0:00
LinkedIn is pretty great at a lot of things, like helping you tap into the latest trends
0:04
and insights in your field.
0:06
We cannot stop your co-worker from tapping her pencil.
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LinkedIn can help you find new jobs that align with your career goals.
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We cannot help you find the source of that weird smell in the office fridge.
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And while we can't stop your co-workers from bringing their hobbies into the office, LinkedIn
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can help you bring your career to the next level.
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LinkedIn is the network that works for you.
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This is I'm Daunted Life, a man's podcast.
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I'm your host Kyle Thompson.
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Let's get into it.
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All right, guys, today we've got a little bit of a different episode, but I want to kind
0:48
of take you on a little bit of a journey that I've been going through here recently.
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And so it all kind of culminates with a letter that I'm going to read to you, but I need
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to set it up just a little bit.
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So there's a good buddy of mine that we've done quite a few things together.
1:01
He actually came on the very first on Daunted Life retreat that we took.
1:04
It was kind of the beta test that we did for this type of thing.
1:08
So he's kind of been an integral part of my recent past, I guess, in the last couple
1:12
of years.
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And just recently I found out that he has been checked into rehab.
1:17
And it's a fairly serious rehab for a fairly advanced and fairly serious alcohol addiction.
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And so I knew he was a guy that drank and he kind of had a wild side, but I didn't realize
1:28
that it had kind of taken over his life.
1:30
And so recently another one of our kind of mutual friends, he reached out to me and said,
1:35
"Hey, there's a few guys that I want to make sure reach out to him while he's in rehab."
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And I'd like you to be one of those guys, obviously.
1:41
But how about you?
1:43
Maybe we should all write him letters or something, and it was a fantastic idea.
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And so I spent a few weeks though kind of thinking about what I would write to him because I
1:52
didn't want to just go ahead and sit down and write something out and just shoot it away.
1:57
And he gets three or four letters all at the same time and maybe they don't land the same.
2:01
It just took me a while.
2:02
So every time I reminded myself to write the letter, I just didn't do it for some reason.
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And so I'm sure there's a reason for it and that reason is out there somewhere in the
2:11
ether, but it's just not something that has kind of hit my brain yet.
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But I'm kind of glad I took a few weeks to really think through what I wanted to get
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across to him because the thing about the letter that I write is the odds of my one letter
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changing his life are incredibly small.
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I mean, the thing about that is it's kind of one of those things I talk about a lot of
2:30
times whenever you look at the difference between discipline and motivation.
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You know, discipline is always going to win out and you know, if someone gets motivated
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by a letter, by a speech or by a YouTube video, it just doesn't really last for him.
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So I didn't want to put too much pressure on this letter, but I wanted to make sure
2:45
that I got something across to him that maybe the other letters wouldn't get across or maybe
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something that I say it in a way that, you know, it's definitely coming from me like
2:54
he knows it's coming from me and it's just not meant to do anything else.
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And so when I was done writing it, I went back and reread it.
3:01
And then it just kind of occurred to me that maybe my buddy is not the only one that needs
3:06
to hear the words that I put into this letter.
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I know several people that have had to go into some sort of drug or alcohol substance abuse
3:16
rehabilitation before, and we all probably know someone that's had to go through that.
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We know individuals that have had rough spots in life.
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And the thing is, it's always hard at those times to kind of know what to say.
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What do you say?
3:31
What do you do?
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Cause you do the normal American thing like, Hey, if there's anything I do for you, let
3:33
me know.
3:34
Does anyone ever let you know?
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I mean, one out of a thousand times someone's like, yeah, actually I do need some help or
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I do need someone to talk to.
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And we just don't have enough room for that in most of our lives.
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And so that's something that I wanted to kind of get to in this letter.
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And I want to go and read the letter to you guys.
3:50
But before I do that, I want to kind of set something else up as to why something like
3:54
this is so important.
3:57
What I've noticed recently is, and this isn't just something that I've noticed and you know,
4:02
one else has noticed it, but most guys that you run into are incredibly lonely.
4:07
Like there's been a lot of research that's been put out there about that and most guys
4:10
aren't really known.
4:12
And again, I'm not really doing something otherworldly here.
4:15
Like that's something that most of us have heard before that guys are lonely and they're
4:18
alone and they have people to talk to or bounce things off of.
4:20
You know, you hear things about these, uh, these shooters, these school shooters or these
4:24
mass shooters, these people like didn't have dads around.
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They didn't have guys to like bounce other ideas off of.
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They were, you know, it just wasn't really a good situation for them.
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And I've had some personal hardships come up here recently.
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And the thing about those things is I told some very important friends of mine, people
4:43
that know me on a regular and see me on a regular basis, I told them about the things
4:48
that I was that that happened.
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Like there was just kind of a personal tragedy that we suffered.
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And it was really good to do that.
4:55
It was good to kind of shoulder that burden with a band of brothers that this is a guy.
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You know, these are guys that, you know, they break my balls and you know, we cut up and
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and we get after each other and all those things.
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But you know, these are guys that I've watched cultivate spiritual mental and physical resilience.
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I see that in them.
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I know their heart.
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I know their character.
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And so, so I kind of started to, you know, shoulder my burden with them.
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And so even last night, I was with a group of guys doing Jiu Jitsu and it was a small
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group and, you know, there was a lot of trust in this group.
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And so I just kind of told them something.
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I told them what had happened and just so they could help shoulder the burden with me and
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the thought just occurred to me and, you know, I hadn't finished writing this letter yet.
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And it all kind of came up at once.
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I'm sure God, God is working in this situation right now, but having a band of brothers is
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so important.
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Having guys that you can go to and lean on to help you in all kinds of areas is of utmost
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importance.
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Like you can't even begin to diminish how important that is.
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And so, you know, something like this letter, you know, it's, I hope it means something to
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somebody else.
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Okay.
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Maybe I'm building this up a little bit too much.
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I'm not trying to say that I'm saying something otherworldly in this letter that no one's ever
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heard before.
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I'm certainly not saying that, but you know, I hope this is an encouragement to somebody.
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And if nothing else, I want it to be an encouragement for you to find guys in your life that would
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take the time to sit down and write you a multi-page letter and kind of tell you how
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you feel in a way that you can kind of help them out in something like that.
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So I want to be able to do that.
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Now, I'm calling this dear Brad, that is not the guy's name, obviously, if anyone knows
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me, they may know this guy as well, but they don't maybe know his situation or what he's
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in.
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And I respect for him and his and his family, his wife and his child and his business and
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things like that.
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I'm not going to put his real name out here, but you know, for our intents and purposes
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today, his name is Brad and I want to go ahead and read the letter to you now.
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So forgive the sound of paper in the background because I'm actually reading it off the paper
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that I wrote it.
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So here we go.
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Dear Brad, this is one of those moments in your life where you get to make a decision
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about the man you're going to be.
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Interestingly enough, there aren't a whole lot of choices either.
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Essentially, there are only two, a weak man or a strong man.
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Weak men rely on who they are at the moment as opposed to whom they shall become in the
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future, assuming that person is a better version of themselves.
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Weak men do the most convenient thing at the time, as opposed to doing what is best for
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everyone in their situation.
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Weak men allow their addictions to control them as opposed to the other way around.
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Weak men look for excuses and blame others when things get out of control.
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Weak men can't control their emotions and allow those emotions to dominate their decision-making.
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Weak men ignore the needs of their spouse because they feel like their needs aren't
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being met.
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Weak men are foolish and make the people around them dumber.
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Weak men see their children as humans that need to be provided for as opposed to image
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bearers of God that require love and protection.
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Weak men depend on themselves when all they need to do is depend on God.
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Weak men don't think they're weak.
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Weak men think they can figure it out.
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Right now, you are a weak man.
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Contrastingly, there are strong men.
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Strong men are always looking to improve themselves.
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Strong men constantly count the cost of their situation and choose what is best for those
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around them, while at the same time continuing to move in a positive direction.
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Strong men could care less about convenience when what is right is available.
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Strong men see their addictions, they acknowledge them, they control them, they subdue them,
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they execute them.
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Strong men take ownership of the things around them and never look for an opportunity to
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spread the blame.
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Strong men control their emotions like a ring in the nose of a bull.
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Strong men lift up their spouses and always look for opportunities to die to themselves
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to better their brides.
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Strong men don't have time for foolishness and bad decision-making.
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Strong men fight for the souls and hearts of their children and point them in the direction
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of the father.
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Strong men look to God when everything else is telling them to look inward.
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Strong men know what it is to be weak and they detest it.
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Strong men know better than to think they will always know better.
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So what will you choose to do?
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Will you continue to be a weak man or will you take the steps towards becoming a strong
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man?
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Here is a great poem that you need to memorize.
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Hard times create strong men.
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Strong men create good times.
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Good times create weak men, weak men create hard times.
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In the core of our being we know this to be true.
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We know it in our bones.
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We know it in our souls.
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We see it in the world.
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We see it in society.
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We see it in our communities.
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We see it in others.
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We see it in ourselves.
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But once you receive that revelation, what do you do with it?
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Do you store it away in the back of your mind in between a useless quote from a self-help
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book or a quote from a sermon from a prosperity gospel preacher?
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Do you leave it there and only retrieve it when it's convenient in a social setting or
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when you're trying to win a debate?
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Or do you keep it in the front of your mind as a reminder of what happens when you allow
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weakness to creep in?
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Do you return to it as an anchor point for future growth and development?
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Will you use it to push you forward in the next chapter of your life?
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Speaking of chapters, I want you to think through this.
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When I'm mentoring young men, I have them think through their lives up to that point
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and break it down into five chapters and five chapters only.
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For a teenager, the chapters tend to fall in line with their levels of schooling as
10:25
they are lacking in life experience in other areas.
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But now, I want you to think of where you're at right now and break your life down into
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five chapters.
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Seriously, spend time doing that.
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What are all the things that you've experienced and put them into five neat boxes?
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Picture that and hang on to it.
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Now, imagine that you're at the end of your life.
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You're elderly.
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You have great grandchildren.
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You've lived a long life and experienced a great many things.
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Now, imagine breaking that life down into five chapters.
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You see how the book changes?
10:59
You see how the things that seem to dominate your life and thoughts in the present seem
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to fade away when considering the totality of your experiences?
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This is what I want you to focus on.
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Think on the story of your life and look at your current circumstances as a blip on the
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radar of a strong life well lived.
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You made the choices that landed you where you're at and you get to make the choices
11:20
that will land you wherever you'll end up.
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I want to take you back to the excursion that you went on with my ministry.
11:27
We spent the entire weekend in incredibly difficult circumstances in order to learn what it means
11:32
to cultivate manly resilience.
11:34
We talked a lot about how you can be godly and manly at the same time.
11:37
We looked at the benefits of living a life where you forged spiritual, mental and physical
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resilience daily.
11:43
The thing that you have to ask yourself is would you be where you're at right now if
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you had been focusing on cultivating your spiritual, mental and physical resilience on
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a daily basis?
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I think the answer will be clear to you and here's the reality.
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We all fall short.
11:58
None of us check every box and make every mark.
12:01
None of us choose the right path and stay on it long enough to see it through.
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But we all are completely capable of choosing the right path.
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However, choosing the right path is only part of the journey.
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Each successive step has to be coupled with two incredibly important and irreplaceable
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things, discipline and faith.
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Discipline is a word that people don't really like to hear anymore these days.
12:24
Here's the reason why.
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Discipline only points inward.
12:28
If you don't exercise enough self-discipline, then you have no one else to blame when positive
12:32
outcomes don't materialize.
12:34
It's up to you to make things happen.
12:36
You have to make the constant incremental steps that get you where you know that you
12:41
should be.
12:43
But don't get it twisted.
12:45
Discipline is insanely hard.
12:46
It's way easier to complain about being fat as opposed to waking up at 5 AM to lift.
12:52
It's way easier to complain about things that are broken around the house as opposed
12:55
to rolling up your sleeves and getting to work.
12:58
It's way easier to complain about your profit and loss sheet than to make the necessary
13:02
moves to get to a better place next quarter.
13:05
Weak men don't have discipline.
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Strong men thrive on it.
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Again, you get to choose.
13:12
Faith is a word that is hard for many people to define.
13:14
This is because people use it in a plethora of context that don't necessarily connect
13:18
with reality.
13:19
Don't get it twisted.
13:20
When I use the word faith right now, it's in reference to your faith in God, the finished
13:25
work of Jesus on the cross, and the power of the Holy Spirit.
13:29
Let's be honest, it's really easy to lose faith in our modern context.
13:33
Technology can fill the gaps that were once only occupied by exclusive libraries and universities.
13:38
The ubiquitous nature of information makes it easier than ever to fill your mind with
13:42
information that may or may not move the needle in your life.
13:45
Our phones become a distraction tool that allows us the ability to hide from boredom,
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silence, and reflection.
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There are just so many things that keep us from the Triune God.
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Not only because we allow them to brother, I can't even pretend to understand what you're
13:59
going through, but I do know one thing with absolute certainty.
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God is bigger.
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God is bigger than your addiction.
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He's bigger than the problems in your marriage.
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He's bigger than the sum total of the decisions you made in your life.
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He's bigger than all of that.
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But more importantly, he loves you more than you can even comprehend love.
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He loves you so much that he sent Jesus to earth so that through his sacrificial blood,
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you can be reconciled to him.
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He used the Holy Spirit to influence your mind so that God can fully save your soul.
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You should have that faith now, brother.
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You should have that faith because it's real.
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You should have that faith because it is a historically irrefutable fact that Jesus was
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a real man that died a real gruesome death.
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It was seen alive by hundreds just a few days later.
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Jesus is real and he's alive.
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If you haven't reached out to him now, he's right there waiting for you.
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The lion of Judah, the lamb of God, he's ready to shoulder your burden, but you have to lay
15:08
it down.
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So lay it down, have faith, discipline and faith.
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I know that it doesn't always seem like it, but you have brothers all over the place.
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You have guys ready to fight for you at a moment's notice.
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You have guys ready to bleed for the honor of your family.
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You have guys ready to do battle in the spiritual realm on behalf of you and your family.
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We're here.
15:34
I am one of those guys.
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You know who the rest are.
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Now is not the time for pride and weakness.
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Lean on him.
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Lean on us.
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We'll fight it together.
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You'll likely remember this from your active duty days, but the three core values of the
15:50
United States Marine Corps are honor, courage and commitment.
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Fight for the honor of you and your family.
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Have the courage to face the beast and his dark servants.
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Have the commitment to God and this process of transformation.
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Weak or strong, you're writing your own story.
16:11
Undaunted Kyle Thompson.
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All right, guys, so I hope that was helpful in some way, shape or form.
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Again, this is a very specific letter to a very specific guy.
16:24
But at the end of the day, this guy is in my band of brothers, right?
16:27
You know, I mentioned foxhole guys before.
16:30
That's something that I've mentioned to some of you guys, but it's that concept of we don't
16:34
always get to choose the guys that are in our foxhole with us, right?
16:37
Some guys are just there.
16:38
We don't get to choose them and we don't get to kick them out.
16:41
Sometimes we do and sometimes we can welcome guys in that weren't there before.
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This guy's in my foxhole.
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This is a guy that I would want there with me and he's hurting right now.
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And I can't imagine what's going on with his family.
16:55
But that's also my responsibility, it's my responsibility to know.
16:59
It's my responsibility to get my hands dirty, to get in there and help figure this out.
17:03
And look, look, guys, he's in serious rehab.
17:05
He's going to be there until like September and he got there like six weeks ago.
17:08
So he's going to end up being there, you know, four or five months.
17:11
So this is not just a little stint.
17:14
This a little check in so that you look better in front of the judge later on in life or
17:17
something like that.
17:18
So for any of you guys out here, if you've got someone in your life that's struggling
17:24
at a time like this, just think about the value of a handwritten letter.
17:29
You know what I mean?
17:31
Just think about the last time you received a handwritten letter, even something as small
17:34
as a thank you note and think about the impact that that had for you that someone literally
17:37
took the time to put pen to hand in a time in society where no one really does that.
17:43
And just think about the type of impact that that could have, right?
17:45
I mean, there's nothing magical about the ink on the page, right?
17:48
I mean, they can read it and throw it away for all I care.
17:52
But just think about that.
17:54
You've got guys in your life that are hurting and they need help.
17:57
And they're not going to ask for it.
17:59
They just won't.
18:00
So stick your nose in there, help them figure it out, help shoulder some of that burden.
18:07
I mean, guys, this is just the world we live in.
18:10
Most guys are not apt to ask for help in these particular areas.
18:14
But you have to model it, model it yourself, ask your guys around you for help, tell them
18:20
when things go wrong, tell them when you're hurting, tell them when something didn't go
18:24
your way or didn't go the way of someone that you care about and step in.
18:29
Don't be afraid to step in.
18:32
So guys are lonely, guys don't have friends and, you know, their last group of friends,
18:36
was their frat brothers or, you know, their guys on the football team in high school or
18:40
whatever the thing was and they just don't think they can have those connections anymore.
18:43
Well, partially, it's because they're not cultivating it.
18:46
They're not trying.
18:48
So build those relationships, build those bridges, build that inner community in your
18:52
life of men that are willing to go to battle with you.
18:56
Be a lion amongst lions, right?
18:58
And make sure you surround yourself with lions.
19:01
That's one of the best things that you can do.
19:02
All right, guys, before I let you go, we're going to do a quick resilience boost.
19:05
As you know, by now, we are a men's ministry and our mission is cultivating manly resilience.
19:10
And specifically, we do that by providing content that for just spiritual, mental and physical
19:14
toughness.
19:15
So today we're going to focus on all three spiritual mental and physical and we're going
19:18
to do that encapsulated really in one book and that book is called Building Your Band
19:22
of Brothers by Stephen Mansfield.
19:24
So if you're not familiar with Stephen Mansfield, he's written a bunch of books.
19:27
I actually got some on our book list on our website.
19:31
But he's just a frequent commentator on faith, on culture, on things that are going on in
19:37
the community.
19:38
He's got two podcasts, the Great Man podcast and the Stephen Mansfield podcast.
19:42
Those are really, really great releases like one episode a week.
19:45
They're like 10 to 20 minute episodes.
19:47
So they're really good.
19:48
And he talks at a decent cadence.
19:50
So you can bump it up to two times speed and get through those pretty easily.
19:53
But he's really, really big on building a band of brothers, having people around you,
19:57
having those guys around you that they can just pick up something in your voice and know
20:02
that something's off so much so that you actually take action and call them and you know, maybe
20:08
call them out or pull them aside and say, Hey, what's going on?
20:11
Those are the guys that are going to yank you up by your collar.
20:13
If they see that you're disrespecting your wife in public or if you do something that
20:17
embarrasses your children, those are the guys that are going to call you out on it and they're
20:21
going to do it because they love you.
20:22
They're going to do it because they know you love her or love those kids or whatever the
20:25
thing is, right?
20:26
So this is a book and in the link that I'm providing to you here in the show notes is
20:30
to his website where you can either get it in eversion or paperback, but it's just a
20:34
short book that kind of helps you figure that out and it seems kind of crazy, right?
20:38
Because like as a kid, it's like, well, it's not really hard to make friends if you're
20:40
not a weirdo.
20:41
And so it's just kind of one of those things that, you know, you just, you make friends,
20:45
like, and you have people that have similar interests to you and you all end up hanging
20:48
out doing whatever that similar interest is.
20:51
But in modernity with adult males, they just don't do that anymore.
20:55
You know, they basically don't go any farther than the fight night or the college football
20:59
game or something like that.
21:00
But this is a book that really helps you formalize some ideas and plans around having
21:05
those communities because a lot of times those communities don't just happen.
21:10
Not for adult males, it doesn't, right?
21:12
Not for people that are, you know, post military or post football or post whatever the thing
21:16
is, right?
21:17
Those things just don't happen.
21:18
It's something that you have to cultivate.
21:20
It's something that you have to constantly be thinking about.
21:22
These are guys that you need to be inviting to do things with you, getting together in
21:25
a group.
21:26
You know, I talk about jujitsu all the time and like you talk about guys that are literally
21:30
going to battle with one another for the sake of one another.
21:34
And you know, that's like you talk to guys that are former military that now do jujitsu.
21:37
It's like the closest thing they had to having a battle buddy or having those brothers that
21:41
were in their unit with them or something like that.
21:43
So this book really helps encapsulate a lot of those things.
21:46
So I would highly and highly encourage you guys to get that, pick that up.
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It's a quick read.
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I think you'll enjoy it.
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As always, for listening to the podcast, guys, we really do appreciate it.
21:55
If you would, though, please subscribe on iTunes, SoundCloud or Google Play so you can make
21:59
sure you get the new episodes when they come out and refer your friends to listen as well.
22:03
If you share on social media, use the hashtag on Daunted Life.
22:05
We'll be sure to find the post and give it a thumbs up.
22:08
If we deserve a five star review, please hit the fifth star, but also leave a couple of
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quick sentences that let us know why you like the podcast so we can keep putting out the
22:15
good content for you.
22:16
Okay.
22:17
I'm currently booking speaking engagements for the remainder of 2018 and the beginning part
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of 2019.
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So if you want me to come and speak to your company, to your church, to your social gathering,
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to your Sunday school, whatever, please hit me up info@undaunted.life again info@undaunted.life.
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Our website is www.undaunted.life.
22:36
You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @undauntedlife or on facebook.com/undauntedlife.
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Check out our free devotionals on the YouVersion Bible app.
22:45
Just search "undaunted life" under plans.
22:47
And as always, we want to thank the band, August Burns Red, for allowing us to use their
22:50
music library for our content.
22:52
The intro outro track on this podcast is our song "King of Sorrow," which is off their
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latest record entitled "Phantom Anthem."
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The links to all of this are in the description.
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I'm your host, Kyle Thompson.
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Remember, keep cultivating manly resilience, keep forging spiritual, mental, and physical
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toughness, keep seeking the Lion of Judah.