularly brutal workout here a few weeks ago, a couple of months ago. He was

48:54 the guy that was like, you know, I'm the driver, right? I'm the coach like, guys, let's go, let's go,

48:57 let's go, let's go, push, push, push. But he was getting there a lot of times before me. He's like,

49:01 come on, guys, you got this, you know, 30 more seconds, 30 more seconds. He's just positive.

49:05 He's, he's literally the guy that, you know, on our camping trip, he was the guy that like,

49:11 he's going to take the stuff off of your back and put it on his back, right? If it's going to make

49:15 your trip a little bit better, he's going to do that. And I told you about my quote when I did

49:18 that podcast called, you know, I think it was, I will not die on this mountain or something like

49:22 that. But he's the type of guy that's just like, well, if someone's not having a good time, then

49:26 none of us are having a good time. So he's the guy that has his pulse on that. He has his pulse on.

49:30 Hey, man, this guy's getting a little bit bogged down. This guy's getting a little bit negative.

49:34 We need to bring him back up. We need to cheer him up. He's that guy. Amazing guy to have in the crew.

49:39 The next guy is Vinny, the challenger, Vinny, the challenger. So this is a guy that is incredibly

49:44 advanced intellectually. He's a college professor, but also he's well read. He does a lot of thinking

49:49 on different areas. But there are people that have that level of intellect, that have that level of

49:55 knowledge and their jerks about it. So their role in every group is to be right, right? They know the

50:01 answer to the trivia question. They know what you should have done with your kids there. They

50:05 know a book you should have given to your child when they turned 14 years old. They're that person.

50:10 Vinny's not that he uses his intellect to challenge. So if he senses that the discussion in the group

50:17 is all going to one direction, he's going to be the guy that says, well, have you ever thought

50:22 about it this way? So he will take the devil's advocate position. He will he will look at those

50:26 different areas, but he's always trying to push. Even if he agrees with you, he's going to intellectually

50:33 challenge you, right? And so that's a great guy to have in the group for the exact thing that I just

50:38 described is everybody's going one direction. We don't want group think to happen. You need

50:42 challengers. You need people that are going to shake things up. That's exactly who Vinny is.

50:46 Then we've got beard the brain, beard the brain. So again, kind of like Vinny, very,

50:51 very intellectually advanced person. This guy's an engineer. He breaks everything down to an

50:56 extreme degree. It's almost it's mind-numbing to someone like me that just isn't that intellectual.

51:00 But when packing for a camping trip, he's breaking it down by the ounces. When doing a jujitsu

51:05 move or learning a new position or something like that, he's looking at the angles of the body and

51:10 seeing where fulcrums are and how he can put pressure down here and all that kind of stuff.

51:14 But he's an incredibly thoughtful person, right? Now, sometimes he's too much in his own head and

51:21 it keeps him from moving. But when you're that intellectuals, that's probably the number one thing

51:25 that you're going to have to reckon with is, you know, I want to get this thing 100% done before I

51:29 get it out the door. Whereas some people are like, Oh, let's get it about 80, 85% done and get it

51:33 out the door. But he's so thoughtful and he's so intellectual. It's a good person to give a challenge

51:39 to. So I've had him take a look at a bunch of things that we've done with this ministry. And I

51:43 literally just like, it's like giving a dog a bone. I'm just like, Hey, will you, will you look at this

51:48 and tell me what you think? Dude, just be prepared for the responses because he's going to look at it

51:54 and he's going to tell you what he thinks. And he's probably going to have notes and he's going to

51:58 give them to you in that way. He's going to give you honest feedback. Right. He's a great guy to have

52:03 in the group. Because if you got something complicated going on, he's probably the one that can wrap his

52:07 mind around it. But also, if you give him a challenge, he's actually going to break it down in a way

52:11 that he thinks going to be helpful for you. Great dude to have in the group. Then we've got Ryan the

52:16 present, Ryan the present. And I mean, present in the sense of presence. Okay. So this is going to be

52:22 similar to what I was talking about with JC earlier in terms of being consistent. But Ryan is just

52:27 there. Okay. Now this might seem like, Oh, so he's just present. That's all that's good about him.

52:33 Listen, no, no, his presence is a present. Right. I'm pretty sure I stole that from like Kanye West

52:37 or something like that. But his presence is a present because when you're there and you're that

52:41 consistent, we can count on you. So he may not be the one that's always piping up during discussion.

52:48 He may not be the one that's, you know, always performing the best during the workout, but he's

52:52 there. He's constantly there. You can depend on Ryan to be there, right? And I'm not going to get

52:58 into any of his personal life or something like that, but he's had a little bit of a rough go of

53:01 it. His personal life in the last year or so. But there are groups that he could have easily said,

53:07 I'm not going to show up to this group anymore because it just doesn't make sense anymore. He shows

53:10 up. He's there. He's present. He's just going to be there. And you've got to have guys in the group

53:16 that are just present. They're just there. Next guy is Mike, the grinder. Mike, the grinder.

53:22 So Mike is the type of guy that he's going to be there. He's going to be consistent. He's going to

53:26 be positive. He's going to be all those things. But I've never seen anyone grind as hard while

53:30 they're working out, right? So this is a guy that's in pretty good shape. He's not in an elite level

53:33 shape, but he's in pretty good shape. But he's just grinding every workout, every roll. He's,

53:39 he's just grit in his teeth and he's going. I remember here recently, he actually broke his

53:43 collarbone. And he, I don't think he missed a week, right? Like he just kept showing up in whatever

53:49 he could do, he would do. He was going to show up with his arm and a sling. He was going to talk

53:53 during the discussion. He was going to grit his way through the workout. He was going to do

53:57 anything that he could do. There were a lot of times I had to be like, Hey, Mike, freaking take

54:01 it easy. No, you don't need to be doing that right now. Like your shoulder's not ready. Like your

54:04 collarbone's not ready. Just chill out. But he's just a grinder, man. He's just gritty. And you got

54:09 to have some grit in your group. Then we've got land in the quiet. Okay, land in the quiet. Now,

54:14 this is a guy that has a background in the military. He was a Marine. But this is a guy that comes

54:20 very, very often. He's a physically large guy. But the thing that is whenever I was thinking about

54:27 land in like, what would I say would be kind of the first thing is he's just quiet. And I mean

54:32 that in a lot of different ways. Okay, so when we're doing our discussion as a group, he might

54:38 he might throw his two cents in once a month, right? So, you know, we're meeting four different

54:43 times and he might, you know, get into the discussion one time. Now, if you were a, you know, just an

54:49 outside observer, you might think, Oh, that guy's quiet, or he has nothing to add or something like

54:53 that. But when you've been around him for a long time, he speaks up when he knows it's necessary.

54:58 So he's not one of those guys that just talks to hear himself talker. Oh, well, I was quiet for

55:03 about half a second. I better like jump in. That's kind of like what I do, right? If I, I'm a hate

55:07 silence. So it's like, all right, we need to fill the silence with something somebody talk

55:10 for love of God. If it has to be me, I'll do it. But laying in just he'll, he'll pipe up when he

55:15 needs to. But here's the other thing, whether he's struggling during the workout, which he does

55:20 sometimes when he's struggling, when we're doing the jujitsu, which he does sometimes,

55:24 which we all struggle, right? He's not talking about it. He's not going out of his way to, you know,

55:30 tell everybody on the planet, Hey, I'm having some trouble right now. Hey, I need to, I need to

55:34 take a little bit of a break. Like he's just not that type of guy. But the other thing that's

55:37 important is when he's the type of guy that asks for your help, you know that he means it. And it's

55:42 because he's not just constantly asking for help. And so he had some stuff that came up in his

55:46 personal life in the last year or so. And he, he came to the group, he came to a couple of

55:51 guys in the group to discuss it with and, and you knew you needed to pipe up and pay attention

55:55 because he doesn't ask for much. He almost asks for nothing. He doesn't talk very much either.

56:00 And so when he talks, you listen. And so those are important people to have in the group,

56:04 because if you've got somebody that is not constantly talking, constantly asking for things,

56:08 constantly complaining, constantly, whatever, you know, it's easy to kind of drown that person out.

56:13 But on the other side, when someone doesn't talk very much at all, you might ignore that person.

56:18 And you don't want to make sure that you don't do that. Then we've got Kaylee the surprise.

56:22 Kaylee the surprise. Okay. So let me tell you a little bit about Kaylee. So Kaylee,

56:27 if you were to meet him, he's not a guy that's going to overwhelm you, right? He's not going to

56:30 overwhelm you with his personality. He's not going to overwhelm you with, you know, his performance

56:35 and athletics. He's, he's just not going to overwhelm you, right? And so he's the type of guy that has

56:39 a personality that if you're not paying attention, you might overlook him, right? He's probably spent

56:44 several parts of his life feeling like he was being overlooked. But here's the thing.

56:48 I remember in my Sunday school, the first time I taught Sunday school, which almost coincided

56:54 with the last time I taught Sunday school, because I kind of brought this same spirit on this podcast

56:57 into the Sunday school area, which didn't sit well with everybody. But hey, it is what it is.

57:01 But I, I challenged every guy in the room. I said, you need to show up, show up on Sunday nights,

57:05 just, just be there. We're going to train you Jitsu. We're, we're going to have a good time,

57:09 and we're going to push each other. And in this room, we've got some guys that are good athletes.

57:13 We've got some guys that are physically big, physically strong. And none of them showed up.

57:19 Not a one of them, but Kaylee did the smallest guy in our crew. He shows up, and he's there every

57:30 week. So he was a surprise. I did not expect him to show up. If I, if I did a rundown, a draft

57:37 of the class and the guys that I thought would show up and the guys that I didn't think would

57:40 show up, I would have obviously put him on the knock on a show up list. But this is a guy that's

57:44 discovered something. He's discovered something in himself, and he's going to strive, and he's

57:50 going to get better, and he's going to fix whatever he needs to fix. He's going to attach himself to

57:53 whatever he needs to attach to. But again, I always think about that. I was like, dude, why is this

57:58 guy here? And I mean that positively. It's like he has every excuse not to be here, right? He's got

58:03 a big family at home. He's got a business that he works for. He's not physically big, and that

58:08 could be intimidating if you're not into jujitsu, whatever the heck that means. But he's there. Super

58:14 surprise. Our group is so much better because of him being there. And I just love that. It's the

58:20 guys that you just never expect that show up. And that's a guy that I don't got to worry about.

58:25 That's a guy that I know is going to be there, right? Again, he's not going to blow you away.

58:28 He's not going to overwhelm you, but he's there. And it's a surprise, and it's awesome.

58:32 And the last guy I want to talk about in our crew, I mean, I just absolutely love this

58:36 guy. It's Shelby the stoic. Shelby the stoic. So Shelby is an unbelievably tough guy, collegiate

58:43 wrestler. You know, obviously you could just tell he had a great relationship with his dad and his

58:47 brothers growing up, but he's a stoic. And he's a stoic in the sense of he's incredibly cerebral,

58:53 but also he's not going to show a ton of emotion. He kind of stays in his zone. He's not too high

58:59 up. He's not too far down. And I kind of have a running joke with him. There was a long stretch

59:03 where I was running the workouts every single Sunday. And the thing was, and I told him this,

59:08 my challenge every Sunday is to make Shelby physically look uncomfortable. Like, I want to see

59:14 discomfort on his face. Like, I want to see him grind and grunt. No, I don't know if I can get

59:19 through. And so far, I'm batting zero, right? He just, he just doesn't do it. And one day,

59:25 I kind of went up to him and I told him that I was like, dude, I'm going to today, I'm breaking

59:27 you today. And he's like, no, you won't. You just smiled at me. Nah, you won't. You won't do that.

59:32 And the thing was, is he's like, no, man, it's just, you just do the tough face or the, or the

59:36 blank face. I forget exactly how he says it. But it's just like, no, you're not going to get that

59:40 out of me. Like, I'm just going to toughen out. You're never going to make me look tired.

59:44 But that's a great guy to have in the group. Because, because the thing is, is like, especially

59:51 whenever I run the workouts, the workouts are very, very brutal. They're very, very hard,

59:54 because that's if we're going to work out, we might as well work out hard. But you can always

59:58 look at Shelby and be like, ah, okay, I got a little bit more in me. I can do this. Like,

1:00:03 Shelby's doing this like, Shelby's tough. I'm going to be tough like Shelby. Right? He's just

1:00:08 consistently there. He's the, he's the, the rock that you can anchor yourself to. Like,

1:00:13 he's just that person. He's, he's really a rock inside this group. There's a lot of these guys are

1:00:18 rocks, but he's a rock in a very, very specific way. Because a lot of the things about these

1:00:23 other guys that are awesome, Shelby has a lot of those things. He's consistent. He's a great athlete.

1:00:28 He's a coach. He coaches little kids wrestling. He's, he's positive overall. He's going to challenge

1:00:33 people. He's very smart. He's going to grind. Like, that's just kind of who this guy is. But the

1:00:37 other thing about him is he's, he is very, very cerebral. He's unbelievably well read. I consider

1:00:42 myself to be a well read guy. And every time I bring up a book that I don't think anyone's read

1:00:46 before, he's read it twice. I'm like, God, come on, Shelby. Like, you got to give me something here.

1:00:50 And it's just, he's the guy that's going to send me articles that are going to challenge me. He's

1:00:54 the guy that's going to suggest a book. He's a guy that's going to show me this, you know,

1:00:57 this Muay Thai clench and, you know, how you can separate and get to an elbow really quick.

1:01:01 He's just that guy. And then, I mean, you got me. So what is my role in the group, right?

1:01:08 I mean, that that's a long list of guys. And I spent some time getting into that, but

1:01:12 what's my role? And so that's something that I was thinking through as I was kind of thinking

1:01:16 through our foxholes, you know, what do I bring to the group? And so I kind of have my guesses, but

1:01:20 to be honest with you, I just, I don't know, I don't know exactly. I don't know if everybody

1:01:24 in the group were to come up with, you know, one word that described what what I meant to the group

1:01:29 or what I brought to the group or the element that I brought more so than anybody else. I don't

1:01:33 really know what that would be. But it's a good thing to think about, right? It's good thing to strive

1:01:37 for, you know, whatever you feel like is the most productive thing and the thing that would aid the

1:01:41 group in the best way, being that thing and being that thing at an extreme degree and making sure that

1:01:46 that sort is always sharpened. I mean, that's a cool thing to think about. So again, I spent quite a

1:01:51 bit of time describing the guys that are in my crew because one, they're important to me. So if

1:01:55 they're listening to this, I want them to know that they're important and that I notice, I notice

1:01:59 what they what they give to the group. But the big thing for you that's listening that don't know

1:02:03 any of these guys is to look at, I mean, that's a lot of guys in a crew and look at how different they

1:02:08 are. Because here's a deal. If I'm in a room and I look around me and I see Russ, the ringleader,

1:02:13 Adam, the host, JC, the consistent, Jermaine, the athlete, Sam, the coach, Rocky, the positive,

1:02:18 Vinnie, the challenger, beard, the brain, Ryan, the present, Mike, the grinder, land in the quiet,

1:02:23 Kaylee, the surprise, and Shelby, the stoke around me. I feel great about where I am.

1:02:28 I feel bad for your crew. If you're coming up against my crew, I put my crew up against anybody.

1:02:36 And that's a great feeling to have. Again, when I say I keep saying it this way, but when you look

1:02:41 to your left and you're right and you're excited about the guys that are around you,

1:02:44 you have no idea how positive that is. A lot of dudes, the overwhelming majority of dudes,

1:02:50 don't have anything close to that. And you do. And guys, if you don't, fix it. Make it happen.

1:02:59 Be the ringleader. Be the rock. Be the host. Be something. Start it. Gather. Because here's the

1:03:06 thing about this group and Russ started it 10 years ago. It was him and a couple other guys.

1:03:10 And they just found a guy that's like, yeah, I'll leave the gym open for you guys for an extra 30,

1:03:15 45 minutes. Yeah, just go in there and roll around. That's where it started. The goal wasn't to 10

1:03:21 years later have, have read several dozen books and, you know, improve everyone overall fitness

1:03:26 and jujitsu and all that. I wasn't the goal. It was just, man, we got to get guys together.

1:03:30 That was just one way of doing it. And guys, look, if jujitsu is not your thing and like,

1:03:35 you're not a grappler and you don't know how to do any of those things, then fine. Pick something

1:03:39 else, but enough excuses. You got to have a foxhole start today. All right, guys, before we let you

1:03:46 go, we are going to do a quick resilience boost. As you know, by now, we are a men's ministry

1:03:50 and our mission is cultivating manly resilience. And specifically, we do that by providing content

1:03:54 like this podcast that helps you forge spiritual, mental and physical toughness. So I've got a couple

1:03:58 of different things for you today. The first thing is a book by Stephen Mansfield. You've heard me

1:04:02 talk about it before, but it's a little like leaflet, like pamphlet, almost thing, you can get it on

1:04:06 Kindle or I think you can still get it in a paperback version, but it's called building your band of

1:04:10 brothers. Again, from the top, I talked about some people talk about these things in terms of

1:04:14 it's your band of brothers or all that and that that's a really good way of thinking about it.

1:04:17 Maybe it's your small group, whatever you call it. This is a great resource to kind of give you

1:04:21 some different ideas of how you can make those things happen. And yes, this is a little bit

1:04:25 sarcastic. I gave you a link to www.google.com. Now, Kyle, why did you give me a link to google.com?

1:04:33 Because I want you to type in jujitsu gyms in your area. Okay, maybe you go to the Google app,

1:04:41 maybe whatever the situation is, jujitsu, j-i-u dash j-i-t-s-u gyms or bjj gyms in your area.

1:04:49 For most of you guys, that is the ticket. I promise, I promise, well, Kyle didn't wrestle

1:04:54 growing up or I'm not that great an athlete. It doesn't matter. It literally doesn't matter.

1:04:57 Jujitsu for most people is way more mentally difficult than it ever will be physically. I promise

1:05:02 you. Oh, well, I don't really want to get hurt. Oh, suck it up. You might get hurt. Who cares?

1:05:07 Just deal with it. I'm telling you, if you want to start a foxhole and you don't have one,

1:05:11 just go to a jujitsu school and watch what happens. Guys, thanks for listening to the

1:05:16 podcast. We really do appreciate it. If you would, please subscribe on iTunes, SoundCloud, Spotify,

1:05:20 or Google Play and refer your friends to listen. Guys, if we deserve a five star review, please take

1:05:25 a little bit of time and leave us one and make sure you leave us a few sentences letting us know

1:05:28 why you like the content. I'm currently booking speaking engagements for the entirety of 2020.

1:05:33 It's so if you want me to speak on your podcast at your men's event, at your retreat, whatever,

1:05:37 hit me up info at undonton.life. Again, that's the email i-n-f-o at undonton.life. Our website is

1:05:44 www.undonton.life and you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @undontonlife or facebook.com/undontonlife.

1:05:51 Check out our free devotionals on the U-version Bible app. Just search "undonton.life" under

1:05:54 plans. And as always, we want to thank the band August Burns Red for allowing us to use their

1:05:58 entire music library for our content. The intro outro track on this podcast is their song "King of

1:06:02 Sorrow," which is off their latest record entitled "Thantom Anthem." The links are in the description.

1:06:06 I'm your host, Kyle Thompson. Remember, keep cultivating manly resilience,

1:06:12 keep forging spiritual, mental, and physical toughness. Keep seeking the lion of Judah.