056 - Top 15 Ways To Avoid Being A Crappy Man In 2019

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0:31 This is Undaunted Life! A Man's Podcast. I'm your host Kyle Thompson. Let's get into it.

0:45 All right, guys. The New Year has barely begun. And I just got to be honest with you.

0:50 I've already had enough of the New Year new me stuff. I've just had enough of it. I mean,

0:55 this is every year. You get somebody that posts this semi-long thing on Facebook and they're

1:00 definitely going to make the changes this year. They're definitely going to do the things that

1:04 they need to do to take care of themselves, to better themselves, to do all these different

1:07 things. But all of those know better. Let's just be real. We know that these people aren't going

1:12 to make any changes. I'm just not really understanding why people are trying to put out there that

1:20 they want to make these changes. Because most guys, and again, I'm going to pick on the guys because

1:25 this is a podcast for men, most guys really don't make changes on a year-to-year basis, right?

1:30 I mean, it's kind of a funny joke now. Like, yeah, you know, someone does the New Year's resolution

1:35 and they're not actually going to stick with it. But at what point do we look at that and go,

1:39 this is kind of unacceptable. This is kind of something that we shouldn't expect of men. We

1:43 should expect for them to want to get better, to do those better things. But again, we just got

1:48 to be real with you guys on this podcast and in general. And I'm just going to give you a message

1:52 here from the outset and then we'll kind of get into what we're going to be talking about today.

1:55 If you're not going to be working out in February, can you please save room in the gym for people

2:01 that actually care about their bodies? I mean, you see gyms all across the country,

2:06 the first two or three weeks of the year are absolutely chock full of all these people that

2:11 swear that this is the year they're going to stick with it. In February rolls around and it's like,

2:15 ah, they're out. They're not really going to do anything. Here's the other thing. If you're going

2:20 to be eating clean in January, but by the time February rolls around, you're going to be eating

2:27 like chocolate covered pretzels and drinking gravy to wash it all down, then don't eat clean in

2:33 January. My wife and I kind of got into a little bit of a debate the other night and she was just

2:38 kind of like, well, hey, if somebody works out for two or three weeks in January and doesn't

2:42 work out for the rest of the year, that's better than nothing. No, boo. That's essentially nothing.

2:46 I mean, there's nothing physiologically that's going to change. That's going to affect the

2:51 longevity of your life by working out for two or three weeks in January, because here's a deal.

2:55 If you quit working out before February, I have this assumption that you probably weren't even

2:59 working out very hard when you were working out in January. So, so again, try to avoid all this

3:05 new year new me stuff because it's not real. Because here's the thing that I find really,

3:10 really funny about this new year new me stuff. You have these people that make changes and

3:14 everyone's like, Oh my gosh, yeah, you're doing such a great job. That's a man. I wish I had that

3:18 kind of discipline. That's so good. But people do it for social media more than they actually

3:23 do it for themselves. They want to get compliments, right? They want people to be like, Oh my gosh,

3:28 you're going to read more books this year, even though that's a very undefinable goal and it's not

3:31 specific or anything like that. But that's something that they think is really, really important. And

3:36 then people are going to be like, Oh my gosh, it's so great. You're so inspiring and blah, blah, blah.

3:39 But then is it still inspiring when they don't do it? So there's nothing sexy about discipline,

3:44 guys. There's nothing sexy about doing the same thing, weekend and week out and waking up early

3:50 and working out and being disciplined with your thought life and being disciplined with your

3:53 family and all that. None of that's sexy. It's not going to make for a great Facebook post,

3:58 but it's going to be more tangible than some of the nonsense that I'm seeing spewed already. So,

4:02 I'm going to get on my soapbox a little bit, but don't worry. I'll probably get back on it at some

4:06 point during this podcast. So this podcast, I feel like is a great way to start the year because I

4:10 know for a lot of you guys, you are trying to make some changes to be fair and you're trying to pick

4:14 up some different content. Maybe some of you are listening to this podcast for the first time,

4:18 because you're like, all right, I'm gonna listen to some podcasts and somehow you stumbled upon this

4:21 one. And so this first episode, I think is going to be kind of a seminal episode for what you should

4:26 be thinking through and how you should be thinking this year. So I'm going to give you guys the top

4:32 15 ways to avoid being a crappy man in 2019. Okay, now that might be some of you like,

4:39 that's a little forward or maybe that's too many reasons. Here's the thing, guys,

4:42 I'm just going to flow on all 15 of these. These are 15 things that I've been thinking about

4:46 at different times. And to be honest with you, I feel like each one of these 15 things could be

4:50 its own podcast episode, but I just want to give it to you shotgun style and kind of let you know,

4:54 hey, if you're shooting for some ways to improve yourself in 2019, here are some very simplistic

5:01 ways for you to do that. It doesn't mean that they're going to be easy, but it means that the

5:04 concepts overall are going to be simple. So let's go ahead and launch into the list here with number

5:08 15. Don't pretend you know about something that you don't. Okay, so again, this is going to be kind

5:15 of a mellow way to start. We're going to work our way all the way down to the most important thing

5:18 that we think you should do in 2019, the biggest tip for you. But there's a lot of guys out there,

5:23 and I will, I will be 100% honest. Sometimes I fall into this where you pretend to know something

5:28 that you don't, you pretend to know about a subject or about something going on that you don't,

5:33 whether it's current events, whether it's something that's going on in sports, whether it's how to fix

5:37 this part of your truck, whether it's how to do this move into Jiu Jitsu, whether it's how to,

5:41 you know, close this account or something like that, we all pretend. But the thing about pretending

5:47 that we have to be real about pretending is lying. So if someone asks you, man, what did you think

5:52 about the end of that? Oh, you, Bama game, what would you think about how, you know, the reason that,

5:56 you know, Bama didn't score, you know, the line in Vegas, that was pretty crazy that they didn't

6:00 score late there, right? I mean, that's a pretty specific thing. And if you didn't watch that

6:04 game, and if you didn't know the line in Vegas beforehand, nothing's going to make sense. But

6:08 we're all pretty good at BSing, right? We're just going to be like, Oh, yeah, man, that was pretty

6:12 crazy. Yeah, yeah, it's just totally nuts. The thing for me that I kind of fall into when pretending

6:18 that I know something is someone goes, Hey, do you know about so and so? And I'll be like, Yeah,

6:22 yeah, I think so, which is just kind of weird. Like if I don't know about a specific person,

6:28 I'm kind of robbing you of the opportunity to teach me about that person or that thing or that

6:33 building or that book or whatever the thing might be. Let's just be honest and not pretend that if

6:39 we don't know how to do something, that that is a great opportunity for someone to teach us. And

6:44 so for me, I've, I've said this several times throughout the podcast, I'm not a terribly handy

6:48 guy. Like it's just not something that comes naturally to me. I don't have a super mechanical

6:53 brain. So there's a lot of guys out there that you just know how to fix stuff. You can just look at

6:57 something and mechanically it makes sense. And you change this part out and tighten this up a

7:01 little bit and it just works. That's just not really how my brain works. And you know, that's

7:04 something that's kind of been a sore spot for me for most of my life. But sitting there pretending

7:09 like I know how to fix something or knowing how to do something, it robs me of an opportunity to

7:12 learn. So number 15, don't pretend you know about something that you don't. Number 14,

7:18 don't cancel on people last minute. Okay, in my world, I get a lot of cancellations and I get

7:25 things like that that happen. But here's the thing, in any context, whether this is a friend context,

7:30 whether this is a professional context or somewhere in between, if you cancel on somebody last minute,

7:36 it's almost impossible for them to replace that meeting that appointment or that get together

7:42 at the last minute. And okay, so what I consider last minute, I don't literally mean like the

7:47 very, very last minute. But for the most part, I'm talking about if you're canceling something

7:52 same day, and you don't have like a personal emergency, it's a little bit strange when you

7:56 cancel on people last minute. And again, you want to be a guy that's dependable. You want to be a

8:01 guy that people know that, Hey, you know, when Kyle says he's going to show up, he's going to show

8:06 up, right? When he says he's going to get this thing done, he's going to get this thing done.

8:09 But when you cancel on people, and you don't really give them a good excuse, it's just kind of,

8:13 you know, things came up, something like that. It's not really a good thing for you to do,

8:17 and it's not really a good way to operate. So number 14, don't cancel on people last minute.

8:22 Number 13, don't let sports ruin your night. Okay. So guys, I'm going to be talking to you

8:30 on this one as much as I'm talking to my old self. But I have seen so many grown men

8:38 let sports that they're watching on television, not even live watching on television,

8:44 absolutely ruin their night. And I'm kind of being generous because some guys at ruins,

8:48 they're weak, right? They just can't get past the fact that their team lost. And so here we are.

8:52 I'm in Edmond, Oklahoma, where writes Mac Dab in the middle of college football country.

8:56 Again, people love Oklahoma state and OU, they just follow everything. And I've literally been at

9:02 parties and I'm watching grown men and women, people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and maybe older,

9:08 literally screaming their lungs out as they're watching 18, 19, 20, and 21 year old boys play a

9:19 game. And I mean, these are people that don't have like a nuanced background in football either.

9:24 These are just fans that watch sports and they're screaming at the screen. They're like going nuts

9:30 when something goes right going nuts when something goes wrong. And they're just literally living

9:35 and dying with every single snap. And then when their team loses, kind of like, oh, you got trounced

9:41 by Bama about a week ago. I mean, then, you know, it just ruins their night, whether they had money

9:47 on it or not, whether they have a kid on the team or not. And it's hard to talk to them the next day

9:53 at work because they're still so frustrated over what happened. Or two days later, maybe you're

9:57 talking to them at church and they just they can barely speak. And again, I'm talking to myself

10:02 here. So one of the biggest changes I've made in terms of my maturation as a man from basically

10:08 my mid twenties to where I am now is to not let sports bother me that much. Because here's the

10:14 thing I love my St. Louis Cardinals. I love my Oklahoma City Thunder. I love my Manchester United

10:19 Red Devils. I love certain fighters, like, but when these teams are these people lose,

10:26 it has nothing to do with me. And I remember people saying that because I would just lose my mind,

10:32 absolutely lose my mind and let it ruin my day. But I just looked at how it affected the people

10:37 around me. Like, people didn't really want to hang out with me and watch sports because I would

10:41 just literally flip out every time something didn't go my way for the team that I was looking at.

10:45 And the thing was, is it added nothing to my life. So I wouldn't say that I'm less of a fan of any

10:51 of the teams that I was a fan of up to this point. Like, I'm certainly not less of a fan. But I can

10:57 tell you that I don't let it affect me in the same way high or low. So when the team gets a big

11:01 win, it's like, man, that's awesome. I'm really glad my team won. If the team gets a big loss,

11:05 it's like, Oh, man, that stinks. But you know, there are bigger things in sports. And so for a

11:09 lot of guys out there, I know this one's going to hit you square between the eyes. You've got to

11:12 learn to control yourself, especially if you're around children. You know, I've got some buddies

11:17 that are OU fans and literally just the things they say and do during during games is absolutely

11:22 reprehensible. And one thing I'd like to have them do, and I might even suggest it to them, is

11:26 y'all should take video of you guys while you're watching games. You know, when the kids really

11:31 aren't around when it's just the guys together, and just play it back later. You know, after the

11:36 game, after you've kind of settled down from the up or the down of the outcome of the game,

11:40 and just watch it. And tell me if you're proud of yourself. Tell me if you would like to show your

11:48 grandkids this video. So if there was nothing else surviving about you, and you know, your grandkids

11:53 are trying to learn about who granddad was, and this was a video that you showed, would they be

11:57 proud of you? Would they think you were a lunatic? So just think about that. Think about if somebody

12:03 was sitting there watching you, if a kid that you were mentoring, or maybe it's your son or your

12:07 daughter, do you really want them to look at you and be like, man, my dad just he loves sports.

12:12 That's what defines who he is. And that's what defines every night. So number 13,

12:18 don't let sports ruin your night. Number 12, this is one of my biggest bugaboos on everything

12:23 on the planet. It's don't be late. Don't be late. Here's the thing about being late. This

12:30 shouldn't take very long. But who knows? This is again, one of my soapbox deals. You're not just a

12:35 late person. That's not what being late is. When you're late, and you're consistently late,

12:41 what you are communicating to people is that their time is not nearly as important as yours.

12:44 So I read this blog years and years and years ago, it was about this guy in Australia,

12:49 but the title of the blog caught my intention. It says you're not late. You're rude and inconsiderate.

12:55 So this was a guy who had a good buddy of his that was his dentist. And so every time he came in

12:59 for his dental appointment, presumably every six months or so, his buddy would kind of push

13:04 him back in the schedule. So he'd be sitting in the waiting room for an hour, hour and a half,

13:08 two hours before he would get back there. And it was obvious that his buddy was pushing him back

13:13 because he knew his friend and his friend wouldn't get mad. But here he is. He's having to take

13:17 time off work and he's having to take additional time off work. He's having to stay late that day

13:21 because his buddy just kept pushing him back. Because if you have a one o'clock appointment,

13:24 you should be in the chair around one o'clock. That's kind of how it goes. And so he came into

13:29 the office another time and he was going to be late again. Like he was there. He came in,

13:35 but the dentist was going to push him back. The dentist was going to be late. And he finally tells

13:39 the lady at front and he goes, no, I'm not going to wait. Actually, if you can give me all of my

13:42 files, I'm moving to another dentist today. And you know, it kind of worked out worked its way out

13:47 from there. But the dentist actually came out and tried to stop his friend from leaving. But he

13:51 goes, no, you've treated me like crap for the entire time that I've known you in this professional

13:56 part of our relationship. You're never on time. And you're wasting my time. You think your time is

14:01 more valuable than mine. But I have a life to I have places that I need to be. Because here's

14:05 the thing about people that are always late. This is something where people just kind of look at it

14:09 like, ah, you know, some people are late and some people are on time. But if I'm late to a meeting,

14:14 if I'm five minutes late to a meeting, and there are four other people in that meeting,

14:18 I'm not five minutes late. I'm 20 minutes late. And some of your like, well, that doesn't make any

14:25 sense. There's four people waiting on me. They were all good human beings and they got in the room

14:30 when they were supposed to. And so when I'm five minutes late, that's five times four. That is 20

14:34 minutes late. I've wasted 20 minutes of my company's time and 20 minutes of these people's lives

14:39 because I was just kind of late. And we're so casual about being late now, guys. But think about

14:45 what that communicates to us and the people that are watching us. I was supposed to be somewhere

14:49 or two and I just kind of rolled in at 215. I mean, think about the things like this. So these people

14:54 that are that are late all the time, they're just a quote unquote late person. Those people

15:00 are not late for the things that they find incredibly important. So I know people that are

15:06 teachers, for instance, and you cannot in any type of a social gathering, you cannot get them to show

15:11 up anywhere on time. There's there's no such thing as time. And don't get in talking to me about

15:15 cultures and and different things and different backgrounds. We're not in the East where, you know,

15:19 like if you live in the Middle East and you show up somewhere on time, that's considered rude. If

15:23 you show up early, that's like insanely rude. People expect you to show up late, but we're not

15:27 in the Middle East. We're in the West. We're in the West where time matters. Everything matters.

15:31 But these individuals that are teachers, for instance, they're not rolling into first hour,

15:35 10 minutes late. They're certainly not showing up to one of their classes after lunch, 15 or 20

15:41 minutes late. That's really, really important. That's their job. And they care about those

15:46 children that they're teaching. So it's amazing. They're all the sudden on time. So there's no such

15:51 thing as a guy that just runs late. Oh, I'm just kind of a late guy. No, you're rude. You're being

15:55 a dick. That's that's what that is. You're communicating to everybody that I knew what time I was

16:00 supposed to be here. And I actively made a bunch of decisions before this time to not be here on time.

16:06 My time's important. Your time is not important. So number 12, don't be late. All right, number 11,

16:13 stop looking at porn and jerking off. Yeah, I went there. I promise we're gonna do an entire

16:19 episode about pornography and masturbation at some point. But I have this sneaking suspicion

16:25 that the overwhelming majority of the guys listening to this podcast right now have an

16:29 issue looking at pornography and masturbating. I mean, the statistics on stuff like this are

16:34 absolutely damning. So it's not like I'm going out on a limb here and saying like, Oh, I didn't

16:38 really realize that people were doing this. This is an addiction that people are not taking seriously

16:44 enough. Because the thing I hear about pornography all time is it's not hurting anybody. But let's

16:51 dig into that statement a little bit guys. If it's not hurting anybody, are you assuming that you know

16:56 that every person that is part of the pornography industry, the men and the women, none of them are

17:00 in pain. None of them are having issues in their lives where they had to get to the point where

17:08 they had to have sex on film in order to make money in order to survive. Are we assuming that

17:13 the pornography you're looking at is the only pornography that's out there? Because guys,

17:17 there's a lot of pornography out there that is incredibly brutal. And there are people that are

17:23 kidnapped and forced into that type of a lifestyle. There's pornography out there where it's rape

17:29 pornography. There's even pornography out there that I mean, this is especially crazy that

17:35 people are raped and murdered on film. And there are men around the country and around the world

17:41 watching that and jerking off to it, right? They think it's awesome. It gets them off.

17:45 Now they didn't start there. They started with probably Playboy or just some magazine images and

17:51 then they moved into into visual images and then they kind of worked their way up and kept working

17:55 their way to where they're watching rape and murder porn. The thing about this guys is I've seen

18:02 too many relationships and almost my own. I've talked about this a little bit where pornography

18:08 and masturbation almost ruined the marriage. It almost got to a point because again, if we're

18:14 going to use Jesus as standard, you know, if you look at a woman lustfully, you've already had an

18:17 affair with her. Because a lot of guys think, ah, you know, it's not like I'm going out cheating on

18:21 my wife and doing all those things. Do you think that you just accidentally end up at that position?

18:26 Or do you slowly work your way towards that? When here's the other thing guys, if you stop

18:32 masturbating, you stop having a need to look at pornography. I mean, think about it. In your life,

18:38 individually, how many times have you looked at porn and not jerked off? Think about it. Like,

18:45 if you stop the result, you're not going to need any of the things that lead to that result. So,

18:50 if you make a decision that you're going to stop masturbating, that's a tremendous way to stop

18:54 looking at porn. And there's so many different things that we can go into this. And again,

18:58 this entire podcast is not going to be about pornography. But you guys have to understand that

19:03 this is an incredibly big thing that is having a tremendous effect on your brain. I'm going to

19:07 give you guys a resource that I'm going to direct you to, it's called how pornography harms. And

19:11 it's written by a guy that actually goes to my church. His name is John Fobert. And this is a

19:16 fantastic book. This guy is his PhD, but he looked into the science behind what was happening in

19:22 the brain when a man or woman looks at pornography. And there's a lot of stories in there of people

19:27 that were in the pornography industry, or people that have been, you know, majorly addicted to

19:31 pornography. But this book is such an eye opener. It's on our book list. The 100 books every modern

19:35 Christian man should read list on our website. But this book is so, so important, because it

19:40 lets you know that if you're one of those dummies out there saying that pornography is just harmless

19:44 is just kind of one of those things that you have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

19:47 You have no clue whatsoever. Because here's the other thing guys, if you can't get this in check,

19:53 how can you assume that your kids will? The average age that a kid looks at pornography for the first

19:59 time now is five years old, five. I don't know what it was like for you guys. I didn't see porn

20:07 when I was in kindergarten. I mean, you're sitting there, you're giving your kid an unlocked iPhone

20:12 as their first phone at the age of five, six or seven, you're expecting them to just what?

20:17 Look at Mickey Mouse cartoons to look up funny memes about cats or whatever. You're basically

20:23 handing them something that is wiring their brain to be stimulated by images instead of people.

20:29 So, for you, in 2019, make a decision from this exact moment. Stop it. Just stop.

20:36 This has got to handle on most of you guys. Even you casual users. Why do you end up using?

20:42 You're medicating something. So, instead of just belaboring the point even further,

20:48 you've got to read this book, how pornography harms, you've got to pick it up. And again,

20:53 this year, number 11, stop looking at porn and jerking off. All right, guys, number 10.

20:58 Don't just think about it. Do or say it. Don't just think about it. Do or say it. So,

21:04 I know a lot of guys that aren't nearly as dense as you might expect. So, the thing with guys,

21:09 and if you listen to how guys are portrayed on television or in movies, just these dopey guys

21:15 that never know anything and they don't know what's going on under their own nose,

21:18 most guys notice things. There are some guys that are pretty dense out there, but most guys

21:23 notice things. So, I know a lot of guys that will see their wife wearing a new blouse or a new pair

21:30 of pants or something like that. They think, "Wow, she looks really good today." And they leave that

21:36 thought in their brain. They don't say it. They don't compliment their wife. They don't build

21:42 her up in any way. They just kind of let it go in their brain and then just kind of flutter away

21:46 into the ether. So, there are other times as well where you're walking and maybe you're walking out

21:53 to your car after you got through shopping at Target or something like that. And you see a lady

21:59 that maybe is a little bit older. She's got a lot of groceries and it's not that she can't load up

22:03 the groceries into her car, but maybe it's something where you can just offer ma'am. Would you mind if

22:09 I unloaded your groceries for you? Would you mind if I load them into the car for you? Is that okay?

22:13 She might say, "No." But you thought about it, but then you didn't do anything about it. You just

22:19 again let the thought go into your brain and then flow out of your brain. So, a lot of guys think

22:24 these things. They think they should do something nice for the neighbor. They think that they should

22:29 say the nice thing to their wife. They think they should encourage their son or daughter and

22:34 build them up in a certain way. They think about these things, but then they don't end up doing it.

22:37 And a lot, this kind of applies to a lot of the things on the list. They think about taking care

22:42 of themselves. They think about stopping looking at pornography. They think about all these things,

22:46 but then they don't do anything about it. So, they end up just basically intellectually masturbating

22:52 themselves where they're just like, "Oh, well, that would seem intellectually like it'd be a great

22:56 idea." Well, yeah, you dope. That's why a lot of people in universities like you shouldn't look

23:00 at them in terms of being a role model of their professor, especially if they've never done

23:04 anything outside of the professorial role of their lives. These are people that get paid to think,

23:08 not do. Most of these people haven't done anything. They're just thinking all day long. They're

23:13 theorizing. That's why you see so many people tend to be on the left if they're on a college

23:17 campus because their entire life is about considering utopia as opposed to creating utopia.

23:24 Because when you try to create utopia, you realize utopia is not even possible,

23:28 but let's see what we can do to get us as close as we can. So, again, for you guys,

23:33 this year, don't just think about these things. Number 10, don't just think about it, do it, or say

23:38 it. Number 9, don't assume that your goals will achieve themselves. So, the thing about this one

23:46 that I'm assuming is that you actually have written goals. And if you go back to episode 3 of this

23:52 podcast, which I would absolutely encourage you to do so, it's called Manly Goal Setting. This

23:57 podcast is mainly about how guys don't set goals, that we don't set written goals of any kind. We

24:02 kind of have these nebulous goals kind of floating around in our brain, but at no point are we

24:06 actually writing them down and actually working towards those things. So, I'm assuming that you've

24:11 already heard that podcast, that if you got your written goals for 2019, but here's the thing,

24:16 don't just assume your goals will achieve themselves, guys. I see this so often, I see this in business,

24:21 I see this with personal fitness, I see this with so many different things, we just assume it's

24:26 going to work out. And if you're kind of naturally more optimistic in your personality, we just

24:32 assume that these things will all just work out. You know, we'll convince ourselves via scripture that,

24:36 you know, he's everything will work out because it's according to his purpose and he loves us and

24:40 this is all great. And you'll kind of use those things as an excuse to be lazy and not work towards

24:45 it. So, the thing about certain goals is it is certainly possible for some of these goals to

24:51 happen without a whole lot of input from you. So, I know some guys that are in some sales

24:56 environments where people desperately want the products that they provide. The products are the

25:00 service that they that they provide. So, some of these guys are not terribly talented individuals.

25:05 These are not guys that have good personalities. They don't necessarily work very hard. They're

25:10 not very doodleful. They're just not very good at what they do. But lo and behold, they're in an

25:15 industry where people just need that. Maybe they sell, you know, drill bits or they sell pharmaceutical

25:20 equipment or pills or whatever the thing might be. And if they need it in their market, they're

25:25 just going to be able to sell it. So, for some of those guys, the goals just kind of happen.

25:30 They literally have to wake up in the morning and exist and they'll be fine.

25:34 But for most of us, that's not our reality. We have to grind in a lot of different ways.

25:39 And so, for a lot of guys, we get to the end of the year and I certainly had a little bit of that

25:42 this year with my goals, you get to the end of the year and you look and you go, "Man,

25:46 these some of these goals were kind of stretching me, which is the whole point you should have goals

25:51 that stretch you." But they were totally attainable. And you look back on the last 12 months and you're

25:56 like, "Man, I really could have checked these two boxes here if I just given a little bit of effort,

26:02 if I'd have a little bit of planning, I could have made that happen." But it was just kind of one of

26:07 those things that I assumed it would happen. And then it was March, you know, I got the rest of the

26:11 year and then it was July and then it was October and now the year is over and it's like, "Well,

26:16 crap, like none of this happened, like none of this happened for me." And so again,

26:20 sitting there, assuming that this thing is just going to kind of take care of itself and it won't.

26:25 So again, guys, let's focus on this. Number nine, don't assume that your goals will achieve themselves.

26:31 Okay. Number eight, take male community seriously. So this is something that we talk about a lot

26:37 on this podcast, but so many of you guys have a complete lack of male community in your lives.

26:42 That the last time that you had male community was in college when you were in a fraternity or

26:48 when you were on a sports team or played in a murals or you lived in a dormitory where all the

26:52 guys on the hallway, you would just kind of walk from room to room and play video games and watch

26:57 movies and kind of do those different things. But here you are at the age of 30, 35, 45, 50, 60,

27:03 whatever the thing is, and you don't have a whole lot of male friends. You know, you got your guys

27:08 that you kind of see at church and your guys that you kind of see at work and maybe you go out from

27:12 time to time and have a few beers or come over for the game or something like that, but you don't

27:17 have actual community. You're just doing stuff from time to time, which is not community.

27:23 You're not known in those areas and with those people, and they don't know you. You don't know

27:29 them either. You don't know anything. Y'all are just kind of hanging, right? And if somebody comes in

27:34 with a big cut on their face, there's a story and you go, Hey, what happened? You know what I mean?

27:38 But you don't know them. You weren't part of their life and you certainly can't be somebody

27:43 that's going to adjust anything in their life for them. And so the thing about male community

27:47 for most of you guys that you have to get through your head is that male community has to be cultivated.

27:52 You know, we constantly talk about cultivating spiritual, mental and physical resilience and

27:56 all those different things. But at the end of the day, most of the time, there's no one else that's

28:00 going to do the cultivation of the community for you. So I've got, I got to talk about a lot of

28:05 times, we've got a group of guys that get together on Sunday nights, and we meet at a gym and we

28:09 work out, we train a little jujitsu, we do, we do some different things. But the main point is not

28:14 just about working out, even though that's a great ancillary benefit, the main points that we're in

28:17 community with one another. And we're going over books. We're talking through some very, very heavy

28:24 subject matters a lot of times. And also, when things go wrong with the men in this group,

28:29 we know about it. Like we're here and we know what's going on. In this last quarter of 2018,

28:38 man, we had some serious, serious issues, mostly marital issues. We had three or four guys whose

28:43 marriages were seriously becoming on the brink of not existing anymore for a myriad of different

28:49 reasons. Every situation was like, wholly different. But the thing was, is these guys were so thankful,

28:56 emotionally thankful that they had a group of guys that they could go to and look to for guidance,

29:04 or for wisdom, or for help, like tangible help. And for sometimes it's just, man, it's just good

29:11 to be known. I'm in a group of a dozen guys that we just know what's going on. And all of us have

29:16 our pockets of things that we're just not really talking to people about and we don't really share

29:20 with them and we're embarrassed about. And yeah, I know all that. But the thing about it is we take

29:25 this seriously and we do it every week. So if you meet up with a group of guys every year,

29:31 like you, you go out to, you know, I don't know, maybe you got some sort of tradition. Maybe you

29:36 all get together and watch the Super Bowl every year. And that's when you get the guys back together.

29:40 Or maybe it's the night before Thanksgiving and everyone's going out and having a good time. And

29:44 that's when everybody gets together. That's not community guys. That's hanging out. And the

29:49 thing is the reason why it's not real community is because it's not consistent. Even if you meet

29:54 once a quarter, you pick one big sporting event to have everybody over for once a quarter. That's

29:59 good, but it's not community. This is something that you have to do weekly at the minimum.

30:04 Because if you think about it over a year's time, let's say you take a couple of weeks off because

30:09 most people are gone or maybe people are sick or it's a holiday or something like that. So you take

30:12 a couple of weeks off that's getting together 50 times with a group of guys. You want to talk

30:18 about iron sharpening iron? That's how that happens. You're getting together on a consistent

30:23 basis. And so here's my encouragement to you guys that are not currently in male community.

30:28 Start a male community. You, you guy listening to this, you do it. Start it with the guys in

30:37 your neighborhood or the guys in your Sunday school or the the guys that are that are at work or

30:41 something. Start taking male community seriously because if you're not cultivating these relationships

30:46 akin to some of the things we've talked about already, you're not going to just have it happen.

30:51 It's not going to happen via osmosis. You're not just going to all of a sudden wake up one day

30:55 and be like, man, I've got like 10 to 12 really, really solid male relationships in my life.

31:00 Right? This isn't as easy as it was in high school guys. All you did was have to join the basketball

31:04 team. Boom, look there. You got 15 new friends. It's just way different. And so guys are are

31:11 lonely. Guys are having issues with developing relationships in older age. And for the most

31:16 part, it's their fault. If you are sitting here listening to this and you don't have any male

31:21 friends, that's your fault. If you go out there and cultivate these relationships, some of them

31:26 will grow and some of them will not think of it like, you know, you know, growing crops or

31:30 something like that, you're going to have good years and bad years. You're going to have good

31:33 relationships and bad relationships, but you're cultivating it. So again, guys, in 2019,

31:37 number eight, take male community seriously. And here we go. Number seven, train jujitsu.

31:44 Oh, God, here Kyle is going to talk about jujitsu again. Yes, I'm going to talk about jujitsu again.

31:49 And I'm going to repeat some of the same things. So if you want to skip over this,

31:52 don't because maybe I'll say something accidentally that you haven't heard me say before about jujitsu.

31:57 Here's the thing about jujitsu back in like the eighties and nineties karate was the thing,

32:01 right? There was a karate school popped up on, you know, in every street corner or something like

32:05 that. But the thing about karate is it's good for community. It's good for discipline,

32:10 but it's a crap fighting style. These roundhouse kicks do not work when you're on your back.

32:14 Most fights end up on the ground. So I'm from just a practical self defense or understanding

32:19 how to use your body to neutralize a situation. It is a superior fighting style to just about

32:25 anything that you can get your hands on in terms of training. Most guys, you know,

32:28 don't have crowd Maga in their area or have any of these specific types of things with weapons

32:33 retention and all that. Some of you guys, it's a little harder for you to get that information.

32:37 But jujitsu is ubiquitous. Now it is simply everywhere. Every major city in most minor cities

32:43 have a jujitsu school. That doesn't mean that they're all autos or they're all, you know,

32:46 Gracie Baja or something like that. But this is something where most of your communities have them.

32:50 The thing about jujitsu guys, and I'll repeat this over and over. There's no better way that

32:56 I can think of to both cultivate mental and physical resilience at the same time.

33:01 There's a reason why nerds love jujitsu. It's because jujitsu was basically built for the little guy.

33:08 Okay. So the Gracies who really came up with Brazilian jujitsu and kind of spread it out to

33:13 the world, these are not especially large guys or especially athletic guys, right? Even some of

33:20 the more athletic guys in in their families, they're not big guys. So this was a fighting style that

33:25 is meant for somebody that is smaller to be able to do somebody that is bigger to end a fight

33:30 without killing somebody or you certainly can end a fight by killing somebody using jujitsu.

33:36 But the thing about it, it brings about a certain level of discipline that in order to become good

33:40 at jujitsu, as an adult male, you've got to take care of your body. You've got to take care of

33:46 your flexibility. You've got to have a good diet. You've got to train regularly. You've got to

33:49 learn. You've got to take notes. You've got to do all those different things. So again,

33:53 you're not really getting that playing beer league softball. Yeah, you're going to get

33:57 out there and you're going to run around. You're going to have a little fun and hang out with guys.

34:01 But at the same time, you're not really taxing yourself mentally. I mean, if you play baseball,

34:05 your entire life growing up, there's nothing that's going to happen on a slow pit softball field

34:08 that's going to like surprise you, right? I guess it's just not something that's going to happen.

34:12 But jujitsu is an amazing fighting style. It's not going anywhere. It's constantly evolving,

34:20 and it's probably existent in your area. And there's a lot of guys too that maybe you don't,

34:26 you honestly don't have it near you and you don't want to drive an hour and have two hours to go

34:30 train jujitsu a few times a week and I can understand that. But there's a lot of online

34:34 universities that teach things. There's individual jujitsu fighters that have their own online

34:40 academies and things like that. Keenan Cornelius is one of them. Autos, which is one of the best,

34:47 if not the best jujitsu school on the planet out of San Diego. These are these are, they have an

34:53 entire online academy that you can like start at white belt and kind of work your way. Now again,

34:58 there's nothing that can replace being with a group, being in a school, competing with other

35:03 people, rolling and doing things live. But there are people that will drive, they'll make the drive

35:08 once a week to go do the live rounds and do the rolling. But for the rest of the week, they're

35:13 training online. You know, they're training in the bedroom where they get a mat and they stick it

35:17 out in the garage and they're just working through moves. Maybe they get a dummy or they get their

35:21 wife out there. Maybe they grab the neighbor and you know, you're just kind of like figuring some

35:25 moves out. But guys, you've got to train jujitsu this year. You have to try it. There's so many

35:31 opportunities to do that. And again, if you're anywhere near the Oklahoma City area, hit me up,

35:35 like 100%, hit me up on social media, email me info at undaunted.life info at undaunted.life,

35:41 we'll get you plugged in. There's a lot of great schools in this area. And then I attend the forge

35:45 in Edmund, it's basically right smack dab in the middle of Edmund. So it's one of those things,

35:50 guys, that you're going to continue hearing me say it. I know a lot of you guys listen to Joe

35:55 Rogan. He constantly talks about it. A lot of you guys listen to Jocko podcast. He constantly talks

36:00 about it. There's something magical about jujitsu guys. And that's like one of the easiest ways that

36:04 I can say it. So you've got to give it a go, give it three months, give it six months. And if you

36:08 absolutely hate it, you can stop doing it. But try that out. Number seven, train jujitsu. All right,

36:14 guys, number six, this one's easy. It's only one word. Read. You have to read in 2019. Again,

36:24 I talk about this all the time, because it's constantly frustrating to me. So many guys in my

36:31 life don't read. They don't. They're reading essentially stops at the end of the tweet or at

36:38 the end of the the sports blog or at the end of the scores that they're checking out. They're not

36:42 reading. I have so many friends. I've got friends that were like class marshals in college, right?

36:49 Really, really smart guys. They haven't read a book since they graduated college. I know

36:54 friends that have not read a book since they graduated high school. Okay, I've got a I got a

36:59 group of guys were on a text string together. It's just me and two other guys. And these guys are

37:04 related. But one of the guys text me this week and he sent me a book recommendation. It actually

37:09 looked like a really awesome book. So I added it to my book list for next year, one that I'm going

37:13 to consider reading. And then I sent him a picture of my iBooks about in there. We're kind of the

37:18 first four books on the screen that I was going to be reading next year. And so I was sharing that

37:23 with him. And then the third guy on the text string sends a black picture, basically a blank

37:28 picture saying, Well, here's the books I'm going to read in 2019. And I just, you know, he meant

37:36 it to be funny. But the reality is, is this guy's not going to read a single thing in 2019?

37:42 Here's a 30 plus year old guy who, you know, wants a family and wants to grow in business and do

37:48 all these things and aspire to greatness. And he's not going to read a single thing this year.

37:53 And I responded to him something kind of along the lines is, Oh, I remember whenever it was

37:57 really cool not to read anything. And then I turned 16, right? Because, you know, in high school,

38:01 the person, the overzealous reader, the person that reads for fun, that's the nerve, that's the

38:06 four eyes, the square, the whatever, like, like, it's just kind of one of those things that we

38:10 look at that person differently. But look at it now. When you see someone now that doesn't read

38:15 and they're proud of it, it's like, God, that person's a moron. What an idiot. Like, you have all

38:22 of this information at the tip of your fingers, right? You can get it right there on your phone

38:27 or run right down the street and grab a book from the bookstore or ordering on Amazon and you're

38:31 just leaving it. You don't read it all. I mean, because here's the thing guys is I'm fully aware.

38:37 Some of you guys have young kids and growing businesses and all those different things.

38:40 So the idea that you're going to be Brett McKay and read over 100 books every year,

38:45 it's just not possible for you. And I've talked about a lot with me go back to the

38:48 podcast, a couple of podcasts ago, the best books that I read in 2018, I read about 25 30 books a

38:54 year. According to this, like, to a lot of people that I know, that is not very many. There are

38:59 people that will read that in a quarter, right? Clearly. But the thing about it is, is if you're

39:05 not reading at all or if you're reading one or two books a year, you've got to ramp it up this year,

39:09 guys. It's one of the easiest ways to cultivate mental resilience is to just read, read books,

39:15 read books about subject matters that you're interested in, read books about subject matters

39:19 where the author is going to disagree with your point of view. This is one of the easiest things

39:23 in the world. When you look at the, the, all the statistics and all of the research that we have

39:27 on dementia and Alzheimer's and any type of mental diseases, when people don't exercise their brains,

39:33 their brains stop working on them. So certainly anecdotally, you could read 100 books a year and

39:39 then still get Alzheimer's and still have issues with your brain later in life. I get it, but it's

39:43 not as direct a correlation as the people who literally do nothing with their brains at all.

39:47 You know, their brain is firing a little bit while they're at work, but typically these people

39:52 might be in a job where it's kind of, you know, sedentary and it's kind of just rote learning

39:56 and stuff. They can just do it over and over and over. They're not constantly having to

40:00 think through scenarios of how they're going to get better, how they're going to fix things,

40:03 how to do things differently. Their brains just aren't taxed. Their brains are a muscle and they're

40:07 not being worked out. They're not being exercised at all. So again, this is my encouragement to you

40:12 guys. I've talked to guys this year, they're like, Oh man, I can only read about four or five books a

40:16 year. Double that. Double it. Guarantee you, you can make it happen. Read a little bit before you go

40:22 to sleep. Again, this is why I'm a huge advocate for ebooks because it's on you constantly. So if

40:28 you're in the doctor's office and your doctor's late, you know, kind of like we were talking about

40:31 earlier or your dentist or something like that, you might have 30 minutes an hour of just sitting

40:36 there. I mean, you can watch daytime television and want to shoot yourself because all that's on

40:40 is the view or something like that. You can thumb through Newsweek and old sports illustrated and

40:44 old people magazines and stuff like that. Or you can read your book. It's way different because again,

40:51 if you're if your book's just sitting there on your nightstand and you're in the doctor's office,

40:54 that doesn't do you very well. That's why I love having my books on me at all times. And you can

40:59 refer to them later and you can do your research and you can highlight and do all the things that

41:03 you need to do. But if you're not reading this year, guys, what are you doing with your time?

41:08 And please don't say fantasy baseball. Don't say fantasy basketball. Don't say fantasy football.

41:12 Like those things are fun and they could be good when you're talking trash with your friends and

41:16 all that. But if that's taking the place of fulfilling your brain and growing your intellect,

41:22 really, come on, guys, you got to be better than that. So number six in 2019, read. All right, guys,

41:29 number five, stop being a dick to your wife. So I don't know that I really need to expound

41:36 on that. But let's just go ahead and launch in just a little bit. I know a lot of guys that love

41:42 their wives, but they treat them like absolute garbage. And there's a million reasons for that.

41:47 Maybe they saw their dad do it. Maybe they didn't have a dad growing up. And so they just kind of

41:52 look around at society and maybe that's what they surmise is a good way to comport themselves and

41:57 a good way to act going forward. But I know a lot of guys that take pleasure in kind of embarrassing

42:03 their wives. They'll embarrass them in public. They'll they'll fight with each other in public.

42:09 They'll say kind of mean and snotty things and then really, really rude things to their wife in

42:15 public. And the reason why I keep saying in public is because the things that I see kind of on a

42:19 semi regular basis. Because I really, I think it's okay to be playful with your wife to, you know,

42:25 kind of rid back and forth. But again, your wife is not one of the guys, right? I mean,

42:30 if you listen to Jocko podcast, you probably heard him talk about that a few times that his wife,

42:34 who's a Spartan wife, if you've ever seen one, she had to kind of tell Jocko at one point,

42:40 Hey, Jocko, I'm not a team guy. I'm not one of the team guys. You can't talk to me and treat

42:45 me the way that you treat them. Because they're they're razzing each other and busting each other's

42:50 balls on a regular basis. And if you bring that same attitude home, that's not how you're supposed

42:54 to treat your wife. And so for a lot of you guys, you just need to be a little bit more mindful.

43:00 With how you're talking to your spouse. And especially how you treat her in front of others.

43:05 Now it's it's very, very important how you treat her at home. And the things that you're,

43:09 you're able to do at home, especially if you have kids. But the thing is, is typically when a guy's

43:15 being a dick to his wife, he's just kind of being lazy. He knew he could have been polite.

43:20 He knew he could have been a little bit more sensitive. He knew he could have been a little

43:23 bit more tender in that moment, but he was lazy. And so he just kind of just said whatever he needed

43:28 to say, roll your eyes when the dinner doesn't come out quite the way that you wanted it to. You

43:33 know, complain or throw your hands up when something wasn't done the right way or wasn't done in the

43:38 schedule that that you wanted. I even had a guy recently, one of my good friends, super, super

43:43 calm guy, you know, they were moving from from one town to another. And I was kind of helping to

43:47 move some of the bigger stuff. And he had been out of town all week on business. And he comes home.

43:52 And I was basically there when he came home for the first time. And let's just say they have a new

43:57 born, but let me throw that out there. Let's just say that the house wasn't in as moving order as he

44:01 would have liked it. So as a guy, he could have walked in seeing that this place wasn't as packed

44:07 up as he thought it should have been. But looking at his wife and his newborn could probably realize

44:13 there was a reason for that that she wasn't just sitting around with her thumb up her butt all week.

44:17 She was probably trying to keep this little child alive, right? But this guy, my buddy,

44:23 who I've known forever when my best friends in the entire world just kept saying over and over,

44:27 man, I really wish, really wish you would have done all this. I really wish, uh, you know, every

44:31 in attendance would go by. Gosh, I really wish all this was together. So it would be easier to move

44:35 because he was on a time crunch and all that. And I know that's where it was coming from. But man,

44:40 I was like, dude, stopping a dick. Like gosh, dude, she's keeping your kid alive. She's breastfeeding

44:46 this thing. What are you doing? You were gone all week. Now you were doing something important,

44:50 too. You were building the family. You were you're basically getting the money squared away and

44:54 getting your your job squared away and all those different things. But bro, like at the end of the

44:58 day, like it's done. Like we're here now. Let's maximize the time that we have sitting in this

45:05 house right now. Let's get things loaded up. So again, most of this is just being mindful.

45:11 And I don't give you guys the same excuse that society's going to give you like, oh, you're just

45:15 a dumb, brutish man, just in the enter tall. No, you you can be tender. You can be strong. You can be

45:21 all those things all at once. But guys, number five, stop being a dick to your wife. All right,

45:25 guys, number four, we're working our way all the way down to one number four, prioritize your

45:30 wife over your kids. So these are back to back for a reason, prioritize your wife over your kids.

45:39 Almost everyone that I see, prioritizes their kids over their lives, almost 100% of the guys

45:47 that I know that have families. And I understand why to a certain degree, because your kids or

45:53 they're just kind of dumb little humans that can kill themselves. And if you don't feed them and

45:59 water them like a plant, they're not going to grow that they need help with homework. They need help

46:04 with life. They need help because they crap their pants. There's so many things that you have to do

46:09 for them that you don't have to do for your spouse. And that's assuming that your spouses are healthy

46:14 and don't need any special attention from you in terms of just basically caring for them physically.

46:20 But the problem that happens. And guys, this is as basic as basic gets. I'm not, I'm not exactly

46:27 rewriting history here. But let's say you have three kids that are spread out over over, you know,

46:32 a few years or something like that. And you spend your entirety of your life prioritizing your kids

46:38 over your wife. 20, 25 years goes by. And the last kid is now in college or at least not living with

46:45 you. And if I maybe should put on here, if you have a kid that's 25 years or older, still living

46:49 at your house, you're doing this wrong. But let's just assume 20, 25 years go by, the last kid is

46:54 in college or has moved away. Now what? It's just you and her, man. You've ignored her for the last

47:02 20, 25 years. You treated her like a roommate. You treated her like somebody who takes care of

47:09 part of the household. And you take care of the other part, you, you've divided and conquered,

47:14 which initially the first time you said it, y'all both laughed. But now 15, 20, 25 years later,

47:21 it's your reality. You've been divided the entire time. This is an incredibly important thing, guys,

47:28 because how many times have you seen it? Think about it in your personal life, where a couple has

47:33 raised kids. They were the perfect family. They had beautiful Christmas cards. But after the last

47:38 kid left the house, they got divorced. Or it came out that he was having an affair. Maybe you

47:45 were the guy that had the affair. Or maybe the wife did. I had a buddy here recently. It's a

47:51 terrible story, but they moved out of state for this job. And you know, his his wife had cheated

47:55 on him before. And but the last kids out of the house, and he found out that she was cheating on

48:00 him again. And so multiple decades of marriage, just up in smoke. And look, I'm not necessarily

48:06 blaming the guy because I don't know every intricacy of that relationship. But I wonder if he was

48:11 maybe ignoring her as he was growing the business and raising the kids. And she was seeking solace

48:17 in the arms and in the bed of another man, certainly possible. So the thing, guys, is if you're not

48:24 prioritizing your wife over your kids, you also have to look at what is that communicating to your

48:28 children. So I look at it this way. Well, I had a buddy put it perfectly. I don't know if I've

48:34 ever said this on the podcast, but I thought it was absolutely perfect. Because he has four kids

48:40 and something happened at the house. And I don't know if he had heard this somewhere else,

48:45 but I'm just going to give this guy credit. But he had a bunch of kids that were kind of like,

48:49 you know, pulling on him. All those kids were like, Daddy, Daddy, I need this. Daddy, I need that.

48:52 While he was trying to have a conversation with his wife, right? Now they're at home.

48:57 The four kids are kind of running around. They need them at different points. But he was having

49:00 a conversation with his wife that he wanted to take care of by the time, you know, they needed

49:05 to move on to the next thing. And so my buddy, and if you knew him, you would absolutely know

49:10 this is how you would say it. He turned to the kid that was that was yanking on him or whatever.

49:14 And he goes, I need you to understand something. If you were drowning and your mom were drowning

49:20 at the same time, I would jump in and save your mom. And you know what? To be honest,

49:27 I would probably take my time to dry her off before I jump in and save you.

49:31 Now, if you're like a six or seven year old kid and you hear dad say that,

49:39 think about how important that is. And some people be like, Oh my gosh, that's so inappropriate.

49:45 Why would you say something like that? So mean, the kid's going to think he's not looked. No,

49:49 no, no, no, the kid's going to understand where he ranks. Because guess what? You were not going

49:54 to be judged later in life by how you treated your children. Now, I'm not saying if you've been

50:00 sinful toward your kids that that doesn't apply. What I'm talking about is when we are told about

50:05 how Jesus feels about us feels about the church, his bride, that's the context we're giving it in

50:11 in the in the terms of a relationship. So like the closest thing that we can get to understanding

50:17 the love of Jesus Christ in this world is how we are to love our brides. Not our first borns,

50:24 not our middle child, not our babies, right? So you have to think about that. If you're prioritizing

50:33 your kids over your wife, you're communicating so many things to them, to your spouse, to yourself,

50:39 and also to God about what you're going to do later in life, how you're going to focus on certain

50:43 things. So this does not mean ignore your kids. This does not mean do everything to the detriment

50:49 of your kids in order for your wife to be comfortable. But to a certain degree, most of you guys need

50:54 to make a huge shift. Everything in your life is surrounded. It basically revolves around your

50:59 kid. It revolves around their activities and their needs and you're leaving your wife hanging.

51:04 And if she's a stud, she's going to stick around, but you can't expect her to continue to love you

51:09 in the same way that she did when you all met when you were 20. Things are just going to change,

51:13 brother. So number four, prioritize your wife over your kids. Guys, number three, be precise

51:22 in your speech. And so if you've heard that before, obviously, I took the wording for that from Jordan

51:26 Peterson. That is one of his 12 rules for life. Talked a lot about that book. We're not going to

51:30 talk about that here. You guys should have read it by now. But the thing about it, most of the

51:34 guys I know are not very precise in their speech. And so I'm going to give you a starter list

51:40 of words that you should stop using immediately. Should could, would, maybe, might, may, stuff like

51:51 that. Stop it. Stop it with those. I've got a group of guys that literally, these are their

51:56 favorite words. So if you say, Hey guys, do you want to come over today at two o'clock and watch

52:01 the game? Oh, yeah, man, that that should work. Oh, yeah, I could, I could probably make it over

52:07 there. Yeah, yeah, I might be able to do that. And I immediately have to respond and say,

52:13 so are you coming or are you not? Because, because when you say that should work, that could work,

52:19 yeah, I might be able to make it over there. Yeah, maybe that at what point are you giving me an answer?

52:23 This is a problem. This is like an epidemic problem with men. They're not precise in what

52:29 they're saying. Because here's the thing. The other way I was thinking about wording this is

52:32 say what you mean and mean what you say. So guys, if I tell you I'm going to be somewhere at two o'clock,

52:38 by God, I'm going to be there two o'clock. Like at the latest, again, go back to the don't be late

52:44 thing. I'm going to be early. I can count on one hand in the, in 2018, the times I was late to

52:50 something on one hand. And these people knew I was going to be late before I got there.

52:55 It wasn't like I was supposed to be there at two o'clock. And here it is, you know, 150. And I

53:00 know I'm 20 minutes away. And then all I'm just going to kind of let them figure it out whenever

53:04 I'm not there at two o'clock. No, no, no, no, it's like, hey, I'm a crappy person. I didn't judge

53:09 things properly with my time. I was a little bit late getting out of the house, whatever the excuse

53:13 is. I'm going to be 10 minutes late. I am so, so sorry. I'm wasting 10 minutes of your life. I'm

53:17 so sorry. Let me make it up to you sometime. But part of this is just kind of this general malaise

53:23 and this relaxed nature when it comes to how we talk about things. Again, if someone asks you a

53:29 direct question, you give them a direct answer. I mean, think about if the CEO of your company came

53:34 to you and said, I've got this project, let me describe it to you. Can you have it done by next

53:39 Friday? Think about how they should respond if you say, yeah, that should work. Yeah, I might be

53:46 able to get to that. You know, maybe you think the CEO, someone whose entire life is spent making

53:54 sure that they can make payroll and grow the business is going to like any of those answers.

53:58 And so guys, stop it. Be precise. When someone asks you a question, you put, you know, draw a

54:08 line in the sand, you know, put your stake in the ground, put your flag in the ground. However,

54:11 you want to say it and be definitive in what you're going to say. Yes, I will have this

54:16 done by next Friday at the latest. Sir, would it be possible? Man, would it be possible if I got

54:20 done with this a little bit sooner to go ahead and present that to you so that we can make some

54:24 last minute changes before the deadline next Friday? Hot damn like that. That would be great.

54:29 That'd be awesome. Talk about impressive. So again, think about being precise. You don't get any

54:38 bonus points if you kind of leave things open because I know some guys, they don't like to commit

54:44 to going over to places or doing certain things because they want to leave their options open.

54:48 You know, they don't want to commit to coming over to your house to watch the fights or whatever

54:53 because they might get invited by someone else that they like. They don't want to commit to this

54:56 project because they might have another project come up that's more interesting to them. Whatever

55:00 the thing might be, the guys just be precise. Be definitive. Give an answer and stick by it.

55:06 Number three, be precise in your speech. All right, guys. Number two, we're only one away

55:10 from the very, very top number two. And this one's incredibly, incredibly important. Don't ignore

55:16 your body. So many guys are not cultivating physical resilience. And the thing about it,

55:22 I say it all the time. If you're not cultivating physical resilience, it's really, really easy to

55:26 see. Right. If someone's not mentally resilient, you can't really see that by looking at them.

55:32 But you can literally see people's bad decisions all over their bodies. It's poking out the bottom

55:38 of their shirt, right? You got guys walking around with boobs. It's like you didn't get those because

55:43 you took care of yourself. But when I'm talking about not ignoring your body, I am specifically

55:48 talking about exercise, diet and rest, exercise, diet and rest. So not to belabor the point any

55:56 further, because I talked about this a lot on a lot of podcasts and the bigger leaner, stronger

55:59 podcasts and things like that. But guys, most of you are not exercising. And if you are exercising,

56:05 you're not exercising consistently. And if you are exercising consistently, you're probably not

56:09 working out very hard. Right. So at the end of the day, how are you expecting for your body to

56:15 be able to respond to extreme situations or even just situations that are normal later in life,

56:20 if you're not exercising, if you're not taking care of yourself and taking care of your muscles.

56:24 I mean, let's also look at diet. Again, to kind of go back to the thing I was talking about earlier,

56:29 if you're not going to be exercising or dieting by February, just don't do it.

56:33 Stay fat, stay lazy, stay eating garbage. Like, why would you make big changes that are going to

56:39 cost you money for a week or two, just to stop doing it in a few weeks? That's just useless.

56:44 Just stay doing what you're doing. Because here's the thing, God gave you one body.

56:49 His son died for that one body. It's the only one you get. And most of you guys don't give a crap.

56:54 You don't take care of it. You treat it like everything else you do. And you're like,

56:59 "You treat it like a pair of shoes that you don't mind scuffing up." You treat it like a vehicle

57:03 that you don't really mind if a scratch is running down the side. It's just your body.

57:07 Maybe you're younger and your body's bounced back from a lot of different things. You haven't gotten

57:11 to that age where you can't just bounce back from injuries or the doctor tells you, "Hey,

57:16 you're going to have major, major issues if you don't have this surgery or if you don't start

57:19 taking this pill." You could have avoided that meeting entirely if you'd just been taking care

57:23 of your body this entire time. Guys, I know it's a time commitment. I know it's a discipline

57:28 commitment. I know that working out is really, really, really hard and uncomfortable. And guess

57:33 what, guys? It doesn't really get easier. If you continue to push yourself, working out is always

57:38 uncomfortable. I do not want to wake up early. I don't want to wake up at five or six in the

57:44 morning and go out in my garage and lift weights, but I do it because I want to be strong. I want

57:48 to make sure that I'm taking care of this body that God gave me as a gift. My body works. Look,

57:54 I'm not six foot six and look like I was cut out of obsidian, like I'm not Giancarlo Stan or anything

57:59 like that. But the thing about it is I've got a body that works and it works pretty damn good.

58:03 And I want to make sure it works this good for as long as possible.

58:06 And so I just don't understand how most of you guys just ignore that. And you blame your families,

58:13 you blame your business, you blame your boss, you blame all these people for why you can't take

58:17 care of yourself. Again, I had a guy tell me, he's like, "Ah, you know, I kind of took off a five-year

58:22 break from working out because I had to get those kids into school." It's like, really? You took five

58:28 years off from taking care of yourself? Well, think of all the time you saved during that five-year

58:34 period taking care of the kids and not really working out. But think about how many years you

58:38 deleted off the end of your life, all things equal. So I mean, you don't get hit by a bus.

58:42 You just delete time off the end to save a little bit of time now. And now, when you start getting

58:48 into working out, your body's not used to this. Your body got used to being sedentary to basically

58:54 sitting around doing nothing. That's what your body got used to. And now working out to really,

58:58 really, really hard. I mean, I think about this way, when you look at some of Muhammad Ali's later

59:02 fights in his career, he was taking huge, huge, like, you know, swaths of time off

59:09 from training. And his body just couldn't snap back the way that he thought it could.

59:15 Like, so he was kind of out of shape and he was soft and he was slow and his feet didn't work the

59:20 way that it needed to. His brain was there, but his body wasn't. And this was while he was fighting

59:24 not not later in life when he was obviously having issues. So this is a guy who's one of the best

59:29 athletes we've ever seen in United States history. I'm not exactly a fan of this guy because of some

59:33 of his political stances and things like that. But from an athletic standpoint, the guy was

59:37 absolutely incredible. And then he stopped taking care of himself. And his body said,

59:41 all right, screw you, man. Like, we're just going to do what we're going to do here now.

59:45 So you can't assume that you're not going to be able to do this, that you can do the same thing

59:51 and get the different result guys. Like, that's not going to happen for you. And so the thing

59:56 that's important for you guys is just don't go through a time period where you're forgetting

1:00:01 about your body. Again, this is don't ignore your body. Because here's the thing, I've even got

1:00:06 some people that are really, really close to me that have had like tummy tucks and lap band

1:00:10 surgeries and stuff like that. For the most part, those surgeries are not meant for people that are

1:00:15 just 100 or a couple hundred pounds overweight. These are for people that are huge, five, six,

1:00:21 seven hundred pound people that literally cannot get up and walk. These are people that cannot

1:00:26 exercise. They literally have to shrink the size of their stomach in order for these people to lose

1:00:30 weight so that they can survive. So these people that are just a little bit overweight,

1:00:36 and they go the easy route, they go the medical route, your your skinnier,

1:00:40 you certainly will end up skinnier, but you're not healthy. Your body needs nutrients and you

1:00:46 can't get these nutrients now because you can't take enough good nutritious food into your bodies.

1:00:51 Now you're going to get a lot of people liking your post on Facebook. Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of

1:00:56 you. Look how skinny you are, but you didn't do that. Your doctor did. How many of you guys are

1:01:03 on your way to that right now? You're about 50 pounds overweight right now. So you can either

1:01:08 come back towards the mean, come back towards where you're not out of shape and not overweight,

1:01:13 or you're going to work your way up to 100. But do you assume that you're going to stop when you're

1:01:18 100 pounds overweight? No, you're probably going to keep going. And for most guys, it takes a doctor

1:01:24 basically telling you, Hey, you're not going to be able to live very long. Do you want to be around

1:01:28 for your kids' weddings? And sometimes that's going to work. But for a lot of you, the Doritos

1:01:34 are just too good. The couch is just too comfortable. I mean, what does it have to take for you to

1:01:39 take your body seriously? And the other thing is sleep. I know a lot of guys that they kind of

1:01:44 exercise, they kind of take care of their diet, but they don't rest. I mean, the science is so

1:01:48 unbelievably clear. You need at least seven hours of sleep, guys. All you brutes out there thinking,

1:01:53 I can make it on four or five, six hours a night. Like that's not going to work for you. There's so

1:01:57 many things happening inside of you. And even within your brain cognitively, that is not helping.

1:02:02 That's not really working out. Well, if you're not taking care of yourself and you're not sleeping,

1:02:05 you're not resting, you're not getting knaps in or whatever you need to do. You're constantly

1:02:11 thinking of ways that you can squeeze more things into your life and to the detriment of your rest.

1:02:15 And then I know a lot of guys that are on the other side of the spectrum, they exercise all the time

1:02:20 and they never take weeks off. You know, these are guys that are just super durable. They never

1:02:24 get injured, those types of things. And they work out six days a week, seven days a week, and they

1:02:28 never take a rest. That's not good either. That's ignoring your body to a different degree. You have

1:02:34 to give yourself some time to rest and some time to recuperate and be able to to build back up and

1:02:40 get strong again. So again, guys, I've went into this point quite a bit, but so many of you are

1:02:46 failing in this area. And so many people will talk to you and they'll use kid gloves and they'll be

1:02:51 like, Oh, it's okay. Man, I understand you're busy. Gosh, it's just hard to get in the gym

1:02:55 sometimes, right? Make changes. If it's hard for you to get to the gym, bring the gym to yourself.

1:03:00 Do you understand how many things you can do with your, your body and mother earth? Do pull

1:03:07 ups on a tree, do push ups outside, grab rocks or logs and throw them around. You don't need a

1:03:12 gym membership. You certainly don't need a crossfit gym membership. $2,300 a month to go

1:03:18 sweat in your headbands with a bunch of other people. Come on, you don't need that. If you do it,

1:03:23 fine. I'm not telling you it's a bad deal. But at the same time, some of you guys,

1:03:27 that's going to be your excuse for stopping working out because you can't afford it anymore.

1:03:30 Or the gym's too far away. Stop with the excuses. Most of you have an extra room in your house.

1:03:37 Most of you have a third bay of your garage, or you've only parked one car in the garage

1:03:42 as it is. So clear out the garage and make yourself a little workout space.

1:03:46 What is the problem? I don't understand. Every time a guy tells me he doesn't have time to

1:03:51 work out, it is a gigantic excuse. And if I sat down with him with a piece of paper and we mapped

1:03:56 out his day, I guarantee you I could find 30 minutes in his day so he could take care of his body.

1:04:00 It's an enough guys, enough. This is absurd. I'm tired of walking into churches and seeing all

1:04:09 these dough boy Christians. I'm tired of it. We should be taking care of our bodies better than

1:04:14 everybody else. That doesn't mean we're going to be Instagram models. It doesn't mean people

1:04:18 are going to be coming to us for our advice, but enough. Start taking care of yourself.

1:04:24 You're the only one that can do it. Your wife can't hope her way into you being in shape.

1:04:29 Your kids can't hope that you start taking care of yourself so that they can be around

1:04:34 for you that you will get to meet the grandkids.

1:04:40 What's the excuse guys? If you have a good excuse, shoot it to me. A good excuse for

1:04:44 why you don't take care of your bodies. I won't be surprised when I don't get any responses.

1:04:48 Number two, don't ignore your body. All right, guys, let's go ahead and repeat this list back

1:04:54 to you. I'm going to go ahead and before we reveal the number one tip for a way that you can avoid

1:04:58 being a crappy man in 2019. So here we go. Number 15, don't pretend you know about something that

1:05:04 you don't. Number 14, don't cancel on people last minute. Number 13, don't let sports ruin your night.

1:05:10 Number 12, don't be late. Number 11, stop looking at porn and jerking off. Number 10,

1:05:17 don't just think about it. Do slash say it. Number nine, don't assume that your goals will

1:05:22 achieve themselves. Number eight, take male community seriously. Number seven, train jujitsu.

1:05:30 Number six, read number five, stop being a dick to your wife. Number four, prioritize your wife

1:05:37 over your kids. Number three, be precise in your speech. And number two, don't ignore your body.

1:05:44 So the number one tip for you guys to help you avoid being a crappy man in 2019 is get in the

1:05:50 Bible every day. Get in the Bible every day. So I wanted to let you know why I worded it this way

1:05:59 because I very specifically use the word get as opposed to the word read, right? Get in the Bible

1:06:06 as opposed to read the Bible. Because here's the deal. I know guys that read the Bible that

1:06:11 are getting nothing from it. So they're doing the, you know, Bible in a year or something like that

1:06:18 or they have the daily email that you can get from you version or something like that that gives

1:06:23 you this little bite sized little scripture that you can take in fairly easily or something like that.

1:06:28 But they're not really getting anything out of it. They're not developing. They're not studying,

1:06:34 but they feel like they're getting credit because they're reading the Bible. Again,

1:06:38 if you're reading the Bible in the year, I'm certainly not saying that's a bad idea. But if

1:06:41 you're just kind of like buzzing through it, are you really getting a lot out of it? That's

1:06:46 something you have to ask yourself. And again, the consistency of being in the word every day.

1:06:51 One thing that I feel like is very interesting is that modern Christians have more access to

1:06:57 the scriptures than at any other time in the history of the planet. I can literally open up

1:07:03 my phone right now and in you version, there are hundreds of different languages and hundreds

1:07:08 of different versions of the Bible right there. Literally have no excuses. So we don't have to

1:07:15 wait for the piece of the scroll or the parchment to get to our house. Like we don't have to wait

1:07:21 for someone to give our Bible back to us because we loaned out our only copy, right? Well, none of

1:07:26 us miss none of you guys listening to this right now are in that situation. And I completely

1:07:30 understand that. But the reason why most people aren't getting enough of the Bible in is they're

1:07:35 either letting their pastor take care of it for him. So whatever type of church you go to,

1:07:40 you're letting that be the only scripture reading for the week. And that just kind of takes care

1:07:43 of you until next Sunday. Or you're doing the little coffee cup, you know, tweet a day, you know,

1:07:49 scripture a day type stuff where it's like, okay, it sounds really good. It would look good on a

1:07:53 bumper sticker on a t-shirt, but it's not really doing anything to change your life. You're not

1:07:57 getting any context. You're certainly not listening to any other podcasts or taking in any other

1:08:02 material that's going to take that scripture and actually bring it to life and give you an

1:08:05 understanding of where that information came from and why it's important. But guys, if we're not

1:08:10 getting in the Bible every day, again, akin to some of the things that we've talked about earlier,

1:08:15 how are we going to be getting the scripture? How are we going to be getting the understanding

1:08:19 of the things that we should be doing as Christians based on what the Bible is telling us?

1:08:24 To a certain degree, I feel like there's a lot of guys that are just not taking the Bible seriously.

1:08:29 Like, like, think about it. If you honestly believe that the Bible is the word of God,

1:08:37 the omniscient, omnipresent, omni, everything everywhere at all times God that created everything,

1:08:45 including you, you dope. If this is his way of communicating directly to humanity

1:08:51 and you take that seriously, then why aren't you reading it? Why aren't you getting into it?

1:08:59 And guys, I'm talking to me too. I'm not in the Bible every day.

1:09:03 So a lot of these things, like, don't assume that I've got everything on this list,

1:09:08 just checked off and on lock. Like, I don't. And this is one of those areas that I certainly was

1:09:13 weakened in 2018. You know, I'm taking in all these podcasts and I'm taking in all these other

1:09:17 books and all this other material that I think is good, but I wasn't digging in as much as I

1:09:22 should have been. And the thing is, is there's no excuses for that. And there's no good reasons

1:09:27 for why you would operate that way. And so guys, for this year, if you don't do anything else,

1:09:33 which I certainly am going to recommend that you do all 15 of the things that we talked about today,

1:09:38 but you've got to find a way to get in the Bible every day. If you're in a community of guys,

1:09:42 make sure that you can, you know, allow that to grow into something where you're maybe

1:09:46 potentially talking about the Bible every day. There's a guy in our Sunday school

1:09:49 that is starting like a separate, separate text string with guys that are wanting to be in the

1:09:54 Bible every day to where they can kind of have a narrative and a discussion about what they feel

1:09:59 like they're learning, what they feel like they're developing and how they feel like,

1:10:02 how they feel like things are being communicated to them through the scriptures. That's a great way

1:10:07 of doing it. Again, you version has tons of Bible apps. I mean, I'm giving you all the links to ours.

1:10:12 So some of y'all haven't read our devotionals yet inside the Bible app, inside the U version

1:10:17 Bible app. So if you don't have that, go to the Apple Apple store or Google Play or whatever

1:10:21 thing is and download U version, I think it's been downloaded close to half a billion times.

1:10:25 But we have two devotionals on there. One's called a man's devotional. So just search

1:10:29 undaunted life, a man's devotional. That's our 21 day men's devotional. And then the other one

1:10:34 is undaunted life and undaunted marriage. And so that's our five day marriage devotional.

1:10:38 Those would be great places for you to start. I mean, certainly you can go about a billion other

1:10:43 places, but a lot of the men's materials on there kind of suck. And so I wouldn't necessarily advocate

1:10:49 that you start with a lot of the men's devotional on there because they're just boo boo. They're not

1:10:52 they're just not very good. And so start with ours and then develop a way and a habit of getting

1:10:58 into that guys. There's just not really a better way that I can put that for you. Maybe you're a

1:11:02 journaler by a journal Bible, right? One of the things that I'm excited about when we when we start

1:11:06 to have kids is, you know, getting a journal Bible and writing things in the margins and, you know,

1:11:10 saving that and giving that to the kid when they're 18. And like, here's all the things that I was

1:11:14 thinking about when I was reading scripture, when I was thinking about you, just whatever way you

1:11:18 got to do to motivate yourself to do that, to gain the discipline to do those things,

1:11:23 that's what you should do. So the number one tip for this year, get in the Bible every day.

1:11:27 So guys, thanks so much for listening to the podcast. We really do appreciate it.

1:11:30 Before we let you out of here, we're going to give you a quick resilience boost. All right,

1:11:33 as you know, by now, we are a men's ministry and our mission is cultivating manly resilience.

1:11:38 Specifically, we do that by providing content that for just spiritual, mental and physical toughness.

1:11:43 So today, we're going to help you on the mental resilience side. And so I'm going to go over those

1:11:47 three things that we've already talked about that we want to give you. So I'm going to give you a link

1:11:50 to the book, how pornography harms by John Fobert. So it's one that you should definitely pick up.

1:11:54 It is available on e versions as well. So wherever you guys get the e versions, you can look for it

1:11:59 there. Also, I gave you a link to our 21 day men's devotional, a man's devotional, and our five-day

1:12:04 marriage devotional and undaunted marriage. So all that stuff is there for you. So you can kind of

1:12:08 kick off the new year. So again, guys, thanks for listening to the podcast. Please subscribe

1:12:11 on iTunes, SoundCloud or Google Play and refer your friends to listen and share this on social media.

1:12:16 If you use the hashtag undaunted life, we will be sure to find the post and give it a thumbs up.

1:12:20 Guys, if we deserve a five star review, please leave us those who are still currently five

1:12:25 star viewed on iTunes. So please leave us those and leave us a couple of sentences to let us know

1:12:29 why you enjoy the material. I'm currently booking speaking engagements for the entirety of 2019.

1:12:34 So if you want me to come speak to your camp, to your men's event, to your team, to your company,

1:12:38 whatever, hit me up email at it's info at undaunted.life, info at undaunted.life. Our website is www.undaunted.life.

1:12:47 And you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at undaunted life or Facebook.com

1:12:51 backslash undaunted life. Check out our free devotionals on the U version Bible app. Just search

1:12:55 undaunted life under plans and we got the links above. And also, we want to thank the band August

1:13:00 Burns read for allowing us to use their entire music library for our content. The intro outro

1:13:05 track on this podcast is our song King of Sorrow, which is off their latest record entitled Phantom

1:13:09 Anthem. The links are in the description. I'm your host, Kyle Thompson. Remember, keep cultivating

1:13:15 manly resilience. Keep forging spiritual, mental and physical toughness. Keep seeking the lion of Judah.